Parents have gone against their word!

Why do you insist when you know it is haram?

Take the shahadah please and calm down.
 
EgyptPrincess said:
Salaam everyone,

I know you're probably bored with me already but I didn't want to just disappear without saying anything.

I met my friend tonight and had such a lovely meal with him and I know pretty much everyone here said I should not do this, I disobeyed my mother and father and went anyway. I am besotted by him...

I have decided it's best for me to move out and I am packing my things now, my parents and I have gone to the last thread and the household is just a misery to live in and I am upsetting my siblings and my parents. Everyday it's just arguments and neither or us can live like this. I think it's healthier for everyone if I just move out and give my parents a break. They don't deserve to see me upset and angry and it makes me upset to see them upset.

I don't think I'll be hanging around here because I am not learning much, don't get me wrong most of you are very sweet people and I am honestly grateful for your advice and support, even if I disagreed with some or all of it lol. Inshallah this forum will help many other Muslims in need of advice or support but for me I think I just need some space away from everything. The internet is not healthy for me as I just end up putting all my personal problems online and bad mouthing my parents when the truth is my heart splits in two when I see my parents cry :astag: it's not fair on them to put them through this. Inshallah I will continue to strive for stronger iman but I don't think I can do this under the current conditions. Again thank you all for your help and support and perhaps you'll see me back in the future at some point.

Jazak Allah swt Khayr
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I dont know what to say exactly! But i would definitely not support this decision. To be honest even after discussing many things on different topics with you and reading your replies on different threads, I still find you too young to make strong decision. And from my own experience with people, in real life and on different forums, I would call your decision to be hasty and childish. Not because your decision is against Islam, but because I always find it amazing that why would a girl would let herself in a situation to have full access to herself while not asking for any legal right in return, i.e. girlfriend. I am not saying that your boyfriend is not honest or that he will leave you, but whatever you say the fact will still remain the same that you are just his girlfriend, and the threat will always remain the same that he can leave you whenever he wants. I am not saying he will, but in western society girlfriend boyfriend relation itself in majority of cases is not permanent, and worst that it does not have any legal status. What if at some point, or even now you get pragnent! Everything is possible. And at some point you feel he is not the guy you wanted, or he feels that you are not the girl he wanted. Rest you can read the experiences of other people who go through it. I would not even advise an athiest girl to take such risk, let alone a muslim girl.

This feeling of moving out to him is kind of more emotion one, which got triggered more after your dinner together, because in short you have emotional bond with him, and you feel that you cannot live without him. Believe me loving someone and living with someone are two seperate things. Even though both words have only difference one letter "i" and "o". But living and spending life with a person demands much more committment and sacrifice. You may not appreciate it right now, but you will understand it later on in life.

In the end it is your life and you yoursef are best judge and you will be accountable for everything. We can only give our opinion.

May Allah bless and guide you, Ameen.
 
EgyptPrincess said:
I know this is a bit of a controversial topic among some of you so if you don't like it don't read any further or reply!

When I came back home from my boyfriends me and my parents made the agreement that I could still keep in contact with him. They over heard me on the phone making plans to go to a restaurant on Friday and started telling me to hang up the phone. What part of an agreement do they not understand?! I have held up my end, I've been posting here asking questions, reading more into Islam and doing salah. Now they''re saying I am not allowed to meet with him and that I have not focused enough on my ibadah!

He already made the reservation and I am really looking forward to going. I know this is my parents attempt to just try and pull me away from him. If I don't see him for a month they will still say I didn't not focus enough on ibadah. I'll never get to see him... He is quite upset that I had to cut the call short and that they're trying to cancel the dinner. It's just a meal for crying out loud. He even txt back and said my parents can come and have dinner with us, to get to know him a bit. He is trying so hard bless him and my parents are being so brutal with him.

He will start to get angry soon probably if we don't even see each other for something simple like dinner. I feel like my heart and mind is being split into two pieces. Love for my parents and love for my boyfriend imsad
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Asalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu sis

I could type out rulings and throw them around but sometimes we dont want to hear it and just want things how we want them and will make up excuses in our head that its ok because of such and such etc but i know that you what your doing is in fact not halal, and no matter what anyone else says its not going to stop you..

I understand where your coming from and i was once in your position but i was opposite as in i was the non-muslim and my then bf/fiance was muslim (he passed away 2 months after i reverted inna lilahi wa inna ilayhi rajoon) as the post above mine mentions that sometimes you love that person so much but Allahs plans are for you not to be with that person and someone else (indeed very heartbraking)

My best advice would be to avoid seeing him if you can, and to try and guide him to islam, whenever you speak to him talk about islam, whatever his interests are refer them back to islam somehow, show youtube videos, anything and everything islam... but just understand that reverting is a hard but beautiful process... its not a easy decision to leave your whole entire life behind for something totally brand new that basically tells you, your whole entire life was lead in a haram way (i am exaggerating a lil bit but you get the point)
You have to understand from your parents point of view that a child grows up upon the fathers religion if a muslimah marries outside of the religion then the children wont be upon islam..
And the fact your dating someone who isnt muslim (he might stay non-muslim for years only Allah knows)

I understand you love him trust me i do, but if you really love him then guide him to islam or if you have brothers then let your brothers help him..that is all that matters
The dinner shouldnt matter more than that, just keep making dua sis

May Allah open his heart to fully accept islam in all its glory and beauty..Ameen
 
Emotional attachment.

The longer you stay in that relationship, the harder it will be to go out of it, and if you go out of it, you'll get hurt, the more you stay. you may not see it now, but trust me, you will, unless Allah SWT wills otherwise.

It is mere infatuation, and you are just being hormonal. you are not in 'love'.

And Allah SWT knows best.
 
muslimah_B said:
Asalam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu sis

I could type out rulings and throw them around but sometimes we dont want to hear it and just want things how we want them and will make up excuses in our head that its ok because of such and such etc but i know that you what your doing is in fact not halal, and no matter what anyone else says its not going to stop you..

I understand where your coming from and i was once in your position but i was opposite as in i was the non-muslim and my then bf/fiance was muslim (he passed away 2 months after i reverted inna lilahi wa inna ilayhi rajoon) as the post above mine mentions that sometimes you love that person so much but Allahs plans are for you not to be with that person and someone else (indeed very heartbraking)

My best advice would be to avoid seeing him if you can, and to try and guide him to islam, whenever you speak to him talk about islam, whatever his interests are refer them back to islam somehow, show youtube videos, anything and everything islam... but just understand that reverting is a hard but beautiful process... its not a easy decision to leave your whole entire life behind for something totally brand new that basically tells you, your whole entire life was lead in a haram way (i am exaggerating a lil bit but you get the point)
You have to understand from your parents point of view that a child grows up upon the fathers religion if a muslimah marries outside of the religion then the children wont be upon islam..
And the fact your dating someone who isnt muslim (he might stay non-muslim for years only Allah knows)

I understand you love him trust me i do, but if you really love him then guide him to islam or if you have brothers then let your brothers help him..that is all that matters
The dinner shouldnt matter more than that, just keep making dua sis

May Allah open his heart to fully accept islam in all its glory and beauty..Ameen
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I am trying to guide him to Islam sister I really am but even my own iman is low at the moment with all the stress and arguing going on under our roof I simply have no option but to move out. You know that feeling when you wake up and you feel like you don't have any problems in the world and you're so chilled out and you cannot wait for what the day holds? This is how I feel when I am with him. When I am with my parents I feel anxious and trapped and waiting for the next argument to break out. I have my older sister jumping down my throat telling me I bring shame to her and she is ashamed to tell people I am her sister and she is threatening him that she will do this and that if he does not forget about me.

He is under immense pressure as am I but this is not something I can just sweep under the rug... this is not like deciding to have water instead of coke... I have been in a relationship with him for a year and in that year I have been the happiest person on the planet, at least I feel that way. If he converts to Islam I fear my parents still will not accept him and forbid me from seeing him still.


Serinity said:
Emotional attachment.

The longer you stay in that relationship, the harder it will be to go out of it, and if you go out of it, you'll get hurt, the more you stay. you may not see it now, but trust me, you will, unless Allah SWT wills otherwise.

It is mere infatuation, and you are just being hormonal. you are not in 'love'.

And Allah SWT knows best.
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I'm so done with you. Yes I am in love, don't dare to tell me otherwise. You have absolutely no idea how I feel. Wait until you love someone so much that you cannot bare to be away from them for a single day and then your parents tell you to cut off all ties from them. Let's see how well you handle that. You are severely underestimating the power of love.
 
I wish you a happy and blessed life dear sister. Be careful as this path called life is full of traps but I am sure you will be careful. You may understand your parents better when you will be older. This happens to most of us. ;)

And may Allah always protect you and gives to you what you need.

You are always welcome back. We are here to waiting you, inshAllah.
 
sister herb said:
I wish you a happy and blessed life dear sister. Be careful as this path called life is full of traps but I am sure you will be careful. You may understand your parents better when you will be older. This happens to most of us. ;)

And may Allah always protect you and gives to you what you need.

You are always welcome back. We are here to waiting you, inshAllah.
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I would like to say the same :) You summed it up sisterherb :)
 
Nay I am not,

Beware of your heart getting enslaved to your bf, beware of shirk in love. I am just warning you, not wanting you harm. But if you want to harm yourself, then go ahead.

just crush the relationship, rebuild your heart, and get stronger. I know it is hard, but with hardship comes ease. If you leave a thing for Allah SWT's sake, Allah SWT will replace that with something much better, from where you expect not.

It is not love when it makes you disobey Allah SWT.

And reading from your previous posts, I recommend you to read the shahadah, too.

May Allah SWT guide you away from this and free your heart and guide it in full submission to Him SWT,. Ameen.


 
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Serinity said:
Nay I am not,

Beware of your heart getting enslaved to your bf, beware of shirk in love. I am just warning you, not wanting you harm. But if you want to harm yourself, then go ahead.

just crush the relationship, rebuild your heart, and get stronger. I know it is hard, but with hardship comes ease. If you leave a thing for Allah SWT's sake, Allah SWT will replace that with something much better, from where you expect not.

It is not love when it makes you disobey Allah SWT.

And reading from your previous posts, I recommend you to read the shahadah, too.

May Allah SWT guide you away from this and free your heart and guide it in full submission to Him SWT,. Ameen.
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Rather than you scold her like that, it's better you make dua, wishing a happy ending. Her boyfriend become Muslim, her parents accept her boyfriend, they get married, and live happily.
 
ardianto said:
Rather than you scold her like that, it's better you make dua, wishing a happy ending. Her boyfriend become Muslim, her parents accept her boyfriend, they get married, and live happily.
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But we have to show her how wrong it is to be in this meeting, and I am sure she knows.

1. Dinner with this guy isn't like anyother dinner, they are in a relationship, and are more than just platonic.

Better yet, cut the bf relationship, go to a masjid, and talk there, or something. I will make dua for the guidance of them both, but I will not encourage them going into this dinner.
 
Serinity said:
But we have to show her how wrong it is to be in this meeting, and I am sure she knows.

1. Dinner with this guy isn't like anyother dinner, they are in a relationship, and are more than just platonic.

Better yet, cut the bf relationship, go to a masjid, and talk there, or something. I will make dua for the guidance of them both, but I will not encourage them going into this dinner.
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But brother she is not talking about dinner now. She already had dinner. Now she is talking about permanently moving out of parents house.
 
Brother Adrianto,

Having and living with a boyfriend is a serious offence in Islam, it is one of the sins which Allah has prescribed a punishment in this life. If we do not believe in scolding, then we should atleast show our disaproval by remaining quiet. One doesn't give duas of success and happiness, especially to the face of people who seem to show no shame or remorse and neither do such duas take effect if we make Allah and our parents unhappy, in this life or the next.

Your parents may have gone against their word, but their word does not stand above the word of Allah. They cannot allow you something which Allah has forbidden. It is an invalid pact in the sight of Allah. You however, have gone against both Allah and your parents and your decision to live with your boyfriend is grave.
 
Don't expect your parents to hold their words when it goes against Allah SWT.

I'd break any promise if it goes against Allah SWT. After all, there is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator.

I will never make dua for such a relation to last. I will never do that. And I will never encourage her to move out, alone.

we can't be softies when it comes to Islam. she is in a haram relationship, no way will her parents allow her to go out, because:

A. she is in a haram relationship.
B. they'd be disobeying Allah SWT.
C. There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to Allah SWT.

No haram relationships will hold any fruitful blessings, as it is haram. And I can't see Allah SWT blessing something He SWT forbade.
 
piXie said:
Having and living with a boyfriend is a serious offence in Islam,
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If a relationship is haram, then this haram relationship should be changed into halal relationship. That's why we must make du'a, wish Allah make her boyfriend become Muslim, then they get married, and their relationship become halal.

The reason why I don't tell EgyptPrincess to leave her boyfriend is, .... she will not listen to me because he really love her boyfriend. So it's better if I make dua, wish Allah make them get married in Islamic way, then their relationship become halal.
 
:sl:

EgyptPrincess said:
You are severely underestimating the power of love.
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What is love? It is an emotion, a desire. Yet in today's world, love, this emotion, this desire, even if illicit, is made to be the most important thing. People are subservient to, and slave to, their desires, and feel good doing that. Society has made it feel harmless, normal, or desirable, when in fact it is neither of these. Allah talks in the Qur'an about those who follow their desires, or make their desires their gods, being subservient to and slave to this emotion or desire, and being disobedient to Allah in regards to that desire. But they do not even realise they are doing this, such are the workings of Shaytan. Emotions/desires are fleeting things, a very frail thing to follow.

As to severely underestimating the power of "love", it might be you who's severely underestimating it. It is something, that if done wrongly, can lead straight to the fire of hell. That is the power of "love". It can cloud the judgement in a way that nothing else can, except perhaps alcohol and anger.

EgyptPrincess said:
I am trying to guide him to Islam sister I really am
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You should refer him to Muslim brothers and let them do this. This is not the job of a non-mahram Muslim woman.

EgyptPrincess said:
You know that feeling when you wake up and you feel like you don't have any problems in the world and you're so chilled out and you cannot wait for what the day holds? This is how I feel when I am with him.
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What if you felt like that, but actually were in a very bad sitauation with your Creator. Can your happiness be in the potential anger and displeasure of your Creator?

Also, this all seems to be about your parents. On the day of judgement, they will not be judging you, Allah will. Your first fear should be of Allaah. But you should also love Allah, more than anything and anyone else, and want to please Him, and not want to disobey Him.

We can use nice words, but the bottom line, is that you are in a very precarious and dangerous situation, moreso because you are so blinded by it that you cannot see the danger you are in, and are trying to justify it. This "relationship", which should worry any Muslim, is giving you great happiness. And anyone that tries to advise you sincerely, you see as being an obstacle to your happiness, you think they can't possibly understand, instead of seeing their concern for your guidance and wanting you to be saved from punishment and going astray, as a great blessing, and reflecting over it with seriousness.

We cannot sugar coat this. Bottom line is, as you know, this is totally haraam. The Propher :saws: has taught us through the hadeeth that it is not allowed for non-mahrams to be alone together. This would include meeting together for dinner in a public place, it's still the two of you at the table without your wali, and for no Islamically valid reason. You need to cut off all contact, ask Allah for forgiveness, ask Allah to guide him (through brothers), and if that happens, and he proves to be a good Muslim, then you may marry him if your parents agree.

May Allah save you and guide you and us all, ameen.
 
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I take this from another thread on UF, no credit goes to me (a snippet):

The different stages and the corruption that is led from gazing upon non mahrams/haram:

1. Mahabbah - 'Love'. The first sight, the starting point of deceiving the eyes and entering the heart as a disease
2. Sababah - Longing, The sight intensifies into something deeper. The heart becomes totally dependant and devoted to the object of its desire.
3.Gharamah- Infatuation. This is further intensifying the gaze which has entered the heart and clings to the heart like the one seeking repayment of a debt clings firmly to the one who has to pay the debt.

Astagfirullah, May Allah SWT Have mercy on us- Ameen

4.Ishk- LOVE. this is a love that transgresses all bounds.
5.Shaghafa- This a love that encompasses every tiny part of the heart. La hawla wala qu wata illa billahil ali uil azim
6.Tatayyuma- The final stage of worshiping the love of the first glance. Please bear in mind the word 'tayyamallah' i.e. he worshipped Allah.
But this action is NOT worshipping Allah SWT but only ones desires.

'Hence, the heart begins to worship that which is not correct for it to worship and the reason behind all of this was an illegal glance. The heart is now bound in chains whereas, before it used to be the master, it is now imprisoned whereas before it was free. It has been oppressed by the eye and it complains to it upon which the eye replies: I am your guide and messenger and it was you who sent me in the first place!'

Source: http://sunnahonline.com/library/puri...g-the-gaze-the
In this thread the lowering of the gaze will be emphasised and what the Quran and the sahih hadiths have warned us against will be shared.
Please feel free to share your knowledge too.

Do not move out with your bf, Iblees/shaytaan is the third, which could lead you to fall into Zina.
 
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:salamext:

Wow SubhanAllaah so much has happened in the past couple of days - I'm actually really upset and shocked you decided to make such a decision, providing you started to learn about Islam.

May Allaah Guide you sis, I will remember you in my prayers especially now and in Ramadan - may Allaah bless you with wisdom to see Islam for what it really is - a beautiful way of life :love:
 
"Have you seen him who takes his own lust (vain desires) as his ilah (god), and Allah knowing (him as such), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and put a cover on his sight. Who then will guide him after Allah? Will you not then remember?" (45:23) She better hope that Allah Azza wa jal gives her respite so hopefully she comes back to her senses and realizes the errors of her ways.
 
Btw, I remember from a thread where you said some clear cut kufr. It'd be a good / recommended thing for you to take the shahadah, and repent from that.

I only say this cuz I am concerned, say the shahadah and repent.

Forgive me if I ever was harsh, I only wanted / tried to say things as they are.
 
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I understand that everyone wants her to know that it is haram etc and what the Quran and sunnah says about it...and im sure she already knows this
But a few of you are coming across very harshly towards the sister, which can in actuall fact can push her further away from islam and more onto him to get away from being judged and spoken to so harshly.
Nobody here is perfect or pious, we all sin in some form or the other and may anger Allah knowingly or unknowingly, the doors of repentance to Allah are always open if there is emaan in the heart.
The sister clearly knows its wrong but is oviously going to find it difficult to leave or walk away from somebody who to HER she loves and finds happiness with, she clearly does not want it to end and would rather be married to the guy in a halal manner
Sometimes people need to take a down to earth approach when giving advice yes mention Quran & sunnah no doubt but also try to be understanding to her situation and try to think and feel how she does in her situation
The harshness is what drives people away from the deen and further into haram...
"this is haram your haram etc etc" yesss they knoww !! So help them understand in the best way possible while being empathetic to their situation, while remembering that you yourselfs are not perfect and to hold off the judgy tones

We should all be encouraging her and helping her emaan raise, and maybe one of the brothers could speak to him and befriend him and help him find islam
 

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