Parents hypocricy and preventing marriage

[anonymous]

My mother after some convincing finally asked one of her friends for potential spouses. They gave me one option. I did not find the girl attractive. She said you have to talk to her or I will not looking for more options.

I told her then no. A friend invited me to go to his home country and he will help me look for girls. Im looking for Religious good shy girl. My mother said if you go, I will take your car away. I will curse you. I will make sure you never get any money for your education. You will never enter our house. You will enter hellfire and burn. Your a hypocrite and etc.

I said my mom ur crazy. I' have tried to be patient. You have no idea how beautiful kafir girls come on to me. Want to talk to me or commit zina with me. I reject for the sake of Allah. This is the fruit of my efforts?????

My mother is threatening to cut me off because I'm going to look for a spouse? I'm desperate and have no option. She is a known liar and lies consecutively. I do not trust her at all. She is Cursing me nonstop. She is saying what ever islam your following is wrong and if it is true , I would rather be a kafir.

I'm not following any bad islam but the right one where I have a right to marry who I like and have to be attracted to her. I want to marry out of culture so I can protect my wife from my family. My sister married someone of a different culture and my family cannot interfere because of that.

I'm sick and tired of this abuse. I'm thinking to put my trust in Allah and just buy the ticket and go. I cannot handle this and I'm doing this to protect myself from zina. Please tell me if I should go with my friend or should stay? My mother is liar and father is another level of liar.

 

[anonymous]

Will Allah hold them accountable for this? I'm sick of this and trying to stay patient and then they say I do not deserve marriage. Its not fair that I'm young man, staying away from beautiful women for sake of Allah and then I end up marrying a woman who is unattractive?? How is that fair??!!!

I thought Allah said if you give something up for him, he replaces it with something better. Where is that thing that is better?!

 

[xboxisdead]

Will Allah hold them accountable for this? I'm sick of this and trying to stay patient and then they say I do not deserve marriage. Its not fair that I'm young man, staying away from beautiful women for sake of Allah and then I end up marrying a woman who is unattractive?? How is that fair??!!!

I thought Allah said if you give something up for him, he replaces it with something better. Where is that thing that is better?!

If what you said is true that your mom said, "she would rather be a kafir" tell her she have left fold of Islam and is now kafir. Tell her she got what she wished for by uttering these words, and now she have become kafir. Your duty is to be nice to her, even if she is kafir, and you have full right to do what you think is right for yourself and marry a girl you want. You are born with the Y chromosome. Any infant who comes out of the womb of it's mother and have Y chromosome and have male characteristic can marry any spouse he picks without the permission of his parents: father and mother alike. He can marry the people of the book described in the condition in Islam or Muslim woman. He can marry fat woman, black like the coal or the dark outer space or black like the color of your Tv if he wants. Even if the parents disapprove. He can marry Chinese, Japanese, Korean, any race, any color, any size and in Islam...age of 14 or 13 and up (if the woman have reached maturity at that age). Because you are following Sharia Law not Dajjal or Western law. Tell your mom that she have a bigger problem than you and your marriage. She have herself to save, tell her to re-enter Islam again and do istigfar and repent and never utter these words again.

Tell her that if she dies now without entering Islam she have lost this world and afterlife.

 

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum

Definitely go and get married if you are ready insha Allah. Rather than hurling abuse at each other just remain silent. Let your parents accuse you, emotionally blackmail you etc. Trust me they won't mean what they say but rather just speaking from an emotional distressed state.

Try and seek the help and advice from someone elderly in your community and someone you can trust.

I hope you are able to financially suppprt yourself and your wife because you may need to consider living separately from your parents in order to protect your marriage. Sometimes distance makes the heart fonder but also with time comes realisation and acceptance. Insha Allah your mum will come round and understand.

Please approach the matter sensitively and with great compassion. Don't speak out of anger.

Watch this video with your parents insha Allah

 

[Revert alYunani]

well xbox and bethechange gave good advise,i would only add that 1.its corona time,i dont care about corona its just that things are hard during this time,you dont know how the travel would be restricted etc...2.if you cant live independent,then dont go for now,maybe search online for now? its very hard for someone to give their daughter to a guy who comes from another country,and if you cant live independently and will send her back to your mothers house,ufff,there will be a lot of problems

 

[kingfisher1]

If your friends home country is a poorer country, you should be careful because a lot of people will marry you for getting a passport and access to more wealth in a richer western country. When you are desperate you often tend to do things in haste without thinking things through carefully. It's best not to rush and ask yourself why would a woman from a foreign country marry you. Why would she leave her family and the country she grew up in just for you. Why would she not marry someone who has more in common with her from her own country.

The other thing to bear in mind is what good is it bringing a muslim woman from a muslim country into a corrupt non muslim country, in which her religion will be under threat and also that of any future offspring. This is assuming that you are living in a non muslim country and plan on marrying from a muslim country.

 

[anonymous]

My family are oppressing me. I have a job and everything and they are deliberately making my life hell. How will I get married? Why do not I deserve a pious girl when I stayed pious

 

[xboxisdead]

I am noticing a trend of oppressive parents and parents belittling, demeaning and making lives difficult for their children. I have issues with my mom too. That being said, you have to find means to leave the house and live your life independent. That is all I can say.

 

[anonymous]

Why is a good looking guy like me having a hard time marrying? Why is it easier to marry nonmuslims then a muslim girls? Are all so called muslim girls money hungry? Or is because im a different culture? Why is there so much hypocricy and racism?

 

[BeTheChange]

Why is a good looking guy like me having a hard time marrying? Why is it easier to marry nonmuslims then a muslim girls? Are all so called muslim girls money hungry? Or is because im a different culture? Why is there so much hypocricy and racism?

Asalamualykum

Unfortunately it is the times we are living in. The haraam is made easy i.e. having boyfriends and girlfriends and the halaal is difficult i.e. finding a suitable spouse. It's a test! Endure it with lots of sabar and speak to Allah swt directly.

Do what you can do. Exhaust all your avenues. Keep yourself busy in halaal activities until you find your suitable match.

Hypocrisy and racism will always exist as long as humans are living. The only thing we can do is live by example and eradicate racism on an individual level.

Stay positive! Allah swt is with us all.

 

[xboxisdead]

Why is a good looking guy like me having a hard time marrying? Why is it easier to marry nonmuslims then a muslim girls? Are all so called muslim girls money hungry? Or is because im a different culture? Why is there so much hypocricy and racism?

The non-Muslim world have declared marriage is an outdated institution. The non-Muslim world now live with the now and right now moments. Women liberation, feminist, etc have produced a wedge between the sexes and changed gender roles which in the end is a powerful nuclear bomb against the institution of marriage.

New generation of men and women find self gratification the hallmark of their happiness, in the non-Muslim world. Child's rights and husband's rights are an outdated ideology and must be destroyed at all cost for the success of women liberation. Thus, you have what you have now. It is even effecting Muslim world too. New men play the mating game differently, new men don't want to be husbands and don't want to get married. They look at women as sex objects for self gratification and move on to the next sex conquest.

Many men no longer want to take care of home and family and in the non-Muslim world, why should he? Have you seen the family court and anti-father/male energy. It is terrifying at best. Now, for the non-Muslim world, men are seeking surrogacy and possible...one days...conceive without female input all together. Nowadays, women look at men as objects as well. Means to get his sperm and his wealth through sex. When a woman get pregnant she uses the resources that are given to her, to destroy her men. She will happily execute it. She purposely want to commit Zina and conceive children out of wedlock in hopes to make the men pay financially and then she does her best to cause wedge between child and parent.

Women seek to fulfill themselves and work hard to limit as much as possible the social role of a man, to make him (if not achieve) his to be redundancy. New generation of women want to feel justified by doing gender genocide and wipe out men for haraam sexual gratification of lesbianism. More men doing hara'am things, more women doing hara'am things...more making it harder for marriage to be an attractive institution, more Zina, materialistic and wordily desires is becoming the norm for both sexes.

Then you come along! You coming along wanting to do the right thing and get married between bodies of filth, fasaat, all the hypocrites, kufar, mushreekeen, and look for that golden shining armor where she have to fight the onslaught of evil and wave of the new world order to be right there for you in seconds and even in years??:facepalm:

 

[lightnesslore]

My mother after some convincing finally asked one of her friends for potential spouses. They gave me one option. I did not find the girl attractive. She said you have to talk to her or I will not looking for more options.

I told her then no. A friend invited me to go to his home country and he will help me look for girls. Im looking for Religious good shy girl. My mother said if you go, I will take your car away. I will curse you. I will make sure you never get any money for your education. You will never enter our house. You will enter hellfire and burn. Your a hypocrite and etc.

I said my mom ur crazy. I' have tried to be patient. You have no idea how beautiful kafir girls come on to me. Want to talk to me or commit zina with me. I reject for the sake of Allah. This is the fruit of my efforts?????

My mother is threatening to cut me off because I'm going to look for a spouse? I'm desperate and have no option. She is a known liar and lies consecutively. I do not trust her at all. She is Cursing me nonstop. She is saying what ever islam your following is wrong and if it is true , I would rather be a kafir.

I'm not following any bad islam but the right one where I have a right to marry who I like and have to be attracted to her. I want to marry out of culture so I can protect my wife from my family. My sister married someone of a different culture and my family cannot interfere because of that.

I'm sick and tired of this abuse. I'm thinking to put my trust in Allah and just buy the ticket and go. I cannot handle this and I'm doing this to protect myself from zina. Please tell me if I should go with my friend or should stay? My mother is liar and father is another level of liar.

My friend , i know that you are frustrated because of your parents but you have no right to talk bad about them . Allah said : " Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. " .

If you are looking to save yourself from Al-Zina then why commit a bigger sin that Zina ? that doesn't make any sense right ? . The prophet PBUH cursed those .

Most importantly your mother has stepped the red line with her words by saying " she rather be a kafir " . give her an advice to stop these words or the end won't be good , tell her it's not worth it to lose your eternal life for such words ! of-course you have to be nice while saying this and tell her that you love her ... etc .

Now coming to your problem i advice you to do the following :

1. Tell your parents that this is injustice and Allah has given you the right to choose your spouse and they have no right to force you into marrying a spouse . Ibn Taimiah said : " Parents have no right to force their son to marry whom he doesn't want , if he refused then no he has committed no sin , just like refusing to eat what he doesn't like " .

2. They have no right to refuse a girl that you like if she has a good faith and nothing is wrong with her deen .

If they refuse the advice then you can get help from their closest friends or people who they listen to and ask them to give your paretns an advice and convince them . And if they still refuse after that you and go with your friend to get married then it's completely OK and no sin is commited and even if they curse you , Allah of-course will not answer their calling , that's what the prophet said Allah doesn't answer a sin calling .

But , you have to be smart and be wise while solving your problem , will going with your friend completely destroy your relationship with them ? or you can fix it later with nice words ? is this more important than your education and your car ? and can you work alone to afford costs ? . I'm not saying go marry that girl that you don't like of-course i'm just asking you to look beyond the problem so that you do not do something you might regret later .

May Allah guide your parents and give you the girl of a strong deen .

 

[lightnesslore]

Will Allah hold them accountable for this? I'm sick of this and trying to stay patient and then they say I do not deserve marriage. Its not fair that I'm young man, staying away from beautiful women for sake of Allah and then I end up marrying a woman who is unattractive?? How is that fair??!!!

I thought Allah said if you give something up for him, he replaces it with something better. Where is that thing that is better?!

Bro watch yourself your are making Allah look like he is injustice or something , and doubting the Hadeeth . in fact your parents were injustice and this is the test of yours . Also this hadeeth doesn't say that the replacement will be same type of what you left for Allah . You can leave Zina and get a sweet eman in your heart , and ofcrouse no comparison between both of those . But it could be and you are just rushing yourself bro .

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Be patient , Allah never estimates ( with certainty ) something that is completely bad . Be patient or regret it later .

 

[xboxisdead]

My friend , i know that you are frustrated because of your parents but you have no right to talk bad about them . Allah said : " Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. " .

If you are looking to save yourself from Al-Zina then why commit a bigger sin that Zina ? that doesn't make any sense right ? . The prophet PBUH cursed those .

Most importantly your mother has stepped the red line with her words by saying " she rather be a kafir " . give her an advice to stop these words or the end won't be good , tell her it's not worth it to lose your eternal life for such words ! of-course you have to be nice while saying this and tell her that you love her ... etc .

Now coming to your problem i advice you to do the following :

1. Tell your parents that this is injustice and Allah has given you the right to choose your spouse and they have no right to force you into marrying a spouse . Ibn Taimiah said : " Parents have no right to force their son to marry whom he doesn't want , if he refused then no he has committed no sin , just like refusing to eat what he doesn't like " .

2. They have no right to refuse a girl that you like if she has a good faith and nothing is wrong with her deen .

If they refuse the advice then you can get help from their closest friends or people who they listen to and ask them to give your paretns an advice and convince them . And if they still refuse after that you and go with your friend to get married then it's completely OK and no sin is commited and even if they curse you , Allah of-course will not answer their calling , that's what the prophet said Allah doesn't answer a sin calling .

But , you have to be smart and be wise while solving your problem , will going with your friend completely destroy your relationship with them ? or you can fix it later with nice words ? is this more important than your education and your car ? and can you work alone to afford costs ? . I'm not saying go marry that girl that you don't like of-course i'm just asking you to look beyond the problem so that you do not do something you might regret later .

May Allah guide your parents and give you the girl of a strong deen .

Funny you mentioned the food part. I was forced as a kid to eat something I did not like and I was forced to eat it or else I would not go to bed or play or leave the table. When I ate by force I nearly vomited and then I was beaten or said bad words at me, that I am being spoiled, or you are making too fuss, or some guilt where I am at fault and they are right and I am wrong. So yeah, technically you can force your kids to eat what they don't like and beat them up for not eating or puking for eating what they don't like and call them names. You could technically....do that. As for the consequences behind that? Not too many people care for that really or dismiss it.

 

[xboxisdead]

There are many mothers who believe the children is the biological property that belongs exclusive to her. She can do whatever heck right she have on them up to abuse them. After all, if you own something as your property you can do whatever you want with your property, no? Aren't there group of mothers out there in America who wanting the ability to "abort" their children even if they are age five years old. Interesting when such law occurs. - grabs his popcorn - It will be a fascinating world we live in.