Parents!! Parents !!! Concerns and Problems with

[noahs_arc]

my parents are not happily married.
they do not talk to eachother and constantly fight and argue. this has started to reflect upon my siblings now. i cannot remeber a time in my life where we have been a happy family even though my mother claims we are. i feel that because i have never seen my parents show any kind of affection towards each other this has reflected greatly on me and my siblings. it has reflected on me as my best firend is the complete opposite to my father. and every day i don't want to be at home my love for my friend grows stronger. i really think now that he is the only thing keeping my alive.

my paretns' relationsip is also affecting my siblings. my brothers have begun to swear at eachother and at my parents. my mother has no real control other them even though she is trying more than she can. my father has no real part in our lives even though he lives and eats with us evryday. if there is a situation where my brothers go out of control my father would escalate the problem, while he is trying to control it.

apart from the swearing they are not really trouble unless provoken. however i do fear they are in bad friendship crowds.


i do not know why i am writing this or what i expect from this post but i would just like to conclude by saying that i do dua and thank Allah tallah for my friend as he is my life. and i also pray my parents be happy but honestly i see them at the brink of divorce.

jazakallah for reading.

 

[tomtomsmom]

Re: home and family life is not good. !!!!!!

I am sorry to hear of your troubles at home. But it is good that you see how this is affecting your brothers. Your parents seem too involved with their own problems to notice this. It is up to you to help guide them into being the type of men they should be. Good luck bro.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Re: home and family life is not good. !!!!!!




I seek refuge in Allah (The One God) from the Satan (devil) the cursed, the rejected

With the name of ALLAH (swt) -The Bestower Of Unlimited Mercy, The Continously Merciful


Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh (May the peace, mercy and blessings of Allah be upon you)

&&


pl. have patience.....we all have problems


Have faith in God , try to talk to ur mom or dad or relatives about the solutions. Try to communicate with ur family members with positive attitude . U may talk to a marriage councellor.

Here is a link for advices from professionals


Family > Cyber Counselor

May God bless ur family members , Ameen.

 

[zircon]

Re: home and family life is not good. !!!!!!

salam alaikum... for sure, you and your family are facing a test in which you could choose on the way you are going to react over it. take one thing at a time, and slowly reunite your family inshaAllah. i know its easier said than done. anyway, trying won't harm. to soften the heart of your other siblings, try repeating 'ya latiif' as much as you can and as often as you could before blowing their heads while they're sleeping. talk to them of your hope and feelings - yes, when they are asleep too. also, do not stop making du'a and have the confidence that Allah is listening and He will make things change for better.

la tahzan.. Allah ma'ak
sorry if i couldnt offer any better advise

 

[anonymous]

Re: home and family life is not good. !!!!!!

aww dats awful, its so horriblw wen ya mum n dada hav a small argument, i jus go offf on 1 maself n jus giv em both the silent treatment- not gud i know, but its da only way u can get thru to em sumtyms, hope things work out between ya parents youll be in ma duas

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Re: home and family life is not good. !!!!!!

Man must be really hard for seeing them fight all the time. but you have to look after your siblings make sure they dont hear them if you are there and ur parents are argueing or not getting on, than take them out.. Children shouldnt have to see or hear fighting. Parents should grow up and start acting like parents..

 

[anonymous]

ParentZ and ''Freedom''

Hmm will probably sound like a stupid question but this question is aimed at the girls mostly although it could apply to boys too.

Just wondering, to what extent do you think parents should be allowed to tell their children what they can and cannot do?? Basically, I just hate having to ask permission from my parents to do little things like going out with mates, tooooo errr places likeeeee cinemas, shopping in other cities etc, and what especially gets to me is when they say no, especially since I am now an adult aged 22. So what do you think girls? Do you have to get permission from your parents to go out and have fun or do they consider you an adult and let you do what you want when you want?

 

[lolwatever]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

Hmm will probably sound like a stupid question but this question is aimed at the girls mostly although it could apply to boys too.

Just wondering, to what extent do you think parents should be allowed to tell their children what they can and cannot do?? Basically, I just hate having to ask permission from my parents to do little things like going out with mates, tooooo errr places likeeeee cinemas, shopping in other cities etc, and what especially gets to me is when they say no, especially since I am now an adult aged 22. So what do you think girls? Do you have to get permission from your parents to go out and have fun or do they consider you an adult and let you do what you want when you want?

salams sis..

First ask whether or not Allah would allow you to go any such place, and if the answer is no, then it shouldn't matter whether you're parents care or not

Secondly.. with regards to this, i like Ali Ibn Abi Talib's quote...

"Sab'3un ameer, wa Sab'3un Aseer, wa Sab'3un Wazeer... thumma tusaahibuhu wa yusaahibuka"

Seven years Prince, seven a prisoner and seven an advisor/minister.
Then you befriend him and he befriends you.​

i.e. in the first 7 years, the child should grow up with leadership qualities and have courage and confidence in himself.

The next seven, that's when you take care of him and the 'do's and dont's" kick in because his intellect starts to build up etc, also means you look out for who he hangs out with and make sure he's not under bad influence etc.

The final seven years (14-22), is when you treat him like your advisor/minister, i.e. you give him some freedom and test how he reacts to it, and also seek his council and advise to give him the feeling of responsibility and maturity. You also encourage him to be self-suficient in terms of work and income etc.


After that, the parents shouldn't interfere with his life, he becomes "equal" to the father. The father can advise if he learns about something wrt his son. But he can't meddle in his private affairs etc.


but really, take a good look at my first paragraph inshalah

tc salams

 

[Islamicboy]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

I am a guy who is 20 alhumdillah my parents never let me go out with my friends. I am not allowed to stay outside of the house until 8pm and my parents will call me every 30 mins to check on me. Trust me you will thank them in the hereafter inshallah.

 

[anonymous]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

awww jazakaAllah bro.

Ok what really gets to me is how I get treated like a child. Im the eldest. So they really overprotective. And sometimes I feel they dont trust me. And they have no reason not to trust me. I just hate the whole 'Where you going, Who you going with, What you gonna do, and When will you be back?''. Just end up losing it.

 

[anonymous]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

I am a guy who is 20 alhumdillah my parents never let me go out with my friends. I am not allowed to stay outside of the house until 8pm and my parents will call me every 30 mins to check on me. Trust me you will thank them in the hereafter inshallah.

Doesnt it get to you tho?! Especially when ya mates are like ''why you not coming' then you have to like lie cos your too embarassed to say ''my mum wont let me'', sounds so babyish!!

 

[Count DeSheep]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

awww jazakaAllah bro.

Ok what really gets to me is how I get treated like a child. Im the eldest. So they really overprotective. And sometimes I feel they dont trust me. And they have no reason not to trust me. I just hate the whole 'Where you going, Who you going with, What you gonna do, and When will you be back?''. Just end up losing it.

Have they always been like that?

 

[lolwatever]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

awww jazakaAllah bro.

Ok what really gets to me is how I get treated like a child. Im the eldest. So they really overprotective. And sometimes I feel they dont trust me. And they have no reason not to trust me. I just hate the whole 'Where you going, Who you going with, What you gonna do, and When will you be back?''. Just end up losing it.

lol sis.. i agree it does get annoying esp when you're doin nufn wrong.

but perhaps in ur case their issue is only with cinema and shopping coz of all the dirty pics/scenes n stuff that are all over the place? in which case i guess u could understand where they're coming from?:?

But if its for even things like visiting good friends etc.. who knos maybe if u get married they'll leave the stress 2 ur trusting husband? lol

all the best insh.

 

[anonymous]

Re: home and family life is not good. !!!!!!

Man must be really hard for seeing them fight all the time. but you have to look after your siblings make sure they dont hear them if you are there and ur parents are argueing or not getting on, than take them out.. Children shouldnt have to see or hear fighting. Parents should grow up and start acting like parents..

today mum n dad had an argument and me bein the woc i am snapped big tym at ma dad n gave ma mum silent treatment 4 a bit, I HAAAATTTTTEEEEEEEE IT WHEN THEY NOT ON TALKIN TERMS!!! THEY SO CHILDISH SOMETIMES!! URGH!

 

[Helena]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

pretty interesting question sis...

Actually since childhood till now....even thou i am one year younger then u sis....but i still and will continue to ask permission from my mum e.g to go to islamic lectures, going out with mates and even buying stuff adn even going to bath......lol.....its one of my habits/duty that i do soo...

its not something that am forced in to..or pressured...its my will...alhamdulilah...

the bond that i have with my is very unique and strong....i'll do anything for her....wallahi...i have seen my mother faced many things in life.....that i have to learn to understand the purpose of life and the role of my parents.....

and not forgetting underneath our mothers feet lies heaven..how can i possibly reject that sis?....

shes been thru alot for me...how can i not do small things for?....which i will be rewarded later inshAllah.....

the term freedom, being independent, adult....hasnt hit me yet or never will....coz am still my mums little baby...i wish i'd be that......because shes my noor in my life...if my noor disappears....am in darkness....

if i ask my mum for premission i feel proud, comfy, happy of myself...coz am involving my ammi in every part of my life..every sec, min, day....how can i not?......shes my friend....

 

[anonymous]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

I just want to be INDEPENDENT, do what I want to when I want to. Am I asking for too much?

 

[lolwatever]

Re: home and family life is not good. !!!!!!

today mum n dad had an argument and me bein the woc i am snapped big tym at ma dad n gave ma mum silent treatment 4 a bit, I HAAAATTTTTEEEEEEEE IT WHEN THEY NOT ON TALKIN TERMS!!! THEY SO CHILDISH SOMETIMES!! URGH!

sorry 2 hear bro

but mayeb its better to somehow get them in one room and put the cards on the table n say "parents, what is up?"

it will work insh, coz im pretty sure they wouldn't want you knowing why xactly they're in that situation, so they'd prob be forced to show a diplomatic side and play it down and soon after get back to normal...

coz if u take a go at them individually, then they'll start accusing each other of being the cause of you're unhapiness :X which only mkaes it worse :skeleton:

 

[Maarya]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

my parents are like that aswell bt i'm in my mid-late teens lol

i spoke to my mum about it the other day (coz my mates were planning to going out) and she sed to me taht instead of focusing on small things like going out with my mates and persuading my dad to say yes to them, to start focusing on the big things like uni etc and then the small things will come after the big things. which i think is a good point.

 

[anonymous]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

my parents are like that aswell bt i'm in my mid-late teens lol

i spoke to my mum about it the other day (coz my mates were planning to going out) and she sed to me taht instead of focusing on small things like going out with my mates and persuading my dad to say yes to them, to start focusing on the big things like uni etc and then the small things will come after the big things. which i think is a good point.

My dad doesnt say no to me going out so long as its within limits which is cool by me. Just ma mum whos a little OTT - the only reason Im asking this question is because I was talking to a friend and its like all your friends are allowed to do whatever whenever and then theres you whos treated like a child, anyways she was like dont your parents trust you which got me thinking... :rollseyes:rollseyes:rollseyes

 

[anonymous]

Re: ParentZ and ''Freedom''

Have they always been like that?

And see its comments like that which especially wind me up, its not sympathy Im after, its just a genreal question, please dont talk to me like Im oppressed or something because I can assure you I am not ffended: