Physical Attraction in Marriage

[aadil77]

theres a difference between ugly and someone's standards being unrealistically high

i advise all brothers and sisters to stop being so ridiculously shallow

nah man I'm sure every brother here sets their standards according to what they're like themselves

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

theres a difference between ugly and someone's standards being unrealistically high

i advise all brothers and sisters to stop being so ridiculously shallow

what would be shallow is hurting someone by marrying them even if you aren't attracted to them. how would one feel if they knew their spouse thought of them as unattractive?

 

[S_87]

theres a difference between ugly and someone's standards being unrealistically high

yes that is true too, some men do just want their wives to be fit a certain catergory BUT if theres no attraction regardless of looks then it does matter.

 

[convert]

^ Excuse me? Would you marry someone you were not attracted to? No? Well then.

attraction does not equate 100% to superficial things like physicality

what would be shallow is hurting someone by marrying them even if you aren't attracted to them. how would one feel if they knew their spouse thought of them as unattractive?

the person would probably be upset that he/she didn't find out that his/her spouse was so shallow beforehand

yes that is true too, some men do just want their wives to be fit a certain catergory BUT if theres no attraction regardless of looks then it does matter.

this is what i find so shallow, equating attraction only to looks.

you see all these people (sisters moreso) complaining about a lack of good spouse but then you hear about the same people rejecting someone over something dumb like height or complexion even after its been determined that the other person's deen, character, manners are good. like i said, people need to stop being so shallow.

 

[Intisar]

theres a difference between ugly and someone's standards being unrealistically high

i advise all brothers and sisters to stop being so ridiculously shallow

It's called being honest with yourself, everyone has a different standard of beauty and what they deem ''physical attraction''. So I don't appreciate you calling us ''shallow'' for that reason.

 

[convert]

It's called being honest with yourself, everyone has a different standard of beauty and what they deem ''physical attraction''. So I don't appreciate you calling us ''shallow'' for that reason.

:wa:
it is shallow. the prophet (saw) married old old women did he not?

 

[- IqRa -]

Do you do everything the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam did? Do you stand all night in prayer whilst ur feet hurt? Do you fast continuously for a certain number of days? Don't compare yourself to the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam. We aren't even fit to be the dirt of his shoes.

 

[convert]

Do you do everything the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam did? Do you stand all night in prayer whilst ur feet hurt? Do you fast continuously for a certain number of days? Don't compare yourself to the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam. We aren't even fit to be the dirt of his shoes.

la howla wa la quwata ila Allah

just disregard all sunnah then

the prophet (saw) said to base your partner on piety not their height, their color, whether or not they are "cute", etc

 

[Intisar]

:wa:
it is shallow. the prophet (saw) married old old women did he not?

How is it shallow? I just said that everyone has a different standard of beauty. So what may be beautiful to you, might be average to someone else and vice versa.

And people get married to stay away from the haraam. If a brother saw a sister that he thought was extremely beautiful, and he approached her wali for marriage, would that make him shallow? Or would that he mean he just wanted to please Allaah and go about it the islamic way? By going to the sister's wali first, and then having meetings. Taking in to account that he wants to stay away from haraam, is extremely smitten with the girl, and wants to please Allaah by trying to foster an islamic marriage.

I don't think you should make such gross generalisations bro. Cause you always have to take into account that even if someone wants to marry a beautiful bro/sis they also want to do it for the sake of Allaah. And that, does not make someone shallow. Just honest with his/herself.

 

[crayon]

the prophet (saw) said to base your partner on piety not their height, their color, whether or not they are "cute", etc

So if there is a pious person who you are attracted to, and a pious person you are not attracted to, the choice should be made by a round of eenie meenie miny moe?

 

[convert]

How is it shallow? I just said that everyone has a different standard of beauty. So what may be beautiful to you, might be average to someone else and vice versa.

And people get married to stay away from the haraam. If a brother saw a sister that he thought was extremely beautiful, and he approached her wali for marriage, would that make him shallow? Or would that he mean he just wanted to please Allaah and go about it the islamic way? By going to the sister's wali first, and then having meetings. Taking in to account that he wants to stay away from haraam, is extremely smitten with the girl, and wants to please Allaah by trying to foster an islamic marriage.

I don't think you should make such gross generalisations bro. Cause you always have to take into account that even if someone wants to marry a beautiful bro/sis they also want to do it for the sake of Allaah. And that, does not make someone shallow. Just honest with his/herself.

lol "marry a beautiful person for the sake of Allah". we both live in the real world and not this dream world you people keep talking about; a world where brothers get rejected for having beards or wearing sunnah and women get rejected for wearing niqab/hijab or for not killing herself to look like some waifish supermodel. these are the same people who complain about a "lack of good men/women" as well.

So if there is a pious person who you are attracted to, and a pious person you are not attracted to, the choice should be made by a round of eenie meenie miny moe?

for men: marry both. for women: marry the first one of the two who approaches you.

this is if you use shallow things like physicality as your criterion for attraction

 

[- IqRa -]

Brother, I assume you are not maried yet, if you would be then you wouldn't be saying such things. On top of which you are a man, and they NEED women they are attracted to so they can satisfy themselves completely, to be completely blunt.

 

[convert]

Brother, I assume you are not maried yet, if you would be then you wouldn't be saying such things. On top of which you are a man, and they NEED women they are attracted to so they can satisfy themselves completely, to be completely blunt.

no i am not. i get rejected for stupider things such as being white and being a convert.

however, i did date before i was muslim so i know what a relationship entails and how "important" physicality is or isn't in attraction.

 

[Intisar]

lol "marry a beautiful person for the sake of Allah". we both live in the real world and not this dream world you people keep talking about; a world where brothers get rejected for having beards or wearing sunnah and women get rejected for wearing niqab/hijab or for not killing herself to look like some waifish supermodel. these are the same people who complain about a "lack of good men/women" as well.

Okay, well that's clearly wrong. And that has nothing to do with beauty or shallowness, but rather a lack of worship. Those who reject brothers and sisters for following the islamic guidelines/dresscode, they're the ones who are missing out. Cause they're not rejecting someone based on looks or attraction, but rather for following what Allaah has commanded. And those people are clearly misguided.

 

[cat eyes]

being shallow is a really strong word to use about somebody

i would only ever call somebody shallow if they actually said well i want a husband with a six pack or a man who wants a woman to look like those women we see on magazines these days with the nice height and gorgeous face but those women are not real women at all.

i know some girls who got rejected and believe me they were not ugly they were so cute, not being attracted to a certain person so it dosen't mean that they think you are ugly.. and it dosn't mean that the man is not guided or the woman. i strongly believe if Allah wants you to marrry that person, you are just intoxicated by them, you are drawn to them in how they talk, how they laugh, there personality etc, just the little things that they do.

you feel that connection.. but you people have to feel it first thats how you will know

 

[Snowflake]

=qweretyq;1202714]My mom wants me to get married not only to a Muslim, but specifically one from our town. Furthermore, she says she does not like this family or that one when looking at many families from our town, which narrows my choices really down. I was then introduced to a girl and she asked me what I thought of her.

Now she comes from a good family and I like her dad and everything. However, I have absolutely NO physical attraction to her. I told my mom No, and of course, with all her restrictions it is hard for me to find another girl.

If you mean you don't feel physical attraction in the sense that you 'don't go weak at the knees', but you do think the girl is pretty/acceptable looking, then that is no reason not to marry her as long as she is God fearing and upon the deen. The most important quality to look for is the person's level of religious commitment. A spouse who strives to fulfil the commands of Allah and the Prophet's sunnah will be the best for you and your children to come.

Even when a muslim loves someone, that love should be for the sake of Allah and 'going weak at the knees' is doesn't fit the criteria of loving someone for the sake of Allah. Rather the love should come from a likeness and admiration of their qualities as a muslim. When the love is built on strong foundations, the attraction that follows is deeper and stronger than what you feel at first glance on seeing a pretty face. And if that's all there is to be offered, that initial attraction seldom lasts.

Have any of you gotten married to a person who you were not attracted to at all? Isn't this an important consideration in marriage?

Yes.

It may be important if there is nothing else there and perhaps might result in a failing marriage lasting a bit longer. But if your spouse has other 'essential' qualities, then the lack of attraction doesn't really carry much (if any) weight as you feel attracted to them for more stronger and solid reasons than just liking the look of them. So, no it isn't an important consideration after all.

 

[zakirs]

i am inexperienced in this matter bro , all i can tell you is "all the best and may allah help you "

 

[MinAhlilHadeeth]

la howla wa la quwata ila Allah

just disregard all sunnah then

the prophet (saw) said to base your partner on piety not their height, their color, whether or not they are "cute", etc

:salamext:

So why then, did the Prophet salAllaahu 'alayhi wa sallam say the following?

From Abu Hurayrah: “I was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansaar. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar.” (Reported by Muslim, no. 1424; and by al-Daaraqutni, 3/253 (34))

Obviously, being physically attracted to ones spouse is important as it increases the harmony, but no doubt morality, character and taqwah is more important. But nonetheless, physical attraction should not be downplayed. One of the purposes of marriage is to help one to lower their gaze and stay away from faahishah.

 

[Salahudeen]

^ agree

hmmm this may sound blunt, but alot of men find they have no desire to reproduce with a women they don't find physically attractive, to the extent they don't want to have sexual relations with her.

Is this shallowness??? should you still marry her for the sake of not being "shallow"???

she has good deen though, who cares if you don't want to make baby's with her cos you don't find her attractive, this is just something trivial. As long as you aren't being shallow by basing your choice on attraction.

You shouldn't be shallow as some people state,

just marry her and force yourself, or close your eyes and pretend it's some 1 else sorry if any 1 found that last bit sickening, that's the point.

 

[cat eyes]

^ agree

hmmm this may sound blunt, but alot of men find they have no desire to reproduce with a women they don't find physically attractive, to the extent they don't want to have sexual relations with her.

Is this shallowness??? should you still marry her for the sake of not being "shallow"???

she has good deen though, who cares if you don't want to make baby's with her cos you don't find her attractive, this is just something trivial. As long as you aren't being shallow by basing your choice on attraction.

You shouldn't be shallow as some people state,

just marry her and force yourself, or close your eyes and pretend it's some 1 else sorry if any 1 found that last bit sickening, that's the point.

lol that is sickening for any woman... i am sure a man will be attracted to some part of her body lol