Plagued with guilt

[Studentofdeed]

I do not think I am good Muslim. I'm very pessimistic and although I do belive in Allah and love him, I feel like my future is always bad. In a way I feel depressed and am always looking forward to death hoping that by dying , my problems end and since there is no pleasure in life. Obviously I'm not going to kill myself but i wish for death.

Another thing is my father is oppressive and can be rude. It's hard to be respectful towards him because the incorrect upbringing and abandonment he did in my life. He was never there and today he sees me as a servant and not a child. In front of others, he makes it seem like he loves me but in front of his family and friends he humiliates me. Because of his double standards and incorrect parenting mixed with islam claiming full rights to be horrible, I hated Islam. I know islam is not like that but it places emphasis on respect on parents. I try with my mother but my father it's hard. I forgive him but I have resentment and find it difficult to be kind to him because occasionally he still insults me. I stay out of home all day in the university so that I avoid situations where I have to talk to him. Will i go to hell or make Allah angry due to my actions towards my father. I get so frustrated I shout and scream and raise my voice. I do not ever swear but I still talk back because he frustrates me. Will this be the reason I'm plunged into hell? My family always say I'm not a muslim but a fake one and have no iman because I'm neglecting my family. I am college student and want to study and just avoid them especially since they aren't practicing and I do not want to do unnecessary work with them.

Another issue is that my mother does not want me to get married. She believes marriage is something not I'm ready for and has the typical culture mentality. She would rather me date. She doesnt care if I'm staying away from haram . This makes it more frustrating and I'm more tempted to do it but of course with Allah's help I wont because I do not want to displease Allah and hurt someone. Yet as result at times i fail to lower my gaze and sometimes wonder what life would be like if i actually had a haram relationship. If course i only remind myself it would never work out and it will displease Allah.

I'm frustrated and feel like my problems with my family and women will doom me to hell. Am I destined for Hell?

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

I do not think I am good Muslim. I'm very pessimistic and although I do belive in Allah and love him, I feel like my future is always bad. In a way I feel depressed and am always looking forward to death hoping that by dying , my problems end and since there is no pleasure in life. Obviously I'm not going to kill myself but i wish for death.

As Muslims, there will be times where we think like this. Though you might've already heard this so many times, you have to make sure to keep the mindset of this and your problems being a test/trial. Sometimes we hear something so often that we start to forget about the importance of it. You just kind of have to wake up if you get what I mean. I feel like there is a a cycle that happens to many Muslims, of course its all different for everyone.
1. calamity strikes
2. Gets worse and worse
3.Loses hope
4.starts giving up on iman
5. extreme depression. Suicidal thoughts. Can't handle life. Knows that this is a trial but completely forgets about it and pushes it away and just wishes it would all end

and then the last step. Its either one of two things
A. You go through an enlightening moment and see the beauty behind everything. Repents. This is the easier scenario
B. Life completely changes to the point where much is ruined because your iman reached a low place you would never have thought it to be at. But then you slowly pick yourself up with hard work and then you realize the beauty in the calamity eventually. Repents

Or there are just some people who have a good mindset throughout and have some slips but they make it through. Either way, it leads to a good ending right?

I went through this with some problems of mine. My scenario ended with option B. Now Im really trying to be the person I was.. And I will keep trying even if i keep failing.. It's hard, but I know as soon as I build my character, I'll be even stronger than I was. All of these problems are for the better, they give you wisdom and strength.

Another thing is my father is oppressive and can be rude. It's hard to be respectful towards him because the incorrect upbringing and abandonment he did in my life. He was never there and today he sees me as a servant and not a child. In front of others, he makes it seem like he loves me but in front of his family and friends he humiliates me. Because of his double standards and incorrect parenting mixed with islam claiming full rights to be horrible, I hated Islam. I know islam is not like that but it places emphasis on respect on parents. I try with my mother but my father it's hard. I forgive him but I have resentment and find it difficult to be kind to him because occasionally he still insults me. I stay out of home all day in the university so that I avoid situations where I have to talk to him. Will i go to hell or make Allah angry due to my actions towards my father. I get so frustrated I shout and scream and raise my voice. I do not ever swear but I still talk back because he frustrates me. Will this be the reason I'm plunged into hell? My family always say I'm not a muslim but a fake one and have no iman because I'm neglecting my family. I am college student and want to study and just avoid them especially since they aren't practicing and I do not want to do unnecessary work with them.

Unfortunately this is really common, especially in middle eastern families I feel. My dad is like this too. He was very abusive and he made Islam seem very restrictive. He would nit pick certain things from the religion just to restrict us, which ended up with my siblings and I not following the religion. I thought Islam was extreme and disliked it. My siblings and I became very westernized but alhamdulilah I changed. Even after I became practicing, my dad started criticizing me more, calling me extreme, saying one day all my faith is going to go away. He would bother me so often. Always saying things like "you think your so religious huh?" when I would never claim these things. Even when his religious happy wise brother would come over, my dad would act sweet with me and make jokes with me around my uncle and it would agitate me so much. I used to be angry with how we had to treat our parents with respect even if they are being abusive. I learned to accept it and things did get better. My dad isn't home often and he is sleepy when he comes home so now I don't always have him around to yell and get angry at me. My mom and I used to have many problems too after becoming religious but after a year, it all toned down.

But it all got better, because I viewed it as a test.

I'll tell you this, if you can't say anything good, stay silent. Don't argue with them. We have to respect them even if it is hard. If they ask us to help them or do something, we follow their orders (as long as it isnt against Allah or unreasonable).. I wont say whether you will be plunged into hell because this isn't up to me. But I will say that this is something you need to fix. And you have to stop talking back to your parents. The best thing to do is to just stay silent while they insult you and speak horrible about you. Of course Allah will have more mercy on you because of the oppression, but you should still strive to at least not talk back.

Another issue is that my mother does not want me to get married. She believes marriage is something not I'm ready for and has the typical culture mentality. She would rather me date. She doesnt care if I'm staying away from haram . This makes it more frustrating and I'm more tempted to do it but of course with Allah's help I wont because I do not want to displease Allah and hurt someone. Yet as result at times i fail to lower my gaze and sometimes wonder wh

Yeah never listen to your mom if she wants you to date. It seems like in this case, your mom shouldn't be the one to decide whether you are ready for marriage because she wants you to date. This is up for you to decide because sometimes others may not ever see the good in you. But take everything about yourself into account if you are thinking about marriage

It is normal to wonder how it would feel like to be in a haram relationship sometimes, but do not dwell upon it.

Lowering your gaze can be hard, but you just need to keep on trying. Watch more lectures on these topics, read stories, maybe they can help. And realize that not lowering your gaze can eventually lead to more problematic problems.

So whats your destiny?

I cant tell you that. I can show you this

All reported: We were in a funeral in the graveyard of Gharqad that Messenger of Allah ﷺ came to us and we sat around him. He had a stick with him. He lowered his head and began to scratch the earth with his stick, and then raid: There is not one amongst you whom a scat in Paradise or Hell has not been allotted and about whom it has not been written down whether he would be an evil person or a blessed person. A person said: Allah's Messenger, should we not then depend npon our destiny and abandon our deeds? Thereupon he said: Acts of everyone will be facilitated in, that which has been created for him so that whoever belongs to the company of the blessed will have good works made easier for himand whoever belongs to the unfortunate ones will have evil acts made easier for him. He then recited this verse (from the Qur'an):" Then, who gives to the needy and guardsagainst evil and accepts the excellent (the truth of Islam and the path of righteousness it prescribes), We shall make easy for him the easy end and who is miserly and considers himself above need, We shall make easy for him the dificult end". (Sahih muslim 6398)

Your ending has been destined. But the whole purpose is that you wont know what your destination is. This is why you have to do your best to strive for the sake of Allah, so that you can finish the journey one day.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Jazakallah Khayran. Thank you again so much for taking the time to read and answer my post. I know many of most seem like ramblings of an insecure boy. Alhamdullah things have gotten better. I've started looking for proposals..yet being constantly rejected. I keep praying istikhara so Allah knows best but can't but feel little sad at times. But Alhamdullah things are bit better. Jazakallah Khayran again. Please keep me in your duas. May Allah bless you with the best of both worlds.

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Jazakallah Khayran. Thank you again so much for taking the time to read and answer my post. I know many of most seem like ramblings of an insecure boy. Alhamdullah things have gotten better. I've started looking for proposals..yet being constantly rejected. I keep praying istikhara so Allah knows best but can't but feel little sad at times. But Alhamdullah things are bit better. Jazakallah Khayran again. Please keep me in your duas. May Allah bless you with the best of both worlds.

Wa iyyak. Yes lol I have had my fair share of ramblings on here.

I forgot to mention one thing. I noticed that abusive fathers have had abusive fathers themselves. Maybe at one point your dad was just like you when he was younger. Try to think of it that way. My own brothers, they aren't abusive, but I do notice some of his minor traits in them.. I do believe they will definitely not become like my dad though. Eventually if the person doesn't change, these traits end up coming out when the person raises children.

Make sure to break the cycle and become different from him. And when looking for a spouse, there is nothing wrong with looking for beauty, but put your priority in her deen first and foremost so that she'll lead you to true success. I'll keep you in my dua

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Studentofdeed;

I'm very pessimistic

A quote from Confucius a few thousand years ago.

Your life is what your thoughts make it.

You are what you think

According to Confucius, your thoughts make you pessimistic. But do you have to keep these thoughts for life, or is it within your power to change?

What do you think?

May Allah bless you with the peace, strength and courage to face this life,

Eric