Please advice me about this without judging

[Studentofdeed]

So I knew a nonmuslim woman who seemed nice with good character. I ran into her today and was highly unsure what to do. Because in the muslim community none of the women want to marry due to my race. However nonmuslims have been showing interest. This nonmuslim girl is very sweet, quiet , shy and she does not swear. She seems to have a good heart. Of course I do not do anything with asking my mother. My mother is hesitant because she thinks I'm getting too desperate as the girl isn't that attractive. But the girl seems to be innocent and doesnt seem to go near boys. So I asked for number, only when I asked I kept blushing. She said she never got to chance to ask me before because I always ran before i got the opportunity to talk to her. Today I only asked because it seemed like qadar. I kept seeing her name and felt like Allah might be guiding me so I wasnt sure. My mother doesnt like it because she isnt that good looking. So please advise me what to do. She is nonmuslim, and I have not given any commitment of any type as I do not want to anything bad or hurt any one feelings. So did I wrong this girl for asking her number and if she is the one to marry, how can I ask and talk to her about islam when she and me are just classmates?

 

[Avis]

It is Halal for you to marry a non-Muslim woman as long as they are Christian or Jewish. You will have to make sure that any children you produce are raised as Muslim and that she should know this before you marry. You will also need to teach her about Islam and try to guide her into accepting it.

You also need to make sure you do nothing haram with her before you marry. No phone calls since it that is usually what leads to more and more haram. Don't be alone with her, if you must talk to her, you should have a chaperone(one of your parents and one of hers would be best) with you at all times.

I am sorry your community is so racist, I wish Muslims would have grown past that now.

 

['Abdullah]

Today I only asked because it seemed like qadar. I kept seeing her name and felt like Allah might be guiding me so I wasnt sure.

Are you sure about that? It may be a whisper from Shaytan and it seems like that's the case.

So I knew a nonmuslim woman who seemed nice with good character. This nonmuslim girl is very sweet, quiet , shy and she does not swear. She seems to have a good heart. the girl seems to be innocent and doesnt seem to go near boys.

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[/SUP][/SUB]​

You are starting by making a lot of assumptions.
Do you really know the character of this girl?
Do you know if she has dated before with anyone?
If you find that she did had previous relationships then do you think that is something you will be okay with?
Do you know if she is only interested for a date or is she serious for a marriage?
Will this work for your family and her family if both of you have different religions and cultures?
How will this affect your future and future of your kids?
Do you know if she will convert to Islam or if she even has any interest in Islam.
May be the best is to talk to that girl before setting any hopes. Give her some books to read about Islam before going too far.

My mother is hesitant because she thinks I'm getting too desperate as the girl isn't that attractive.

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[SUB][SUP][/SUP][/SUB]

I tend to agree with your mom's opinion on this.

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Because in the Muslim community none of the women want to marry due to my race.

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[SUB][SUP][/SUP][/SUB]​

You don't have to look for marriage in your own local Muslim community. There are several other options available.

Reach out to your relatives living in our places and see if they can help you find any suitable match. Or o​

ne of the option is to set up your account on several Muslim Matrimonial websites which are available in today's internet based life style. You can chat with Muslims girls to see who fits into your culture and life goals. Once you narrow down your search, meet with the girl and her family couple of times and inshallah you will find something better for yourself than a non-Muslims girl. I think that is a much better way than going off the track to marry a non-Muslim girl with completely different religious and cultural beliefs assuming its qadr. Its not qadr, it is the choice you are making at your own.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Yes I suppose you are all right. This may be more difficult.

What should I do then? Keep my distance and remain friendly? Have I commited any sins or wronged her in any way? No way in any shape or form did I give any type of commitment. I only took it for school reasons but I can tell she is into me.

But no I will not do online matrimony because that's like a gamble. I will let my mother find me someone.

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Jazakallah khayran again

 

[Studentofdeed]

Please advise me

 

['Abdullah]

Yes I suppose you are all right. This may be more difficult.

What should I do then? Keep my distance and remain friendly? Have I commited any sins or wronged her in any way? No way in any shape or form did I give any type of commitment. I only took it for school reasons but I can tell she is into me.

But no I will not do online matrimony because that's like a gamble. I will let my mother find me someone.

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Jazakallah khayran again

Our whole life is gamble. Even if you know a person for many years, you can’t say that you really know that person. There is nothing wrong in using matrimonial sites. In my opinion it is better because you don’t meet girls in person and are free to ask questions which are really important to you. Matrimonial sites are not online dating site if that’s what you assume these are. Below is a small video from sheikh Omer Sulayman for his recommendation to matrimonial web sites.

https://youtu.be/Hi-YEJT9rF8

Give it a second thought, it is not the type of gamble you are willing to take by interacting with a non Muslim girl. It is in fact a far better option. Two of my sister in laws got married this way and are Alhamdulillah very happy.

 

[keiv]

My mother is hesitant because she thinks I'm getting too desperate as the girl isn't that attractive.

I tend to agree with your mom's opinion on this.

*deleted sarcasm

Sorry, but that logic doesn’t make sense. The only reason why his mom does not approve is simply because she thinks the girl isn’t attractive. Would your mom be happy if the girl was pretty but had an ugly personality?

 

[Studentofdeed]

I honestly do not any more. Every girl I show my mother she rejects. I'm really just sick of this. Im now frustrated and feel guitly for even taking the girls number...even though I took it for school reasons. Its obvious she likes me . I thinking of deleting her number so I dont text her at all but then I'm stuck thinking what to do regarding notes I may need from her...

 

['Abdullah]

[MENTION=36867]keiv[/MENTION] Brother don't read just one sentence.

I am only saying that I agree with her mother that he looks too desperate. Beauty or looks of the girl has nothing to do with that conclusion. ​

Read the entire post. OP has not even discussed anything with the girl and he is thinking to marry her even though she is a non Muslim. Is not that desperation?

Anyways I had no intention to make fun of him, sorry if that is how you or the OP took it. That was not my intention.

 

[Studentofdeed]

No I understand and I didnt take you as being sarcastic. Yes I guess I'm being desperate. I only thought her as viable option because she seemed nice and caring as opposed to all the Muslim girls I knew

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I just wanted to marry someone who would not hurt me and take care of me

 

['Abdullah]

But it can also hurt you lot more in the long run. Thats why we need not to rush when making such important decisions.

First ask yourself if you are ready to get married. Do you think you are qualified to be married? There are certain soft skills which one must have for a successful marriage. For example:

• 
  [*=left]Do you have enough patience to keep the important contract like marriage. Do you have sense of responsibility. There will be problems, issues and do you have enough patience to handle these issues. Those who are not ready for marriage and have not enough patience, get depressed on smaller issues and only solution they see is to divorce their spouse. This is why it is very important to prepare yourself for marriage by exercising patience in your day to day dealing.
  [*=left]
  Are you mature enough? Do you have capability

  to address issues between your family and your spouse without taking side of anyone.​

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  [*=left]Do you know how to interact with people, do you know how to communicate with people without offending them. Do you know the art of how to word things in way that it does not hurt the feeling of others. Other should feel the love in your talk.

• You need to learn how to be selfless and how to give others preference over you. Learn to accommodate others. Sometime you don't like to do certain things but you need to learn how to adjust your mood and do things which put smile on the face of other people especially those who are important in your life.
• One must know how to be kind and generous for our families. Don't waste but at the same time don't be miser.
• We need to develop our character before getting married. Your wife may be very beautiful but if she has a bad character, that can turn you off in seconds. Every little issue can turn into a yelling competition.

Again these are some of the thing one should think about before saying I am mentally, emotionally and physically ready to be married. If you are ready then ask your self why you want to get married. List some of the reason why you want to get married. List some of the things you like to see in your wife.

You don't need to list these things in this forum. These are some of the things for you only to reflect and prepare yourself to find the right spouse for yourself. Have patience, set a clear criteria and start your research once you feel you are ready to get married.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Here is what I am planning to do. I'm going to give her the quran and clear all misconceptions with her and tell her about my religious beliefs and tell her that in islam there is no concept of dating and boys and girls have to be careful. This way I can close all doors of possible traps. I then dont have to worry about her coming on to me or falling into haram and can ask her for the notes.

If she rejects and doesnt respect then alhamdullah I will keep distance from her. But all and all alhamdullah thanks to Allahs help i was able to stop myself from falling into another trap. This all started because I did not lower my gaze. Asterfellah. May allah guide us. Please keep me in ur duas and ask allah to grant me patience. I will keep trying to stay away from women and this way I can protect myself. Alhamdullah for this guidance. Please tell me if you agree or if you think this is a bad idea.
Jazakallah khayran

 

['Abdullah]

That's a great idea. May Allah open her heart towards Islam and may Allah always protect you in this world and Hereafter! Ameen!