“For example. My father totally takes this to the next level. He does things like wake my mom up in the middle of the night to get him food because he's hungry. Or he would make her get in the kitchen as soon as she comes home from work even though she's exhausted. Decide he wants all his laundry done NOW and makes her do it regardless of what she's in the middle of. Tell her she can't buy certain things she likes, just because he doesn't like them. And so much more.”
and he tells her that it is her duty and she must have sabr
It isn’t haram for him to order these things right, and she has to fufill it because it is not disobedience of Allah, right?
RIGHTS OF HUSBAND IN ISLAM
Allah has ordained a certain set of duties and responsibilities upon the believing men and women, which include the rights and duties of husbands and wives. In order to create a balance, both husband and wife enjoy their own well-defined rights in their own capacities, as quoted in the Holy Quran:
And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. (Quran 2:228)
Through the beautiful discourse of the Holy Quran and Sunnah, Muslims come to learn about the various rights that Allah has enjoined upon His creation – in a practical and detailed manner. Without the fulfillment of these basic rights, the whole institution of marriage would cease to remain healthy and sustainable – it would fall apart. Just as women enjoy a set of rights upon their husbands, husbands also possess certain rights over their wives in return. Here is a look at some of the rights possessed by a husband in the realm of Islam:
1- Obedience and Respect:
In the natural scheme of things, Allah has made men the protectors and guardians of women – it is their rightful and obligatory duty to take care of women and provide for them (physically and financially) as stated in the Holy Book of Allah Subhanahu Wa Taa'la:
Men are the maintainers of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others, and because they spend out of their property.(Quran 4:34)
Hence, there is a certain level of respect in the relationship where men are the protectors of women. It is enjoined upon the wife to be respectful of her husband and to not be disobedient when it comes to matters of the family, children, wealth etc. and to exercise patience and obedience with her husband.
2- The Wife to be Available for her Husband
In Islam, once a couple is married, the wife is not to refuse her husband when it comes to sexual fulfillment. Unless or until the wife is not feeling or unable to have intercourse due to obligatory fasts, periods etc., she is obliged to make herself available to her husband upon the commencement of their marriage whenever he asks her. A wife’s refusal of her husband’s request for physical intimacy is greatly condemned by Allah (SWT) as is showcased in the following hadith:
Narrated by Abu Hurayrah (RA):
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.' (Muslim, 1436)
The main rationale behind this is so that the husband does not fall astray and commit Zina.
3- Barring anyone who the Husband dislikes
One of the rights a husband holds over his wife is that the wife must not allow any individual to enter their house which the husband does not like or approve of. Even in the very last sermon of the Holy Prophet (PBUH), he shed light upon the rights of men and women and instructed that the wives are not to allow any person into their houses that the husband does not approve of.
You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should feed and clothe them well. (Tirmidhi, 1163)
4- Good and Kind Treatment of the Husband
Just as the wife enjoys the right to kind behavior from her husband, the husband also enjoys the right to receive good and kind treatment from his wife. If there is no mutual kindness and respect between a husband and wife, there can be no companionship or understanding, which will eventually result in the decaying of the marriage.
The husband and the wife, both, should implement and practice compassion, forgiveness, and gentleness in their relationship on an everyday basis and work towards creating a healthy and happy environment for their family and themselves.
RIGHTS OF A WIFE IN ISLAM
Now I don't want to just give you one sided picture by showing rights a husband have on wife. In Islam, the wife’s rights are hers and hers alone. A woman’s identity is irrespective of another; she is her own person and Allah demands it to be so. Let us look at some of the major rights wives possess in the realm of Islam. A wife has a set of financial and non-financial rights over her husband:
FINANCIAL RIGHTS:
1- Dowry (Mahr)
Dowry is a set amount of money, which the wife is legally entitled to once the marriage contract is signed and consummated. The husband is legally bound to pay the designated amount to his wife. The dowry essentially stands as a token of safety, regard, and honor for the wife. In the Holy Quran, Allah SWT states:
And give to the women (whom you marry) their ‘Mahr’ with a good heart (Quran 4:4)
2- Spending
Islam stipulates that it is incumbent upon the husband to provide accommodation and fulfill the necessities/needs (i.e. food, housing, clothing etc.) for his wife to the best of his capabilities. The husband can do this while staying within his means at the time. It is obligatory on the husbands in Islam to spend on their wives (in a reasonable manner) and take care of them financially. In the Prophet’s (PBUH) last sermon, he said:
As narrated by Jabir, the Holy Prophet (PBUH) said in his Farewell Sermon:
Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah…Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner (Muslim, 1218)
If a husband is religious and has any fear of Allah, he will never treat his wife in a disrespectful way. One should not blame Islam for the action of so called Muslims who use Islam remind women of husband's rights and forget to fulfill the rights they have upon their wives and children.
NON-FINANCIAL RIGHTS:
1- Respect and kindness
The Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) greatly emphasized on the kind treatment of women, especially wives. The husband must treat his wife with the utmost respect and dignity – nothing less! He must be good to her and be cognizant of her feelings and emotions as well. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: ‘Be kind to women.’ (Bukhari, 3153)
2- Fair and equal treatment
In the case of co-wives, Islam stipulates that the husband must treat all his wives equally (if he has more than one wife at a time). It is each wife’s right to be treated equally in all manners including the amount of time spent with them, the nights spent with them, the amount of spending on them etc.
3- Not to be harmed
The husband is to be the protector of his wife and not to bring any harm upon her. It is his duty to take care of her, physically and emotionally. The husband is not to abuse his wife physically, emotionally or sexually. The wife is essentially under the protection of her husband, hence it is the husband’s responsibility to make sure he fulfills his duty.
Islam is a religion founded upon equality, justice, fairness, love, and humanity. Thus, it is not surprising that Islam ordains both the husband and wife to exercise their own set of rights and freedom in a marriage, which are meant to nurture and beautify the whole institution of marriage itself if followed correctly and according to the laws of Allah Subhanahu Wa Taa'la.
I hope all of the above will help you to see a compete and bigger picture. In regards to, is cooking for husband part of wife’s duty? Short answer is yes, we see example of this in the life of companions. Prophet’s ( peace be upon him) Own daughter Fatima ( May Allah be pleased with her) will do everything with her own hands for Her husband Ali ( May Allah be pleased with him). Listen to the videos below for more detail answer to your specific question and hope you can make sense of this.
