Please guide me

[jahnvi]

I joined here as i thought i would be able to get some guidance.

He is my first love but we couldn't marry as our religions are different, he is a muslim and im a hindu and he wanted me to convert plus his family never agreed and nor did mine. He got married to a muslim girl but we continued seeing each other. Yesterday he proposed me to marry him and ever since im not able to rest. He says i will still have to convert which i was anyway ready to earlier but his family especially his mother was against us. He even has a baby girl now and his marriage proposal has come as a complete shock to me as we never talked about marriage once he got married. Earlier (when he was still a bachelor), when i told my parents, they threatened to disown me and even got my college course transferred to another city. Somehow we never moved on and we continued the relationship even after his marriage. Now he says he will fight his family unlike before his marriage for us as he owes to our love. Honestly, i don't doubt his intention of marrying but im terribly confused as he won't divorce his wife. His religion allows him to up to four wives legally and he says if only he didn't had a child from his wife, he would have divorced her. Im happy with his proposal but the whole idea of sharing him legally with another woman (who btw has not even cleared highschool) is messing my mind up. We never stopped loving each other, i cant speak for him but i love him from the bottom of my heart and honestly i don't care about the world's definition of a true relationship i.e. marriage but at the same time im happy that he has proposed and im very very happy about it and yet i stand confused. I told him to leave me alone for sometime to think but im so very confused :embarrass

 

[greenhill]

Welcome to the forum.

That is a bit complicated. . . Well not really. But family not being supportive is the real problem. That is something nobody can advise as family dynamics are very uncertain.

Polygamy is accepted in islam and that is the most difficult part for the wives because of the share.

So, from what I see you will have 2 major issues (plus 1 of having to become muslim) to deal with.

Combined, I see these matters, major ones which affects your way of life and everything you 'should' hold dear will be at odds with your personal self... and this is the platform you are taking to start your new life. I don't envy you.

Whilst I would welcome you to the deen (which is a good thing) but the rest of the circumstances are not encouraging. Better you start life without the complications.


eace:

 

[Muslim Woman]

Hello


I don't understand it . When he was a bachelor , he could not marry u , but now when he is married and got kid , you think u 2 can marry now ? Surely both families will be against this as they were before .

why u are having a relationship with a married man ? Yes , polygamy is allowed in Islam but having an extra marital affair is not . Also just for the sake of marriage , if u convert , it's not right . U have to believe in your heart that God is one , Muhammed pbuh is His last Prophet .

 

[Abz2000]

The Creator of the heavens and the earth, your Creator and sustainer has made it lawful for you to marry him if you accept Islam.
and you are required to accept Islam anyway, so are your parents, your siblings and fellow human beings.
your priority should be to accept Islam, to get your family to accept Islam and then ask your father to give your hand in marriage.
ultimately your duty is to Allah.

 

[greenhill]

The Creator of the heavens and the earth, your Creator and sustainer has made it lawful for you to marry him if you accept Islam.
and you are required to accept Islam anyway, so are your parents, your siblings and fellow human beings.
your priority should be to accept Islam, to get your family to accept Islam and then ask your father to give your hand in marriage.
ultimately your duty is to Allah.

Wow!

Even if I were to be all psyched up and ready for battle, the 'cause' above might be a bit too much for a weakly me..:hiding:

eace:

 

[Snow]

Don't take my word on this subject as some law, but I would advice you to not make a decision to marry with doubts in your mind/heart.
That is not right, in my mind.
You should marry if it is 100% what you want to do.
The divorce rates are this high (western countries and other places) because people don't take marriage seriously.

And who knows, if you are not 100% willing to go with this one, you may meet your perfect partner the very next day?
Life is a continuous surprise.
At least for me.

Just my thoughts and there is no reason to take them seriously.

 

[shafat10]

Hello


I don't understand it . When he was a bachelor , he could not marry u , but now when he is married and got kid , you think u 2 can marry now ? Surely both families will be against this as they were before .

why u are having a relationship with a married man ? Yes , polygamy is allowed in Islam but having an extra marital affair is not . Also just for the sake of marriage , if u convert , it's not right . U have to believe in your heart that God is one , Muhammed pbuh is His last Prophet .

It's not wrong either to convert for the sake of marriage. It's however better to first believe perfectly and then convert, but not wrong.
Many people have converted for the sake of marriage and later became practicing Muslims Alhamdulillah, statistics says so. Hence I disagree sister, it's all fine if you convert for the sake of marriage now, later Inshallah you will be a practicing Muslim, Inshallah Inshallah.

 

[shafat10]

I joined here as i thought i would be able to get some guidance.

He is my first love but we couldn't marry as our religions are different, he is a muslim and im a hindu and he wanted me to convert plus his family never agreed and nor did mine. He got married to a muslim girl but we continued seeing each other. Yesterday he proposed me to marry him and ever since im not able to rest. He says i will still have to convert which i was anyway ready to earlier but his family especially his mother was against us. He even has a baby girl now and his marriage proposal has come as a complete shock to me as we never talked about marriage once he got married. Earlier (when he was still a bachelor), when i told my parents, they threatened to disown me and even got my college course transferred to another city. Somehow we never moved on and we continued the relationship even after his marriage. Now he says he will fight his family unlike before his marriage for us as he owes to our love. Honestly, i don't doubt his intention of marrying but im terribly confused as he won't divorce his wife. His religion allows him to up to four wives legally and he says if only he didn't had a child from his wife, he would have divorced her. Im happy with his proposal but the whole idea of sharing him legally with another woman (who btw has not even cleared highschool) is messing my mind up. We never stopped loving each other, i cant speak for him but i love him from the bottom of my heart and honestly i don't care about the world's definition of a true relationship i.e. marriage but at the same time im happy that he has proposed and im very very happy about it and yet i stand confused. I told him to leave me alone for sometime to think but im so very confused :embarrass

I understand your issue.

I am just giving some advices, whether or not you will agree is up to you.

Firstly, are you okay with him having another wife? You need to know the consequences before you move on. In Islam, every wife is given equal rights. So yah, you get it? If he blah blah with you, he got to blah blah same with his another wife. Which am 101% sure you wouldn't at all like, because you love him and wouldn't want him shared with another woman.
Blah blah as in, if he takes you shopping and for a movie, his another wife deserves the same too.

Secondly, I don't want to comment on your love story, but as far as I am concerned, I see something sick here. He is married, has a child, and now wants to marry you, and says that he can have 2 wives because he has a child. Well, if he wants he can very well divorce his wife even though they have a child. And I personally find it so wrong because he is married, has a child, now wants to marry you and keep you with another wife, and then stay together? Which human being, who truly loves, wants to share his/her spouse amongst other people? I find it truly disgusting and silly.
In my opinion, when he truly loves you, he wouldn't marry anyone else. He can easily stay a bachelor as he is a man. Even for the sake of argument I agree he married, but once he is married, he would tell you to forget him and he would probably go far, far away from you and stop all ways of contacting you, so that you get less hurt and you can try forgetting him. Whether you can forget or not is a different story. But that's the move I would recommend for a person who truly loves. I wouldn't imagine a person married with a kid, proposing someone whom he says he loves a lot, just to marry her and make her hurt even more when she sees him being shared with another woman. What can be more hurting than seeing infront of your own eyes that he has another wife whom he has to treat and love equally?

Am sorry, I never meant to hurt you sister, but this was just my opinion.
I can understand you honestly love him a lot, but, does he actually? Think about it.

And for the future, I would say, one sided love never really works. Once you know someone whom you love doesn't love you back, you slowly tend to forget them, sooner or later.

I have always believed :

You never stop loving someone. You either never did or you always will.

 

[Celebrimbor]

The only person I really pity in this vague scenario, is the Muslim lady (First wife). Its amazing how one can be so blinded and would do anything to destroy lives of others. Do not forget our good old friend 'karma', some things will turn around real bad.

If I was you, I would end things right away and focus on learning the Religion of God. I would never be a reason to destroy other lives and poor Lady with a child is going to suffer. The man needs to focus on his only wife and not play with words and fire.

 

[Muslim Woman]

It's not wrong either to convert for the sake of marriage. It's however better to first believe perfectly and then convert, but not wrong.
Many people have converted for the sake of marriage and later became practicing Muslims Alhamdulillah, statistics says so. Hence I disagree sister, it's all fine if you convert for the sake of marriage now, later Inshallah you will be a practicing Muslim, Inshallah Inshallah.

Muslim men are not allowed to marry hindu girls . So , if she does not believe in heart that Allah is one , Muhammed pbuh is last prophet , then marriage will be valid ?

 

[Abz2000]

There is nothing to fight over in this situation, everyone involved just needs to submit to Allah and rule according to His judgement.
if then it is fitting for you to marry the man then do so, there is no need to absolve the lawful marriage of the Muslim lady.












While the Unbelievers got up in their hearts heat and cant - the heat and cant of ignorance,
- Allah sent down His Tranquillity to his Messenger and to the Believers, and made them stick close to the command of Taqwa (adherence to Allah); and well were they entitled to it and worthy of it.
And Allah has full knowledge of all things.
Quran 48:26

 

[shafat10]

Muslim men are not allowed to marry hindu girls . So , if she does not believe in heart that Allah is one , Muhammed pbuh is last prophet , then marriage will be valid ?

I never said that.

What I rather said was, converting for the sake of marriage isn't wrong. But natural converting means she believes there's one God and that Prophet Muhammad PBUH is the messenger of God. Later she will turn in to a practicing Muslim. When you join a school, you first get the admission, you don't learn everything of standard 10, and 12 and then join a school. First class 1, then 2, then 3 and slowly move on.

What I interpreted from your comment was, it's wrong to convert for the sake of marriage, rather one should understand Islam perfectly and then convert, for which I said it's not wrong, but better however, not wrong.

If that's not what you insinuated, then please disregard .

 

[Abz2000]

Would be useful at this juncture to look into how Abu Sufyan, Ikrimah ibn abi Jahl, and Adiyy ibn Haatim at-Tay became Muslim.
The faith itself entered some of their hearts a lot later, some didn't know the truth but submitted to Allah and His Messenger, some knew the truth but their arrogance/impure lusts delayed them in submitting, some had faith previously but were at first suspicious of submitting, though the majority of them submitted by the end of the lifetime of Allah's final Messenger, lol some tried to commit riddah later in order to avoid paying zakah and Abu Bakr corrected them.

 

[Snow]

Any news on if you have made a decision, either way?
I am curious.

 

[BeTheChange]

If this man can cheat on his wife for you then there is no reason for him to cheat on you when or if you get married to him.

If his love was so strong for you, then he wouldn't be afraid to speak up against his family wishes and he wouldn't be so much of a coward to live in a false/fake marriage.

I am sorry if am not suger-coating my words. Truth is far better than falsehood. Alhamdulilah.

 

[Abz2000]

lol biwi no.1 is gonna send u the kids and mother in law, then you'll know

 

[Celebrimbor]

I just read something in the "Official Jokes Thread" and it reminds me of this situation. Not taking the piss tho

Are you confused about your best interest?

Is it related to love? Here's some guidance.

Let's say this dialogue took place in a psychologist's office.

Girl: I love this guy.

Me: Does he feel the same way?

Girl: Yes, I don't doubt it. He loves me so much he went and married someone else - and they have a kid together to boot.

Me: He doesn't seem like a credible character to me. Do you really want to boot his innocent wife and child?

Girl: But he says that he's ready to fight for our love now. We are destined to be together. He's my hero.

Me: Sister, you need to stop watching those Indian movies.

Let me leave this hadith here regarding her probable conversion for the sake of marriage.


[h=3]"Actions are according to intentions, and everyone will get what was intended. Whoever migrates with an intention for Allah and His messenger, the migration will be for the sake of Allah and his Messenger. And whoever migrates for worldly gain or to marry a woman, then his migration will be for the sake of whatever he migrated for."[/h]

 

[jahnvi]

I have been reading this read and whatever was my answer to him, i dont think anyone else here has any right to know it as most of you have been nothing but judgemental without knowing our side but honestly i dont blame anyone...his proposal was too sudden and out of the blues. Our love is mutual and i think i was wrong of me ask about MY decision on a forum...i guess i knew it back then as well but it was the religion thing, for the second time that was at play in our relationship.

thank you all

 

[shafat10]

I have been reading this read and whatever was my answer to him, i dont think anyone else here has any right to know it as most of you have been nothing but judgemental without knowing our side but honestly i dont blame anyone...his proposal was too sudden and out of the blues. Our love is mutual and i think i was wrong of me ask about MY decision on a forum...i guess i knew it back then as well but it was the religion thing, for the second time that was at play in our relationship.

thank you all

Well sister, as far as I am concerned, I have told you the religious part of this stuff.

The remaining I said was just my opinion. That wasn't a religious advice but an honest opinion which I felt I should give a sister who is in need.

Then again, if you go back to philosophy, love is subjective sister. And you can never prove something which is subjective. It's not 2+2=4.
Yes, you may have evidence, you may yourself have seen something which we didn't, and you have your proof, that's perfectly fine. But the way you described, that's what I / we felt and gave our personal opinion (not the religious ruling). As love is subjective, even many members may not agree with me and even I don't agree with many suggestions here but am not going to argue over this as I cannot prove what is right and wrong, it's a subjective thing, not 2+2=4.

I can understand your situation and I hope it gets well soon, but am really sorry if I have hurt you, that was never my intention, I just gave my opinion on what "I" think is right.

Now if you're sure he loves you and wants to marry you with one wife and children, fine, good for you, I respect your decision, but I also honestly request you to "think twice" before you take any step. It's not just a "yes - no" question, it's related to your whole life sister.
Remember, what decision you take today will affect you in the future, for a lifetime. And when you have children, they will suffer a lifetime if your decision was wrong.
So yah, you're not a kid, you get it right?

All the best .

God bless.