Re: please help. at wits end
wa alaikum ussalaam wa rahmatullah
subhanAllah, im thinking about the amount of reward you must be getting.
well i read a hadith in riyadh us-saliheen which is saheeh inshaAllah in which its stated from the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam that the one who tries to recite Quran whilst finding it difficult to pronounce the words gets double the reward....
and you've been doing this for hours per salaah? may Allah grant you the highest jannah inshaAllah! Ameen
subhanAllah i cant help but envy your determination.... may Allah reward you jannah next to rasoolullah sallallahi alaihi wasallaam Ameen
brothers and sisters.
well first of all, jazakallahu khair for your replies. i especially liked this one quoted. well alhamdulilah, i got through ishaa, and it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.
its has gotten so bad right, that my life revolves around my prayers. now, alhamduliah that it does, some peoples lives revolve around school/study, tv, etc. however, i am not happy with the fact that it revovles around my prayers , BECAUSE of the wiswaas. let me give you an example. if we are invited for lunch, i reckon or know that we will be staying for a long time, than i may go, but if i know that we will be coming and going at the times close to prayers, than i will not go. actually, come to think of it, it is casuing me to be abit anti social. another example is, well when i book my doctors appotments, i make sure that they are in the after fajr/before dhuhr time slot, like in the morning, as i cannot trust that it will take me five mins to pray. i can't book appointments in the afternoons. I can't even visit my frends, 'cos i know i will take soo long to pray, the only time i visit my friends would be at the time of when i am excused from my prayers (i hope you get the drift). another example is last wek we decided to visit our sister, who lives three hours away. i was contemplating on whether i should go or not, beause i didn't know if i would be finished praying dhuhr and asr joined (we were planning on leaaving after my brother came back form jum'ah). then i thought, no!! beause allah has not made praying anymore esier by allowing the travellar to join/his her prayers.
anyways, i have also notied that because of this wiswaas that i am begining to decresse in other acts of worship, like sunnah prayers, i feel lazy to read the quraan, etc. does allah like take these things away, when he sees that im exxegerating in prayer. is this like a onsequene of following my wiswaas.
and now i will tell you about how it all started, which was about 6 months ago. step by step. which is exatly the method of shytaan. well, when i was reading certain surahs, there was certain letters that i think that i was saying wrong, so naturally, i reapeaed them, then it satarted to get a liitle weirder. like for example when people were around and these wiswaas would occur, i would naturally stop, as i was emabassed of what they would think (i actaully couldn't help this, it just sort of hapened) of me being so reapetitive, so i thought i was showing off by stopping, so this lead me to close all the doors and not let anyone in the room that i was praying in, until i had finished, so that i wouldn't be 'showing off.' and Allah help them if they did. up to now if anyone enters the room, i cut my off my prayers and just go off at them. i can't help it. seriously. even the simplest noises irritate me whilst praying, even if it is in another room, or even if t is outside, like the niose of machinery, a dog barking, etc. you know, iam worried about what will happen when i have kids, im going to go mad. I am also worried about how these habits will rub off onto other people. what if my kids grow up thinking that it is essental to pray with the doors closed. like my neices are quite young, and i don't want them to think that this is what praying does to you. and yeah, thats what lead to the stuation i am in now. anyways so that lead me to say things compulsivley (thinking that i hadn't said the right things), which lead me to get frustrated, which got me to pause, as in when one sighs, which lead me to being togue tied.
and of ouse it just gets worse and worse during the prayer. like i satrt ym preyers atleast five times. it's really bad i have noticed in the last rak'ah and especially towards the tasleem.
it was really bad this arvo, as it was beginning to affeect me phsically, and that is like feeling really nervous, which sort of causes funny things regarding digestion.
I was thinking right that the way to get over my 'tounge tied habit' was to think about something else to distract me so that i can say my takberratul ihraam, without pauing or starting again. so what do you think i should think about.
anyways, thats it form me for now.
jazakallahu khair, and please make sincere dua for me. no, really do.
