please help: duas for a family in crisis

[luvAllah]

Salaam brothers and sisters,

May Allah have mercy on all of us. Please I need some help with duas in regards to family crisis. I have been married for 2 years and just about a month ago got divorced. I have been using birth control for 2 months prior to that and I believe I got all the side effects. During those 2 months I felt depressed, lonely, and I was always angry with my husband. I always picked fights with him just to get his attention but he doesn't like confrontation and due to that he always used to leave and that hurt me more. I disconnect myself from society and like a sponge I soaked all my emotions inside. So one day I got an argument with my husband on the phone and he said alot of hurtful things to me so I just left while he was away at work and result to that he divorced me 2 days latter. I just wanted a peace of mind I had made an apt for the implant to get it out I knew something was wrong with me and that I wasn't myself. I didn't ask for the divorce, we have a 8 month old baby together and I don't want my family to go that easily. I apologized and did all I could to get my husband back I talked with my elders and are parents as well but he doesn't want anything to do with me. He says I left and broke our privacy so he doesn't trust me and wants nothing to do with me rather he regrets ever meeting me.

Brothers and sisters please help me I want my husband back is there any duas I can recite for Allah to bring a loved one back. Every time I pray I asked Allah for forgiveness for my shortcomings and to bring my hubby back for I still love him regardless of what has happened between us. I don't want to give up so please give all the advices you can as I need my family together.

Salaam

 

[Snowflake]

Asslamu alaykum sister,

May Allah ease your pain. Ameen. What happened is truly sad. If you haven't completed your idah then you should seek expert advice from a scholar with regards to speaking to your husband in the hope of saving your marriage. At the same time you should also tell your husband what you have told us and even enlist the help of your GP if you must to explain to your husband that the birth control was affecting your behavior/moods. You should speak to your husband and beseech him to understand the reason for your behaviour, be sincerely apologetic, and ask him to give your marriage another chance - especially because there is an innocent child involved and marriage can't be thrown away because a person makes one mistake. Allah is forgiving and loves those who forgive others. Use all the jaiz tactics that by the will of Allah can bring your husband back. But all this depends on whether you have completed your idah or not. Have sabr and stay strong inshaAllah ukhti. Life is a test. Be brave no matter what comes. : )


wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah.

 

[luvAllah]

Salaam brother,

thank you so much for your advice. My idah is not over yet, I still have 2 more months. Brother I live in a small town and I don't know any scholars so is there any way you can direct me to some. At this moment I don't wanna give up but my heart is broken into million pieces. I feel as if he was never happy and wanted a way out and I made it easy for him. Subxaanallah I feel so much pain from all of this and how my husband and elders all blaming me as if this was something I did out on my own, me and him both agreed for me to get the birth control even I told him if he doesn't want me to I won't but we had a consensual agreement and it was something that we were both happy with but I am the one that gets the blame and allah only knows the pain I suffered from that thing. With all am going through I still want to save my marriage and he doesn't and am so confused of weather he actually ever loved me as his wife and our family. So brother I want to give it another try with the help of a scholar so please direct me to one if you can!!!

 

[Rhubarb Tart]

salam

lol Scents of Jannah is a sister

It would help you told us where you live so that members can help you find a scholar. Was this agrument over something that was serious?

 

[جوري]

May Allah swt ease your affairs dear sister.. how about you wait until the middle of Ramadan to try to have another talk with him, hopefully Ramadan will soften the hearts
I'll keep you and your young one in my du3a..

 

[Snowflake]

Salaam brother,

thank you so much for your advice. My idah is not over yet, I still have 2 more months. Brother I live in a small town and I don't know any scholars so is there any way you can direct me to some. At this moment I don't wanna give up but my heart is broken into million pieces. I feel as if he was never happy and wanted a way out and I made it easy for him. Subxaanallah I feel so much pain from all of this and how my husband and elders all blaming me as if this was something I did out on my own, me and him both agreed for me to get the birth control even I told him if he doesn't want me to I won't but we had a consensual agreement and it was something that we were both happy with but I am the one that gets the blame and allah only knows the pain I suffered from that thing. With all am going through I still want to save my marriage and he doesn't and am so confused of weather he actually ever loved me as his wife and our family. So brother I want to give it another try with the help of a scholar so please direct me to one if you can!!!

Al hamdulillah you’re still within your idah period. Yet I’m worried about raising your hopes after reading that your husband wasn’t happy anyway. May I ask why you feel your husband wasn’t happy? Do you mean he was unhappy all along, or he became unhappy after the contraception started affecting your moods? What is his behaviour toward your child like? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But it will help understand your situation.

If you give your location ukhti, myself or someone else might be able to put you in touch with a scholar/imam close to you. Also is there a pious and knowledgeable person you know who can act as an arbitrator between you both? If there is please appoint that person to talk to your husband and remind him that divorce is the most hateful thing in the eyes of Allah, and should only be exercised when it becomes impossible to live together – and that is AFTER every attempt to fix the marriage has been exhausted.

Finally sister, please don’t mind what I’m going to say next. It’s as hard for you to hear as it is for me to say. And please don’t think even for a second that I’m saying that somehow all this must be your fault. Astaghfirullah, I’m not. I’m saying it because once I had to ask myself the same question when my marriage was heading toward divorce. That question was, “Is it something I’m doing that is causing my husband to be the way he is?” I had to put myself under the microscope and see what faults I might find that could be contributing to how he treats me. When it wasn’t apparent to me, I asked him instead. Hamdulillah, he said it was nothing I was doing. But had he said anything, I would’ve stopped that thing immediately. Although our marriage did not recover, I feel satisfied that I did not do anything that directly resulted in its breakdown. So my sister, it’s good to ask our self this question, just to make sure that our actions aren’t the cause for marital disharmony, and to have the chance to fix things. Some people don’t say it but they let small things they don’t like fester inside until they spoil and become poisonous. I suggest you also ask your husband and if there is anything about you that makes him unhappy. Tell him to tell you as you want to change whatever he is unhappy with. And if he gives you the chance, then show him you meant it.

Al hamdulillah, there is still hope sis. So please don’t delay in doing whatever you can. Include lots of voluntary ibadah in your efforts and make lots of dua. If you want to cry and beg, then do it. Don’t let pride hold you back. Show your husband in every way you can how much you love him and want to save this marriage. Btw, where is your husband now? You should be living under the same roof until after the idah is over. You are in the first stage of divorce, but you are still his wife and have all the rights of one. The first two divorces are revocable. It is only after the third you become non mahram for each other. So use your rights wisely, and find a practicing muslim to intervene on your behalf. May Allah set your affairs in order dear sis. I really feel for you. : (

wa alaykum assalam