Please help lost muslim?

[anonymous]

Assalamu alaykum, you will probably bash me but growing up I was a good Muslim I used to pray all the time but stopped after 16. Now I am 22 and struggling. I've said something really bad. Something so bad that Allah (swt) would never forgive. The biggest sin I've committed. I've had many outbursts in the past when I get extremely angry or just have no hope in life I begin to doubt Allah (swt) because of this tough dunya. For instance when ever something in my life doesn't go right I would get so angry and cuss out Allah (swt) without thinking. I'm crying asi type this. I have a crazy temper I dropped a few f bombs and would say "Allah isn't there". My life is a complete mess because whatever I do I could never succeed. " what is my purpose for being here". My mom would tell me to pray and I'd always refuse it I'd always say what's the point. Allah (swt) brought me here to suffer, and that's when I drop the f-bombs. At the end of the day I think "what did I just say" "why am I saying this about Allah" "I'm going to Jahanum." So much regret. I cry. I say "Allahu Akbar" in my head. On normal days such as today I think positive of Allah(swt) that's why I'm here because I still believe in Allah. I would never expected to say this things, but it happened. It's like I have two personalities, normal vs. crazy. When depressed I think of suicide, but I'm afraid because I know in my heart I'm still a believer. I know this life is nothing but a test but I've failed. I feel so disgusted for what I've said. I feel even if I repent it won't count. I've started reading Quran I'm trying to change, I want to be a better Muslim, pray 5x everyday, but what I said in the past is still haunting me. I'm sorry for what I've said I didn't mean those words I swear, but I don't understand why at times of anger I blamed Allah(swt). On judgement day how am I going to face Allah(swt) after what I've said?

 

[M.I.A.]

I think everybody has those moments.. But if you don't act upon them. They pass.

As you already know yourself, your not always crazy or angry or sad.

Patience and perserverence really.

When you finally realise the benefit of things then it will be harder to get mad about them.. Most of them.

I know its a bit of a vague answer but I will give you a word of warning, if you become self destructive nobody will help you.

..don't expect miracles. Just acknowledge the downward spiral and turn 180 degrees.

 

[greenhill]

If all goes normally, and we live to a ripe old age, there are various parts of a cycle we all go through. Youth is often associated with rebellious nature. We wisen up as we grow older (or at least we should).

Allah is Most Forgiving. He has promised to accept sincere repentance.

It took me a long time indeed to realise the virtue of patience.

But still, patience does not mean inactivity. We must still persevere.

eace:

 

[BeTheChange]

Walaikumasalaam

I would advise you to FOCUS on the PRESENT i.e. today and not the past. It looks like your past self is troubling you and this is preventing you from being the person that you want to be.

In your comments you have acknowledged you have done wrong to yourself and to Allah swa. If you feel guilty about the bad thoughts and what you have verbally said then that's usually a good sign of emaan. I think you need to sincerely ask for forgiveness from Allah swa every single time you pray - if you are serious and genuine you will find next time you are in this situation you will be able to CONTROL your anger and release your anger in a different way.

Have you tried going to the gym to release the negativity? Or even walking away from the situation when you find yourself angry?

Have you thought about the ROOT of your depression? Why do you feel like you wish to commit suicide? What triggers these thoughts?

Try and think about what makes you depressed and work towards a solution in sha Allah instead of ignoring the root cause and allowing the situation to escalate.

I think it's normal for us all to have negative thoughts - the secret & success of our next life depends on what we do with these negative thoughts and how much these negative thoughts materialises in actions...

Am confident you will do well if you make a conscious effort to control your thoughts – always ask Allah swa to help you every day – in sha Allah your situation will improve Ameen.

 

[anonymous]

Walaikumasalaam

I would advise you to FOCUS on the PRESENT i.e. today and not the past. It looks like your past self is troubling you and this is preventing you from being the person that you want to be.

In your comments you have acknowledged you have done wrong to yourself and to Allah swa. If you feel guilty about the bad thoughts and what you have verbally said then that's usually a good sign of emaan. I think you need to sincerely ask for forgiveness from Allah swa every single time you pray - if you are serious and genuine you will find next time you are in this situation you will be able to CONTROL your anger and release your anger in a different way.

Have you tried going to the gym to release the negativity? Or even walking away from the situation when you find yourself angry?

Have you thought about the ROOT of your depression? Why do you feel like you wish to commit suicide? What triggers these thoughts?

Try and think about what makes you depressed and work towards a solution in sha Allah instead of ignoring the root cause and allowing the situation to escalate.

I think it's normal for us all to have negative thoughts - the secret & success of our next life depends on what we do with these negative thoughts and how much these negative thoughts materialises in actions...

Am confident you will do well if you make a conscious effort to control your thoughts – always ask Allah swa to help you every day – in sha Allah your situation will improve Ameen.

Thank you for the advice, but I have a question have you performed tawbah? If so how? It says to do wudu, and perform 2 rakats? What Suras should I say in those rakats? How can I be sure Allah(swt) forgives my tawbah?

 

[BeTheChange]

Al-Istighfaar (Seeking Forgiveness)

In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful
​

by al-Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah

Source: Majmoo` al-Fataawaa 10/88-90

The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, said: "The master of invocations for forgiveness is that the servant says:

'Allãhumma 'anta rabbee, lã 'ilãha 'illã 'anta, khalaqtanee, wa 'anã `abduka, wa 'anã `alã `ahdika wa wa`dika mastata`tu, 'a`outhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu, 'aboo'u laka bini`matika 'alayya, wa 'aboo'u bithambee, faghfirlee fa'innahu lã yaghfiru 'aththunooba 'illã 'anta.


O' my 'ilãh You are my Lord, there is no 'ilãh but You. You created me, and I am your bondservant, and I will stick to my covenant and promise [of faith and sincere obedience] to You, as to my ability. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done, I acknowledge, to You, your bounties upon me, and I acknowledge, to You, my sin. Thus forgive me, for none forgives sins except You.


Whoever says this as he enters upon evening, then, dies that night, he would enter Paradise; and if one says this as he enters upon morning, then, dies that day, he would enter Paradise". [Al-Bukhari]


The servant is always in the blessings of Allah which necessitate thankfulness, and in sinfulness which requires seeking forgiveness. Both of these matters are required and essential for the servant at all times, as the servant does not cease to alternate between Allaah's (various) favors and blessings, and does not cease to be in need of repentance and seeking forgiveness.


This is why the Master of the Children of Adam, and the Leader of the Pious, Muhammad, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam sought forgiveness in all circumstances. He said in an authentic hadeeth reported by al-Bukhari: "O people, repent to your Lord, for verily I seek forgiveness from Allah and repent to him more than seventy times in a day."


It is reported in Saheeh Muslim that he said: "I seek forgiveness one hundred times in a day." [Muslim]


`Abdullah ibn `Umar said: We counted in a single sitting the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, saying one hundred times: "Rabbi-ghfir-lee wa tub `alayya innaka anta-t-tawwabu-l-ghafoor." [My Lord, forgive me and accept my repentance, verily you are Acceptor of Repentance, Oft-Forgiving.] [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah]


This is why seeking forgiveness was legislated at the end of actions. Allah the Exalted said: "Those who seek forgiveness before dawn (at late night)." [Aal `Imraan (3):17]Some of them said: "Give life to your nights by performing Prayer, and when the time of late night comes, concern yourself with seeking forgiveness."


It is related in the Saheeh that the Prophet, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, when he finished his Prayer, he would seek forgiveness three times and say: "Allãhumma 'antas-salamu, wa minkas-salãmu, tabãrakta yã thaljalãli wal 'ikrãmi." [O' my 'ilãh You are 'As-Salãm [One free from flaws], and from You comes Salãm [peace, or safety], blessed are Thee O' haver of glory and kindness.] [Muslim]


Allah says: "And seek forgiveness of Allah. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful." [al-Muzammil (73):20] (Even) After the Prophet conveyed the Message, fought in the path of Allah with true jihad, and performed what Allah ordered more than anyone else, Allah commanded his Prophet (to perform istighfar), as He the Exalted said:


"When the victory of Allah has come and the conquest, and you see the people entering into the religion of Allah in multitudes, then exalt [Him] with praise of your Lord and ask forgiveness of Him. Indeed, He is ever Accepting of repentance." [An-Nasr (110):1-3]


This is why the Deen is established with Tawheed and Istighfaar, as Allah the Exalted said:"Alif Lam Ra. [This is] a Book whose verses are perfected an then presented in detail from [one who is] Wise and Acquainted. [Through a messenger, saying], "Do not worship except Allah. Indeed, I am to you from Him a warner and a bringer of good tidings," and [saying], "Seek forgiveness of your Lord and repent to Him, [and] He will let you enjoy a good provision." [Hood (11):1-3]


And Allah says: "So take a straight course to Him and seek His forgiveness." [Fussilat (41):6]. And He says: "So know [O Muhammad], that there is no deity except Allah and ask forgiveness for your sin and for the believing men and believing women." [Muhammad (47):19]


This is why it was it came in a narration: "The Shaytan said: People are destroyed with sins, and they destroy me with 'Laa ilaha ill Allah' and seeking forgiveness." [Reported by Ibn Abi Asim and Abu Ya`la, but its chain is a fabrication] . Yoonus, `alayhis salam, said: "There is no deity except You; exalted are You. Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers." [al-Anbiyaa' (21):87]


The Prophet, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, when he would ride his mount, he would praise Allah, then say Allahu Akbar three times, then say: "Lã 'ilãha 'illa 'anta subhãnaka, thalamtu nafsee, faghfirlee." [I testify that there is no 'ilah except You, Glorified are You, I have transgressed upon myself, so forgive me] [Abu Dawood and at-Tirmidhi, who said it is hasan saheeh]


Expiation of a gathering with which the gathering is completed is (the supplication):"Subhãnaka 'allãhumma wa bihamdika, 'ash-hadu 'an lã 'ilãha 'illa 'anta, 'astaghfiruka wa 'atoobu 'ilayka." [Glorified are You O' my 'ilãh and I am in Your praise, I testify that there is no 'ilah except You, I ask Your forgiveness and repent unto You.] [Abu Dawood and At-Tirmidhee, who said it is hasan saheeh]


Allah knows best, and may His blessings and peace be upon [the Prophet] Muhammad.

Source: https://www.kalamullah.com/hearts15.html

You might want to have a read of this article as well https://www.kalamullah.com/repent.html

It answers your concern about whether Allah swa will forgive you. There's some amazing stories on the above link - for example there's a story about a man who killed 100 people and it describes how Allah swa showed mercy upon this man & forgave him. The message is not to lose hope - but to have hope AND fear in sha Allah.

Allah swa says 'I am what my slave thinks of me' so if you think Allah swa will not answer your dua for example, HE will act accordingly. On the other side if you think yes Allah swa is listening to me and HE will answer my dua in sha Allah, Allah will act accordingly.

Allah swa knows best. Hope the above article helps in sha Allah. Never lose hope.

 

[BeTheChange]

My sins haunt meYou might say: “I committed many sins, and I have repented, but my sins pursue me and I am haunted by what I have done. My memories disturb my sleep and do not let me have any rest. How can I free myself?”

My advice to you is that these feelings are evidence of your sincere repentance. This is essentially remorse, and remorse is repentance. But you can look at your past with hope: the hope that Allaah will forgive you. Do not despair of the mercy of Allaah, for He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And who despairs of the Mercy of his Lord except those who are astray?” [al-Hijr 15:56]

Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The gravest of major sins are to associate partners with Allaah, to feel secure against the plan of Allaah and to despair of the mercy of Allaah. (Reported by ‘Abd al-Razzaaq and classed as saheeh by al-Haythami and Ibn Katheer).

In the process of moving towards Allaah, the believer is always motivated by both fear of Allaah and hope of His mercy. One or other of them may prevail at times of need. If he sins, the fear of Allaah overwhelms him, and so he repents. When he repents, the hope of Allaah’s mercy fills his heart and he seeks the forgiveness of Allaah.


SOURCE: https://www.kalamullah.com/repent.html

 

[Abdullahh]

Allah cares not about your words, words are but empty air. He cares about your actions, your beliefs, your intentions. If you say something against Allah or Islam in general, yet in your heart you do not feel this way and regret saying it he will forgive you.