Please help me I want to kill myself :(

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anonymous

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Alsalam alaikum

I don't know where to start. No one knows how to help me. You see I am extremely mentally ill without it being conscious. I have no friends and I don't trust my family they have dark secrets. I lost faith in everything. I am a complete failure and I don't have a life. I take pills everyday to make feel better but I feel depressed. Everyone says I am ugly and I will never get married. I also have a very bad temper and extreme anger issues. I pretend to be someone I am not. I hate myself and I don't think anyone will ever love me. I have nothing to live for. I just want a way out. Life is only getting harder and harder and no one understands how I feel. I am only posting here because I need hope and I don't want to go to hell. Please these urges are getting stronger and stronger. Please help.
 
My husband killed himself, and I suffer from mental illness as well and have also felt suicidal, so I hope my experience will be helpful to you.

First off, it is good that you acknowledge that you are for the Hellfire if you commit suicide. Fear of Allah's judgement is a great deterrent and a testament to your faith. Which does point out: you still have faith. So all is not hopeless.

Second, I would ask if the pills you are taking are prescription medications for your mental illness, or are they over-the-counter drugs, or worse, street drugs? If they are prescription and you have been working with a doctor about your mental illness, let them know they are not working. There are many, many different pill combinations they can try, and not all work for everyone. Even pills that have worked in the past can lose their effectiveness and you will have to switch to find something that works again. Be sure you let your doctor know about your anger issues because those can actually be CAUSED by your medication.

One thing that helps me very much with my mental illness is routine. Are you saying your prayers regularly? Do you have a hobby that you enjoy that you could do for a while every evening, or day, or when it is convenient? Every night when I get home from work I take a bath and play the video game Animal Crossing for half an hour to help me relax.

I will also tell you this, without seeing you: you are beautiful (or handsome, whichever term you feel fits you better). You have faith in Allah and that is the most beautiful state that a human can be in. You do not have to be attractive on the outside for a potential spouse to see this within you if you remain strong in your faith. Allah has plans for everyone and yes, it might take a while, but there might be a wonderful spouse for you down the road. One of the things that we tend to do when suffering from depression is not only getting stuck in the "right now", but we convince ourselves that it will never change or that it will get worse. This is a test from Allah. Remember that even if you hate yourself right now, Allah loves you every day that you feel this pain, but remember your love for Allah: he is building for you a better and better place in Jannah because of your strength in this test.

And I can say from someone who lived through the suicide of a loved one, suicide is a horrible thing. You have no idea how it crushes those who love you, your family, your neighborhood, your friends. Suicide may be an individual choice, but it does not have individual consequences.

Have faith in Allah's plan for you. It WILL get better. Think of things you can do to make it better, such as moving to a new place, changing your job, or going to the masjid more often and surrounding yourself with good people. Or if you are young and still in your parents household and in school, start looking toward the future: begin checking out colleges and universities, get a part time job so you can move out as soon as possible (since you said you do not trust your family), and make a conscious decision to start doing good things for you in your life. Yes, I know, it is very difficult when you have given up hope and feel that there is nothing to work for. But trust me, there is, and you are worth it.

*virtual hugs if you are a sister, and a comforting smile if you are a brother*
 
Thank you sister Little_Lion. I am very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing it with me it must be really hard may Allah reward you. I am a girl, I graduated from university in 2015 and now I am 23 years old. I take pills for schizophrenia, I stopped hearing voices but my personality radically changed. I think I have a bi-polar personality I am very unstable especially emotionally. For my prescription I take Seroquel and Oleanz, and sadly they have stopped being effective, my doctor said he will take me off of them within a year but I need something more effective because I can't sleep at night sometimes. I also feel very inadequate I am bvery shy and introverted infront of people I don't know but infront of my family I am a monster, I yell, scream and argue with them all the time. I want to move out and get a job but my dad doesn't allow me so my only option is to wait for marriage but I don't believe anyone would want to marry me because I am mentally ill and not physically attractive.


Big virtual hug to you too.

Thank you so much I really appreciate it.
 
I have psychosis, which causes me to hear voices too, and one doctor diagnosed me as bi-polar (I also have generalized anxiety, manic depression, and PTSD). Ask your doctor if he would consider Latuda for you. It does have side effects, such as making you drowsy and you have to take it with at least 350 calories of food (real food, not 350 calories of soda) or you will probably get sick to your stomach. I do not know if it would be helpful for you but it has helped me a lot. Insha'Allah it could help you too. You might also ask for Lorazepam to help you sleep and also to help with the extreme bi-polar mood swings. It is something that you take only when you need it, and it is not habit forming. Also unlike your regular psych meds it starts working in about 10 minutes, which is a godsend, Alhamduillah.

Another thing to be careful of is that you do not "become" your illness. Yes, we all say it, "I am mentally ill". But what we should be saying is "I am a person with a mental illness". It puts the person first, not the illness.

If it is not too much to ask, did you graduate from university with a skill that would help you get a job? Perhaps if you explain to your father that you need to actually practice in the field through employment for your degree to be helpful he will realize that working is beneficial to you. *raises a warning finger* But I would say not too much. These pills we are on can make it very hard to concentrate and a job for 8 hours a day can wear us down very quickly. I would start with part time, if it were me, just to test how your illness and your meds will affect things.

Another thing you can try when you are getting upset with your family is called "grounding". Slow down and count five things that you can see, four things that you can hear, three things that you can feel, two things that you can smell, and one thing that you can taste. It just helps reset your mind a bit. Follow this up with thanks to Allah that you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste these things, for some people are not as blessed as you are.

What are your feelings on marriage? Are you actively seeking a husband?
 
:sl:

May Allah gives the sick persons complete shefa and strengthen us in faith. We must remember that suicide is not the solution as you will be in fire for the sin.

So , face the sufferings here as these are less painful. May Allah reward us for our illness and suffering.
 
Sister ... which is beautiful for me is ugly for another one ...
Don't think of what people saying ..
Many beautiful women they don't maried and many of those who call them ugly are live in happy life (I heat this word .. because everyone of us have his own beauty )
Be your self don't try to be any one ... because you are the best of the creations of Allah .. we all have the same Skull and bones are covering by different skin and colors and features .... no one is the same
And there is two life ... this is temporary and the next one is eternal
Even if you aren't happy in this .. do to be happy in the next life
And in this life there I'd no completing happiness .. but you can be most happy when you live as worshipper and servent ... because everything in your life will be be good in your eyes
And you will see the good in every situation
Because you will starting see the wisdom of Allah
Sister I was like this one day
I was beating my feet because I have disability in them

I was crying every day ... because I was thinking just how to be happy there
And why people are heal and i am sick
Until I began the suffering with the psychological problems ... I wasn't think that one day I will be good or can smile from my heart
At that time I start appreciate everything Allah gives me ... and I start knowing that one of the best thing in life is to can live in heal mind ... to put your head to sleep and smile
At that time I think of Allah .... I remember that he is the best one who can help me
At that time I know that I am a Muslim .. and I start practicing my religion
when I known the reality of this life I started don't care about it to such a degree
now I love my disability I love to live like this i love everything from Allah ... and the cover of my eyes removed alhamdulillah
And some times I feel like I am the happiest parson in the world alhamdulillah
You just need to take the first step ... and you will see how your life be
Thanks for sharing this with us
May Allah help you sister
Your sister Maryam :)
 
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Killing yourself is not bravery. There are many reasons behind this murderer thinking. You should consult some psychologist to overcome this problem.Start with new motivations and set goal for your life.Hope you will get rid of this coward thinking.
 
Can someone offer personal assistance to the user . I am not a full member so i can't specifically ensure the person is safe from committing suicide
 
I hope you are doing better than when you made the first post.
You should create an account and reach out to some of the people posting here.
I am sure they are more than willing to listen and try to give you some advice.
 
Are you good sister ..
May Allah put happiness in your life
Let's now about you sister
 
You are worthy of people's time and love. You have certain skills and personality traits that make you unique from everybody else. It would be a huge tragedy if you killed yourself. Those who love you would be heart broken. I feel suicidal too and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I suffer from depression and psychosis. I don't understand why Allah allowed me to acquire these problems; I sometimes wish I was never born at all.

Spirituality can conquer biology, though. In other words, your faith can overcome what your mind is telling you to do. Go to Allah in prayer and tell Him everything (He promised He would listen, so you have nothing to lose). He'll give you enough strength to get through each day. Don't worry about how you'll make it in a month from now, a year from now. etc. Just focus on getting through today.
 
Dear sister little_lion, I can't thank you enough. Knowing that I am not alone eases my pain. I deeply appreciate your help. May Allah reward you and have mercy on your late husband. Well, it's been a roller coaster since I reached out for help. My sister is really supportive but sometimes I just feel so lonely. I am doing much better though. About seeking a husband, to be honest I am not currently seeking a husband because I am really scared of getting hurt. It is very hard for me to open up to anyone let alone a man I've just recently met. This attitude made alot of guys in uni dislike me because I gave out vibes of depression and they decided it was too much for them to bear. I would love to hear any advice on how I could find a suitable mate.


Big virtual hug.

So very sorry for the late reply.
I love you you are strong and kind. Please continue being that way. You don't how much it can affect a person.
 
drac16 said:
You are worthy of people's time and love. You have certain skills and personality traits that make you unique from everybody else. It would be a huge tragedy if you killed yourself. Those who love you would be heart broken. I feel suicidal too and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I suffer from depression and psychosis. I don't understand why Allah allowed me to acquire these problems; I sometimes wish I was never born at all.

Spirituality can conquer biology, though. In other words, your faith can overcome what your mind is telling you to do. Go to Allah in prayer and tell Him everything (He promised He would listen, so you have nothing to lose). He'll give you enough strength to get through each day. Don't worry about how you'll make it in a month from now, a year from now. etc. Just focus on getting through today.
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Thank you brother. I know how you feel. It was very hard for me to accept that I was mentally ill. I went through horrific emotional outlashes until I finally recieved the medical treatment that I needed. I am doing my best to stay positive and be more patient. I've really been fighting these impulses by inducing happiness like laughing at a joke or reading books. It works even if just a little. I should really just worry about tomorrow, whoknows maybe something positive will come out of it. But honestly I believe the damage is permenant it left a huge scar on my heart.

Thank you agaib. May Allah bless you.
Be strong this too shall pass.
 
maryam muslimah said:
I worried about you sister ...
Let us know how are you please
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Can I hug you? Please :).

You seem like a really sweet person. I would love to be friends. Please don't worry about me. God will take care of me as He takes care of all of us. I am doing much better.

Thank you for your kind words and genuine concern. I really appreciate it.
 
Snow said:
I hope you are doing better than when you made the first post.
You should create an account and reach out to some of the people posting here.
I am sure they are more than willing to listen and try to give you some advice.
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Thank you for the advice. I will certainly consider making an account , this place seems awesome. Please pray for me.

May Allah bless you.
 
abd il-Hakim said:
Bismillah;
Salaamu aleykum ikhwan, and warm greetings to interfaith members and guests.

Subhanallah walhamdulillah. Thank you to those who have shared - I may have been gifted with a reminder/solution to my own problems that mirror the OP.

Beloved sister in Islam; I suffer from, almost, identical challenges - even down to the Seroquel.Whatever you do - don't give up. Wallahi; Reprieve is on the horizon.

i ride the same wave of emotions. It's really hard at times. I had a voice one morning, not long ago in fact, that nearly threw me over a third storey balcony. Alhamdulillah, fear of Jahannum and the Punishment of Allah swt prevented it happening.

If nothing else I want you to know that you have another in the dunya who shares similar challenges. Anxiety, psychosis, self-image doubts, and questions over my suitability for many things.

Fight shaythan, sister. Do not give up. Consult as many doctors as you need to, and get the right combination of presriptions and be mindful of stopping your dose without consultation ( I did this - it spells disaster and is best avoided at all costs) and never let go of the rope of Allah swt.

You are not alone.

May Allah swt grant healing, cure, and strength to all who suffer this way. Ameen ya Rabb
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Thank you. You are correct. I must turn back to Allah. I've been jaded b6 this world. I am visiting this website more often so I can learn how to become more close to Allah. It is not an easy journey for any of us but it certainly is rewarding. Thank you for your kind words. May you be blessed.
 

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