wa alaykum us-Salaam habibti
im deeply sorry to hear what you have gone through and pray things will get better for you.
first things first. some experiences in our life are easy to get over no doubt and of course this is what we should aspire towards but at the same time, somethings that happen to us in life hurt us so deeply, that there maybe no way of getting over them. im not saying that you should lose hope, or be restless towards making life better for yourself, not at all but what im trying to get at is that sometimes things will affect people so badly that when they try move on, they find it impossible without realizing why-and that is because they dont realize that certain things simply
cant be removed it has touched them in such a way, its like its been engraved in their souls or something. you find these people often loosing hope and complaining why they cant seem to be move on, often you will find them having really bad self-esteem issues and constantly blaming themselves. it isn't their fault or their not stupid or anything (as they may think of themselves), but as i said, some things are just too deep and they cant be deleted in our lives. so that's the first thing you need to acknowledge if you want heal yourself that if you cant move on, it isnt your fault, but rather certain incidents have hurt you too deeply. get me? :exhausted
another thing you need to realize is that sometimes how we react, think feel, etc willo be a result of other unresolved issues. for example, maybe a hardship in someones childhood will cause them to think and act a certain way in their adulthood. i remember a sis on another forum needed help with an issue of zina she had and -well i dont know her personally-but for what she wrote it seemed that due to the mindset she was taught, i.e that she is to be blamed, punished etc was a drive for her committing zina so her committing zina was a way of punishing herself.
so you need to get these little issues that are making you think the way they do resolved, so the bitter fruits can also be removed.
second thing you need to realize, is that if it cant be removed, it can
definatley be worked around. there is always a way out. always. believe that in your heart, make a firm resolve and implement it as best as you can.
for example with you getting attacked its totally normal to feel insecure and anxious about it-completely normal, but when these feelings overwhelm you you need to counter them with mental strength. just calm yourself down, tell yourself what has happened has happened and there is nothing that can be done about it. if possible go talk to someone (about anything) to distract yourself from these thoughts. if you need to cry, dont hold it back, but cry. think logically to repel this thoughts on anxiety.
another thing relevant to this situation is that the more you get stress out, the worse these feelings will overwhelm you so try avoid getting stressed. you know sometimes how you get a little stressed out about something and you may think to yourself how the heck can i get through this and so build worry which eventually builds more worry and tbh its very counter productive.
if your problem is with your family and it can be dealt
within in your family, then speak up. go to someone you trust in your family and speak to them. im sure other people will suggest to reprt him as well.
it's really funny (not haha funny, but interesting funny) how some people who have undergone some kind of trauma they often think that people wont listen to them or that people will look down and blame them-but uktee, please realize that often this isn't the case at all. people are so understanding and soft hearted you just need to find the right person to confide it. no wonder why you are so distressed, you think no-one can relate to you.
get rid of the mentality that you are going to break up the family and bring shame to them, only ignorant people would think that and we all know ignorant people shouldn't be listened to
if that person so cared about breaking up the family, then he would have thought of that before he did what he did to you. so dont you dare let this dhaalim (oppressor) get away with this.
you shouldn't feel so sad either...do realise that there are so so so many sisters in your shoes you definatley aren't the only one so dont feel alienated that you are. speak to someone because the more these things go unnoticed and undealt with the more the number of victims will increase
maybe if you do to say something you pave the way and encourage other sisters to have someone else to talk to as well.
please please please (i cant emphasize that enough) do not blame your self or even let anyone pin the blame on you for their mishaps. everyone is responsible for their own actions.
lastly make plenty of dua, get more into the deen, pray your five and have an abundance of sabr.
everyone,
mg: by keeping quiet you are telling that family member its alright to molest people. and that hurting people is ok.
...I am going to say that again ,,A 16 YEAR OLD! This action from this person is completly unacceptable from any culture or way of life.....I am honestly crying right now in anger and my wife is crying as well