Please Say A Dua For Me - Please Please Please

Ok.. Cover your walls with cushions..

buy a straight jacket..

Job done.

Or rent a property for a while.. With intent to buy a house when one comes along that you like and can afford.

...buy decibel meter, write some numbers down.

Phone council.

..phone council.. Buy decibel meter.. Squiggle some writing.

...phone council?
 
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Assalaamu alaikum ZZZ,

MIA has a good point. And if you moved out by yourself, you wouldn't need a big place. (gently) I know you feel you should look after your mother. And it is a kind thought. But if she absolutely refuses to leave, and your health is so badly affected... getting a little place of your own seems like a necessity. (gently) If you were better rested, you could go over and help her out probably more effectively than you are doing now.

And perhaps, if you left, she might reconsider her options...


May Allah, the Self-Sufficient, Help us with our tests.
 
...don't leave your mum.

Maybe you should get married instead..

Then you would be preoccupied complaining about the wife..

I'm sorry.. Do you not have any brothers or sisters?
 
...don't leave your mum

Maybe you should get married instead..

Then you would be preoccupied complaining about the wife..

I'm sorry.. Do you not have any brothers or sisters?

Sorry musliminshallah..irrational response, you also have a point.. Great too many edits leads to double posts.
 
MuslimInshallah said:
Assalaamu alaikum ZZZ,

MIA has a good point. And if you moved out by yourself, you wouldn't need a big place. (gently) I know you feel you should look after your mother. And it is a kind thought. But if she absolutely refuses to leave, and your health is so badly affected... getting a little place of your own seems like a necessity. (gently) If you were better rested, you could go over and help her out probably more effectively than you are doing now.

And perhaps, if you left, she might reconsider her options...


May Allah, the Self-Sufficient, Help us with our tests.
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Salaams Auntie MI,

You are right. I need to do things for myself. I've always helped out at home, looked after my Dad when he was taken poorly and then died and looked after my Mother and poorly siblings since I was young, but enough is enough. They can look after themselves. It's my time! Thank you for giving me the courage to emancipate myself.

The house I am interested is not 3 bedrooms as initially planned, it's 2. And instead of having Mother move in with me, she can stay here if she likes and look after herself. Time for me to be selfish. She could always contact the Council and they will let her have a carer no doubt. If she wants to remain in this house next to "these people", that's her choice, she is a grown woman and if she wants to suffer, I can't be in the way of that.

Anyway, the second offer got refused and I told him that was my best offer. However, he is still contacting me so it's only a matter of time before he folds, and if not, sod that, I will move further away so I can start living my own life. :p:p

Maybe then things might actually start happening for me. I need happiness in my life. I don't want to be like a tortured person anymore. I don't want "the people" next door to dictate my sleeping patterns. And I don't want to be running around worrying my family members. It's not doing me any good, only making me poorly.
 
hisnameiszzz said:
Salaams, and thanks for your reply.

I have not had chance to reply because I have not been too well and things were getting a bit too much for me.

The people next door do work, but I guess they are used to the noise because they are the ones making it. I have at times wondered if the fan makes noise on their side of the house too, but they have placed them in such a way that they are all on OUR side of the house. Not in the middle of their room, not on the side closest to their house, but right up on the edge of the wall which adjoins our property. I wish my Dad had complained to them right at the beginning when they put it in but either he was too chicken or wanted to be patient!

Anyway, I don't want to discuss them any further. They do my head in yet they are constantly blessed by Allah. It actually makes me wonder why I don't start imitating them and maybe then things will go right for me. Does anyone else ever feel like this? You look around and see people so happy but they rarely come to the Masjid unless it's Ramadhan, act like complete jaheels but all the things that happen to them are good? I know some of you will say "they might have everything in this life but they may have nothing in the hereafter", well at this moment in time, I can't even think to the hereafter, I just want a tiny bit of piece to get my life back on track.

The offer I put in for the house got refused. He wanted more, so I met him in the middle and I was hoping he would have said yes, but he refused and said he wants the higher amount which I absolutely cannot afford. I've asked all my family and friends and I can't borrow anymore. I don't work full time because I look after my Mother (as a son and not a carer so I don't get paid for that), and I just wouldn't be able to pay people back. The way my health is going and the way my manager has noticed my performance is deteriorating, I don't even know if I will have a job at this rate! He said he would think about it which I guess means no, but who knows.

Can I ask you all to keep praying for me? I am praying non stop by the way. You are all fabulous learned people and I have faith the one of your duas will get accepted, so please continue to pray for me. If he says yes, this could be the start of a new life for me. I have so many plans for my future and the only way they can happen is if I/we move out from there.
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Wassalam and welcome again.

I hope you'r doing well.

Read your detailed post. I do understand how difficult life must be for you up till now as it has been in the past. As I mentioned before, Allah will do justice for oppression right in this world. That is for Allah swt to decide when. Right now you should focus on yourself and your plans, plans on moving, plans for a better living etc.

As someone suggested, you can move out and let your mother stay on there. Your place need not be big but just basic comfort, anywhere away from the noise. You can still look after her and I guess she will eventually move out as well.

The price they want for the house seems high and beyond your means. Try some more - you will find something that you can afford, insha'allah.

I make dua that Allah make it easy for you and you find a solution to your problem, and that you overcome all obstacles, ameen.
 
Hi all.

Just to let you know what's going on.

I am in the process of having the survey done. Hopefully it will bring a good report with no faults and then I'll be out of here. It would be really good for me if my Mother moved too but I can't force her. Currently she is trying to have a nap but the folk next door keep slamming doors really really loudly which is making her jump each time. It's obvious she didn't sleep last night. I don't understand why she wants to carry on being the victim. It's making me very angry. But I guess her having lived with her husband for 40 plus years, she has perfected the art of being a victim. He was a very unkind man and put her through all kinds of mental abuse.

Anyway I digress. I really hope this works out. It got too much for me last week and I was ready to die so I took a handful of painkillers and sleeping tablets. Unfortunately, I didn't die and I am still here which is a shame because my life is a complete train wreck at the moment. I really hope things will get better for me. I think I have been patient long enough.

Thanks for reading.
 
Salaam and thanks for updating.

Its good to see you'r doing something about it as you have to put up with so much issues, and the added issue of your mother not wanting to leave, but keep up the effort of looking for another place to stay, its worth it.

May Allah make it easy for you and make it a success, ameen.
 
Hi all,

Thanks to everyone for their kind thoughts and UMM ABED for the reply.

The survey has now been done and I am awaiting the report. So it could be about a month and then hopefully I will be out of her.

Mother and I were sat eating the other day. Some evil person slammed the basement/kitchen door really loudly (that door is against our kitchen wall where we were eating), it made her jump and has knackered her back and can practically not walk again! I really wish that will give her the heave-ho to move but I doubt it.

It's my day off and I was rudely awoken at 7am by continued door slamming again. I really really need this move to happen and soon.

Also, I've kind of realised praying is not making any difference for me. So I am having shaky thoughts about my faith again. Why would an all loving Allah put us through this? I know I shouldn't ask this, but this question constantly enters my head on a daily basis and I don't know if it is Satan whispering or if it is actually me thinking these things! Well I understand me because I am not exactly a saint so I get the punishment/suffering, but my Mother? I'm beginning to wonder if the constant praying and begging from Him was in vain. I know everyone on IB will now start telling me again about Hadhrat Ayub and all the Sahaba and what they have had to put up with, but I am a weak person, very very weak and I cannot cope with it, and neither can my Mother. I know patience is a virtue and it is good but there is only so much one can be patient. I've constantly fought these evil thoughts but I am now finally succumbing and I genuinely don't know if I can carry on like this.

Feel free to smack me across the face or hit me with a bat. I probably need it.
 
Thanks for replying.

We'r also awaiting the positive report with high hopes so that you and your mother can live in peace and quiet.

To say that all this suffering you'r undergoing is in vain - that is not true. You may feel like a weak person but in reality you are not. Having withstood all this banging for so many months - many people wouldve been sleeping in the street by now! But you do have that strength to pull through even though you may not realize it.

Please dont hover over the negative thoughts otherwise shaitan will take advantage and win, which must never happen. Have full faith in the words of Allah that everything happens at its appointed time.

When you see the rewards in the akhirah for your suffering in this world you will wish that the door banging continued and never stopped. So that is the magnanimity of the situation, which we can only comprehend in the hereafter.

So my advise to you is to hold on to positivity, and never give in to weakness of faith - relief will come soon, insha'allah.

May Allah make it easy for you and give you success, ameen.
 
Salaam All

May ALLAH make ur tasks easy and the tasks of every believer of the kalmia, ameen ameen ameen
 
Salaams Umm Abed.

Thanks for your kind message.

It's not months of harassment. This has been ongoing for years now. I did not have the courage of moving out when I was younger but enough is enough. If it was a few months I would understand but this is years and years so to think Allah is all kind and caring etc is something that does not ring true with me at this moment in time. If I am an evil person why are my family also having to suffer? I feel my Iman is going again and I am way too tired to try and save it now.

The funniest thing was my Mother made me listen to yet another bayan last night. The Aalim was talking about how good people respect other humans and neighbours and how if you didn't, you were doomed. At that point I just got up and walked off and told my Mother to stop listening to such rubbish. None of it makes sense. Not one single bit. And I have had non stop door slamming again today. It makes me wonder if the scriptures got lost in translation and instead of being a good person it's actually Islamic to be completely the opposite. Oh I really am ready to throw in the towel. I am so so tired.

I know I am talking rubbish but that is how it feels. I don't even know why I bother anymore. I shouldn't have gone to the Masjid yesterday!!!
 
I don't gamble. I don't drink. I don't smoke. Even at my age I haven't taken any drugs. I don't sleep with people. I don't use interest money. I don't swear much. I pray. I give to charity. I look after my Mom and my siblings who are unwell. I open doors for people. I pray and beg everyday even though I kind of know nothing will change.

What am I doing wrong? Can someone please guide me.
 
hisnameiszzz said:
I don't gamble. I don't drink. I don't smoke. Even at my age I haven't taken any drugs. I don't sleep with people. I don't use interest money. I don't swear much. I pray. I give to charity. I look after my Mom and my siblings who are unwell. I open doors for people. I pray and beg everyday even though I kind of know nothing will change.

What am I doing wrong? Can someone please guide me.
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Brother,

I know it must be very hard but try not to go down the road of my 'why me?'. It leads to nothing but negativity, self-pity and depression.

Say Alhamdulilah even though you are experiencing difficulty & insha Allah your reward will be great.

You must occupy yourself in a hobby or something that you are interested in. Stay focused and distract your mind in your chosen activity. Insha Allah.


In the saheeh hadeeth it says: “The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allaah loves a people He tests them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure but whoever is discontent with that earns His wrath.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2396) and Ibn Maajah (4031); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

Calamities are good for the believer in the sense that reward is stored up for him the Hereafter thereby; how can it be otherwise when he is raised in status thereby and his bad deeds are expiated? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allaah wills good for His slave, He hastens the punishment for him in this world, and when Allaah wills ill for His slave, he withholds the punishment for his sins from him until he comes with all his sins on the Day of Resurrection.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2396); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

Al-Hasan al-Basri (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Do not resent the calamities that come and the disasters that occur, for perhaps in something that you dislike will be your salvation, and perhaps in something that you prefer will be your doom.”

Please visit https://islamqa.info/en/71236
 
hisnameiszzz said:
Salaams Umm Abed.

Thanks for your kind message.

It's not months of harassment. This has been ongoing for years now. I did not have the courage of moving out when I was younger but enough is enough. If it was a few months I would understand but this is years and years so to think Allah is all kind and caring etc is something that does not ring true with me at this moment in time. If I am an evil person why are my family also having to suffer? I feel my Iman is going again and I am way too tired to try and save it now.

The funniest thing was my Mother made me listen to yet another bayan last night. The Aalim was talking about how good people respect other humans and neighbours and how if you didn't, you were doomed. At that point I just got up and walked off and told my Mother to stop listening to such rubbish. None of it makes sense. Not one single bit. And I have had non stop door slamming again today. It makes me wonder if the scriptures got lost in translation and instead of being a good person it's actually Islamic to be completely the opposite. Oh I really am ready to throw in the towel. I am so so tired.

I know I am talking rubbish but that is how it feels. I don't even know why I bother anymore. I shouldn't have gone to the Masjid yesterday!!!
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Wassalam brother, and thanks again for your reply.

I can understand your frustrations and anger, but I want to put this across, that no matter what your difficulty is dont ever let go of your faith even one inch for one second! Subhanallah! The hardship you are going through with the door-banging is huge. Those people's inconsiderateness is shocking, but with all that, I believe there is hope for a good future, just dont give up on trying.

How far are you at with the house buying?

This came to mind, do you know about those door attachments that you can fix behind doors to make them close quietly? I think that could be a solution, if they - or even you - can put these onto their doors.
 
Umm Abed said:
Wassalam brother, and thanks again for your reply.

I can understand your frustrations and anger, but I want to put this across, that no matter what your difficulty is dont ever let go of your faith even one inch for one second! Subhanallah! The hardship you are going through with the door-banging is huge. Those people's inconsiderateness is shocking, but with all that, I believe there is hope for a good future, just dont give up on trying.

How far are you at with the house buying?

This came to mind, do you know about those door attachments that you can fix behind doors to make them close quietly? I think that could be a solution, if they - or even you - can put these onto their doors.
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Salaams, and thanks for your kind response.

I finally got the survey back yesterday. I was hoping and praying there would be no problems, but it seems like that house needs a lot of things doing. I have just looked through the report properly and there are issues with the structure, the roof, the gas and electric, the windows.

The seller specifically said he was not willing to drop any further, so tomorrow I will try and negotiate the price. I know he said he was not going to budge, but I hope he changes his mind. I really want out from here. Mind you, this might just mean this house was not right for me, but I don't know how much longer this can go on.

My brother has had the operation and has to sleep in the front room and the people next door will not stop slamming the door that is adjacent to our front room, so he is in pain and trying to rest and they keep disturbing him. He can't even sleep at night they make that much noise. Boohoo!

I try and put on a brave face for my Mother, but I am tiring of doing that. :heated::heated:
 
Wassalam alhamdulillah.

You say the structure has faults in it, do you think its major? Apart from that the other things can be dealt with and fixed slowly as you get the money and time, and Im sure you cant wait to make this move.

If you are getting value for your money then bismillah, go ahead with it. Hows the neighbourhood, distance to shopping facilities etc?

I know its very hard for the family to live under these disturbing conditions thats why I hope you really get out of there soon.
 
Salaams Umm Abed,

I've read through the report a few times and I even called a woman from work (she was forced out of her house by her neighbours too and knows about surveys and offers etc). There are 3 ratings of 3 and these all appear to be major structural issues, so they need to be sorted out asap.

I put an offer of, as an example, £105K, but the report suggests it's not even worth £95K and then it says there is at least £3K+ worth of work that needs doing, so it might be that this one is not for me. He said he would not drop the price at all and I doubt he will negotiate, but I am going to try. I had all my hopes pinned on this house. Back to the drawing board I guess.

Jazakallah to you Umm Abed and all the others for all their support and well wishes. What would I do without you guys! :statisfie
 

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