I don't think that is "low". The system was designed with a particular family structure in mind. I may be of a religious persuasion to agree with that concept, but I don't know that I am of a legal inclination to say that others have to construct their families using the way I would build mine as a model.
Tigersabre, personally I disagree with your position in point #3, but that it really irrelevant to the questions you are asking. It seems that you do have a good understanding of the legal statutes where you will be living and how these would effect each of the respective members of your family. And it seems that you understand the financial implications of those issues as well. Based on other information you have shared, I don't think that you are likely to be taking advantage of one woman at another's expense nor likely to abandon your children. I trust that any future wife would be made just as aware of as your are regarding the risks that she is taking and the way that the legal system would and would not protect her rights and their limitations. So, I shall put all those objections aside, and focus on one other thing that you mentioned which you may want to consider.
One of the things that you said was behind your desire to take a second wife was
As a fellow resident of Illinois, may I suggest to you that there is another way that you can accomplish the portion of your goals that I have highlighted. There is a great need for both foster parents and adoptive parents. I have done this for close to the very reasons you have given, and found it incredibly rewarding. I'm not really happy with myself for suggesting a way that you might train people up in the Ummah rather than in Christ, but to give honest advice I need to tell you that this is something you might wish to consider. In this way you would have as many children as you and your present wife could possible handle -- we stopped at 8, I know some that have many more -- and be able to provide legal protection to them all. One would even receive assistance from the government. (Not that I suggest that as a reason for doing it, but it does make it easier to provide care to more children than one might be otherwise able to.) Many of these are now adults on their own, but we are still mom and dad to all those who have chosen to remain in contact with us.
There are some other issues to deal with, and I would be happy to discuss those with you if you are interested. But I can assure you that the need is continuing and very great. So, it might be something to consider. And it would be away to accomplish this aspect of your life goals that does not include a 2nd marriage (be it Islamic or otherwise).
hey grace seeker,
I appreciate the advice and insights you're offering in this. There are actually multiple goals / needs being fulfilled as a result of this, the aspect of children being perhaps the most major, but not the only one.
Another aspect of this is the shortage of practicing Muslim men. By practicing I mean that they truly have a connection with God and do their best to prioritize the commandment of God in our scripture the Qur'aan, and through his prophet in the ahadeeth.
Yet another issue we have in our Muslim communities is the prevalence of an idea that women who are divorced are in fact "tainted goods." This returns back to a general double standard in many societies and cultures that men who sleep around are "studs" whereas women who do are, well, many words that I'd prefer not to repeat.
In the example we have from our Prophet (peace be upon him) and the men around him, the companions, if any women were divorced, there was always another man ready to propose, and she would not have to worry about her provision and how she would take care of herself. today, due to many of the cultural influences within our muslim societies, this is no longer the case.
I don't like to mention it because I don't want to seem as though I'm doing this out of community service for these women - they may feel as though I'm throwing charity at someone poor, which is not the case, from my perspective.
As for adopting children, my wife and I discussed this as well, and it's our plan that once my wife can no longer have biological children, we will begin adopting children as well at an age which will allow her to continue nursing the children (my wife trained with la leche league for lactation consultant training, so she knows how to do all this), and the reason for this is because in Islamic law, there is no such thing as adoption - once the child hits puberty, one "parent" or another deal with the child as though they are a parent, in the sense of their being parental rights or parental style relationships.
However, if the child is breastfed by the mother a certain number of feedings early on when still within the first two years of life, then the child becomes a foster child of the mother, a brother or sister to all the woman's biological children, and a foster child of the father who caused the woman's milk to flow.
So we plan on doing this once my wife's ability to have children has concluded. I know that there are many children in need of families right now, but we'd first like to bring our own into this world, and knowing what my wife can and can't handle, we're pacing ourselves at 2.5 years per child (give or take a few months) in order to bring as many children as possible while allowing my wife some breathing room
As for point #3, my belief in it is a natural extension of my faith in God, and how I believe His legislation and the roles we as men and women are given are in harmony, such that we complete one another rather than compete with one another. There are numerous scientific studies that say things such as, "Men are built to be adulterous, not monogamous", going on to explain that men are genetically designed to "spread their seed" as was said in one report. I don't really require the scientific studies to believe in it, but since I know you don't take the Qur'aan and what is said in Islam as an authority, I thought I might mention sources that might be lessed biased regarding polygyny than I am in this regard.
Thanks again for your advice, it's greatly appreciated!
