Potential want me to stay at home all the time

Muraad said:
:sl:

With all due respect, I think you should think over your words before you advice someone with something that can potentially mess up their lives - there's a difference between reading a text or a fatwa and applying it on every person regardless of individual circumstances. The most strictest opinion/fatwa is not necessarily the best (or right) one.
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Walaikum Assalam,

First of all I am not a mufti. I might have made a mistake and I am open to correction as Allah loves those who are humble. Anyways, as far as I know and I have read, a wali is a must unless there is emergency and no one is available then of course Islam is easy. But if you have a credible fatwa from a credible source which says that a woman can go out freely (for shopping with her girl friends for example) without her husband's permission then please do share. Would like to really enlighten myself and bring myself into 'moderation' form strict interpretation. By default, I take the Holy texts as what they literally mean.
 
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It is permissible for a Muslim woman to pray in the mosque and her husband does not have the right to stop her if she asks him for permission to do that, so long as she is properly covered and no part of her body is showing that it is forbidden for “strangers” (non mahrams) to see. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “When your womenfolk ask you for permission to go to the mosque, give them permission.” According to another version, “Do not forbid women their share of the mosques if they ask you for permission.” Bilaal – a son of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar – said, “By Allaah, we will stop them.” ‘Abd-Allaah said to him, “I say ‘The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said…’ and you say, ‘We will stop them’?!” Both reports were narrated by Muslim.
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http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/49898/women going out


Sister a husband cannot prevent wife from going out to mosque without valid reasons.

I hope i am not being judgemental but he is following what he heard rather than what he has read.Do istikhara and think, only if you think you are suitable then go ahead.If you have doubts i guess you need more advice or u need to stop.



Allah knows best.
 
Wa7abiScientist said:
Walaikum Assalam,

First of all I am not a mufti. I might have made a mistake and I am open to correction as Allah loves those who are humble. Anyways, as far as I know and I have read, a wali is a must unless there is emergency and no one is available then of course Islam is easy. But if you have a credible fatwa from a credible source which says that a woman can go out freely without her husband's permission then please do share. Would like to really enlighten myself and bring myself into 'moderation' form strict interpretation. By default, I take the Holy texts as what they literally mean.
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Those two things are not one and the same. What are you arguing; that a wali must accompany a woman whenever she leaves her home, or that a woman needs her husband's permission to leave the house? Or both?
 
Wa7abiScientist said:
Walaikum Assalam,

First of all I am not a mufti. I might have made a mistake and I am open to correction as Allah loves those who are humble. Anyways, as far as I know and I have read, a wali is a must unless there is emergency and no one is available then of course Islam is easy. But if you have a credible fatwa from a credible source which says that a woman can go out freely (for shopping with her girl friends for example) without her husband's permission then please do share. Would like to really enlighten myself and bring myself into 'moderation' form strict interpretation. By default, I take the Holy texts as what they literally mean.
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:w:

You can take the texts as you want, but the issue is not taking them, the issue here is the individual case by case application - there is no one-size-fits-all solution. The issue here is not the Fiqh so I'm not going to get into it. The point I'm trying to make is simply that when we advise someone, telling them the most hardcore opinion we've read is not the best option - individual circumstances are just as important if not more to take into consideration. May Allaah reward you for your intentions to help the thread starter.

Imagine if she were to take the stricter opinion you've presented: Since you effectively tied it in with piety and righteousness when you said ("So decide for yourself what do you want. A strictly righteous husband or someone who fits in with your desires."), and effectively at the same time made her valid concerns equivelent to following desires. Assume that since it's apparently implying like it's closer to Taqwa that she should go with her potential husband and submit to his desire for her to not leave the house at all (when her lifestyle prior to this is was very different, yet not haram). And then she realizes six months later or a year later that she just can't stand it anymore and asks for a divorce, she might get it or she might not. Who's life is now messed up? Who is the one now having to deal with divorce and finding a husband again? Who has to find a wife again? We have to realize we're dealing with real people and real lives, not objects or things made of stone. Our statements can have a lasting impact, especially when it comes to marital affairs - decisions made then are life-long.
 
you aren`t allowed to leave the house without your husband permetion and that`s why you have to choose some one who is open minded enough to give you the permition to go outdoor when you need,what would you do if you need to learn Quran to teach it to your children and he don`t want you to go? what would you do if you need to go to a doctor and your husband don`t give you the permition to do?,I think he misunderstand Islam and abuse his rights as a husband ,yes he has the right to allow you or not to leave the house,but he abuse his rights.
 
crayon said:
Those two things are not one and the same. What are you arguing; that a wali must accompany a woman whenever she leaves her home, or that a woman needs her husband's permission to leave the house? Or both?
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what I am saying is this http://islamqa.com/en/ref/49898/women mosque

hopefully it will clarify.

moreover

Women going out to markets and shops
can women go to the shops and markets? alee (r.a.a) said have you no ghairah that you let your women folk go where they go(the market)

Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly it is better for women to stay at home, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And stay in your houses” [al-Ahzaab 33:33]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Their houses are better for them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Salaah, 480. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood, 530). Undoubtedly, giving women absolute freedom to go out is contrary to the commands of sharee’ah. Guardians have to be guardians in the fullest sense. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” [al-Nisa’ 4:34]

Women should not go out unless it is necessary, and when it is necessary for a woman to go out, it should be with her husband’s permission. She should be careful to avoid that which Allaah has forbidden, and she should wear full hijaab, covering her face, etc. If she goes out wearing adornments and makeup or perfume, then this is not permitted. If there is no danger of fitnah and women go out in the manner required by sharee’ah, there is nothing wrong with their going out. Women at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to go out to the market-places without mahrams.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) permitted women to go out if there is an urgent need. He said, “It is permissible for you (women) to go out for your needs.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Tafseer al-Qur’aan, 4421).

Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari, Ibn Battaal said: The interpretation of this hadeeth is that it is permissible for women to engage in dealings according to their needs.


Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 3/1063
 
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Stay away, if this is the way he is behaving now things can only get worse. Do not go into this with rose tinted spectacles.
 
Wa7abiScientist said:
what I am saying is this http://islamqa.com/en/ref/49898/women mosque

hopefully it will clarify.

moreover

Women going out to markets and shops
can women go to the shops and markets? alee (r.a.a) said have you no ghairah that you let your women folk go where they go(the market)

Praise be to Allaah.

Undoubtedly it is better for women to stay at home, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And stay in your houses” [al-Ahzaab 33:33]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Their houses are better for them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, al-Salaah, 480. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood, 530). Undoubtedly, giving women absolute freedom to go out is contrary to the commands of sharee’ah. Guardians have to be guardians in the fullest sense. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” [al-Nisa’ 4:34]

Women should not go out unless it is necessary, and when it is necessary for a woman to go out, it should be with her husband’s permission. She should be careful to avoid that which Allaah has forbidden, and she should wear full hijaab, covering her face, etc. If she goes out wearing adornments and makeup or perfume, then this is not permitted. If there is no danger of fitnah and women go out in the manner required by sharee’ah, there is nothing wrong with their going out. Women at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to go out to the market-places without mahrams.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) permitted women to go out if there is an urgent need. He said, “It is permissible for you (women) to go out for your needs.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Tafseer al-Qur’aan, 4421).

Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari, Ibn Battaal said: The interpretation of this hadeeth is that it is permissible for women to engage in dealings according to their needs.


Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 3/1063
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Fair enough. The first link says it is permissible for women to go to the masjid without a mahram, if basic conditions are met. The second one says it is preferable for women to remain at home, but does not mention mahrams/walis at all. It also says that when a woman does go out, she should have her husband's approval. I don't disagree with anything mentioned.

I think the issue most people have is the issue of 'going out when needed'. People's definitions of 'need' may differ- one may find a certain reason valid, while others may not. Is visiting a parent a need? Getting groceries? Getting an education? There's a whole lot of gray area, which is where people end up disagreeing. I don't believe it's a black and white issue, though, as brother Muraad said, each situation is different. As long as we remain within the boundaries Allah has placed then it's all good. :)
 
Aw come on now its ok that you wana get married but dont rush into it and grab the first guy that comes along. Find out for yourself what hes really like and dont listen to what others say oh he this he that he so religious bla bla. He sounds boring to me he wont go out and he wont take you out either thats so boring and islam isnt against having fun in the right way of course. Take your time
 
Sowi dont mean it in a bad way maybe im not the right person to speak on this
 
You wouldnt ask this question if you would be sure you wanna get married to him!

Islam says you have to listen to your husband, but Islam does not say women has to stay home all the time, not to work, not to study etc. (If I know well :) )

You just cant stay home all the time :)
 
:sl:

Sister- I understand that this man's perspective doesn't make him a bad person. It's also a good thing how he's being honest about what he wants before marrying, but, I really think you should listen to this story which I thought of when reading about your situation!!

During the summer I usually take the bus to university. One day when I was getting off the bus, I saw 2 women who looked like friends. One of them, a Muslima hijabi holding a toddler. They were at the bus stop, and they both looked at me but didn't say anything. I didn't think much of it- so I proceeded to cross the street, only to find that 2 minutes later they were behind me, asking for directions. I inquired if they needed help and they were asking for an address. I had no clue where they wanted to go, the weather was well below zero and the poor baby was crying. I was confused and felt helpless towards them, especially since neither could speak english well. Alhamdulilah, my house was around the corner and I called my mom and asked her to come out of the house and get into the car (I already planned in my mind that they *needed* a ride to wherever they were going).

Alhamdulilah all was okay, we gave the woman and her baby a ride home. However she had a more detailed conversation with my mom because she spoke the same language. Turns out- her husband was at work, and she desperately needed to get to the doctor for her baby. The emergency situation forced her to leave the house. Then, she got lost, not knowing which bus to take. She told my mom she lived in the area for over 15 years but couldn't even find the way back home- all because she hardly ever left the house.

The situation speaks for itself... what if I didn't find her?... who would help her... who could she communicate with..... in a non muslim country people are not understanding.... I feel as though if only she knew the bus numbers and routes she wouldn't have been lost like that. Think about it- she could even have learned these things with her husband by her side, taking her out every day & accompanying her. Emergencies happen... people need to be prepared.

Sorry I wrote so much- but the event really hurt me. I'm a fully practicing Muslim & fiercly proud of my religion and the status it gives me as a girl. But to all my sisters/brothers here, it's not haraam in any way for a woman to leave the house. Ofcourse she must let her husband know where she is going that is certain. However sister in your case- preventing you from even attending a halaqa sounds strikingly odd.

Allah is the true judge and may he forgive me in case I've said anything false or untrue.

:wa:
 
Thank you for everybody gave an advice here,I really apriciate it
,It`s over now,I didn`t reject him but he changed his mind and choosed to stop it :embarrass
 
:sl: Everything happens for the best ukhti.

May Allah grant you a pious and compatible husband. Ameen :)
 
AnonymousGender said:
Thank you for everybody gave an advice here,I really apriciate it
,It`s over now,I didn`t reject him but he changed his mind and choosed to stop it :embarrass
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Phew! another brother will be relieved from inner turbulence inshallah

that was a close one :phew
 
Sis, and this is also directed to all the other sisters worrying about marriage and suitors, (im guilty of having done so myself)
a wonderful family friend who has now entered into her 80's, told me this: "Every lid has its cover." It may seem corny or silly but that one phrase says a lot even in our belief system.
Allah swt has someone for each of us, and maybe for some there is not one person designated to be their significant other, and that is ok because Allah swt, you have trust, would not decide something for a person if it were not good for them in some way.

This lady friend did not marry until she was 31, an old maid by the standards of society when she was growing up. The man who met her asked her for her number, she gave him a false one to get rid of him. He found out she was a teacher in a town nearby so he called every school in that town until he found her and told her his intentions were honorable and he would not give up so easily.
They had a short courtship and married. Their marriage was a happy, healthy and very blessed one. He died with his family surrounding his bed and his wife by his side.



Sorry to make it so long but I hope you see where I am going with this. We are not in control of our lives as much as we would like to believe. Allah swt is and He decides what is best for us. One day your prince charming will come along inshallah and you will shake your head laughing at yourself for ever having worried.
 
AlbanianMuslim is right. I don't post much, mostly I just read and learn, but your situation touched me. I am 27 and until very recently despaired of ever finding a man I could love, would love me, and be a good father. Deep down i had decided that maybe I wasn't meant for marriage, maybe I was supposed to be alone for some reason. I was miserable, but felt childish for being unhappy so tried to put a happy face on and pretend that I was ok with being alone, even though I was very unhappy. No matter what happens hun, don't give up. My prince charming finally found me and yours will find you too. Remember, as long as you know that you are a prize for any man, that they will be fortunate when you decide to accept him, they will know it too.
 

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