problems with my relationship

AnonymousPoster

AnonymousPoster

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Salam Alikom,

i would like to ask for advice on situations that particularly puzzle me. I'm a teenager and have been in a relationship with a very respectable guy who's about my own age for about a year now; we're serious about this relationship and God willing, when we are older, we'd like to get married. Both of our parents know about this, although they don't really get involved between us; also i'm not sure they know we're "really that serious" about being together in the future. we don't see each other because we're in different colleges, but i miss him terribly and would like to see him. I'm aware that i can't do that without parental consent, but that's exactly my problem..they didn't accept! i haven't seen him for almost 8 months..i don't know what to do..

So my 1st question is: is our relationship "halal" or should we break up?

my 2nd is: can anyone give me advice on how to deal with the prolonged absence we're experiencing? it's killing me not to see him face to face for so long.

thank you.
 
first answer : haram

second answer : marriage is the only thing that will rectify this

side note: the best thing for those who love each other is to marry

wallahu allem
 
Turns out you can't PM back so here goes:

If you are a Muslim, you'd probably know that Islam does not permit relationships outside marriage. Let your parents get involved in this. If your parents think he is right i.e has a good character and is a good muslim then insh'allah they'll get you married to him. Please sister stay away in the meanwhile because relationships outside marriage can lead to even greater sin. Talk to your parents, they want what's best for you. I've seen countless examples of girls back in college who did not take the right step and ended up disobeying their parents and commiting major sin which when they look back, they greatly regret. So i urge you to talk to your parents.

There is no better solution to this.

May Allah make this easy for you.
 
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:wa: Wr Wb

I'd like to quote you this fatwa:
It is not permissible for a woman to form a relationship with any man who is a stranger (non-mahram) to her, even if her intention is to get married, because Allaah has forbidden being alone with a non-mahram member of the opposite sex, or shaking hands with her or looking at her, except in the case of necessity such as proposing marriage or giving testimony; it is also forbidden for a woman to flaunt her adornment or to uncover her ‘awrah in front of non-mahram men, or to go out among them wearing perfume or to speak softly to men. These prohibitions are known from the evidence of the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and no exceptions are made for one who wants to get married or even for one who is actually proposing marriage, because a fiancé is still a non-mahram and a stranger to the woman until the marriage contract is done.

Source: http://islam-qa.com/en/ref/84089
Click to expand...

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Sister please think, do you want this relationship to go against the will of the most Merciful SWT and the commandments of the Prophet SAAS or do you want the blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings.

May Allah ease all your affairs and make it easy on you :statisfie

It was narrated that Abu Qataadah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will never give up a thing for the sake of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, but Allaah will replace it for you with something that is better for you than it.” Narrated by Ahmad (22565); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Hijaab al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, p. 47. Also classed as saheeh by the commentators on Musnad Ahmad ibn Hanbal (23074).
 
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AnonymousGender said:
Salam Alikom,

i would like to ask for advice on situations that particularly puzzle me. I'm a teenager and have been in a relationship with a very respectable guy who's about my own age for about a year now; we're serious about this relationship and God willing, when we are older, we'd like to get married. Both of our parents know about this, although they don't really get involved between us; also i'm not sure they know we're "really that serious" about being together in the future. we don't see each other because we're in different colleges, but i miss him terribly and would like to see him. I'm aware that i can't do that without parental consent, but that's exactly my problem..they didn't accept! i haven't seen him for almost 8 months..i don't know what to do..

So my 1st question is: is our relationship "halal" or should we break up?

my 2nd is: can anyone give me advice on how to deal with the prolonged absence we're experiencing? it's killing me not to see him face to face for so long.

thank you.
Click to expand...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqmKZ7ezKMM
i wanted to paste you this vid about a young sister who ended up committing zina after communicating with him then he dumped her after getting what he wanted from her.

sister any relation outside of marriage is a big sin and can lead to so many things. you said that hes decent right?

well what decent man agrees to a haraam relation and meeting with u alone?. he would if he had the chance. sister i doubt very much this young guy even wants marriage.. you are young that means anybody can trick you in to believing that they love you to get what they want and you will be living with regret maybe for the rest of your life if anything was to happen just like the sister in this vid.

i hope you make the right decision.:wa:
 
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thank you so much everyone for replying :)..but umm....i still had this tiny question to ask...if we broke up..could we still keep contact? i mean...we never actually talk on the phone or anything..mainly text messeges or chat. Yes, the ultimate solution to this would be marriage, but i', still in 1st yr college and my parents refuse to talk about marriage plans before i graduate...which might take a while.
he taught me how to pray, told me to fast, insisted that i read Qu'ran..if anything Cat Eyes, he's the better person....although i do admit that he can be quite impatient about seeing me sometimes...
 
moony said:
thank you so much everyone for replying :)..but umm....i still had this tiny question to ask...if we broke up..could we still keep contact? i mean...we never actually talk on the phone or anything..mainly text messeges or chat. Yes, the ultimate solution to this would be marriage, but i', still in 1st yr college and my parents refuse to talk about marriage plans before i graduate...which might take a while.
he taught me how to pray, told me to fast, insisted that i read Qu'ran..if anything Cat Eyes, he's the better person....although i do admit that he can be quite impatient about seeing me sometimes...
Click to expand...

No you can't keep contact since it would be illegal contact with a non-mahraam guy. Even conversations longdistance on msn or textmessaging could make feelings of love grow. There is no difference between conversations on tell and msn/texting. The words are the same but you dont hear the persons voice. After having those conversations you could come to agree to see eachtither again and then the whole thing starts over again. I talk from experience alhamdoellilah. As hard as it is you should brake off all contact to please Allah swt and remember His punishment can be severe. Think about the hasanaat you will get when you give him up for the sake of Allah swt. For obeying him?
Ibrahiem as was willing to give up his son to please Allah swt. I strongly advise you to either give this guy up or make your relationship legal by telling him to come see your father. If he doesnt want to do that then he obviously isnt serious about you. You should see yourself as a gift really. Only when you buy it you can open it. You cant unrap it a but or peek in to see whats in it. IF not willing to buy it the other person has to move along. He is windowshopping at the moment. In terms of what we women understand: shopping!:p

Salaam alaikom and may Allah swt help you in this matter
 
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moony said:
although i do admit that he can be quite impatient about seeing me sometimes...
Click to expand...

sister this is exactly why he is dangerous. just as the sister said above if he wants to do things right why don't he approach your father?

Telling you to fast and pray and read Qur''an that dose not nessesarily mean he is of good character. some people are very cunning and use islam to get into your heart and to sweeten you up.. this is how they get there victim alone.

if he is religious he will know that the prophet (saw) said it is better to have a nail driven through your head. then to touch a hand of a strange woman. i don't have a hadith here maybe some one can find that full hadith version.

and i believe that your extremely naive so no i do not think you should contact him any further this will lead to more major stuff i hope you watched that vid obove that i pasted you! i bet that guy also got in to her heart using islam also.
 
this will lead to zinna I feel if you keep meeting each other with no mehrams. don't play with fire. you can tell yourself zinna won't happen but when you're in the situation you get taken over.

no 1 ever intends to do zina but when they're in the situation they lose control don't be stupid and carry on meeting him with no mehrams present.

tell him to not contact you or meet you untill you're both ready to get married.

no 1 ever plans for zina to happen it just happens. they all say "we will never do that" so don't meet without mehrams present.
 
ask him would he like it if his sister or daughter was meeting boyfriends alone with no mehram?

it's good you haven't seen him for 8 months be strong, what's the point in meeting if you can't get married it's just prolonging the pain.
 
salam sister

this is how the shaytan works,,,,,,sequencial persuasion,,,,,first ul start texting him then charting on da net,then meeting secret,then al doors of fitnah will open for u!u know evrything we do has consequences,n Audhubillahi min dhalik,sister theres AIDS,TEENAGE PREGNANCIES,RAPE CASES,DEPRESSIONS.al this hapen because people fail to follow what Allah has ordered us to do.

am sorry sister but i have been there n alhamdulilah by Allahs mercy am out of it. n now when i think back i feel really stupid n foolish how i wasted my time.
 
Defo you shouldn't be seeing him, its haram of course. I'm sorta was in your position but erm hmmm i decided Im going to marry her after i finish my a-levels this year:statisfie.

"although i do admit that he can be quite impatient about seeing me sometimes.."

hmm maybe he's just really missing you, we guys do get impatient quite quickly soo i wouldn't rule it out, but if your not serious meaning marriage you should stop contacting him and cut him out of your life.
 
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AnonymousGender,

Everyone has been a teenager at somepoint in our lives, some longer ago than others.
Put religion aside for one moment.
As a teenager your hormones are going to be all over the place and when you grow up they're still in a mess but with the help of the divine we are able to figure things out.
Don't be in such a rush. Slow down, if he is the one then he will still be the one in a years time, five years time, ten years time.
Right now you've probably got so much going on, don't forget to give some time to your studies. And a word of advise...guys at that age will tell you anything, they are particuly good at telling you what you want to hear.
You sound like you're a level headed chic, and responsible too. All these are good qualities. You are responsible for your own relationship with the divine. And that relationship is unique.
Your parents are probably more concerned that you could end up pregnant at a young age, with no qualifications, no job, no life. If you think about it they are looking out fo r your best interests and if they didnt love you they would not do this.
Just give things time, email chappy if you want, but chances are he's probably looking around.
Which is what most guys do...look after number one (and thats you, afterall thats what the divine does).
And if things are serious once you've grown up a bit more then you will find your parents will probably be more willing to listen.
 
So you two have been in a relationship, and you say he is respectable?

I dont see how you can be in a relationship with someone who is respectable. In my mind a respectable man would not enter into an unlawful relationship because that leads to zina.
 

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