Question about treating your wife

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Hamayun

Hamayun

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Asalam Alekum

Please forgive me if this is an ignorant question as I am still learning about Islam (Although I was born into a Muslim family I have only recently started learning)

My question pertains to a post I read earlier with regards to Hijab.

amani said:
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husbands absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husbands property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see illconduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
4:34
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My wife is French and was a non practicing Christian until we got married. She has said her Shahada and converted to Islam. She is fasting and making an effort to change her life. But she does not cover her head yet.
She dresses modestly and doesnt wear skirts etc but doesnt cover her head.

My question is.. Is it true that I should I beat/force her to wear a scarf? She has accepted Islam on her own and seems to be making an effort with Ramadan and prayers. I can't bring myself to pressure her to wear hijab because I feel that will put her off.

I have told her the significance of the Hijab and left her to make the decision when she is ready. Is that the right thing to do?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hamayun
 
asalam alaikum

It is fine brother, inshaAllah. Make dua to Allah to increase the love of the Quran & Sunnah in your wife's heart. It is good that you have told your wife the importance of the hijab but are not forcing her. InshaAllah, judging by her current position, she will slowly start to want to do it on her own accord.

The 'beating' refered to in the above ayah, is the last resort to 'discipline' a rebellious wife who has gone beyond her limits. Even then it's not the kind of beating that hurts/bruises etc... more a light tap/strike in extreme cases.

Even then the Prophet (PBUH)discourage his followers from hitting women and said that the best of them were the one's who were best to their wives. In one Hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)


Allah likes gentleness....
Allah says: "And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (Quran: Ar-Rum 21)

Allah Almighty says: “Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” (Quran: An-Nisaa 19)
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In fact, even in extreme cases where it is feared that striking one's wife would make matters worse, then it should be avoided.

And Allah knows best.
 
:sl:
Hijab isn't easy for everyone, but try and be gentle with her and remind her that it is obligatory on on muslimahs to wear hijab, and also the benefits of Hijab and the rewards for hijab..or even anything for the sake of Allah.

"...We shall reward them according to the best f their deeds" (29:7)

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear therof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands...'
(24:31)

Also often people need to realise in their own time the importance of an action, having someone else tell you this what you should do may not be that useful. Books/lectures may help so that she can realize for herself, but perhaps not give her overload of info about hijab, slip it in with other topics thats she may like to learn about or needs to know?
INSHALLAH I hope things work out.:)
:w:
 
Thank you sisters. It is such a beautiful feeling to be part of a community like this where there is so much good advice and such helpful people.

I am extremely grateful for your advice and will take it seriously.

I will continue to make subtle suggestions to her Inshallah.
 
Hamayun said:
Asalam Alekum



I have told her the significance of the Hijab and left her to make the decision when she is ready. Is that the right thing to do?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hamayun
Click to expand...

I guess the second step is telling her about the obligatory of Hijab, try do it with the same good tone you did it when you 1st spoke about hijab

the next step is to tell her about the punishment in the next life for those who don't wear hijab, but also with the same low tone , take it step by step and let us know what is her respond?
 
Give her some time and she should start wearing it by herself. Since she has just recently converted she still is learning, so just give her some time. In time she will wear it and feel comfortable doing so.
 
Hamayun said:
Asalam Alekum

Please forgive me if this is an ignorant question as I am still learning about Islam (Although I was born into a Muslim family I have only recently started learning)

My question pertains to a post I read earlier with regards to Hijab.



My wife is French and was a non practicing Christian until we got married. She has said her Shahada and converted to Islam. She is fasting and making an effort to change her life. But she does not cover her head yet.
She dresses modestly and doesnt wear skirts etc but doesnt cover her head.

My question is.. Is it true that I should I beat/force her to wear a scarf? She has accepted Islam on her own and seems to be making an effort with Ramadan and prayers. I can't bring myself to pressure her to wear hijab because I feel that will put her off.

I have told her the significance of the Hijab and left her to make the decision when she is ready. Is that the right thing to do?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hamayun
Click to expand...
Asalam Alykum Brother,

The Hijab comes Iman, As you have informed that she is making an effort which is the start. You have the right attitude not to force anything upon her. That will only turn her against islam. Be gently, Help her with advice, Increase your Iman and knowledge then pass that knowledge onto her. Once her Iman Increases and with the help of ALLAH SWT you will not be able to get the scarf off her head inshAllah :)
 
InshAllah you will convince your wife of the benefits for following the teachings of the Quran.
I don't think a husband beating or abusing wife would help, since this is something she needs to come to on her own from her heart and for the sole purpose of pleasing Allah.
 
Thank you Brothers and Sisters. Inshallah I will speak to her about it soon. Just waiting for the subject to come up.

Thank you for all your advice. It means a lot.
 
Last weekend we went to our local Islamic shop and my wife wore Hijab to go there. She says she will do it every Saturday.

It is a good sign Insha'Allah.
 
Makky said:
I guess the second step is telling her about the obligatory of Hijab, try do it with the same good tone you did it when you 1st spoke about hijab

the next step is to tell her about the punishment in the next life for those who don't wear hijab, but also with the same low tone , take it step by step and let us know what is her respond?
Click to expand...

To help me (and perhaps Hamayan) I'd be grateful if you would show me where it says that it is obligatory to wear the hijab and where it says what the punishment will be for not wearing the hijab?
 
Alhumdulillah that she is trying brother. InshaAllah she will continue trying and grow to love the hijab. Just one thing i may have misunderstood:

She dresses modestly and doesnt wear skirts etc but doesnt cover her head.
Click to expand...

What is wrong with skirts :?
 
Hamayun said:
My question is.. Is it true that I should I beat/force her to wear a scarf? She has accepted Islam on her own and seems to be making an effort with Ramadan and prayers. I can't bring myself to pressure her to wear hijab because I feel that will put her off.
Click to expand...

:sl:

Brother, the first thing you need to know is that the Arabic word used in the Quran does not mean BEAT it mean means HIT. And a hit, unlike the word beat, has various degrees and only a very light hit is allowed in certain cases (not whenever). You are not allowed to beat your wife in Islam under any circumstance.

As for your wife, take it easy on her. If you overwhelm her she will crack, she is only human after all. Focus first on what is more important, such as her prayers, fasting etc.
 
Hamayun said:
Asalam Alekum

Please forgive me if this is an ignorant question as I am still learning about Islam (Although I was born into a Muslim family I have only recently started learning)

My question pertains to a post I read earlier with regards to Hijab.



My wife is French and was a non practicing Christian until we got married. She has said her Shahada and converted to Islam. She is fasting and making an effort to change her life. But she does not cover her head yet.
She dresses modestly and doesnt wear skirts etc but doesnt cover her head.

My question is.. Is it true that I should I beat/force her to wear a scarf? She has accepted Islam on her own and seems to be making an effort with Ramadan and prayers. I can't bring myself to pressure her to wear hijab because I feel that will put her off.

I have told her the significance of the Hijab and left her to make the decision when she is ready. Is that the right thing to do?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hamayun
Click to expand...

:sl:

My friend you are very lucky. You have a new Muslim with you to demonstrate best of Islamic teachings and life-style. In this process you will learn a lot by yourself too.

I. Yes. It is true that Islam encourages to force it's rulings in specific manner [with respect to time and sapce]. In case of wives it has it's levels; first warn them, then stop sleeping with them and last is beating [slightly]. It is only allowed in case of major wrong-doings. Hijab is one of main teachings. But remember, Hijab must be observed in public places like shopping malls, traveling in public transport, educational institutes and similar places. It is not that much hard and fast at home.

II. As she is new to Islam and as you said she is struggling to learn new life-style. Then you must allow some time to let her understand.

III. I believe love is the most important thing in married life. Once she realized that you love her because she is a good Muslimah then she will try to improve herself [it is what i believe]. If you tell her you will not love her if she don't start practicing Hijab [in public places] then it will make her to think and change herself. I believe this will be enough and level of beating will not rise.

Check these articles for more understanding;

http://www.islamtoday.com/showme2.cfm?cat_id=37&sub_cat_id=647

http://www.islamicity.com/MOSQUE/ARABICSCRIPT/AYAT/2/2_187.htm

Husband and wife are like cloth for each other; this example is great to understand - we must treat our counterparts as we treat like clothings as least...

:w:

And Allah Knows Best
 
amani said:
Alhumdulillah that she is trying brother. InshaAllah she will continue trying and grow to love the hijab. Just one thing i may have misunderstood:

What is wrong with skirts :?
Click to expand...

There are various types of skirts... modest and immodest too...

I just recalled a movie "Short Circuit" the female lead character was dressed up in a pretty modest manner. I can say she was very near to the style of good women...

take time to watch this movie or yeah the one "honey i below up to kids" all parts...

Europe and US equally have good people even if they are not Muslims or Christians... it is the media that keep defaming all communities.

please have unbiased eyes...
 
Hamayun said:
Just for the record I have not put any pressure on her whatsoever. She seems genuinely interested in it especially after watching this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0hVIHtPrQI

Anyone who thinks Muslim women are oppressed needs to watch this. Straight from the sisters lips...
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this is good... in that case you must collect more information about Hijab [ref to sura noor in Quran and other aayat-e-mubarika too related to Hijab and modest life style for both men and women] and explain it to her... she seems a sensible person i hope she will get the spirit of it...
 

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