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Thread: question on marriage
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I have a sister who is interested in a brother for marriage. She saw him at an Islamic bookstore where he works. We would try to get in contact with the brother/his family, but the trouble is we don’t know them and they don’t know us so there is no way of initiating talks. We can’t directly approach him as a) we don’t know who he is/if he is married and all and b) even if we did, it may be very awkward, etc. we would also find out about him ourselves (indirectly) but that would be practically stalking, so if and when he finds out that a stranger knows his personal details, it would make him proper scared. and obviously, she cant get to know him.

So, if there is no one mutual person between the 2 parties to get things rolling, how should one go about getting married? Any ideas?
 
approaching a person during working hours(i believe) is the weirdest thing a person could do. It happened with me before i was at work, a man was watching me from across the stores for the longest time. I just thought it was ignorance and wanted to punch him then next minute he gave a piece of paper 2 another guy who i worked with 2 give to me and on it was written his mobil number and asking me was i single but he didnt stop there...he even approahed one of da managerz, in the end i called security to escort him out of the store i was that freaked out. LOL. So i think its best if u try and catch him finishing work when hez walking out as if ur asking 4 directionz or something.
 
is there anyone else that works at the bookstore? ask them in a respectable way maybe through a brother or father?
 
just aask a male member of your family or an associate to ask him if he is married or not and also ask if he is looking to get hitched. Be careful from the whispering of shataan
 
hmm that is kind of tricky, maybe a male relative of her's could get talking to him in the bookstore or something, strike up a conversation and get to know him a little and then ask him if he's married or looking to be married.

But like someone said, becareful not to freak him out.
 
cat eyes said:
approaching a person during working hours(i believe) is the weirdest thing a person could do. It happened with me before i was at work, a man was watching me from across the stores for the longest time. I just thought it was ignorance and wanted to punch him then next minute he gave a piece of paper 2 another guy who i worked with 2 give to me and on it was written his mobil number and asking me was i single but he didnt stop there...he even approahed one of da managerz, in the end i called security to escort him out of the store i was that freaked out. LOL. So i think its best if u try and catch him finishing work when hez walking out as if ur asking 4 directionz or something.
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That made me laugh;D

Cute story
 
Have the girls male relative ask about him , see who his friends are. Or have the male relative directly talk to him, you could also ask the local imam they usually know families and whose who.
 
AnonymousGender said:
I have a sister who is interested in a brother for marriage. She saw him at an Islamic bookstore where he works. We would try to get in contact with the brother/his family, but the trouble is we don’t know them and they don’t know us so there is no way of initiating talks. We can’t directly approach him as a) we don’t know who he is/if he is married and all and b) even if we did, it may be very awkward, etc. we would also find out about him ourselves (indirectly) but that would be practically stalking, so if and when he finds out that a stranger knows his personal details, it would make him proper scared. and obviously, she cant get to know him.

So, if there is no one mutual person between the 2 parties to get things rolling, how should one go about getting married? Any ideas?
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Just go up to him and ask him, "are you married?"

If he replied yes or no, you have your answer.
If he asks, why, say you know somebody that is interested in marriage. It's straightforward and is the truth.
Go for it.

Peace.
 
If someone did that to me at work, I'd be freaked out.
 
AnonymousGender said:
she thought he was attractive, liked the way he modestly behaved and thought he may be a good chance. whats wrong with that? its what lots people do.

thanks for your replies.
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:sl:anyway if hes willing to meet her of course after you ask him she could arrange a meeting place with her wali present of course and she can get to know him like that. good luck inshaAllah
 
cat eyes said:
approaching a person during working hours(i believe) is the weirdest thing a person could do. It happened with me before i was at work, a man was watching me from across the stores for the longest time. I just thought it was ignorance and wanted to punch him then next minute he gave a piece of paper 2 another guy who i worked with 2 give to me and on it was written his mobil number and asking me was i single but he didnt stop there...he even approahed one of da managerz, in the end i called security to escort him out of the store i was that freaked out. LOL. So i think its best if u try and catch him finishing work when hez walking out as if ur asking 4 directionz or something.
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I think you enjoy it sister or may be you keep looking at him and gave him encourage to do so otherwise nobody can do it without women permission
 
nilufer said:
I think you enjoy it sister or may be you keep looking at him and gave him encourage to do so otherwise nobody can do it without women permission
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hummm no i did not encourage him because i am shy and i don't look at people only if its for a minute id look up at the person but believe me i would not do it for long. i thought it was ignorance he was watching me and believe it or not made me angry i was working on the floor so thats what might have caught his eye he was old i think 28 or 30 something like this.. he even told me where he worked and everything lol you know the way some men are just way to charming and confident that they believe that they can get what they want. i think he was trying his hardest to act like a bollywood actor it was just so funny
 
anyway i was blessed at that time to have muslim security guards there. they could tell this guy was stalking me because they were keeping an eye on him and didn't only escort him out but gave him a big kick also ;D gosh i loved working there wish i could go back. felt so protected :shade:
 
AnonymousGender said:
I have a sister who is interested in a brother for marriage. She saw him at an Islamic bookstore where he works. We would try to get in contact with the brother/his family, but the trouble is we don’t know them and they don’t know us so there is no way of initiating talks. We can’t directly approach him as a) we don’t know who he is/if he is married and all and b) even if we did, it may be very awkward, etc. we would also find out about him ourselves (indirectly) but that would be practically stalking, so if and when he finds out that a stranger knows his personal details, it would make him proper scared. and obviously, she cant get to know him.

So, if there is no one mutual person between the 2 parties to get things rolling, how should one go about getting married? Any ideas?
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In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb

Dear Sister,

I pray you're in good health and spirits.

It's perfectly acceptable for you to propose marriage to the brother.

It is advisable to have a mahram approach the brother on your behalf. A mahram would be your father, brother, grandfather, or uncle.

If you don't have a mahram, then you should appoint an upstanding Muslim male to be your guardian (wali) in this matter. Many sisters often ask an Imam or scholar to function in this capacity.

The reason for appointing a wali is so that you have someone to advocate for you.

When you obtain the brother's contact information, the best thing to do is to send your mahram or representative to meet the brother. If things look good, then you can go ahead and arrange to meet his family.

Performing Salat al-Istikhara (the Guidance Prayer) and Salat al-Hajah (the Prayer of Need) is a strong sunna.

Please read more about these two special prayers at:

Salat al-Istikhara (The Guidance Prayer)

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1056&CATE=4

The Prayer of Need

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1117&CATE=4

And Allah knows best.
 
cat eyes said:
anyway i was blessed at that time to have muslim security guards there. they could tell this guy was stalking me because they were keeping an eye on him and didn't only escort him out but gave him a big kick also ;D gosh i loved working there wish i could go back. felt so protected :shade:
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good riddance dogs like him are all over the street :raging: