Taken from a fisabilillah publication; "Marriage - A form of Ibadah"
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ETIQUETTES OF NIKAH
Nikah should be publicized, and performed in public as our Nabi r
has advised; 'Perform nikah with announcement and in the Masjid.’
-Ma'ariful Hadith
Another lesson from the ahadith is that it is preferable to perform nikah
in the Masjid, preferably after a Salaah, when a greater number of
Ulama and pious people will be present; whose presence will attract
the mercy of Allah I, and whose du’a will benefit the newly-married.
Unfortunately common behaviour of Muslims on occasions of nikah is
extremely disrespectful of the Masajid. Muslims, who are on the true
path, should contrast this with the behaviour of non-Muslims inside
their places of worship, and think which is more better/appropriate. At
all times we must uphold the sanctity of the Masjid.
Rasulullah r commented, 'Do not make a commotion like that of
markets.’
-Abu Dawud
An Alim (or pious person), should perform the nikah. After the sermon
(khutbah), should the proposal and acceptance take place. The
bridegroom should ensure he recites the complete sentence: 'I have
accepted,' clearly, so that others may hear.
Cultures vary, and many ways of performing the nikah and conducting
ceremonies have been coined. The Sunnah du'a of congratulating the
newly weds is (only) the following:
[Arabic Text]
BARAKAL-LAHU LAKA WA BARAKAL-LAHU
`ALAYKA WAJAM`A BAYNAKUM
FI KHAYR.
'May Allah bless you and shower His blessings
on you and may He grant you both a
pleasant and prosperous life.’
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Regarding the Engagement;
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ENGAGEMENT
Rasulullah r commented:
‘When some pious person of noble character sends a proposal of nikah
to your home, then accept his proposal. Otherwise, there will be great
tribulations and anarchy upon earth.’
-Tirmidhi
'No Muslim should propose upon the proposal of another Muslim,
until he either marries or withdraws his proposal.'
- Mishkhat
Engagement is a promise between prospective spouses and/or their
families of marriage.
The custom of having an engagement party; engagement cards;
distribution of sweets, cakes, drinks or any other silly arrangement is
incorrect.
One must however remember that this like any other promise or
pledge is no light matter. One must consider very carefully before
making this promise on one’s own marriage or on behalf of others,
and thereafter this promise must be honoured. Only in the event of
the disclosure of a hidden fault/vice can this promise be
reconsidered.
PERMISSIBLE ACTS FOR AN ENGAGED PERSON
The meeting, touching, seeing, and acting like a couple of the
prospective spouses with each other, before marriage, without
nikah, is Haram, even after engagement. Until they do not perform
the nikah, they are like strangers and are not permissible for each
other.
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Regarding the Walimah;
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WALIMAH (FEEDING AFTER THE MARRIAGE NIGHT)
Rasulullah r commented;
‘If one is invited to a walimah, they should accept it.'
‘To eat of that walimah is makruh wherein only the rich are invited and
not the needy or destitute. Whomsoever declines an invitation (without
a legitimate reason), has acted contrary to the command of Allah I and
His Messenger r’’.
-Ma’ariful Hadith
Walimah is offered by the new husband, and is an act of virtue as well
as a display of appreciation towards the new wife and her family. It’s
status has been emphasised by the Prophet r as a time of happiness
and a time to show additional thankfulness towards Allah I.
THE PROPHET’S R EXAMPLE
On the marriage of the Prophet of Allah r to Safiyyah y, on the return
journey from the Khaybar expedition, he r requested his companions
t to bring whatever food they had available for walimah, even if it
were a few dates. This shows that the Prophet’s r example was of
simplicity. And that the main reason of walimah is the getting together
of people to symbolize the importance of marriage.
A’ishah y relates that at her Walimah there were no camels or sheep
slaughtered. A bowl of milk was given by the family of Sa'd bin Ubadah
t and this on its own sufficed as the Walimah.
Muslims who consider it as socially essential to have a large Walimah
wherein dozens of different foods are usually served with countless
other extravagances, simply cannot understand as to why the
Prophet r chose such simplicity.
Anas t narrates, 'The walimah Nabi r gave after marrying Zaynab bint
Jahash y was the largest he had given.’
On that occasion, Nabi r arranged for a sheep to feed the guests, and
Ummu Sulaym y, (the mother of Anas t) sent Hareera (a special
soup). Nabi r had instructed Anas t to invite many friends by name,
as well as anyone who he happened to meet. A total of about 300 men
gathered at the residence of Nabi r who whilst reciting a du'a
instructed people to eat in clusters of ten, and to eat from in front of
them. After all had eaten to their fill, Nabi r requested the food be
removed. Anas comments, 'At the time of removal, I was unable to
distinguish, whether more food was present when I had served the
meal, or upon its completion!'
Nabi r had although generously invited a large number of people for
this walimah, no expensive halls had to be hired, there was thus no
ghibat or gossip, no intermingling of sexes, no time wasting after the
food had been eaten, no pomp, no show. This showed that the
Prophet’s r example was not only simplicity but also hateful of
extravagance.
Regarding walimah:
• It is Sunnah for the new husband's family to offer walimah. There is
no basis in the Shari'ah for the new wife’s family to hold any party.
• Upon arrival at a Walimah if one finds any form of sin taking place,
then one should leave immediately.
• It is wrong to incur debt in order to have a walimah.
• Salaah and other Islamic obligations must not be compromised by
any of the hosts or guests.
• It is idiocy for one to think it is a requirement of nobility and rank to
hold an extravagant, wasteful meal and invite many. Where are
we, our peers and our interpretation of honour and respect
compared to the example of our beloved Prophet r and his
companions y?
• The ill-practices of intermingling of the sexes, photography, music
and all the other ‘stuff’ that now have become part of the
ceremonies are sins totally against the Shari’ah.
• It is not permissible to bring any extra people (or children) with
those who have been invited without prior permission.
• If the revenue of the inviting person are known or strongly thought
to be of ill-means (this is anything not permissible according
I have the whole thing in pdf.
But seeing as how I'm not, perhaps others are more suited for this. :thumbs_up
