Really confused and I need urgent replies!!

[i need help]

So I am worried right now that I don’t believe in allah. I think this because I am getting continuous thoughts in my head that I don’t believe like if I do or think of something like doing an Islamic act I get a thought like you are not a Muslim so you don’t have to do it. I normally just ignore these thoughts and think nothing of them. However I have a feeling I have done shirk. This is because I say that I believe in allah and constantly say the shahadah but I have a weird feeling in my stomach and I think. That I don’t believe and I’m just forcing myself but I don’t want to become a kafir. Also I normally get these thoughts and feeling at night and I have no worries or doubts about Islam but I still just get a constant feeling that I don’t believe and it’s horrible it’s like I just don’t care anymore. Also when I think of allah I can’t cry when I am trying to be sincere and I wanna fear allah but it’s like I can’t. Is this the doing of shaytaan. Also I always think that other Muslims are lucky as they don’t have to go through what I have to at the moment. This feeling has been going on for some time and I used to read my namaz and Quran but I have unfortunately have stopped and I am continuously making thoughts of doing so. Also how do you know if you believe in allah like I know that I follow the rules of Islam and do stuff what Muslims do like read the shahadah, read Sarah’s from time to time and listen to nasheeds but I still get a feeling like I don’t believe and that I am a non Muslim and a am forcing myself and I have looked up the definition of shirk and it’s to believe in another god than allah and I don’t believe in any god other than allah but what are the sighns and how do you know you believe or if I am committing shirk. Also lastly if I do small things like read bismillsh before eating and saying I believe throughout the day is this a sign of Emaan please help me i am struggling and I am only 15.Finally I also try and persuade my thoughts that i believe by saying each things that are wrong with other religions and facts that back Islam up on things that are said in the Quran and how do you know you believe in the heart. Also lastly please can you answer all my quieries in the paragraph above I’m sorry it’s long it just really important and I wanted to give all the details.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Assalamu Alaykum bro,

Also when I think of allah I can’t cry when I am trying to be sincere and I wanna fear allah but it’s like I can’t. Is this the doing of shaytaan. Also I always think that other Muslims are lucky as they don’t have to go through what I have to at the moment.

You don't need to literally cry when thinking of Allah. There is nothing wrong in not shedding tears. Know that, some people by nature are more emotional than others and cry easily whereas others do not. It's okay if you don't cry and is not necessarily shaytan preventing you or a sign of lacking iman.

Having said that, spend time reading about the Prophet and his companions and the time of the Prophets from previous communities. The stories you read will likely soften your heart as you imagine yourself in their shoes and how they must have felt. I think your heart will likely melt on learning of their good behaviours at the time of hardship.

I would also like to say that Allah is merciful and loving to us. He is not someone we should only have fear of. We should love for him and yearn for his acceptance and want to be in his presence. Fear should also be there but it should be balanced with love and hope.

Also how do you know if you believe in allah like I know that I follow the rules of Islam and do stuff what Muslims do like read the shahadah, read Sarah’s from time to time and listen to nasheeds but I still get a feeling like I don’t believe and that I am a non Muslim and a am forcing myself

If you believe Allah is real and that he is the creator and sustainer of the universe and all that it contains and that Muhammad, peace be upon him, is his Prophet and messenger and the Quran that he gave us is the true revelation from Allah, then you are Muslim. Anything else causing doubt in your mind is shaytan and you should ignore those kind of thoughts. The more you dwell, the stronger these negative thoughts become.

and I have looked up the definition of shirk and it’s to believe in another god than allah and I don’t believe in any god other than allah but what are the sighns and how do you know you believe or if I am committing shirk.

Like you said, you don't believe in God other than Allah. So, no. You are not committing shirk. End of.

Also lastly if I do small things like read bismillsh before eating and saying I believe throughout the day is this a sign of Emaan

Yes. You are saying bismillah because it is something recommended by Islam and because you believe in Islam.

Please stop doubting yourself. Keep things simple, don't over-complicate. You don't need to sit all day saying to yourself 'I believe', 'I believe'. It's OCD like behaviour. Please take my advice and try to stop over thinking. Seriously, the more you ignore this, the less it happens. Just accept that you are a Muslim and continue to educate yourself on Islam and doing righteous deeds.