Really depressed my faith I want it back

[TheLostOne23]

These kufr thoughts are driving me insane I even uttered kufr by accident multiple times without realising it. I know I'm not supposed to dwell but I can't just leave such evil thoughts I want them gone and now I can feel my iman being ripped from me slowly losing my love for Allah [emoji20]. Why did this happen I know there are trails but my faith is important to me but look I begged and begged and cried but nothing happened and I'm still being damaged. I think I angered Allah and now my heart has been sealed and I failed the test. Because I feel nothing no more nothing I was human with Islam now I feel hollow kind of like how a hypocrite is described. I hate my self and I don't want to go to hell but I want my faith not these thoughts and I asked for helped and made dua but these thoughts are becoming stronger and stronger and now I'm uttering bad things when I don't want to and my brain thinks negatively about Islam. Everytime someone says something about Islam I get a kufr thought and when I self talk I get kufr thoughts YET I DONT WANT THIS I JUST WANT TO BE A MUSLIM I DONT WANT TO DESPAIR IN ALLAH MERCY BUT LOOK AT ME. My faith is still dying and I can feel it I can feel it. [emoji20] now I feel doomed my anxiety and depression doesn't help. How can I get my Islam back how?! I don't want to be a Kafir and I still get kufr thoughts on my head like it became a part of me and I even get thoughts calling me a kafir even though I say I'm not by mouth. I hate myself I ruined everything including my faith I ruined it. I guess my cries and pleas are all fake and a act like a hypocrite but I'm not aware of it [emoji20] so I guess I'm doomed forever. Maybe I'm lying right now to get attention I don't even know I still pray but I want my Muslim heart but I guess I will die a loser. I felt like a happy person with faith strong but now I'm depressed, suicidal and my faith is low. I'm also sure I acted incorrectly to the test and failed but I blame my sins as well for this I am evil I should die.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

Recite Darood Shareef constantly.

 

[Khalid Saifullah]

Always try to be in a state of purity and be constantly in the state of zikrullah. Recite the manzil abd four quls daily. This drives away the shaitaan. Don't approach wrong or impure places. If this does not help , see a reliable Aamil (not Aalim).

And Allâh Ta’ala knows best

 

[Alpha Dude]

You are needlessly getting depressed.

These thoughts are from shaytan and what you need to do is simply ignore them.

Allah is not unjust. He knows what you truly believe and he knows these are thoughts that shaytan is putting into your head that you have no control over and he won't punish you for them.

The more you dwell on them, the more power you give shaytan over you.

So, ignore them. No matter how severe, or evil the thoughts, don't pay attention to them. Seek refuge in Allah from shaytan and carry on about your business. In time, these thoughts will reduce in intensity and frequency in sha Allah.