Relations before marriage

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solidus28

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Salam brothers and sisters,

About 5 years ago, I committed zina, hamdillah im still a virgin but I still did things I'm not proud of. I suffered physically and mentally, through weight loss and nervous breakdowns. I repented and moved on. I met this beautiful muslim girl, but its more of a long distance friendship where both parents know. I became infatuated with someone from here non-muslim and it seems I'm in the same position as I was five years ago. I don't know why, but now I became disinterested in the muslim girl, and I'm very nervous, I can't even concentrate in school or religion. I tried to study islam and pray but, I still don't understand, I'm lost and I don't know what to do. Anyone have any suggestions, salam.
 
Wa Alaikum Assalam brother..

first of all, i would say that when someone commits a sin, it is best not to say it in public, infact it is prefered to hide yoru sin if you don't have wintnesses, that way you will feel even mmore guilty and will ask for Allah's forgiveness and if he forgives you then you are blessed, but those chances are reduced unless punished when you proclaim your sin...

"It was narrated that Saalim ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: I heard Abu Hurayrah say: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“All of my ummah will be fine except for those who commit sin openly. Part of committing sin openly is when a man does something at night and Allaah conceals it, but in the morning he says, ‘O So-and-so, last night I did such and such.’ His Lord had covered his sin all night, but in the morning he removed the cover of Allaah.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990)

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar said:

Concerning the command to cover or conceal, a hadeeth was narrated which does not meet the conditions of al-Bukhaari. This is the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Umar which is attributed to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Avoid these obscenities which Allaah has forbidden. Whoever commits any of them, let him be concealed with the concealment of Allaah.” The hadeeth was narrated by al-Haakim and is also included in al-Muwatta’ as one of the mursal reports of Zayd ibn Aslam. "

(Source: http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/9562)


As to what you said about your problem.. the straight forward thing would be to marry as soon as possible if youa re of the age and ability..

If not you should fast, the main thing is that youare not ineterested because of anything else but perhaps it is a form of infatuation , or just a sexual attraction to what is there already with you.

think about Shaytaan who is leading you in the wrong directions and Allah who saves you and to please Him you would have to stay away from any immoral deeds..

Try and offer salat, and remember Allah many times a day and the best option is to enagge yourself in a socail circle that remembers Allah, go out with friends, speak to your parents do not let yourself be alone...


These thoughts haunt one most when they are alone...If you keep yourself busy ( not by "reading" something at home )but physically enaging like sports or spedning time with friends and going out etc..

InshaAllah you will soon get distracted, also try and read the translation of the Quraan, it helps if you don't know how to read arabic..

May Allah ahve mercy on you and keep youa way from sin and shaytaan, ameen.
 
My first thing I will say is that if you are interested in one person, then avoid mixing and being free with anyone like a plague. If you don't want to marry the muslim girl then the respectable thing is to end it with her. You cannot be true to anyone if you aren't true to yourself. The shaytan is always trying to mislead us. Ultimately it's up to us to prevent ourselves falling into his trap.
 
salaam bro,

thats why Allah said to lower gaze and avoid mixing with opposite gender. it will keep going like that...u'll like one leave other, etc. u have to bring a full stop.

keep connected with Allah and islam. moving away will bring more problems. set ur mind to marry a muslim girl and spend ur life with her.

seek Allah's help, forgiveness and mercy. as He is capable to do all things!

may Allah help us all.
 
:sl:

Its sound like you are searching for happiness. Happiness comes from Allah. You would not find happiness in relationships alone, I know its half our deen and its very important and everything but we need to get our priorities straight over here. If Happiness is what you are looking at try to improve you connection with Allah. This is infact a great time, since Ramadan in comming soon. Make a commitment to improve you relationship with Allah and Allah will make it easier for you.
 
solidus28 said:
Salam brothers and sisters,

About 5 years ago, I committed zina, hamdillah im still a virgin but I still did things I'm not proud of. I suffered physically and mentally, through weight loss and nervous breakdowns. I repented and moved on. I met this beautiful muslim girl, but its more of a long distance friendship where both parents know. I became infatuated with someone from here non-muslim and it seems I'm in the same position as I was five years ago. I don't know why, but now I became disinterested in the muslim girl, and I'm very nervous, I can't even concentrate in school or religion. I tried to study islam and pray but, I still don't understand, I'm lost and I don't know what to do. Anyone have any suggestions, salam.
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What is the religion of the girl you are interested in? If she is Jew or Christian you are permitted to marry her, although how a muslim man would go about that process I do not know. If you do not want to marry the muslim girl than do not as it would be unfair to you and most all to her. Have you thought of just not choosing either of them and waiting for someone else?
 
Assalamualaikum,

Brother... I think I have experience something similar. not so long ago I once fell in love with a protestant gal. She was a beautiful & a very good person. I'm not sure how strong is your iman, but proceed with caution if you think that it is love that you are feeling. Just make sure that it is not lust that controls you in making your decisions. Begin with the end in mind and ask your self of your true intention of why do you want to be with her and be clear of your direction. Insyallah if it is your takdir and destiny for you to welcome her to our brotherhood. Insyallah He will help you.

As for me; my relationship with that girl didn't last long. I did not think that I was strong enough to carry the 'responsibility' nor that I was ready to face the challenges ..... our relationship was greatly opposed by the family. Her father was a pastor.... I decided to leave her before I cause her more harm than good.

Salam.
 

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