Relatives making problems between us

[anonymous]

I have been studying abroad with my sister. She had spoken ill about me to my mom through the phone callings. She has caused my mom to constantly misinterpret and misunderstand me. Now it's holiday, we're together and I can't get along with my mom as my sis has given her a certain picture about me "She's cold and angry all the time, she never speaks a word to anyone etc.". Now whenever I'm silent for one moment, my mom judges me as cold, angry and non-smiling.... My mom and I haven't seen each other in a while. While our time apart should naturally bring us closer, it seems like the opposite has happened.

My sister is a nice and loving person, mashAllah. But sadly shaytaan has led her to this bad habit of backbiting.

Sometimes it hurts me... It's my mom afterall, and she has a high status in religion. I already had a bad relationship with her in the past due to some of our disagreements. I tried to fix it, I tried to please her, I tried to listen to her wishes (clean the house, participate more in house work, cook, go shopping with her, discuss topics she likes). But it seems I can't do more than this to improve our relationship.

My mom doesn't accept me the way I am. She wants me to be a 'party girl'. One who shows the beauty of her body (wears body-tight clothes), has friendship with guys... My mom's an amazing person when it comes to manners, hospitality, serving her husband and children, but she has the "life's short, and you're young and beautiful, you should go and enjoy in parties." -way of thinking.

I will soon move to my own apartment inshAllah so for now it looks like this won't be troubling my life soon, but do you think I should just accept our relationship as it is now and avoid arguments?

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I have been studying abroad with my sister. She had spoken ill about me to my mom through the phone callings. She has caused my mom to constantly misinterpret and misunderstand me. Now it's holiday, we're together and I can't get along with my mom as my sis has given her a certain picture about me "She's cold and angry all the time, she never speaks a word to anyone etc.". Now whenever I'm silent for one moment, my mom judges me as cold, angry and non-smiling.... My mom and I haven't seen each other in a while. While our time apart should naturally bring us closer, it seems like the opposite has happened.

My sister is a nice and loving person, mashAllah. But sadly shaytaan has led her to this bad habit of backbiting.

Sometimes it hurts me... It's my mom afterall, and she has a high status in religion. I already had a bad relationship with her in the past due to some of our disagreements. I tried to fix it, I tried to please her, I tried to listen to her wishes (clean the house, participate more in house work, cook, go shopping with her, discuss topics she likes). But it seems I can't do more than this to improve our relationship.

My mom doesn't accept me the way I am. She wants me to be a 'party girl'. One who shows the beauty of her body (wears body-tight clothes), has friendship with guys... My mom's an amazing person when it comes to manners, hospitality, serving her husband and children, but she has the "life's short, and you're young and beautiful, you should go and enjoy in parties." -way of thinking.

I will soon move to my own apartment inshAllah so for now it looks like this won't be troubling my life soon, but do you think I should just accept our relationship as it is now and avoid arguments?

Sorry for the late response to your issues. Mashallah it is a good quality to defend the actions and make excuses for those who have wronged you but you should certainly open up to your sister about how you feel and that her actions is causing a rift between you and your mother as it seems her constant backbiting is increasing the rift between you and your mother rather than making things any better. Be gentle towards her and try to get her to open up. Ask her why she is behaving in this manner. Is she competitive with you?

Try to resolve this matter between you and your sister as it seems there are unresolved issues and some sort of resentment in her and that is why she is constantly backbiting you. Does your sister live up to your mothers ideal image of wanting her daughters to be party girls and talk to guys etc?

You should also make her aware of the severe punishments regarding backbiting and slander which are that a person who practises such a evil will eat the flesh of the person they backbitten. You should make her realise what a major sin it is and that she must stop doing it for her own good.

It is very praiseworthy that you have resisted becoming the type of person that your mother wants you to be and that you are holding onto your Islamic morals and values. You should NEVER let anything get in the way of fulfilling your obligations unto Allah. You should continue to hold onto Islamic morals and values and to implement that which is in the Qur'an and Sunnah when it comes to the way you should live every aspect of your life.

You should certainly always give goodness in return to your mother and sister regardless of how they are towards you as this is most pleasing to Allah. You should always try to mend things rather than leaving things how they are. Give gifts to your mother and sister and hugs etc to soften their hearts towards you. Ask of Allah to soften their hearts towards you and for them to behave better towards you and that if there is something in you that must change in order to rectify things between you, your mother and sister for Allah to help you rectify it.

To maintain ties of kinship is of paramount importance in islam so you should always try to maintain the ties and relationship between you, your mother and sister regardless of how they are towards you or how they treat you as you are doing so for the pleasure of Allah!

Treat your mother the best and with love and kindness and help her out as much as you can and know that this is most pleasing to Allah and the best of deeds. See all of this as an opportunity to please Allah the most and get closer to him.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next. Ameen