Resisting Shaytaan's Temptations

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anonymous

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Asalamualkum brothers and sisters.

I have a serious problem……….but I feel very embarrassed to talk about it. So that’s why I choose to come here and do it privately.


My situation is………… I am literally a nano second away from committing a major sin. I am 21 years old and have another two years before I finish uni.


In that time I have been fasting, but please brothers and sisters understand that I cannot fast everyday. I just do Mondays and Thursdays.

But this is still not helping me, I have many girl mates that are non-Muslims and they know I am Muslim so they tease me. I try to stay away from them but I see them nearly everyday in class. Also even if a girl talks to me genuinely I, you know……….feel like that.

I think that there is something wrong with me. Because its just sooooo hard for me to not think the way I do. I feel as though I am going to burst and just commit it if I get half the chance.

I am sooooo sorry guys if this is to explicit, please forgive me. If u think I should remove it please tell me. And sorry sisters.


And also I cannot get married now, I live on my parents, I cannot even support my self there’s no way I will be able to support a wife, the way a husband is required to do Islamicly..

Please tell me what I should do? I am very sad, cause its affecting me really badly.
I might go have a chat with my doctor, but I also feel very embarrassed.

Please guys don’t think I am disgusting. I know I might sound a bit disturbed and I apologise for it.

But I really am in a bad state and my surrounding is not helping me………I was considering dropping out of uni for a bit, but than I really just want to finish off my degree get a job and marry nice Muslim woman.


I think my fear of Allah (swt) has kept me going all this time but really am starting to break down now! :cry:
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

salams bro..

may allah help u, but take a moment to think about the regret you'll feel when you get married and realise that your wife will think you're a virgin and ur really not... also think of it in terms of the physical problems that could accompany it..

just because ur not finanically able to get married,doesn't mean u cant do the marriage contract nwo and then move out when you're able to do so, so inshalah think srsly about getting married and avoid this haram.

if you checkout the "guilt threads" here you'll notice its just a few moments of self-uncontrol and then a load of guilt follows.

so learn from the mistakes of others bro!!!!

all the best inshalah :)

:w:
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

But we cannot act upon it so its not so great when we need to control ourselves.
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

Allhumdullah, I thank u all for you responses,

But what I really wanted was some practical advice…………something i can do? I know I am being a bit illogical here but anything, really any suggestion would help!


Brother you suggested that I can still get married? R u suggesting a temporary marriage?
I thought mutah marriages were forbidden now!

Besides that would be like using a woman purely for sex, and also she will be my wife that means I got to provide food for her, clothes and also time spent with my wife. Marriages is not that simple. Especially for a guy that is studying and not in any means to cater for another person……………


Jazzakah Allah for your responses though
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

anonymous said:
Allhumdullah, I thank u all for you responses,

But what I really wanted was some practical advice…………something i can do? I know I am being a bit illogical here but anything, really any suggestion would help!


Brother you suggested that I can still get married? R u suggesting a temporary marriage?
I thought mutah marriages were forbidden now!

Besides that would be like using a woman purely for sex, and also she will be my wife that means I got to provide food for her, clothes and also time spent with my wife. Marriages is not that simple. Especially for a guy that is studying and not in any means to cater for another person……………


Jazzakah Allah for your responses though
Click to expand...

no bro no1 here encouraged mutah... im sayin u could get married 2 her permanently but living 2gether once ur able 2do that... here check dis out insh

http://www.islamicboard.com/marriage-islam/34160-clarification-celibate-marriage.html


:w: :)
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

ps: nothin2do with her being purely for.. it's just the halal way of stoppin ur haram desires from taking over u as well as the other good things a wife can help her husband with if she's good.
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

If its that hard for you, than leave uni man..or just stay away from the girls.. make them upset, that way they wont wanna talk to you or come close to you.. hope it all works put for you bro..
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

Explain to them the problem. Tell them the truth.
 
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Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

Walaikum assalam brother,

Firstly please dont apologise for the post. MashAllah you have acknowledged that there is a problem and you are trying to find a solution. InshaAllah I hope you will find one.

Firstly it seems that the company you hold, the non-muslim girls, plays a major part in the way you are feeling. InshaAllah try as best as you can to find friends that will help to bring you closer to Allah swt.

Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said: "The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk, and the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows. So as for the seller of musk then either he will grant you some, or you buy some from him, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the one who blows the blacksmith's bellows then either he will burn your clothes or you will get an offensive smell from him." [Bukhari and Muslim].

Secondly, think about the respect your wife will have for you when she realises that you didnt commit zina before you married her and are still a virgin. Keep reminding yourself of how big a sin it is.

“And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way.” (Al-Israa’: 32)

Bro inshaAllah keep yourself busy in your studies and dhikr of Allah swt. May Allah swt keep you steadfast and help you to do that which benefits you in the next life, inshaAllah.

Sister Du'aa
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

:sl:

My Dear Brother, it's so great that you've come forward for help! Do not be ashamed for bringing up such a topic, after all... we are your brothers and sisters in Islam! :) Wa Al7amdulilah...

Your post is as if you're talking to me a year ago or so... I was in the same situation - going nuts in university, afraid that I'd eventually break and fall into the trap of the Shaytan. I'm not going to pretty-up your situation... it's very tough, so expect it to be. If you're prepared to face it realistically, then InshAllah you will make it through just fine InshAllah.

I would just like to say that above I said that your post reminded me of myself in the past doesn't mean I do not face tempation now (I'm not married yet now either), but Al7amdulilah I've learned to realize the risks and I'm dealing with the situation much better now than before... don't get me wrong, I'm not sailing through being single so smoothly, but definately past the worst of it I believe. Wa Al7amdulilah.

Here are some tips and reminders that I used to get myself through the hardest moments, and still do. As I give you this advise, I'm giving it to myself too:

- Avoid anything that reminds you of sex. It's too easy to watch a movie and end up watching a sex scene or something of the sort. So, avoid movies that are sexually explicit. You can tell most of the time from the movie rating. Some brothers and sisters here would advise you to stop watching movies completely if they're not of an Islam topic - this would obviously be the most ideal, but we are human and cannot expect ourselves to go cold-turkey in one day. Work towards this goal with the best of efforts and intentions InshAllah. Also, avoid music that is of a sexually explicit nature. Listening to a woman singing about this topic would only lead your imagination to unwanted territory (maybe not ALL the time, but eventually it may possibly do).

- Avoid interacting with women on-campus or at work too much. Definately avoid getting toooooo friendly with women. Do not be secluded with another woman who you are not ma7ram to, after all... the Shaytan is the third.

- Avoid women you have feelings for or feel like you're developing feelings for. When you have an emotional attachment to a woman, obviously the next step would be to develop a sexual attraction or desire for her.

- This is very important... Avoid hanging around with guy-friends who do nothing but speak of women and brag of their experiences. Nothing more heavy to drag you down than hanging out with a bunch of your dude friends in a mall and it's a constant bombardment of "Hey check her out!" and "Did you see that one!". No matter how strong you are, I truly believe that with enough of this you'd end up sinking into it yourself. But Allah (SWT) knows best.

- Don't let yourself get sucked into thinking about women in a sexual manner. Once you start, your brain tends to take over and lead you straight to tempation.

- Avoid websites where you can download clips of a sexual nature. Even if you're not looking for it, you can easily download a clip that looks innocent enough, but it ends up having a nude scene or something of the sort. So be careful of what you download from the Internet.

- Make sure that if you're subscribed to any mailing lists on the Internet that they never send out jokes, pictures or videos of explicit content. Just save yourself the head ache and unsubscribe if you're unsure.

- Sleep on your right side, and definately avoid sleeping on your stomach. I'm not going to paint a picture for you here, I'm sure you can see the point.

- Remind yourself of the risks of sex and other sexual activities. You don't have to have sex to catch something, remember this. Also, do you really want to get into the possibilities of pregnancy, etc.? I didn't think so!

More important than anything above is the rememberance of Allah (SWT). It's not always easy to remember to do this, but this is an essential tool for getting through this. Whenever you have a thought or desire, just say to yourself "AstughfirAllah" and try your best to think of Allah (SWT). You don't have to neccessarily make Thikr, per se, but just think of Allah in whatever way you can to keep Him on your mind. And remember, do your absolute best to remain steadfast in your Salat. This alone would definately ease the way for you.

I recommend you read this thread... I think you should look into it, and see what's feasible and what's not.

http://www.islamicboard.com/marriage-islam/37137-parents-help-out-your-kids.html

One last point... no matter how far away in the distant future marriage looks to you, I'm sure by the time you get there you'd realize that it wasn't that long. Remain patient my Brother, you're not alone. Keep yourself occupied with productive activities and by spending time with people who will not lead you into temptation. Have faith in Allah (SWT) and pray that He keeps you chaste until marriage.

I pray that Allah (SWT) guides us all, and I pray that my advise here is sound and of the truth. If I have made any mistakes, they were mine alone. May Allah (SWT) forgive me, and us all. Ameen.

Good luck to you, my Brother.

:sl:
 
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Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

not be rude or anytin yeh, but you sound lik bit of a perv :p na lol bro im sure quite a lot of mandem and sistadem :p go through ya situation, its like you think others are doin it, why not me!

but what you gota remember is 1st of all its haraam! and that should be enough to put you off sex outside of marriage, but also you should think, theres a chance of you catchin sum disease and also whats the point of havin a few minutes of pleasure, when you can have eternal pleasure in jannah:D. also bro theres much more to life then thinkin about sex before marriage, explore the world, do good deeds, give charity, buy the local poor man some chips, help out wherever you can, this will keep your mind away from it, because like you said they are in your class so you cant avoid them, so lower your gaze and think about other stuff,

remem life is like a cricket match:D, you gotta like plan out your strategy, if you wanna lose and be in hell, then you go wild and do whatever you want, but if you want to win and be in jannah, then you have to do the basics, and do extra good deeds

theres not much advice one can give, its just about self control. and imagine when you get married, your probably gona want to have a virgin wife innit? and imagine your wife found out you werent a virgin she may not want u! so jus think it through bro, the road to hell is easy and any1 can get on dat road, but the road to jannah is hard, and there might be obstacles in d way but if you try to come close 2 Allah (swt) then he will come more close to you and then nothin will be in ya way of jannah




i hope you make the right decision :D
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

Brother hear me out insha'Allah, I'm almost in the same boat as you I left college for the same reasons last year.

Anyhow, I'll give you practical advise, and insha'Allah something else :)

Practicle things I did

Whenever I saw a 'friend' I'd TRY to think, "I wonder if she'd make a good wife" or I would think about what I liked about them, because in alot of cases it is only physical LUST, and once that feeling is OUT nothing is left for such a girl. So think to yourself honestly, "Would she teach my children to be Hafiz of Qu'ran?' or 'Is she even Muslim?' I know now your probably thinking 'ARGH THATS NOT GONNA WORK' but trust me it works for me, in the sense that the attraction doesnt go away but it is slowed or made smaller by the fact that you know they wouldnt be good wives.


Another practicle thing you can do is think about what 'sex' is. seriously, friends tease you? Tease them back, tell them, 'Well how you going to feel knowin your partner has slept around?' or 'Well at least me saving myself will make it extra special' << obviously you need to make it better LOL.


Wear islamic clothing from head to toe and keep your beard, just as the hijab can be a barriar between guys approachin girls the clothing are also the same for men, this is again as long as the guy is at least being abit modest, for me, when I was changing myself I used to wear a khamis, and I didnt speak to girls, but there were times where I would make mistakes, but thats not a problem as long as the mistakes are not many brother :)



Go in and out of class, spend more time praying, make sure you have ghusl in the morning and remember always that if you have any need that then after that your ghusl is gone and you might not get the opportunity to clean and might miss prayers!! In class you might talk to the girls, but outside class if you go straight to the prayer room or straight somewhere you wont give them a chance to do anything.


And finally, there is a story of a boy pious kid, who to cut the story short basically got trapped in a house with this beautiful girl who said have sex with me, and he did not want to, so he said let me go toilet first, and he went then he came out with doo doo rubbed on himself and then obviously she let him go. So whilst I dont say rub doo doo on yourself but if worst comes to worst wear attr taht many people might not like, or dont wash for a while, do those things to keep girls away. But when yor going masjid or something then be nice LOL.

But please bro if you need help PM me sometimes just talking about it helps, specially if the person your talking to is similar or going through the same :)
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

Assalamu alaikum bro.

I know their is lot of temptation in Uni and what people get upto.

My best advise is to get going with the Islamic Studebnt association in your Uni. Stick with them at most part and the brother's their, and limit your contact with the non-muslims (male & female).

When lectures are finished and you have nothing to do (i.e. research), than go home straight. Decline any offer of going out for a meals with your freind e.t.c.

IF their is a girl that is after you seriously, make it clear you don't wan't her. If that does not work. It is best to get rid of her anyway possible.

If you are smart, than say you are a muslim and give her plenty of materials about Islam, and dawah.
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

:sl:

I think you shouldn't be hanging around with the girls in the first place... you also shouldn't hang out with guys who hang out with girls... Time to make new friends! :thumbs_up

I'm at uni, and I only really associate with girls who don't hang around guys much.

You got any Muslim guys you can be friends with?
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

Al Habeshi said:
Brother hear me out insha'Allah, I'm almost in the same boat as you I left college for the same reasons last year.

Anyhow, I'll give you practical advise, and insha'Allah something else :)

Practicle things I did

Whenever I saw a 'friend' I'd TRY to think, "I wonder if she'd make a good wife" or I would think about what I liked about them, because in alot of cases it is only physical LUST, and once that feeling is OUT nothing is left for such a girl. So think to yourself honestly, "Would she teach my children to be Hafiz of Qu'ran?' or 'Is she even Muslim?' I know now your probably thinking 'ARGH THATS NOT GONNA WORK' but trust me it works for me, in the sense that the attraction doesnt go away but it is slowed or made smaller by the fact that you know they wouldnt be good wives.


Another practicle thing you can do is think about what 'sex' is. seriously, friends tease you? Tease them back, tell them, 'Well how you going to feel knowin your partner has slept around?' or 'Well at least me saving myself will make it extra special' << obviously you need to make it better LOL.


Wear islamic clothing from head to toe and keep your beard, just as the hijab can be a barriar between guys approachin girls the clothing are also the same for men, this is again as long as the guy is at least being abit modest, for me, when I was changing myself I used to wear a khamis, and I didnt speak to girls, but there were times where I would make mistakes, but thats not a problem as long as the mistakes are not many brother :)



Go in and out of class, spend more time praying, make sure you have ghusl in the morning and remember always that if you have any need that then after that your ghusl is gone and you might not get the opportunity to clean and might miss prayers!! In class you might talk to the girls, but outside class if you go straight to the prayer room or straight somewhere you wont give them a chance to do anything.


And finally, there is a story of a boy pious kid, who to cut the story short basically got trapped in a house with this beautiful girl who said have sex with me, and he did not want to, so he said let me go toilet first, and he went then he came out with doo doo rubbed on himself and then obviously she let him go. So whilst I dont say rub doo doo on yourself but if worst comes to worst wear attr taht many people might not like, or dont wash for a while, do those things to keep girls away. But when yor going masjid or something then be nice LOL.

But please bro if you need help PM me sometimes just talking about it helps, specially if the person your talking to is similar or going through the same :)
Click to expand...


I hope you don't mind a few words form a Christian. We also deal with this same issue -- though sadly far too many seem to ignore the obligation to remain chaste outside of marriage.

These words of Eesa are really excellent advice. One reason is because he addresses one of the central ways that Shaytan tries to attack us and make us stumble. Shaytan tries to get us to not recognize the other individual as a person, but just as a means to meet my physical needs, my sexual appetite. Eesa reminds us that the "other" is a real human being, not just a sex object met for your personal pleasure. You need to see her this way. And as you see her correctly, you will find yourself wanting to treat her the way you know that Allah intends for a man to treat a woman, that is with respect. If you respect her, love her, care for her, you will not want to involve her in haraam anymore than you wish for it yourself when in your right mind.

I say your right mind, because when these desires take over your mind, it seems to me that you are no longer completely in your right mind. In your right mind you are focused on Allah, submitting to him, knowing that life is a test, but a test that you can pass. When you feel like a major sin is only a nano second away, it must be that you have forgotten that Allah is ever and always present.

From a Christian perspective, we understand ourselves to be the temple of God's Holy Spirit. That is that God is not off someplace else far away watching us, but actually dwells within us. When I think of this, I realize that if I sin with my body, I am asking God to sin with me. I can think of nothing more haraam. It is frightening to think that I might invite the God I worship as holy to be joined with me while I am participating in such a sinful act. Well, you probably don't think in the same way, and I don't mean to impose my faith on you, but you can still imagine that Allah is with you as Al-Waliyy (الولى) The Protecting Friend or as Al-Mu'izz (المعز) The Giver of Honour. What would it mean to be engaged in such activity when he who is always present with you would be asked to observe this within you.

Now, let me try to paint a very fine line. The feelings that are welling up within you are very natural. Allah created you (and every other person) this way to be attracted to one another. But he also created us with a mind and a will with which to control our natural urges. If you give in to them you are behaving not as a human being, but as a dog might. (Or perhaps I could have said any other animal -- an ape or a pig, think of what that means.) Yes, you have these natural urges, but Allah is there to give you supernatural help in the midst of this. Allah is greater. Have you not learned this in your prayers? It is not just words. It is truth, and you must learn to turn these urges over to him to help you. For in truth, on your own, you probably are not strong enough, but with Allah as your helper you surely are.

So what are you to do?

1) Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition (I guess in Islam you say dua), with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

2) Remember, many live as enemies of God. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.

3) So you, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

This last bit of advice will help you fill yourself with something else than the lust of the moment. You cannot make lust go away just be wisihing it away or saying that you are not going to think about girls. You were not made that way. But you can fill you mind with something else, something that is what God would have you fill it with, and there will not be the opportunity for lust to take over your body.

As others have said, it won't be easy. If life is a test, did you think it was going to be easy. This is hard. And other things will be even harder. But there is not test that God gives us that he does not also give us the means to pass it. So, it is within you, but to access it you will need God's help. So, ask for it, and then use it. Don't go focusing on what Shaytan is wanting you to focus on. Shaytan wants you to focus on the problem, because then you have to deal with it all the time. Rather focus on God, and don't give Shayton any room to get a foothold in your life.

I wish you both luck and peace.
 
Re: a nano second away from commiting major sin

bro its not worth it :D :D :D :D


and :D :D


oh :salamext: :)
 
:sl:
I need advice on preventing lust and desire from building up, I hate the feeling of attraction and need help to permanently block this emotion so I don't end up sinning anymore
 

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