Respecting parents

[Al-Zaara]

Al-Zaara, you are very fiery. I want an answer to this based on what islam dictates. Not on your feelings and imaginings about my sisters relationship with her father. You are thinking too deeply about this. She is not jealous of the wife - she has never met her! She will never meet her. None of us will ever meet her. It is irrelevant. She believes my father acted against the teachings of Islam, yet is she not also acting against the teachings of Islam. Is there not some element of hypocricy here? I am not in competition to be the better Muslim. I am not a practicing Muslim. This is why I wanted to speak to others. Anyway, thank you for your thoughts.

Well there you go! Oh my, you never said she thinks he acted against Islam! That explains a lot what you are wondering about. There is no hypocrisy if she really believes and doesn't know better.

Jamila G, you said you wanted to know why she behaves like this and you never mentioned she thinks she is Islamically right about his actions! I thought you wondered why she couldn't accept the marriage (without religious interfering), which my points were based on.

 

[Jamila G]

Well there you go! Oh my, you never said she thinks he acted against Islam! That explains a lot what you are wondering about. There is no hypocrisy if she really believes and doesn't know better.

Jamila G, you said you wanted to know why she behaves like this and you never mentioned she thinks she is Islamically right about his actions! I thought you wondered why she couldn't accept the marriage (without religious interfering), which my points were based on.

Again, I'm sorry if I haven't made myself clear. Basically she believes that his actions are against his beliefs and she cannot forgive him. She is angry with me for questioning her actions toward my mother and is angry with my mother for defending me. In retrospect perhaps you are right - I shouldn't ask for advice when I know already this is wrong. Sometimes it is better to get an objective answer from someone - it helps me to see things more clearly and be more detached. I shall remain at a distance until she finds a way to heal the rift with her parents. In the mean time I shall remain close to my parents. Thank you all for your time and opinions.

 

[Intisar]

How can you continue from somewhere which you know nothing about? Again, her claims are personal/subjective, the girl might pray and wear hijab and whatnot, yes, this is horrible behaviour but y'know, people have been labelled good Muslim and done far worse.

Like you, I'm going off on what sr. Jamila G said, of course none of us know her but she did ask for advice right? So I'm just giving my (islamic) input. Jamila was the one who wondered if this is correct for a ''good'' Muslim to do, so I told her that it's hypocritical to claim that one is a good Muslim and sever ties with their ailing mother. Even if her mother wasn't very sick, it would still be wrong and she'd still have to respect her as this is what the Prophet salAllaahu alayhi wasalam advised us to do, and Allaah said so in the Quran.

Actually, it was directed at the threadstarter. And you should start seeing my posts and meanings as a whole and not just pick up from somewhere, I was mainly taking an example, 'how a bad of a persona someone is who behaves that horrible' etc.

Lol okies then, my bad sis.

 

[Zahida]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It is sad situation for everyone involved..................

In defence for your mother she has my full admiration. 10 years ago i was faced with the same dilemma and decided to stay with my husband after he had done the same as your father has....................

Over time i became stronger and began to accept my husbands second marraige, although until this day i can never forgive him or the way he went about it. I had two children, a boy and a girl and until this day my daughter also has not forgiven her father, but she does not disrespect him..................

This is just your sisters way of showing how hurt she is and the pain she is going through. At this time you need to be patient, loving and understanding with her, if you argue back or say things she does not like she will retaliate.

In the meantime try talking with her in a manner where she will slowly inshaAllah come to see the way things are............

Ameen.............:smile:

 

[Jamila G]

Like you, I'm going off on what sr. Jamila G said, of course none of us know her but she did ask for advice right? So I'm just giving my (islamic) input. Jamila was the one who wondered if this is correct for a ''good'' Muslim to do, so I told her that it's hypocritical to claim that one is a good Muslim and sever ties with their ailing mother. Even if her mother wasn't very sick, it would still be wrong and she'd still have to respect her as this is what the Prophet salAllaahu alayhi wasalam advised us to do, and Allaah said so in the Quran.



Lol okies then, my bad sis.

Ameena seems to be more clear to me about the teachings of Islam and what is expected of an individual. This is what I have been trying to understand. There can be no grey areas about this (as she herself doesn't allow for grey areas) so it has to be black and white. She is either wrong or right. My depth of knowledge is not enough to know if she should forgive my father based on Islamic teachings or not.

 

[Jamila G]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It is sad situation for everyone involved..................

In defence for your mother she has my full admiration. 10 years ago i was faced with the same dilemma and decided to stay with my husband after he had done the same as your father has....................

Over time i became stronger and began to accept my husbands second marraige, although until this day i can never forgive him or the way he went about it. I had two children, a boy and a girl and until this day my daughter also has not forgiven her father, but she does not disrespect him..................

This is just your sisters way of showing how hurt she is and the pain she is going through. At this time you need to be patient, loving and understanding with her, if you argue back or say things she does not like she will retaliate.

In the meantime try talking with her in a manner where she will slowly inshaAllah come to see the way things are............

Ameen.............:smile:

Thank you so much. It has been very difficult for my mother. I have tried to give her full support through a difficult time but she has come through this well and will continue to do so (considering her poor physical health). Even so, I still cannot forgive my sister for abondoning her mother at this time. She has made her decision to stay with my father and my sister should respect that. Who knows what decisions her own husband may make in the future and would she not wish for support of her children?

 

[Zahida]

You are most welcome little one. Unfortunately for women there is not much else to do, there is the izzat thing associated with it, and i was also distraught that i would be left with two kids who would want me. So i stayed......... Allah knows bst little one.

I admire your strength and courage and your support for your mother. There is nothing worse when your husband does this and you start to doubt your own self worth, and blame yourself, but in all honesty it is the mans insecurities.....

My concerns are for your mother. I hope she comes through this strongly. InshaAllah. If your father has done injustice to you or your family Allah will compensate..... InshaAllah all will be ok. Ameen

Thank you so much. It has been very difficult for my mother. I have tried to give her full support through a difficult time but she has come through this well and will continue to do so (considering her poor physical health). Even so, I still cannot forgive my sister for abondoning her mother at this time. She has made her decision to stay with my father and my sister should respect that. Who knows what decisions her own husband may make in the future and would she not wish for support of her children?

 

[Jamila G]

You are most welcome little one. Unfortunately for women there is not much else to do, there is the izzat thing associated with it, and i was also distraught that i would be left with two kids who would want me. So i stayed......... Allah knows bst little one.

I admire your strength and courage and your support for your mother. There is nothing worse when your husband does this and you start to doubt your own self worth, and blame yourself, but in all honesty it is the mans insecurities.....

My concerns are for your mother. I hope she comes through this strongly. InshaAllah. If your father has done injustice to you or your family Allah will compensate..... InshaAllah all will be ok. Ameen

Thank you Zahida. I shall tell my mother your story. I am sure it will give her strength.

 

[Zahida]

Ameen.I turned my whole life around and based it on my children. I was an educated woman so became a teacher and am now a valuable and respected member of our community. I was not going to suffer or let my children suffer for the injustices or mistakes my husband has and is still making...................

After every hardship comes ease. InshaAllah your mother will be ok. She has a wonderful daughter like you, but you must also remember your own feelings too. We are here if you ever need to talk. I have a fantastic relationship with my daughter and we talk about everything. Ameen............

Hugs.xx Take care.:thankyou:

Thank you Zahida. I shall tell my mother your story. I am sure it will give her strength.