sadness & odd question

[anonymous]

I sort of require assistance . First of all, during this summer i have been thinking a lot, harder than ever before. I finally got a chance to relax from my 11 months of continuous studying mathematics/science/english hard core subjects. I had day school running, night school, then summer school. So you can at least imagine the amount of work and schooling i did.

I need help because I am sad. I dont know what to do. I am going crazy, i need to do something, I want to read Qur'an but unable to do so! I keep missing prayers, i used to pray 5x, but now its just 1 or 3 at most. I am working out, to get in shape. But i feel loniliness. I don' feel happy with myself at all. I don't know whats gotten over me. maybe i am too relaxed? I am trying to prep for fall...but to no avali. What do i have to do to over come this depression? When I am surrounded by people, as it was yseterday, i was happy, contempt with everything.

I grew up alone basically parents fought, my older brothers fought and well nobody paid attention. I've been customed to this loniliness so much its just a diease to me. I pray, used to that is, but still. I want to get married or engaged, but whenever I try, some obstacle comes up. I try halal way of course, but it's just an obstacle after another imsad. I don't have muslim friends either, i want to make some, but where I reside, thats just impossible.

I became distant with my non muslim friends because they party, drink, durgs, and of course there is always sex.

I am excited about fall due to being it a university! I am looking forward to meeting new muslims! being with them! But i don't know how long that excitement will last.

Sometimes, when I think about marriage, it seems useless to me. You find a girl, you do all the hard work trying to charm her, married, kids, your old and thats it. What is the purpose of that? Point of it? It's just a straight forward process with many challenges! Or my wife might have an affair like many muslim women do, or something else, typical worldly problems.

Islam has established these rules, laws and etc. Many people are knowingly hypocrites! I get so ticked off, i find the religion useless. But sometimes i just say its shai'taan, i want to get oout of it, but i can't . I think this loniliness is affecting my mental health now.

There is this girl i told her i want to be engaged with her, but there is some other guy also doing the same. He has better communnication with her mother, well the girl told her no she is not interested in him. But her mother keeps saying give him a chance. I encouraged her, yeah do so, maybe hes good, maybe you can have a good talk with him, and what not. I don't know if this is how one is suppose to be, i actually feel jealous and strange when I think about it. I don't want her to regret it, I told her about the Ishtrikaara prayer. She really likes me and we are comptiable. The only difference would be she is arab and I am not, but the other guy is arab. MAybe that is why, she is scared? Does that happen? When these obstacles arise, i just want to back off. Maybe she will be better with him, he can speak arabic, I can't.

I don't even know my own problem , I know its weak imaam, but i don't know. My family is not the greatest, very dysfuntional type. The girl is really great, mash'allah. but I don't know. I am so uncertain about my own future, I leave it up to Allah swt, but still. Don't advise me to go to a psychological person or soemhing, i will not do that. I know its loniliness, I should get out more, I am.

Should I enforce myself to pray and read Qur'an, like litereally force myself?
What about that girl?

Also, another question. How does a marriage, between say..muslim brother *sunni* and muslim girl *shia* work ? Is it possible? Can he somehow change her belief from shia to sunni one.? This question has nothing to do with the girl I want to be engaged to, its just something on my mind that i want to ask.

Thanks for reading this utterly boring and useless blog type message.

:wa:

 

[Raudha]

:wa: Brother..I am really sorry to hear about how you are feeling.

Clearly one of the reason's for this is low self-esteem. The other reason is your up-bringing. You say that your family had problems and this could have resulted in your low self-esteem as well.

You feel that your problem is loneliness - that is probably true. You feel that you need to be around people - this is also true. But since you say that you cannot find the right company, mixing with the wrong people will just make you feel worse. I would suggest that you make friends here on the net - on LI forum in particular. I am sure that most of the brothers will be more than willing to give you company and support. You can even start a thread in which you can found out if there are any Muslim brothers that attend the university that you are going to. In that way your heart can be more at ease and you can be sure that your excitement is real and you DO have hope for the future.

Regarding your weak Imaan, yes you should force yourself to pray and read Quraan - even if it is gradually and reluctantly. You should also listen to motivational lectures and anasheed which you can download from the net. These will inspire you to become a better Muslim and a better person and your Imaan will become stronger InshaAllah.
Read the dua "Allahumma inniy a'oothu bika minal hammi wal Huzn" for Allah to remove your depression. Also recite Surah Yusuf and Surah Maryam and InshaAllah your depression will be cured.

About the girl, the correct way to propose for a girl is to approach her father/uncle/brother etc. However, you cannot propose for marriage to a girl whom someone else has proposed for. Therefore, you will have to wait and see whether she accepts the other brother or not. Only if she rejects him should you approach her wali. Do not be put off by factors like nationality and language. Just make dua to Allah and if you are meant to be together then by the will of Allah you will marry her.

Also, another question. How does a marriage, between say..muslim brother *sunni* and muslim girl *shia* work ? Is it possible? Can he somehow change her belief from shia to sunni one.? This question has nothing to do with the girl I want to be engaged to, its just something on my mind that i want to ask.

I am sorry but I would prefer to abstain from answering this question because I am not sure of the correct ruling and I do not wish to provide you with wrong information.

May Allah grant you Sakeenah and happiness and may you be successful in this world and the hereafter. Ameen.

Please make dua for us as well.

 

[NoorInaya]

Asalaamu Alaikam,

I would like to try to attempt to answer the Sunni/Shia question, inshAllah.

According to most scholars, nikkah between a Sunni and a Shia would not be valid if the Shia believes in those things that can be described as "shirk" (calling upon Hazrat Ali, and praying to the imams, etc).

The scholars recommend that the Shia Muslim be told about Sunni Islam, and encouraged to become Sunni. If the Shia becomes Sunni, then there is nothing wrong with marrying them, and no question of the validity of the nikkah (provided that they totally abandon any thoughts or practices of shirk).

Here a couple of answers on the issue from askimam.org:

http://askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.php?askid=fb236977477331b38532c31e8bfd735f

http://askimam.org/fatwa/fatwa.php?askid=eef7bac9c568c3fc79070f8087ab784b

Hope that helps.

wasalaamz,

 

[alcurad]

hm, misery brings even more misery, don't wallow in it, do something and get your mind over it.
college IS stressful, i know because i'm slightly depressed myself as i write this, but that's normal, keep the grades up, go out with good friends, achieve something you want, and you'll be better before you know it.

 

[cat eyes]

seems like you worry alot about things which has not even happened yet like you talk about marriage and then you talk about the future like you know whats gona happen;D and you know what its all negative miserable thinking..


it sounds like bi polar bro. you are not in touch with reality and stuck in your own shell. see a doctor and get advice, mabe you could benifit from one to one counceling to get u out of that negative and constant worry about the future and what it holds for you

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

I need help because I am sad. I dont know what to do. I am going crazy, i need to do something, I want to read Qur'an but unable to do so! I keep missing prayers, i used to pray 5x, but now its just 1 or 3 at most.

why what is stopping you from praying? what good do you think you are going to get out of it?

I am working out, to get in shape. But i feel loniliness. I don' feel happy with myself at all. I don't know whats gotten over me.

keep praying, prayer is like a medicine for the mind body and soul.

I became distant with my non muslim friends because they party, drink, durgs, and of course there is always sex.

good...keep it up.

I am excited about fall due to being it a university! I am looking forward to meeting new muslims! being with them! But i don't know how long that excitement will last.

give it chance. the best thing is just to take things as they come and find things to be excited about so that you don't despair and hence avoid feeling horrible. get the negative thinking out of your mind and try to replace it with something good.

Sometimes, when I think about marriage, it seems useless to me. You find a girl, you do all the hard work trying to charm her, married, kids, your old and thats it.

if we just concentrate on the apparent form of things, we will never get anywhere. why study when we are just going to die. why love, when we are just going to die? tbh, i think your sadness and loneliness is stopping you from seeing things in their respective and proper forms. You seem to be concentrating on what appears of them in their "apparent form" and therefore not really grasping their reality.

there is a lot more to marriage than how you seem to have perceived it. it seems like you need to do things doifferently to acheive a different result because to me your state of mind seems to be accusing you more harm then good...so try changing so that inshallah our outcome may change.

What is the purpose of that? Point of it?

becuase you have kids, have a family and raise them to worship Allah? what more could you want from this accused dunya?

It's just a straight forward process with many challenges!

that's pretty much all life is. just do what you have to do and don't get bogged down in the negative aspects of it. (it stinks, everyone knows it.) rather, try change them into positives.

Or my wife might have an affair like many muslim women do,

rather insulting! especially when men are just as bad.

Islam has established these rules, laws and etc. Many people are knowingly hypocrites! I get so ticked off, i find the religion useless.

^o)what on earth has the religion got to do with the way people act! if they are going to be stupid, let them. but know that Islam is free from the rubbish that people attribute wrongly to it!

What about that girl?

hmmm, i dont think we can really advise you about the girl, because its really up to her what to do. and since she isn't here, its a little difficult to advise. but i find it odd that you tell her to look into the other proposal when you like her and feel jealous. tbh, it sounds like you're selling yourself short. if she likes you and you her then i say propose (but i also must advise to stay away from her, until you propose and don't get urself-or her-involved in this emotional premartial mumbo jumbo) maybe her mother will soften when she sees that her daughter is interested.
speak to her family, speak to her wali?

 

[markislam]

i think your main issue is not about life, but because you love this girl, if she loves you and you love her go and get married there is nothing stoping you from doing that. provided you are financially stable and able to take care of your wife.