Salam from a confused convert

[Kawlah]

Salaam brothers and sisters :statisfie


I am a revert sister who has suffered from mental illness and has lost her iman several times through this. I went through phases of belief or disbelief according to my mental state.


I am not sure what to do, I have said shahada multiple times in my life because I apostated and then came back. I have lost my muslim contacts in my area because I have been so unstable in my past.
Now, my mental issues have been under control for about a two year period and I want to come back into the community. But how do I do this?

I have said shahada today, done Ghusl and prayed salat al Duhr.


I know there's a hadith that says that when you are insane the pen is lifted (ie the sins are not recorded) but I feel very ashamed and guilty regardless.


So what should I do now to return to the deen? I live in the Netherlands, are there any sisters here that would want to help me knowing my history?

 

[happymuslim]

Salaam brothers and sisters :statisfie


I am a revert sister who has suffered from mental illness and has lost her iman several times through this. I went through phases of belief or disbelief according to my mental state.


I am not sure what to do, I have said shahada multiple times in my life because I apostated and then came back. I have lost my muslim contacts in my area because I have been so unstable in my past.
Now, my mental issues have been under control for about a two year period and I want to come back into the community. But how do I do this?

I have said shahada today, done Ghusl and prayed salat al Duhr.


I know there's a hadith that says that when you are insane the pen is lifted (ie the sins are not recorded) but I feel very ashamed and guilty regardless.


So what should I do now to return to the deen? I live in the Netherlands, are there any sisters here that would want to help me knowing my history?

Take it easy, whatever your complicating, try to go easy on yourself, have faith in islam, have hope in Allah and is mercy, connect with your fellow muslims and find a source of peace. Also follow motivating insta accounts and watch motivational Islamic videos to brighten ur day. [emoji5][emoji4] may allah separate you and your sadness like he has separated the two seas. Ameen

 

[talibilm]

Salam Sister.

why did you loose your eeman?, please specify reasons so that inshaallah we will try to clear your doubts.

 

[Kawlah]

Salam Sister.

why did you loose your eeman?, please specify reasons so that inshaallah we will try to clear your doubts.

My main problem is that I have PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) because my father is abusive. And when I am in a downward spiral mentally, the parts about the punishment of Hell and Allah's wrath make me feel confused and upset because they remind me of the abuse my father inflicted of me. That makes me doubt my faith most of all.

I have been receiving treatment for my PTSD the past three years though, and I haven't been in a downward spiral for a year now Alhamdoelilah so that's why I am trying again to practice my faith. I just hope I can prevent it from happening again.

 

[Kawlah]

Take it easy, whatever your complicating, try to go easy on yourself, have faith in islam, have hope in Allah and is mercy, connect with your fellow muslims and find a source of peace. Also follow motivating insta accounts and watch motivational Islamic videos to brighten ur day. [emoji5][emoji4] may allah separate you and your sadness like he has separated the two seas. Ameen

Ameen to your dua and thank you for your kind words, JazzakAllah Khair

 

[M.I.A.]

If you can find the patience to persevere then you will get through whatever it is that you go through..

And if it brings benefit to any of the people that you are associated with then surely it will count in your favour at some point.

https://youtu.be/XUgD91WrSFg

We all have times of hardship but over time, hopefully they wont be times of doubt.

 

[talibilm]

My main problem is that I have PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) because my father is abusive. And when I am in a downward spiral mentally, the parts about the punishment of Hell and Allah's wrath make me feel confused and upset because they remind me of the abuse my father inflicted of me. That makes me doubt my faith most of all.

I have been receiving treatment for my PTSD the past three years though, and I haven't been in a downward spiral for a year now Alhamdoelilah so that's why I am trying again to practice my faith. I just hope I can prevent it from happening again.

Sister, having less knowledge of Allah & islam is also a cause for your confusion. Loosing hope on the MERCY OF ALLAH is the trait of Mushrik because you had downgraded Allah's Mercy . Do you know hadith that say Allah forgave a killer of 99 people ?

There are many many hadiths on the mercy of Allah so scroll in hadith and learn to keep faith & trust on Allah . But that does not mean we freely engage in sins that will be a trap of Shaitan since Allah also says this

'' And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed,My punishmentis severe. ''

So about your father being tough , forget about the past for he could have done out of anger (anger makes a person go mad) out of too much love for his daughter and her welfare but be patient Allah will reward you and dua to Allah to give hidayah to your father, but its the father's dua that there is no curtain behind Allah & the father .

Is your father a Muslim ? But if he get crazy remind him Allah does not like Transgressors and Allah will punish those who go beyond limits , so let your father be afraid of Allah.

 

[greenhill]

Salam..

We all have doubts. Even Rasulullah had doubts. While having doubts is good to keep us in check, but over contemplation of it may cause you to freeze, meaning you 'analyse until you paralyse' and that is not good.

Know one thing.. or two things.. Allah is Most Merciful and Most Forgiving. If you crawl to Him, He Runs to you.

I tell myself this; I cannot control my heart's desires or feelings but what I can control are my thoughts and actions. There are days when I feel lazy and my desire is to do other things but I can choose to indulge in laziness or get up and sort out what needs to be done and do not get involved with the internal debate, so to speak.

We are commanded to pray 5 times a day, and it is hard to believe that anyone will willingly want to do it every time for his entire life. So, we either do it willingly or unwillingly (still doing it) and not not doing it.

Ultimately, everyone is at a different place. I have no doubt with regards to Allah and the deen. My only problem is worldly matters. It is enough to distract me. When my eeman is low, it just means that I loosen my principles a bit, it does not mean that I forget Allah and the sin. Perhaps for that moment I (from the lack of comprehension) I resign myself to the consequences.. But I don't lose faith. Don't lose yours.


eace:

 

[Scimitar]

Salaam brothers and sisters :statisfie


I am a revert sister who has suffered from mental illness and has lost her iman several times through this. I went through phases of belief or disbelief according to my mental state.


I am not sure what to do, I have said shahada multiple times in my life because I apostated and then came back. I have lost my muslim contacts in my area because I have been so unstable in my past.
Now, my mental issues have been under control for about a two year period and I want to come back into the community. But how do I do this?

I have said shahada today, done Ghusl and prayed salat al Duhr.


I know there's a hadith that says that when you are insane the pen is lifted (ie the sins are not recorded) but I feel very ashamed and guilty regardless.


So what should I do now to return to the deen? I live in the Netherlands, are there any sisters here that would want to help me knowing my history?

I knew a girl by the name of Odette who lived in Netherlands and she too became a Muslim and took the name Khawlah, and then apostated - it aint you is it?

 

[rozyred]

Firstly am very sorry to hear about ur mental disorder. At the same time, I'm glad u regret and come back which shows your internal Imaan is strong that reminds you about the bad deeds you do. Allah is most Merciful, He will accept ur duas and apologies. We'll keep praying that you find a good company. Also we are at your service f you need any help or advice.

 

[Kawlah]

I knew a girl by the name of Odette who lived in Netherlands and she too became a Muslim and took the name Khawlah, and then apostated - it aint you is it?

Salaam Mo,

Yes, it is me. I figured you might be here. I told you then too that I had mental issues, but everyone seemed to downplay them until they surfaced and then went berserk on me for not being a 'troll' and ''fake'' because I was being unstable as I had said I might be.

I had warned everyone previously. I left the community because all I got was insults while nobody of them ever had really met me.

But I don't feel like I have anything to hide. So, how are you doing?

- - - Updated - - -

Sister, having less knowledge of Allah & islam is also a cause for your confusion. Loosing hope on the MERCY OF ALLAH is the trait of Mushrik because you had downgraded Allah's Mercy . Do you know hadith that say Allah forgave a killer of 99 people ?

There are many many hadiths on the mercy of Allah so scroll in hadith and learn to keep faith & trust on Allah . But that does not mean we freely engage in sins that will be a trap of Shaitan since Allah also says this

'' And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed,My punishmentis severe. ''

So about your father being tough , forget about the past for he could have done out of anger (anger makes a person go mad) out of too much love for his daughter and her welfare but be patient Allah will reward you and dua to Allah to give hidayah to your father, but its the father's dua that there is no curtain behind Allah & the father .

Is your father a Muslim ? But if he get crazy remind him Allah does not like Transgressors and Allah will punish those who go beyond limits , so let your father be afraid of Allah.

Salaam. No, I am a convert. None of my family are muslims, which complicates matters as they push(ed) me very hard to stay away from religion alltogether.

I have forgiven my father long ago, and am awaiting his proposal to talk to me. My door is open but so far he rejects it. But I don't have ptsd symptoms because I hold on to anger, it's just there off and on. It does complicate my relationship with Allah, I am trying to see Him seperate from human traits but it's been very difficult at times without a community to support me.

- - - Updated - - -

Firstly am very sorry to hear about ur mental disorder. At the same time, I'm glad u regret and come back which shows your internal Imaan is strong that reminds you about the bad deeds you do. Allah is most Merciful, He will accept ur duas and apologies. We'll keep praying that you find a good company. Also we are at your service f you need any help or advice.

Salaam, Alhamdoelilah I keep coming back but I also keep going so far which is the problematic part of this. Thank you so much for praying for me!

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Salaam brothers and sisters :statisfie


I am a revert sister who has suffered from mental illness and has lost her iman several times through this. I went through phases of belief or disbelief according to my mental state.


I am not sure what to do, I have said shahada multiple times in my life because I apostated and then came back. I have lost my muslim contacts in my area because I have been so unstable in my past.
Now, my mental issues have been under control for about a two year period and I want to come back into the community. But how do I do this?

I have said shahada today, done Ghusl and prayed salat al Duhr.


I know there's a hadith that says that when you are insane the pen is lifted (ie the sins are not recorded) but I feel very ashamed and guilty regardless.


So what should I do now to return to the deen? I live in the Netherlands, are there any sisters here that would want to help me knowing my history?

It seems you are suffering from Waswas (Insinuating Whispers from shaythan) with regards to your Imaan (faith). Most of these thoughts are completely irrational and are a test for us. If you believe in Allah and his Messenger and have proclaimed the Shahada then you are a Muslim regardless of any irrational thoughts telling you otherwise. So the best thing is to keep telling yourself that these are irrational thoughts and making the relevant supplications like "Audhu Billahi Minashaythanirajeem" etc.

Do you suffer from OCD? Are you getting any type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

The following thread has many useful articles, lectures and resources to help those who are getting insinuating whispers of shaythan with regards to their Imaan and in their worship:

How to overcome Waswas (Shaythans whispers) in worship

Please let us know if you require any further help or advice with anything at all.

 

[Kawlah]

It seems you are suffering from Waswas (Insinuating Whispers from shaythan) with regards to your Imaan (faith). Most of these thoughts are completely irrational and are a test for us. If you believe in Allah and his Messenger and have proclaimed the Shahada then you are a Muslim regardless of any irrational thoughts telling you otherwise. So the best thing is to keep telling yourself that these are irrational thoughts and making the relevant supplications like "Audhu Billahi Minashaythanirajeem" etc.

Do you suffer from OCD? Are you getting any type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

The following thread has many useful articles, lectures and resources to help those who are getting insinuating whispers of shaythan with regards to their Imaan and in their worship:

How to overcome Waswas (Shaythans whispers) in worship

Please let us know if you require any further help or advice with anything at all.

Wow brother this hits very close to home! JazzakAllah Khair

And I am getting cognitive behavioural therapy currently indeed. I don't have OCD but I do have Aspergers and their symptoms overlap frequently.

Thanks for the link. This is the first piece of info on an Islamic website that describes exactly what happens to me, the piece about a woman who said Shahada each day for 16 years was very close to home. I keep feeling that I am not enough of a believer too, no matter what I do.

I will take this to heart and learn more about what I can do against Waswas.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Wow brother this hits very close to home! JazzakAllah Khair

And I am getting cognitive behavioural therapy currently indeed. I don't have OCD but I do have Aspergers and their symptoms overlap frequently.

Thanks for the link. This is the first piece of info on an Islamic website that describes exactly what happens to me, the piece about a woman who said Shahada each day for 16 years was very close to home. I keep feeling that I am not enough of a believer too, no matter what I do.

I will take this to heart and learn more about what I can do against Waswas.

My sister know that this can happen to any of us even the strongest of believers. So do not feel alone in this as many of us are going through similar trials. Turn to Allah and ask of him to aide you particularly in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time. Remember that He tests those he wants closest to him.

The cognitive behavior therapy will help inshaAllah as well as positive reinforcement and continuously telling yourself that these are irrational negative thoughts from your enemy shaythan who just wants to constantly feed you negative thoughts, put you down and make you feel like you are not a believer and that your worship will not be accepted. These whispers are completely false and eventually you will learn to ignore them.

 

[Scimitar]

Salaam Mo,

Yes, it is me. I figured you might be here. I told you then too that I had mental issues, but everyone seemed to downplay them until they surfaced and then went berserk on me for not being a 'troll' and ''fake'' because I was being unstable as I had said I might be.

I had warned everyone previously. I left the community because all I got was insults while nobody of them ever had really met me.

But I don't feel like I have anything to hide. So, how are you doing?

Aw Khawlah, ma sh'Allah, it's great to see you here! I'm sorry to hear how you have suffered through this, I know you and know your issues. More than anything, I'm so happy you have made your way here and are posting. Sister, you've been missed and wallahi, it's so amazing to know it is you. Allah is truly the greatest, incomparable. I made dua that we would talk again. It wasn't long ago when I was thinking about how you put me in my place lol, rare to see that happen, and wonderful to know there are strong minded, logical, no BS sisters online who can corner me in dialectical terms. You got something which not many people have sister - integrity. And I know it. Ma sh'Allah.

Soooo, how have you been sis?

 

[Kawlah]

Aw Khawlah, ma sh'Allah, it's great to see you here! I'm sorry to hear how you have suffered through this, I know you and know your issues. More than anything, I'm so happy you have made your way here and are posting. Sister, you've been missed and wallahi, it's so amazing to know it is you. Allah is truly the greatest, incomparable. I made dua that we would talk again. It wasn't long ago when I was thinking about how you put me in my place lol, rare to see that happen, and wonderful to know there are strong minded, logical, no BS sisters online who can corner me in dialectical terms. You got something which not many people have sister - integrity. And I know it. Ma sh'Allah.

Soooo, how have you been sis?

Wa salaam aleikoem wa barakathoe, Scimi

How have I been other than apostating? Fine Masha'Allah! I have not had the best year religion-wise, but I have had a great year stabilizing my mental issues Alhamdoelilah and that's why now I've gone out to search for Allah once again. I'm pretty confident this time I got myself in check Insha'Allah.

Wallahi I am sorry for how I treated you, there were a lot of people backbiting each other in the community and I avoided talking to you because of the slander but out of all of them I think you are the most sincere because you don't do the nice person thing when you don't mean it. So forgive me please.

Hope you are well. Seems things are pretty broken up at that other board, I won't come back there anyway because people have decided that everything I did was 'fake'. It wasn't fake, but they have no idea how hard being a convert can be when you have absolutely zero support and other issues to deal with as well. Insha'Allah I will get there this time.

I have a secret Facebook account, I will like Dawah Digital on there and give you a shout Insha'Allah. Thank you for being open minded enough to talk to me.

- - - Updated - - -

My sister know that this can happen to any of us even the strongest of believers. So do not feel alone in this as many of us are going through similar trials. Turn to Allah and ask of him to aide you particularly in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time. Remember that He tests those he wants closest to him.

The cognitive behavior therapy will help inshaAllah as well as positive reinforcement and continuously telling yourself that these are irrational negative thoughts from your enemy shaythan who just wants to constantly feed you negative thoughts, put you down and make you feel like you are not a believer and that your worship will not be accepted. These whispers are completely false and eventually you will learn to ignore them.

Thank you for this and your other posts bro, they are very inspiring and give me hope. Insha'Allah one day I will live up to my chosen name.

 

[Kawlah]

Salaam all just a little update

I have prayed al Isthikara this weekend about becoming a practicing muslim and doing shahada, and I've been called today by a mosque that I had sent a request a while ago but never heard of. They invite me for a training for convert women, Alhamdoelilah!


It starts in four weeks. So I will get to meet some sisters Alhamdoelilah.

I told them that I want to do their training but that there are some issues with my Tawheed and Iman, and I am now getting an appointment next week with a convert sister and an Imam to help me with with my issues.. Alhamdoelilah.
I am sorry I still did not read your recommended book, but Masha'Allah things are in motion for me now. So happy, I feel like my prayer has been answered

 

[Umm Malik]

Salaam all just a little update

I have prayed al Isthikara this weekend about becoming a practicing muslim and doing shahada, and I've been called today by a mosque that I had sent a request a while ago but never heard of. They invite me for a training for convert women, Alhamdoelilah!


It starts in four weeks. So I will get to meet some sisters Alhamdoelilah.

I told them that I want to do their training but that there are some issues with my Tawheed and Iman, and I am now getting an appointment next week with a convert sister and an Imam to help me with with my issues.. Alhamdoelilah.
I am sorry I still did not read your recommended book, but Masha'Allah things are in motion for me now. So happy, I feel like my prayer has been answered

welcome to Islam again and welcome to Islam
any help I am here
please feel me as one of your sisters
may Allah gather us in jannah

 

[Kawlah]

welcome to Islam again and welcome to Islam
any help I am here
please feel me as one of your sisters
may Allah gather us in jannah

Salaam and thank you sis! I will keep it in mind for when I can send PM's.

And thank you too Scimi, it was nice catching up

 

[eesa the kiwi]

Welcome back sister
May Allah make things easy for you