Searching for a spouse

[xboxisdead]

looool...though it aint so extreme,you are right,and i see your point.The families are all to blame that they dont educate themselves and the children in the proper way,or that they have allowed islam to be their culture not their religion.If they really care about islam they would have learnt everything what islam says about marriage and would have known you should accept the one who proposes to your daughter if he is of good character and good iman,otherwise they would be fitnah on earth.And then they blame it all on the ummah,and the society,when they themselves are part of the ummah spreading fitnah.
Arabs are starting to suffer from what jews suffer.The feeling of being superior and that islam belong to them,so everybody else is seen as an outsider,or us converts are seen as if we lack faith and we can never be full muslims.

Another reason why my older brother refuses to marry Arabs.

 

[muslimah__]

@Muslimah I do have relatives back home who I have no communication with, I don't like inbreeding with cousins.I don't like marrying someone from a poor country because they will marry me for getting a british passport and access to greater wealth and I don't want to be used as a passport/wealth mule. As far as I know, no woman in Pakistan has fallen in love with me and will marry me for the right reasons
@BeTheChange I've tried central mosque and they are very unprofessional and a waste of time. Family don't care about me, aunties don't care either. The social fabric of british society has been destroyed and nobody cares about each other so I'm all alone. Smartphone addiction has destroyed pretty much all natural bonds between people, nobody greets each other anymore or makes and effort to visit each other and build real friendships/relationships.

The only natural creatures left are the birds and squirrels in the parks. I wonder what would happen if they too started using smartphones and the internet

Woah what a sweeping generalisation. I know that is a stereotype for people back home and it is true to an extent but you can’t paint everyone with the same brush. I’m sure there are exceptions.

Birmingham is full of Asians so there isn’t a shortage of women.
Have you not met ANYONE compatible or maybe you have some very high standards

 

[Imraan]

@Muslimah I do have relatives back home who I have no communication with, I don't like inbreeding with cousins. I don't like marrying someone from a poor country because they will marry me for getting a british passport and access to greater wealth and I don't want to be used as a passport/wealth mule. As far as I know, no woman in Pakistan has fallen in love with me and will marry me for the right reasons
@BeTheChange I've tried central mosque and they are very unprofessional and a waste of time. Family don't care about me, aunties don't care either. The social fabric of british society has been destroyed and nobody cares about each other so I'm all alone. Smartphone addiction has destroyed pretty much all natural bonds between people, nobody greets each other anymore or makes and effort to visit each other and build real friendships/relationships.

The only natural creatures left are the birds and squirrels in the parks. I wonder what would happen if they too started using smartphones and the internet

Don't lose hope brother, not everyone is drowning in their own smartphone on insta or tik tok!, Some good people are out there, i know it feels like a 'needle in a haystack', i mean i feel like i'm in denial sometimes, i have to remember the good times, the good actions of people, good people that i have met throughout my life just to tell myself, not everyone is bad! I maintain my faith and pray everyday. Yes its a hard life, but i'm not giving up!

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=47]Muslimah[/MENTION] explain to me what motivates a person from a poorer country want to marry someone from a richer western country. Why would a person leave their country, family, friends and marry a stranger from a far away richer country? Why would they not marry a local person instead with whom they have a lot more in common with? Please explain the driving force behind the reason for marrying someone from a western country?

In Pakistan I think there are 300 million people, why would someone from Pakistan reject so many people in order to marry a foreigner?

You are right Birmingham is full of asian women but sadly most of these women are not religious and have excessive love of money/material. I have met many women but pretty much most of them with the exception of a few are only after a guy with loads of money. They are not interested in a non materialistic man like me. These women were raised in a materialistic capitalistic society and in which money is the god which people worship, even their families are not all that religious. Most asian families have no shame in dealing in riba based mortgages just to buy a house.

When non religious, materialistic families raise children in the capitalist western secular societies, the children for the most part don't end up with good values and principles.

When it comes to standards, it's women in general who have much higher standards than men. If you would like to know the reason why, then please study female hypergamy.

This is a big reason why marriage is dead in the west because women will reject most men because they earn less money than her. This is why a lot of men tend to marry from a poorer country like Pakistan because women are attracted to the higher wealth status of a western man. Women tend to in general marry up the wealth status ladder.

Women in the west are financially well off and independent, therefore they don't need a man to provide for them, and so don't value a man as much as a woman who lives in a poorer country and doesn't have a lot going for her. Women in the west tend to have better paid jobs then most men, therefore they will reject most men who earn less than them.

One of the first questions a woman will always ask a guy, is what he does for a living? She does this to ascertain his wealth status.

The reason why I'm still single is not because I have high standards, it's because sadly most women don't find me financially attractive, I just don't have a big enough bank balance to fund their luxurious lifestyle.

Western feminism and female empowerment has destroyed the value of a man and the family unit. This is one of the biggest reasons that marriage is dead in the west. When gender roles are reversed, then marriage and family dies.

The other reason why it's hard to marry an asian woman in the UK is because most are secular and prefer haram relationships rather than taking on the responsibilities of marriage. Unfortunately are lot of asian women tend to have fun in the best years of their lives, late teens and 20's and then once they have wasted their youth, they tend to look for a nice guy to marry, when she has little to offer a man. We men marry women who are young, youthful and fertile to build families and we don't like women who have slept around. Unfortunately a lot of women will have fun with the badboys during their best years of their life and then once they are middle aged will tend to look for a nice guy to settle down with who can pay for a comfy life.
[MENTION=43069]Imraan[/MENTION] truth has to be told that for most people, there is no hope. Let's be honest, you really think that most people are intelligent and rightly guided? Most people who I have come across, to put it politely are not all that bright and can think for themselves.

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=47]Muslimah[/MENTION] it's the quality of people not the quantity. Muslim number over 1 billion but because they are like the dirt that collects on top of the sea and have weak belief and lack substance, sadly we are a down trodden nation, we have no honour because we sacrificed Islam for worldly comfort and pleasure. We have turned our backs on Allah and therefore we are now paying the price for our sins, part of which is that we are leading unhappy lonely lives.

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

When it comes to standards, it's women in general who have much higher standards than men. If you would like to know the reason why, then please study female hypergamy

Yeah this is true that women are more selective due to their hypergamous nature but you don't understand that it's not always with money. People have their different preferences. It isn't good to keep thinking negatively, keep having hope. And for money, some people don't even have high standards. I know a lady who married a poor man because he has so many other good traits that was perfect in her eyes. Some people care more for beauty, money, or character and religiosity.. Definitely many people may want a mix, but nothing extreme. And those who have extreme standards.. Whatever

Unfortunately are lot of asian women tend to have fun in the best years of their lives, late teens and 20's and then once they have wasted their youth, they tend to look for a nice guy to marry, when she has little to offer a man. We men marry women who are young, youthful and fertile to build families and we don't like women who have slept around. Unfortunately a lot of women will have fun with the badboys during their best years of their life and then once they are middle aged will tend to look for a nice guy to settle down with who can pay for a comfy life

This is a very bad example to use. Yes there are many women who commit haram and love sleeping around with bad boys. It works the same way around as well. Men do the same and waste their life along with these women. No one wants a spouse who enjoyingly sleeps around. They both don't have much to offer. Why? Not because they may not have the skills of a good wife or husband.. Not because they aged.. But because they are wasting their life in the ways Allah has completely forbidden. These are such disgraceful acts

We don't even need to be talking about the men and women who are constantly sinning and imitating their lives like the kufr. It's out of the question. We are talking about the average Muslim. Your average Muslim nowadays isn't too good, but there are still plenty average muslims that don't go that low. And if you keep searching harder and more beyond, you will find a devout Muslim.

It's irritating when people are constantly being negative about finding a spouse. That attitude won't get you anywhere. Brother, just keep staying positive. Use your energy on more useful things like connecting with Allah and asking Him to help you.

 

[kingfisher1]

I will share one incident from my life. I got introduced to 2 religious practicing brothers through another muslim brother who knew me. At that time I was searching for work. These 2 brothers had a mature sister who they were seeking a husband for. They rejected me saying I'm not compatible. I did not even get to see or meet their sister. These are asian muslim brothers with beards. It's clear that they wanted someone with a good job status earning good money. This is just one example amongst countless others.

 

[xboxisdead]

[MENTION=47]Muslimah[/MENTION] explain to me what motivates a person from a poorer country want to marry someone from a richer western country. Why would a person leave their country, family, friends and marry a stranger from a far away richer country? Why would they not marry a local person instead with whom they have a lot more in common with? Please explain the driving force behind the reason for marrying someone from a western country?

In Pakistan I think there are 300 million people, why would someone from Pakistan reject so many people in order to marry a foreigner?

You are right Birmingham is full of asian women but sadly most of these women are not religious and have excessive love of money/material. I have met many women but pretty much most of them with the exception of a few are only after a guy with loads of money. They are not interested in a non materialistic man like me. These women were raised in a materialistic capitalistic society and in which money is the god which people worship, even their families are not all that religious. Most asian families have no shame in dealing in riba based mortgages just to buy a house.

When non religious, materialistic families raise children in the capitalist western secular societies, the children for the most part don't end up with good values and principles.

When it comes to standards, it's women in general who have much higher standards than men. If you would like to know the reason why, then please study female hypergamy.

This is a big reason why marriage is dead in the west because women will reject most men because they earn less money than her. This is why a lot of men tend to marry from a poorer country like Pakistan because women are attracted to the higher wealth status of a western man. Women tend to in general marry up the wealth status ladder.

Women in the west are financially well off and independent, therefore they don't need a man to provide for them, and so don't value a man as much as a woman who lives in a poorer country and doesn't have a lot going for her. Women in the west tend to have better paid jobs then most men, therefore they will reject most men who earn less than them.

One of the first questions a woman will always ask a guy, is what he does for a living? She does this to ascertain his wealth status.

The reason why I'm still single is not because I have high standards, it's because sadly most women don't find me financially attractive, I just don't have a big enough bank balance to fund their luxurious lifestyle.

Western feminism and female empowerment has destroyed the value of a man and the family unit. This is one of the biggest reasons that marriage is dead in the west. When gender roles are reversed, then marriage and family dies.

The other reason why it's hard to marry an asian woman in the UK is because most are secular and prefer haram relationships rather than taking on the responsibilities of marriage. Unfortunately are lot of asian women tend to have fun in the best years of their lives, late teens and 20's and then once they have wasted their youth, they tend to look for a nice guy to marry, when she has little to offer a man. We men marry women who are young, youthful and fertile to build families and we don't like women who have slept around. Unfortunately a lot of women will have fun with the badboys during their best years of their life and then once they are middle aged will tend to look for a nice guy to settle down with who can pay for a comfy life.
[MENTION=43069]Imraan[/MENTION] truth has to be told that for most people, there is no hope. Let's be honest, you really think that most people are intelligent and rightly guided? Most people who I have come across, to put it politely are not all that bright and can think for themselves.

I agree 100% to what you said here. Wait until someone call you misogynists' for expressing your opinion like that. IN English class, I was asked to write an assignment that opens discussion and when the topic of single mothers and deadbeat dad was brought up....the female teacher dismissed it as hate speech and demanded that I change the topic or else be expelled from class. I was not political correct in her eyes. So talked about cat and dogs and she graded me with 84%. This is the new society we live in my friend. Like I said, if you want to live in the world of Dajjal and Dajjal marriage then the institution of marriage is dead. Anyone who do not want to apply Sharia Law as an institution of marriage where husband rights are protected first and outmost then the only other alternative is either not get married at all and wait for your wife in paradise or commit Zina left and right and have full blown sexual revolution and extermination. Isn't that what is happening now in Dubia? Last I check, they even have sex with little boys and girls and their sexual perversion reached such a level that EVEN THE JEWS themselves...THE SHAITAIN HIMSELF...want nothing to do with such society. If this is what pleases women and men alike, it is yours. This dunaya IS YOUR PARADISE. Enjoy it as much as you can, because once that heart beat stop beating and your lungs no longer inhale and exhale and that blood no longer circulate through your blood stream.....your reckoning will start before even the angel blows the horn (end of time).

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

I will share one incident from my life. I got introduced to 2 religious practicing brothers through another muslim brother who knew me. At that time I was searching for work. These 2 brothers had a mature sister who they were seeking a husband for. They rejected me saying I'm not compatible. I did not even get to see or meet their sister. These are asian muslim brothers with beards. It's clear that they wanted someone with a good job status earning good money. This is just one example amongst countless others.

Yes it'll happen sometimes. You cannot automatically assume it was for money reasons.

In this case it since it were the brothers that rejected, I wouldn't come to conclusions. I've noticed many middle eastern parents rejecting suitors for their sons and daughters for very stupid things such as their race, etc.. Perhaps it were better that you got rejected

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=28222]Islami[/MENTION]na Mu'mina I've been searching for over 13 years now and I have even travelled 1000's of miles as part of that journey. How much harder do you want me to try?

You know why it's irritating because women tend to go by feelings and they don't like anything which hurts their feelings, even if it's the truth. Something I learnt about women is that, they would much rather be comforted by lies, then have their feelings hurt by truth. This is why women constantly fall for liars because lying to them actually keeps them happy.

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=28222]Islami[/MENTION] Mu'mina it is for money reasons because I have been rejected countless times and it's over money. I'm a mature guy and I have spoken with loads of women and know them like the back of my hand. It's called life experience. Once you have spoken to lots of women, and millions of other men have shared similar experiences with women, you figure out how they operate and what drives them and boy do they love money

 

[xboxisdead]

Yes it'll happen sometimes. You cannot automatically assume it was for money reasons.

In this case it since it were the brothers that rejected, I wouldn't come to conclusions. I've noticed many middle eastern parents rejecting suitors for their sons and daughters for very stupid things such as their race, etc.. Perhaps it were better that you got rejected

I might even go one step up. Sometimes it is better you are not married either. Think of it like that! For an example, what Imraan went through with his marriage. Ever thought brother (even though I quoted the sister, I am still talking to brother kingfisher1) that Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) knows the sea of contaminated water and is protecting you from going through the same experience as Imraan went through, with his marriage? Imraan is stronger than me, I am unsure about you, had I went through what he went through I am unsure what I will do. I am not telling you think positive like Islami. Mu'mina is telling you, or say things like not all women are like that and you will find that fish in that large ocean, and all the classical cliche replies out there. I am saying, think bigger than that. Think that you are being protected from that large smelly contaminated ocean and you should put your in trust in Allah alone, that he will give you that pure water from the ocean eventually. Just exercise patience. Worst case, you die unmarried. So what? I still wish more brothers sponsor those orphanage boys out there who have no mother, father, family and take care of them in their own homes. Experience the parenting by sponsoring those boys and give them proper education, health, etc. The reward for doing that is enormous.

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

@Islamina Mu'mina I've been searching for over 13 years now and I have even travelled 1000's of miles as part of that journey. How much harder do you want me to try?

You know why it's irritating because women tend to go by feelings and they don't like anything which hurts their feelings, even if it's the truth. Something I learnt about women is that, they would much rather be comforted by lies, then have their feelings hurt by truth. This is why women constantly fall for liars because lying to them actually keeps them happy.

Look I'm sorry you have to go through 13 years of searching, yes I know it sucks.. and I understand that you're stressed in your position

But I am not lying to myself nor do am I acting on my emotions. I'm telling you the truth that needs to be accepted as well. Much of what you said, I agree is true. But I'm telling you that you should NOT focus on those things because there is still MUCH good out there. It's pointless to keep focusing on the big crowd of people who have lost the true meaning of life.. Because if you keep focusing on that big crowd, you won't notice the good people who are hidden in the cracks of society.. .

I have seen people who end up becoming crazy due to their constant anger over not finding the right person thinking "ohh all these men are bad now!", "All these women nowadays are bad!!"

If you keep thinking negatively and looking down at these things, you're only going to make things harder on yourself

You have still been searching for 13 years but be thankful that you haven't had to get married to the wrong person and become abused!! Some people have to learn it the hard way!

Everything happens for a reason.. Whether you marry a person or not.. when you will.. who you will... It's all on your decree. Perhaps your patience is being tested.. . Maybe you need to learn a lesson.. Maybe you need to take this as a moment to change mentality or yourself as a Muslim... Maybe it isn't best for you at this time..

I was just letting you know, take it as a moment to connect with Allah, because it's a struggle. We need to be optimistic rather than negative.


If me saying that ^^^^^^ is failing to accept the truth... Yeesh, then what does truth even mean??


To forget about what our goal is as Muslims??????

Ponder about it.


There is a very good Muslimah I know.. A convert/revert. Very beautiful, pious.. Not your average Muslim... Went through 6 years of struggle through her first marriage. her husband was constantly gone, cheating on her.. She was tricked and manipulated into a marriage.. Then she was confused.. With patience

she got remarried.. Her words went something like "After all of that, I finally got it.. He was everything I asked for"

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

@Islami Mu'mina it is for money reasons because I have been rejected countless times and it's over money. I'm a mature guy and I have spoken with loads of women and know them like the back of my hand. It's called life experience. Once you have spoken to lots of women, and millions of other men have shared similar experiences with women, you figure out how they operate and what drives them and boy do they love money

Yes and I never claimed that you weren't rejected countless times over money. I just claimed with the one story you brought up that you cannot automatically assume someone's reasons and intentions because there are many factors that go into it. I did also claim that not all women care about money. So if you disagree with that and believe that all women are driven by money, then go save up more money so you can "attract" more women.


And btw brother. Im curious on this because it could also possibly be a factor. Since you said you've been searching for 13 years, I'm assuming your older. Have you tried looking for women around the same age? Or have you been trying to look for younger women. Because if you've been looking for younger women, that could be another reason why your having more trouble. Although you may desire this choice, it may be an unrealistic goal. Try to modify some things and work with what's best. You can try marrying widows if you can't find other women

And if you've already tried that. Maybe you can try finding older women.. Even if it may not be as desirable, you can still try and meet some ladies. And if you don't feel attracted/comfortable with them, just reject and move on/keep searching. Older women can still look pretty as well in some people's eyes so its worth a try since you've been searching for so long

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Try using sunnahmatch, they do it the islamic way.. I believe there may be better quality people there

 

[xboxisdead]

Yes and I never claimed that you weren't rejected countless times over money. I just claimed with the one story you brought up that you cannot automatically assume someone's reasons and intentions because there are many factors that go into it. I did also claim that not all women care about money. So if you disagree with that and believe that all women are driven by money, then go save up more money so you can "attract" more women.


And btw brother. Im curious on this because it could also possibly be a factor. Since you said you've been searching for 13 years, I'm assuming your older. Have you tried looking for women around the same age? Or have you been trying to look for younger women. Because if you've been looking for younger women, that could be another reason why your having more trouble. Although you may desire this choice, it may be an unrealistic goal. Try to modify some things and work with what's best. You can try marrying widows if you can't find other women

And if you've already tried that. Maybe you can try finding old women.. Even if it's undesirable, you can still try and meet some ladies. And if you don't feel attracted/comfortable with them, just reject and move on/keep searching. Older women can still look pretty as well in some people's eyes so its worth a try since you've been searching for so long

But what if he wants to have children. It is preferred the woman to be young for that reason. Even it is advised to marry young woman to have healthy children.

 

[kingfisher1]

[MENTION=28222]Islami[/MENTION] Mu'mina we men are rational and we don't marry for irrational reasons. Why would anyone marry someone they find undesirable. Women have most value when they are young. The older women who can no longer have lots of children can marry men who have already been married and have had children. As for men who have never been married , nor have children, it doesn't make sense to marry older women, even more so when most women today don't accept polygamy.

Previously unmarried men should marry fertile young women and have many children and this is the best way. As a man as long as we take good care of ourselves we remain fertile into our old age.

 

[xboxisdead]

Not only that, but they have proven that the older the man he is the better his sperm is when conceiving children and the smarter the children become. You can have a five year old boy talking like he is a 13 year old boy both in intelligence and memory by having an older father (as an example of course). In the other hand, for a woman....the younger she is the healthier the child comes out with least birth defects. If you can marry her at age 13 or 14...that is great. Lo and behold, another example of gender difference...once again. Man I am good!

 

[kingfisher1]

@xbox I can't see your posts for some reason

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

@Islami Mu'mina we men are rational and we don't marry for irrational reasons. Why would anyone marry someone they find undesirable. Women have most value when they are young. The older women who can no longer have lots of children can marry men who have already been married and have had children. As for men who have never been married , nor have children, it doesn't make sense to marry older women, even more so when most women today don't accept polygamy.

Previously unmarried men should marry fertile young women and have many children and this is the best way. As a man as long as we take good care of ourselves we remain fertile into our old age.

Let me correct my mistake.

And if you've already tried that. Maybe you can try finding old women.. Even if it's undesirable

I meant to say even if it is not as desirable.

You can still find an older woman who is attractive in your eyes and a woman who can have babies. Look, I'm tossing out ideas since you're struggling and it seems like you don't really appreciate them which is fine. I didn't say marry someone extremely older to the point where they are infertile

As for men who have never been married , nor have children, it doesn't make sense to marry older women,

In some cases, it does. Which is why some men do it. And that is why I gave you the idea. I think some men would take advantage of getting married to an older woman who he finds attractive if he fears that he will stay single. They'll get benefits: Companionship, being able to release sexual desires and stay chaste, following the suunnah of marriage, woman is probably fertile as long as she isn't extremely old, someone to help him be a better muslim.

Some even do it out of preference when they have the choice to get married to someone younger

I guess it was just a sign of irrationality to you.

May Allah make things easy on you and grant you a spouse. I don't have any other advice I can give other than my "irrational" advice

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@xbox I can't see your posts for some reason

The moderators have to check his post before it gets allowed to be seen by us