Sharp Tongue

[AnonymousPoster]

I have a huge problem. In the past i have been so hurt and betrayed by my closest mates so many times - I have had peopel steal from me, close mates come to my house and steal money and phones. Even if I have liked an Islamic Brother they have destroyed any hope. Its gotten to a point in my life i realyl snap at people and have become bitter enar enough heartless - i cant get hurt anymore and im very weary of people - i cant trust anyone easily - i have my own back.

becoz of this i sometimes miss salat usually i pray five tiems but im neglecting it now since eid.

I need to stop having this sharp tongue - is there any dua i can pray to get over this pain and stop having a sharp tongue - i dont want to hurt anyone i know its a major sin - i need to get over this pain encountered over the past few years - any dua i can pray?

 

[AnonymousPoster]

13 views

and no reply

 

[AnonymousPoster]

No helppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

Guess i shouldnt of asked!!!

 

[HopeFul]

Assalamoalaikum Brother,

Maybe that's because people are busy at Eid.

I am going through a similar phase but Alhamdolillah i have an immense control over my anger, my speecha nd thoughts. I say it in my brain before I say it with my tongue and I also evaluate the situaion wether I should or not , all this in a few seconds.

I never thought before I spoke before. Some thins helped me, there are a few things that will help you too:

Pray to Allah after EVERY salat to give you taufeeq to get coser to Hima nd to help put you on the path which wil facilitate that.

Then specifically ask Allah for help with your tongue: " OH Allah you know my heart is pure and I have been hurt, take this hurt away from me and make my speech soft and make me wise enough to know when to be wary and when to be gentle."

Recite Astaghfaar a lot.

" Astaghfirullahi Ladhi la ilaha illa hual; hayyil Qayyumo wa Atoobo 'Alaih" or some other form of it.

And finally try and use your mind before you speak. Always give the benefit of doubt to a person, be cuatious wiht your belongings and be gentle with your speech.

May Allah help you, ameen.

 

[syriana]

you should immediately stop everything you are doing and go pray to allah, no matter what the circumstance. You meet with him 5 times a day, think of it as a follow up meeting, where you talk to him and tell him how your day is going and whats bothering you and etc..

 

['Abd-al Latif]

This thread may benefit you insha'Allah: http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-support/134288025-friends.html

I also pasted this article there;

Know that not everyone is suitable to be your friend...

1 - Allah Said:

{"Ah! Woe to me! If only I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder after it had come to me!"}

[al-Furqan; 28-29]


2 - The Messenger of Allah said:

"A person is upon the way of his friend. So, let one of you look to whom he keeps as a friend."

['Sahih al-Jami'' (3545) and 'as-Silsilah as-Sahihah' (927)]


3 - 'Abdullah bin Ahmad bin Hambal said:

"My father went out to Tarsus on foot, and he perfored two or three Hajjs on foot, and he was the most patient of people upon being alone."

['Tarjamat al-Imam Ahmad'; p. 18]


4 - Ibn al-Qayyim said:

"Know that the greatest of losses is for you to be preoccupied with one who will bring you nothing but a loss in your time with Allah - the Mighty and Majestic - and being cut off from Him, a wasting your time with the person, a weakening of your energy, and the dispersing of your resolve. So, if you are tested with this - and you must be tested with this - deal with him according to how Allah would wish, and be patient with him as much as possible. Get closer to Allah and His Pleasure by way of this person, and make your getting together with him something to benefit from, not something to incur a loss from. Be with him as if you are a man who is on a road who was stopped by another man, who then asks you to take him on your journey. Make sure that you are the one who gives him a ride, and that he is not the one giving you the ride. If he refuses, and there is nothing to gain from travelling with him, do not stop for him, bid him farewell, and do not even turn back to look at him, as he is a highway robber, regardless of who he really is.

So, save your heart, be wary of how you spend your days and nights, and do not let the Sun set before you arrive at your destination."

['al-Wabil as-Sayyib'; p. 45]


5 - Ibn Jama'ah said:

"So, it is upon the student of knowledge to abandon socialization, as abandoning it is from the most important things that the student of knowledge must do - let alone with members of the opposite gender - especially with those who spend most of their time in play, and spend little of their time in thought, as the nature of individuals can rob you.

The harms of socialization include the passing of life without any benefit, as well as the decline of wealth and religious practice, if this socialization were to occur with the wrong people.

The student of knowledge should not mix except with either those who he can benefit, or can benefit from. And if he is offered the friendship of one who will waste his time with him, will not benefit him, will not benefit from him, and will not assist him in reaching his objective, he should politely end the relationship from the start before it progresses to something deeper, as when something becomes established, it becomes more difficult to change it. There is a phrase that is constantly on the tongues of the Fuqaha': 'Repelling something is easier than removing it.'

So, if he requires someone to befriend, let that person be righteous, religious, pious, wary, intelligent, full of benefit, having little evil, good at complying, rarely conflicting, reminding him if he forgets, cooperating with him when he is reminded, helpful if he is in need, and comforting if he is in distress."

['Tadhkirat as-Sami' wal-Mutakallim'; p. 83]


6 - Ibn Qudamah al-Maqdisi said:

"Know that not everyone is suitable to be your friend. You must verify that this potential friend has the neccessary characteristics that make friendship with him something to be desired. The one you seek to befriend must have five characteristics:

• He must be intelligent, as there is no good in befriending an idiot, as he will only harm you when he wants to benefit you. By intelligent, we mean one who understands things as they are, either on his own, or if they are explained to him;

• He must have good manners, and this is a must. One who is simply intelligent might be overcome by anger or desire, and obey his desire. Thus, there would be no benefit in befriending him;

• He must not be a fasiq, as such a person would not fear Allah, and whoever does not fear Allah cannot be trusted;

• He must not be an innovator, as his abundance of innovation is feared from befriending him;

• He should not be eager for the dunya."

['Mukhtasar Minhaj al-Qasidin'; p. 126-132]​

 

[glo]

A sharp tongue or a harsh word at the wrong time can cause great damage.

The Bible says this about the power of the words we speak:

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.
Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.
Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.
Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

I don't know of any specific prayers, but my advice would be to try to not answer too quickly and rashly, but to take your time to think before you speak ...
(Well, see the blue quote in my signature. That's a reminder to myself!)

But remember that the words we speak to others can also bring great comfort, healing and joy. So it is not all bad news!

Try to practice saying positive things, which may turn a bad situation around.
Try to speak good things. If nothing good comes to mind, try keeping your mouth shut. (It's hard, I know ... but it gets easier with practice. Sometimes my hubby says "What are you so quiet for?" - It usually means that I feel really bristly, and I am trying not to be naggy, whingey or snappy!)