Shoul I avoid old friends to prevent bad behavior

[anonymous]

I am going through a very rought time past few weeks and I can only blame myself for these actions. First let me start off with saying that I am a revert for about 7 months or so now. I recently bumped into an old friend of mine, old drinking and partying friend to be exact. At first i didnt think much of talking to her again because i thought i was stronger then i apparently am. I also thought i could hang out with her and not get myself into trouble, boy was i wrong about that. Now since i became a Muslim i have not drank or anything until 2 weeks ago. I started partying with her for the past 2 weekends and i feel really bad and dont know what to do. She knows im a muslim but doesnt know why im flipping out the way i am. This may due to the fact that there are many muslims here who do not act islamically, as well as christians, jews who disobey every obvious rule as well, so to her its nothing but to me its a big deal. Also along with her are other friends i used to hang out with including guys who liked me and apparently still do and have been trying to flirt with me (no i didnt go as far as kissing anyone or having sex). Also unlike how she used to be she seems very promiscuous and crazy in other ways including drugs and such and i feel like she will only bring me down. I just feel really guilty about what i have done and these people i am hanging around again, but at the same time how do i just ditch them, especially her since i have been friends with her since i was 12, this may cause other guilt in itself. Should i just tell her that i can remain friends with her but can never go partying with her again and let her know how serious my religion is now or just stop talking to her all together?


Please help

 

[Woodrow]

I am going through a very rought time past few weeks and I can only blame myself for these actions. First let me start off with saying that I am a revert for about 7 months or so now. I recently bumped into an old friend of mine, old drinking and partying friend to be exact. At first i didnt think much of talking to her again because i thought i was stronger then i apparently am. I also thought i could hang out with her and not get myself into trouble, boy was i wrong about that. Now since i became a Muslim i have not drank or anything until 2 weeks ago. I started partying with her for the past 2 weekends and i feel really bad and dont know what to do. She knows im a muslim but doesnt know why im flipping out the way i am. This may due to the fact that there are many muslims here who do not act islamically, as well as christians, jews who disobey every obvious rule as well, so to her its nothing but to me its a big deal. Also along with her are other friends i used to hang out with including guys who liked me and apparently still do and have been trying to flirt with me (no i didnt go as far as kissing anyone or having sex). Also unlike how she used to be she seems very promiscuous and crazy in other ways including drugs and such and i feel like she will only bring me down. I just feel really guilty about what i have done and these people i am hanging around again, but at the same time how do i just ditch them, especially her since i have been friends with her since i was 12, this may cause other guilt in itself. Should i just tell her that i can remain friends with her but can never go partying with her again and let her know how serious my religion is now or just stop talking to her all together?


Please help

Peace Friend. Your feelings and actions are quite common for us new reverts. In reality we already know the answer, I think we are trying a last ditch effort to find a loop hole. Also, Shaytan is very much aware of our fraility at this time. We are in the process of doing what he does not wnat us to do. So we get hit with every imaginable temptation, to try to get us to loose faith and allow him to win.

One of your comments I find very interesting:

"Also unlike how she used to be she seems very promiscuous and crazy in other ways including drugs and such and i feel like she will only bring me down."

I doubt very much that she has changed. You are the one who changed and you now see things you did not consider unusual in the past.

Like I said, You already know the answer:

"Should i just tell her that i can remain friends with her but can never go partying with her again and let her know how serious my religion is now or just stop talking to her all together?"

Now it is up to you to do D'ua and pray for the strength to do what you must do.

 

[DigitalStorm82]

Asalamu Alaikum Sis,

I would like to congratulate you on becoming a Muslim.

I don't think you need to keep any friends that will make you disobey Allah swt. This fridays khutba, the Imaam was saying "You are the religion of your friends" and now you know how strong and truthful that statement is... after accepting Islam and being in the light... your friends lead you astray.

The simple answer to not feeling bad and guilty for a reaaaaallly long time is to just make new muslim friends. Because, muslim friends will always tell you to do good... well.. almost always... there are bad apples among every religion.. but you get the picture.

You can try to give her dawah to islam (invite to islam) so she may change her ways and walk in the path of truth as well... your job is to relay the message.... not make her believe. And after you have told her about Islam... you need to seperate yourself from her as much as possible.

I can relate to your story quite well... I had many friends who were of different religions... and they always did the whole drinking and partying thing.. and quite often.. I decided to just stop dealing with them... even if you show up at their gatherings... there is always drinking and partying going on.. but its really up to you and your will power... of course you also need the help of Allah to make it easy for you.

Inshallah, You'll make the right decisions and get closer to God.

W'salaamz,
Hamid

 

[Mohsin]

Salam sister

I think you should explain to hyer why you are feeling the way you are and why you don't want to go out no more. If you explain to her properly insha'allah it will be good da'wah for her. Explain to her what islam has offered you and why you know its the truth, insha'allah Allah will guide her to the truth.

However i wouldn't recommend hanging around with her or your old non-muslim friends, as compnay in islam is important. I will insha'allah find a famous hadith about company, but there is a saying of scholars regarding company; "Show me who your friends are and i'll tell you what kind of person you are".

Have you tried going to any nearby masajids? Insha'allah you will find sisters there that maybe you can become friends with. Having said that, you shouldn't completely cut off your relationship with your old friends, as you should still visit them from time to time and give them da'wah, and do du'a and pray to allah that they are guided

 

[Thanaa]

I am going through a very rought time past few weeks and I can only blame myself for these actions. First let me start off with saying that I am a revert for about 7 months or so now. I recently bumped into an old friend of mine, old drinking and partying friend to be exact. At first i didnt think much of talking to her again because i thought i was stronger then i apparently am. I also thought i could hang out with her and not get myself into trouble, boy was i wrong about that. Now since i became a Muslim i have not drank or anything until 2 weeks ago. I started partying with her for the past 2 weekends and i feel really bad and dont know what to do. She knows im a muslim but doesnt know why im flipping out the way i am. This may due to the fact that there are many muslims here who do not act islamically, as well as christians, jews who disobey every obvious rule as well, so to her its nothing but to me its a big deal. Also along with her are other friends i used to hang out with including guys who liked me and apparently still do and have been trying to flirt with me (no i didnt go as far as kissing anyone or having sex). Also unlike how she used to be she seems very promiscuous and crazy in other ways including drugs and such and i feel like she will only bring me down. I just feel really guilty about what i have done and these people i am hanging around again, but at the same time how do i just ditch them, especially her since i have been friends with her since i was 12, this may cause other guilt in itself. Should i just tell her that i can remain friends with her but can never go partying with her again and let her know how serious my religion is now or just stop talking to her all together?


Please help

Im in the same boat...almost.
Im moving back to the area where my frinds are in 2 weeks, and I know some of them are a bit...loose with themselves.
However, ive thought about it, and I refuse to dump them. Friendships are about more than religion, and If I cant look after my own beliefs amongst people who dont believe, then Id be a pretty pathetic muslimah in my opinion.
For some people, avoidance is best, but I think losing all these people would upset me too much.
Why dont you just explain to your friend why you dont drink, nd just only meet her/them for coffee or to go shopping/cinema/whatever?
If she doesnt like that then youll probably find your entire relationship dies completely within a few months...

 

[person]

you need to please Allah. if she is a bad influense on you then you need to go your way and leave her to her way. give her dawah insha Allah and make her realise that she wont get no where in life if she carries on the way she is, she is most likey to end up being raped. if she still wont change then stick to hi and bye but dont hang out with her. we should not waste time as time is limited and preciuos. you have better things to do than get drunk and be with useless people who do not repect and obey your Creator

 

[sonz]

salama

chk this article out

Choose friends wisely

There is no doubt that the company of friends influences the formation of our characters. For this reason, Allâh's Messenger, said, "A person is influenced by his companions religion, so watch who your companions are." (Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi) This influence is acquired from two aspects:

1. The first is acquired in the company of relatives, neighbors, school and all those with whom a person is compelled to spend time. 2. The second type of influence is acquired within more religious company which is likely to meet those who are less concerned. Though they pray and fast, they are less serious in carrying the message of Islâm, dawah, sacrifice, etc. And if a person's faith is weak and is inclined towards desire and negligence, he will find comfort in this company.

The effects of this influence become apparent through certain factors that include doing things he never used to do before. He begins considering those on the deviated path as examples in life and as a result, he starts imitating them saying, "If he can do this, why can't I?"

He begins to please others at the expense of pleasing Allâh by performing actions never done before or abandoning some good deeds. He abandons, for example, praying sunnah, or starts showing up late for congregation salah, starts getting used to watching and hearing forbidden things- as a result, he even stops forbidding the evil. All this is no doubt a consequence of weak emaan and the influence of either a bad company or a group who are less serious with Islâm and more inclined towards desire.

http://www.sunnahonline.com/ilm/purification/0096.htm

masalama

 

[Umar001]

I was going to say sister, I have had a similar problem:

I reverted and I had always been a lively outgoing person, who maybe did flirt, thought I dont see it as that, and so on, once I reverted, it was hard to change all of tht all of the time, I had already started changing because of my previous faith. I had difficulties, and they came not from non-muslims but from Muslims themselves, brothers of mine who at times would encourage joking with lies, playing physicallt with girls, saying haram stuff all ok, and it was hard for me to keep away from it 24/7, there would be times where my old self would end up with them joking and talking about bad stuff, and then the next minute I would tell them that I cant do those things, this happend to the pointt hat they always remarked I had mood swings, and so forth, which in fact was actaully me trying to act right all the time, and at the same time me trying to be with them because they were muslims which couldnt always work out.

In the end I sought some advise from a couple of brothers, with more knowledge the brother with the most knowledge told me straight, if they compramise your religion, then say salam to them and then do not stay with them.

And that was Muslims.

Sis I really hope you do what you can and remember, as a Crhstian man told me, it is easier for someone to pull you off a table then for you to try to pull them onto it.

 

[Mohsin]

There's also this hadeeth

Narrated Abu Musa: "The Prophet said, 'The example of a good pious companion and an evil one is that of a person carrying musk and another blowing a pair of bellows. The one who is carrying musk will either give you some perfume as a present, or you will buy some from him, or you will get a good smell from him, but the one who is blowing a pair of bellows will either burn your clothes or you will get a bad smell from him.' (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Hunting, Slaughtering, Volume 7, Book 67, Number 442)"

Company is very important, but i can't stress enough how you should take advantage of this oppurtunity and give da'wah to your friend

 

[Salah ad-din]

Anything you think you need to do to enjoin good and forbid bad, do it. Your friends will follow your foot steps and you will be rewarded for that inshaAllah.

 

[Djinn]

I am going through a very rought time past few weeks and I can only blame myself for these actions. First let me start off with saying that I am a revert for about 7 months or so now. I recently bumped into an old friend of mine, old drinking and partying friend to be exact. At first i didnt think much of talking to her again because i thought i was stronger then i apparently am. I also thought i could hang out with her and not get myself into trouble, boy was i wrong about that. Now since i became a Muslim i have not drank or anything until 2 weeks ago. I started partying with her for the past 2 weekends and i feel really bad and dont know what to do. She knows im a muslim but doesnt know why im flipping out the way i am. This may due to the fact that there are many muslims here who do not act islamically, as well as christians, jews who disobey every obvious rule as well, so to her its nothing but to me its a big deal. Also along with her are other friends i used to hang out with including guys who liked me and apparently still do and have been trying to flirt with me (no i didnt go as far as kissing anyone or having sex). Also unlike how she used to be she seems very promiscuous and crazy in other ways including drugs and such and i feel like she will only bring me down. I just feel really guilty about what i have done and these people i am hanging around again, but at the same time how do i just ditch them, especially her since i have been friends with her since i was 12, this may cause other guilt in itself. Should i just tell her that i can remain friends with her but can never go partying with her again and let her know how serious my religion is now or just stop talking to her all together?


Please help

Watch out for those who will try to seperate you from God with a smile, for they are wolves diguised as sheeps.

Salam alaikum