Should I as a daughter pay rent for staying at my mum house?

[NoName55]

May Allah make it easier for you...It really hurts my heart to hear stories like that. Some people flip when they're asked to clean their rooms...May Allah give us all the sabr, ameen.

I'm really sorry to hear all that ur going through...^^I feel the same way. Ameen to the dua's, and May Allah always be with you. srry that i can't give advice, if i knew how to give good advice, I would be able to help myself out in hardships...

How about someone saying a prayer for the poor widow? Asking Allah ta'ala to help her cope with the tripple whammy of trials He is testing her with?

 

[NoName55]

The problem indeed with such threads is that we only getting one side of the story, and it may be very true as seen through the eyes of this young lady, her mother undoubtedly views this from a completely different angle..
Whatever the case I really think some counseling is in order for both of them together and separately, if the mother is going through depression or depression linked to OCD as they are often a co-occurrence, that she gets the help she needs insha'Allah. There was a time when the whole Muslim community would reach out to one another, now families have cut ties from their own kin and as I seem to notice, even more during time of need...
What a sad condition our world is in..
Sob7an Allah

Jazak illah Khairan wa salam alaikum

 

[snakelegs]

The problem indeed with such threads is that we only getting one side of the story, and it may be very true as seen through the eyes of this young lady, her mother undoubtedly views this from a completely different angle..
Whatever the case I really think some counseling is in order for both of them together and separately, if the mother is going through depression or depression linked to OCD as they are often a co-occurrence, that she gets the help she needs insha'Allah. There was a time when the whole Muslim community would reach out to one another, now families have cut ties from their own kin and as I seem to notice, even more during time of need...
What a sad condition our world is in..
Sob7an Allah

this is true. noname's suggestion - to pray for the mother - is good too.

 

[Malaikah]

since it is not, I waited and consulted with another brother and we are of the opinion that all we can see is that a helpless widow is desperately trying to keep her family together and is trying to teach them self-reliance

That might be true- but why is she picking only on the daughter and not her sons and other daughter? According to the first post, they get everything they want, even a car, whereas she has to pay even for her water.

To the original poster, you are worried about how leaving the house might upset your mum and she might curse you. I think you should go speak to a shaykh, because you are not he one oppressing your mum, she is the one oppressing you. Speak to a shaykh, tell him everything you told us and see what he says. I might be that your mother cursing you for something out of your control is invalid (but I don't know, so check with a shaykh inshaallah).

 

[NoName55]

That might be true- but why is she picking only on the daughter and not her sons and other daughter? According to the first post, they get everything they want, even a car, whereas she has to pay even for her water.

for that we need mother to tell us her side, for that reason Sr. Ambrosia suggests counselling.

and we saw distortions of stories about Prophet P.B.U.H. If his views can be spun what is a mere widow?

 

[jouju]

Assalamu alyku sista in islaam

REmember its jus a trial from Allah...pls hav sabr tho i know its tough

Have a talk wit your mum and sister/bros tell them how u really feel it myt help
Change ur passwords ur after all entitled to some privacy...Try get a job to support urself
i know how it feels wen ur family is against u...its baaad!!! but REM ur Lord is still wt you jus pray to him for help
In a hadith of d prophet we were told that Allah loves wen his subjects ask him and He cant return u empty handed
Am praying dat Allah eases d burdens for you but b strong.

 

[jouju]

Do rem d story abt Aisha RA d wife of d prophet

An Ayah eventually came down to cleanse her
Even the prophet himself had trials...and he is most loved to Allah, he was nearly killed , persecuted..Rem wen he was stoned in taif?
First he was born an orphan, den his family were against his preachin....he lost all his sons wen they were still young, a tym came wen he din receive wahy fooor sssooooo long..d list goes on

Allah has to giv us trials pls be strong, Tawakkalii ol wil b great inshallah

 

[jouju]

purest ambrosia, its amust for you to look after ur parents wen dey age..will try get d daliil 4 u

 

[جوري]

Dear joujou. I don't need a daleel to know to take care of ones' parents as they age. simply read the Quran and you'll find it

وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلاَّ تَعْبُدُواْ إِلاَّ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلاَهُمَا فَلاَ تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلاَ تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيمًا {23}​

[Yusufali 17:23] Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.
[Pickthal 17:23] Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word.

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا {24}​

[Yusufali 17:24] And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."
[Pickthal 17:24] And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little.

perhaps that will make your search easier for you? but I am not sure I am the one you need to be addressing it to!

Jazaka Allah khyran

 

[islamic]

I think the main cause for my mum to react the way she does is because I have maintained a relationship with my older sister who has left home on her own accord and my mom wants me to cut ties of with her but I am not willing to do that because after all she is my blood relative.

try to tell your mother that according to Islam, cutting ties with family members is not good thing. And as I can see , your mother is not in good health condition so ... if you work, PAY her some money, her health is damaged. I though she is OK but in that condition, don't make situation worse for her, she has her health problems so you can RELAX the situation. After all, she is your mother.

 

[NoName55]

try to tell your mother that according to Islam, cutting ties with family members is not good thing. And as I can see , your mother is not in good health condition so ... if you work, PAY her some money, her health is damaged. I though she is OK but in that condition, don't make situation worse for her, she has her health problems so you can RELAX the situation. After all, she is your mother.

tell your mother that according to Islam, cutting ties with family members is not good thing.

1)what If a family member elopes with a Non-mahram?
2)Is a parent permitted to disown a disobedient child of low character?
3)Should a parent worry about remaining children catching the same disease as the one, parent severed ties with?

 

[islamic]

1)what If a family member elopes with a Non-mahram?
2)Is a parent permitted to disown a disobedient child of low character?
3)Should a parent worry about remaining children catching the same disease as the one, parent severed ties with?

I don't know brother. You should ask an Expert about that. I know that we in general should keep together, we should not cut ties in family, but normally for specific conditions there are specific conditions.

 

[NoName55]

^^ Jazaka Allahah khair wa salam alaikum

 

[salam786]

Can someone with expert islamic knowledge please answer the above answered questions as it is something that I often wonder about

 

[salam786]

Can someone with expert islamic knowledge please answer the above answered questions as it is something that I often wonder about

Sorry meant to say "above asked questions"

 

[جوري]

I think Br. Noname posed the questions in a rhetorical sense... I mean I don't believe you need a scholar to know the answer to those?

Allah knows best

 

[Muslim Woman]

may Allah help u , sis.

It's common in Indo-Pak sub continent that parents spend more money on sons . Reason is so that in future when they will earn , they will take care of parents . Normally parents don't expect that girls will spend for them .

anyway sis , u may discuss the matter with mom ..take help of ur aunt , uncle , grandparents ( if they are alive )

Ever thought why mom is so hard on u when she is so kind to her other kids ? Evaluate ur past behaviour with her .....u hurt her feelings badly ???


Keep praying , ask help from Allah. InshaAllah , everything will be ok

 

[ashley66]

Assalamualaikum dear sister,
My heart goes out to you. My du'a is for Allah to give you patience and reward you for your suffering and your consideration to your mother. Sabr and solat. I hope Allah will soon make your mom well and treat you and yr other sibling equally. For all we know, maybe she didn't meant to hurt your feeling but she couldn't help it due to her condition. She needs help medical and couselling but if that is difficult, the best is dua'.

 

[ummzayd]

It's true that we usually only see one side of the story here on the advice and support board. But I think it's reasonable to respond to the side we have heard and not have suspicions that there is any deception going on. And on the basis of what we have been told, the girl is on the receiving end of some unIslamic behaviour.

I do feel sorry for the mother on the basis that she is a widow with children (almost all of them fully grown). However if what her daughter says here is correct then she clearly has some psychological problems, and I pray that Allah ta'ala will help her and give her ease ameen. We can't overlook the fact that this puts a strain on other family members, and they also deserve our sympathy and support, and prayers.

(I have to admit that my own personal circumstances might bias me a bit here - as growing up with a mother with severe mental problems blighted my childhood as well as my teenage years and twenties).

I know that in some cultures it is the custom to always blame the children for everything and excuse the parent all kinds of behaviour, but remember that in Islam everyone has rights, parents have a right on us and deserve our utmost respect and kindness, but children also have rights due to them from parents.

One thing that struck me from this girl's post was how she felt driven away from washing at her own home to take baths and showers in the house of a friend. I do feel it is a daughter's right to have her dignity and honour protected; perhaps by the mother nagging and complaining about the expense of washing she felt driven to go to a stranger's (comparative) house, which was wrong of the mother (if correctly reported here). It is important to acknowledge where rights have not been given, even though they are the rights of offspring. Otherwise we are opening the way for our young people to feel resentful and even bitter, and drive them away from our homes and from Islam, nauthubillah. chidren sometimes have a very keen sens of justice, especially where their own rights are concerned - and why not?

I have just been reading about how Surah Yusuf deals with the consequences of favouritism within a family and the hatred, rancour and conspiracies that can occur when parents deal unequally with their children. And there is a hadith of the prophet pbuh (I will try to find the ref) which states that he (pbuh) did not allow a man to give a garden to one of his children, unless he gave a gift of equal value to the other. It is very hurtful and damaging when a child feels unloved or loved less than a sibling.

Being prone to cursing people, even one's own children, is not an admirable or Islamic trait but I see it happening a lot. Perhaps because the one on whose head is heaped curses or who puts up with verbal abuse for fear of being cursed, will one day get their own back by cursing their own children. I believe the cult of the vicious mother-in-law is perpetuated in the same way. As the mother of 3 sons, I seek refuge in Allah swt from that fate.

Whatever the ins and outs or rights and wrongs of this particular situation, I ask Allah Most Merciful to increase the love and understanding between all this family's members, and to give us all sabr to cope with our families ameen.