Should I feel guilty for love too?

[AnonymousPoster]

My parents have halfway Islam syndrome. They believe in integration. They think hijab is "nacra" for show/drama. There's not much sincerity to it. Their definition of Islam is what they've been taught through mainly culture and what they see others do, rather than researching in Islam. Islam is secondary to life after the American dream of getting ahead.
They call me extremist at times when I say hijab is mandatory. Sometimes, when I have moments of weakness, they'll call me hypocrite. I'm only human. imsad
I wish I had more support. But it's clear I won't be getting it. Life is so short, I can't wait for them and I can't let them affect my faith.

I'm really social and I enjoy talking to people and learning about them, the way they think. I tend to discuss Islam with people. One day, I encountered a Muslim man. I don't live near many Muslims, I see an ocassional Muslim here and there. I'm always inclined to hear their views on Islam, with so many crazy sects and parties arising nowadays.
Occasionally, we'd share book titles and article links. He had a great fervor for Islam and on several topics was more knowledgeable than me.
It came to my knowledge, he was going through depression. It had gotten quite serious. He had said something about suicide and life being meaningless. It became obvious how difficult life was for him as a convert. His past and his struggling present. I immediately supported him by quoting the Quran and Sunnah, relating the struggles of the Sahaba and early generations. I mentioned the power of the du'a. He continues to struggle. The hardships that have come upon him in the years had converted are almost surreal to me. Intense discrimination from his family, friends and community, living in New York during after 9/11 had got him unfairly accused...so much more.
Verily, Allah inflicts hardship on those He loves. But during a moment of weakness, he shared that he loved me. The way nonMuslim society and the cultural superiority complex other Muslims have left with him low self esteem. I wanted to ensure him that there was nothing wrong with him, that Islam was slowly becoming strange, and remain indifferent to his feelings toward me.
He persisted and said he wanted to marry me if he could. Rarely do I find a person, who agrees with me politically and religiously and he had the same views as me. I think I feel love too in that sense. I'm not too optimistic about marriage. I don't really want to marry because culturally, I have to marry who my parents choose for me. They'll choose someone extremely worldly because those are the kind they prefer. If we love each other and it wasn't the most religious way to meet each other, would it be wrong to try and get married and convince my parents? Or shall I just leave him?

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

make istikhara and discuss the situation with a member of the family you feel comfortable with.

Dont overburden your family if you can help it.


Marriage is good for two who love each other - ANY OTHER FORM OF COMMUNICATION IS NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[جوري]

^^ agree
& I think you should marry this brother.. I think you complement and possibly supplement each other's iman..

I don't think your parents have a say over who you marry..

Al-Khansaa’ bint Khidaam complained to the Prophet that her father wanted her to marry someone she didn’t want, saying “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” The Prophet said, “Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” Al-Khansaa’ said, “I have actually accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters” (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fath Al-Barî Ibn Hajr, Sunan Ibn Mâjah)

you are already wearing hijab when they don't want you to, there is no reason you can't marry the man whose religiosity and manners please you..

and Allah swt knows best

 

[Rasema]

^^ agree
& I think you should marry this brother.. I think you complement and possibly supplement each other's iman..

I don't think your parents have a say over who you marry..

Al-Khansaa’ bint Khidaam complained to the Prophet that her father wanted her to marry someone she didn’t want, saying “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.” The Prophet said, “Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” Al-Khansaa’ said, “I have actually accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters” (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fath Al-Barî Ibn Hajr, Sunan Ibn Mâjah)

you are already wearing hijab when they don't want you to, there is no reason you can't marry the man whose religiosity and manners please you..

and Allah swt knows best

I didn't know this. Especially the hadeeth,shukran.

Sister,:wa:I know you know that being in contact with man is haram,in this way. However, If you want to marry him make sure you tell your family as soon as possible before your relationship with him becomes more serious. I hope that this brother's iman increases. Make sure you take care of that,after you marry him



Everything is a test
Reason for Calamities

Disasters and calamities have been created for a reason, which none can fully comprehend but Allaah. Some of the things that Allaah has shown to us indicate this.

1 أ¢â‚¬â€œ Disasters and calamities are a test of the believerأ¢â‚¬â„¢s patience. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

أ¢â‚¬إ"Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, أ¢â‚¬ثœWhen (will come) the Help of Allaah?أ¢â‚¬â„¢ Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!أ¢â‚¬?

[al-Baqarah 2:214]

2 أ¢â‚¬â€œ This is a sign of man's weakness and his need for his Lord, and shows that he cannot succeed unless he realizes his need for his Lord and starts beseeching Him.

3 أ¢â‚¬â€œ Calamities are a means of expiation of sin and raising one's status. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: أ¢â‚¬إ"There is nothing that befalls a believer, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will record one good deed for him and will remove one bad deed from him.أ¢â‚¬?

Narrated by Muslim.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: أ¢â‚¬إ"Trials will continue to befall the believing man and woman, with regard to themselves, their children and their wealth, until they meet Allaah with no sin on them.أ¢â‚¬? Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2399; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2280.

And it was narrated that Jaabir said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: أ¢â‚¬إ"On the Day of Resurrection, when people who had suffered affliction are given their reward, those who were healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world.أ¢â‚¬? Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2402. See al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 2206.

4 أ¢â‚¬â€œ One of the reasons for calamities is so that people will not feel content only with this world. If the world were free of calamities, man would love it more and feel content with it, and would forget about the Hereafter. But calamities wake him up from his negligence and make him strive for the place in which there are no calamities or trials.

5 أ¢â‚¬â€œ One of the greatest reasons behind calamities and trials is to warn against falling short in some matters, so that man can make up for the areas in which he has fallen short. This is like the warning that is issued to an employee or student who is falling short. The purpose behind it is to make him make up for his shortcomings. If he does that, then all well and good, otherwise he deserves to be punished. The evidence for that includes the verse (interpretation of the meaning):

أ¢â‚¬إ"Verily, We sent (Messengers) to many nations before you (O Muhammad). And We seized them with extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss in health (with calamities) so that they might humble themselves (believe with humility).

When Our Torment reached them, why then did they not humble themselves (believe with humility)? But their hearts became hardened, and Shaytaan (Satan) made fair‑seeming to them that which they used to doأ¢â‚¬?

[al-Anأ¢â‚¬â„¢aam 6:42]

Another reasonأ¢â‚¬آ¦ is as a punishment for those who were previously warned, but did not benefit from the warning and mend their ways, and persisted in their sin. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

أ¢â‚¬إ"أ¢â‚¬آ¦so We destroyed them for their sins أ¢â‚¬آ¦أ¢â‚¬?

[al-Anfaal 8:54]

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

أ¢â‚¬إ"And indeed, We destroyed generations before you when they did wrong, while their Messengers came to them with clear proofs, but they were not such as to believe! Thus do We requite the people who are Mujrimoonأ¢â‚¬?

[Yoonus 10:13]

أ¢â‚¬إ"And when We decide to destroy a town (population), We (first) send a definite order (to obey Allaah and be righteous) to those among them [or We (first) increase in number those of its population] who lead a life of luxury. Then, they transgress therein, and thus the word (of torment) is justified against it (them). Then We destroy it with complete destructionأ¢â‚¬?

[al-Israأ¢â‚¬â„¢ 17:16]

Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: أ¢â‚¬إ"Grief may be accompanied by that for which a person will be rewarded and praised, so it may be good in that sense, not that grief is good in and of itself, such as one who feels sad for falling short in religious matters or for calamities that befall the Muslims. In this case a person will be rewarded for what is in his heart of loving good and hating evil, and so on, but grief in itself, if it leads to failure to do that which is enjoined, namely patience, jihad, seeking benefits and warding off harm, is forbidden, but if the person does not give it up, and it is not recorded as a sin for him then he is fine.أ¢â‚¬?

So the one who wishes that Allaah would change his situation without any effort on his part and that of others like him needs to understand this.

6 أ¢â‚¬â€œ Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

أ¢â‚¬إ"Verily, We sent (Messengers) to many nations before you (O Muhammad). And We seized them with extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss in health (with calamities) so that they might humble themselves (believe with humility)أ¢â‚¬?

[al-أ¢â‚¬ثœAnأ¢â‚¬â„¢aam 6:42]

al-Saأ¢â‚¬â„¢di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: (This means) We sent (Messengers) to the nations who came before you, and they disbelieved in Our Messengers and rejected Our signs. So We seized them with poverty, sickness, calamities and disasters as a mercy from Us to them, so that they might humble themselves before us and turn to Us at times of hardship.

And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

أ¢â‚¬إ"Evil (sins and disobedience to Allaah) has appeared on land and sea because of what the hands of men have earned (by oppression and evil deeds), that He (Allaah) may make them taste a part of that which they have done, in order that they may return (by repenting to Allaah, and begging His Pardon)أ¢â‚¬?

[al-Room 30:41]

al-Saأ¢â‚¬â„¢di interprets the word fasaad (translated here as أ¢â‚¬إ"evilأ¢â‚¬?) as referring to the disasters that develop on land and sea, which are making peopleأ¢â‚¬â„¢s lives difficult and causing a lot of problems with regard to their livelihood and well-being.

And the disasters that befall them themselves, such as diseases, plagues and the like, which happen because of the things their own hands have wrought of evil deeds that can only lead to bad consequences.

This phrase أ¢â‚¬إ"that He (Allaah) may make them taste a part of that which they have doneأ¢â‚¬? means, so that they might know that Allaah is requiting them for their deeds, so He gives them a foretaste of the recompense of their deeds in this world, أ¢â‚¬إ"in order that they may return (by repenting to Allaah, and begging His Pardon)أ¢â‚¬? i.e., repent from their deeds that have had this bad effect on them, and set their affairs straight.

Glory be to the One Who blesses by means of His punishment, for if He were to make them taste all that they have done, no living creature would be left alive on earth.

7 أ¢â‚¬â€œ Worship at times of hardship and tribulation has a special flavour and a special reward.

It was narrated from Maأ¢â‚¬â„¢qil ibn Yasaar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: أ¢â‚¬إ"Worshipping at times of tribulation and confusion is like migrating to join me.أ¢â‚¬? Narrated by Muslim, 2948.

Al-Nawawi said: أ¢â‚¬إ"The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, أ¢â‚¬ثœWorshipping at times of tribulation and confusion is like migrating to join me.أ¢â‚¬â„¢ The reason why worship at such times is of such great virtue is that people become negligent about worship and are distracted from it, and no one focuses on worship except a few.أ¢â‚¬?

Al-Qurtubi said: أ¢â‚¬إ"Tribulation and great hardship will happen until the matter of religion is taken lightly and people will care about nothing but their worldly affairs and how to earn a living. So worship becomes very important at times of tribulation, as Muslim narrated from Maأ¢â‚¬â„¢qil ibn Yasaar in the marfooأ¢â‚¬â„¢ report: أ¢â‚¬ثœWorshipping at times of tribulation and confusion is like migrating to join me.أ¢â‚¬â„¢أ¢â‚¬?

8 أ¢â‚¬â€œ Blessings that come after pain, hardship and calamity are more precious to people.

So then they appreciate the blessings of good health and safety as they should be appreciated.

Another of the benefits of calamity is a reminder of how Allaah has blessed man, because the man who is created with sight أ¢â‚¬â€œ for example أ¢â‚¬â€œ forgets the blessing of sight and does not really appreciate it, but if Allaah tests him with temporary blindness, then restores to him his sight, he will fully understand the value of this blessing. If things are always easy a person may forget this blessing and not be grateful for it, so Allaah takes it away and then restores it, as a reminder to him to be grateful for it.

Calamity may remind the person to whom it happens and others of the blessings of Allaah. So when a person sees one who is insane, he appreciates the blessing of sanity; when he sees one who is sick, he appreciates the blessing of sound health. When he sees a kaafir who is living like cattle, he appreciates the blessing of faith. When he sees an ignorant man he appreciates the blessing of knowledge. Only the one whose heart is open will feel this. Those who have no heart do not give thanks for the blessings of Allaah, rather they are arrogant towards the creation of Allaah.

9 أ¢â‚¬â€œ The benefit of calamity is that it rescues man from negligence and alerts him to his shortcomings in keeping his duty to Allaah, so that he does not think that he is perfect, which would lead to hardening of his heart and negligence.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

أ¢â‚¬إ"When Our Torment reached them, why then did they not humble themselves (believe with humility)? But their hearts became hardened, and Shaytaan (Satan) made fair‑seeming to them that which they used to doأ¢â‚¬?

[al-Anأ¢â‚¬â„¢aam 6:43]

10 أ¢â‚¬â€œ One of the benefits of tribulations and hardships is purification.

Hardships reveal how people really are, and distinguish the good from the bad, the true from the false, the believer from the hypocrite. Allaah says of the Battle of Uhud and what happened to the Muslims on that day, explaining part of the wisdom behind this trial (interpretation of the meaning):

أ¢â‚¬إ"Allaah will not leave the believers in the state in which you are now, until He distinguishes the wicked from the goodأ¢â‚¬?

[Aal أ¢â‚¬ثœImraan 3:179]

So the true nature of all things is shown clearly.

11 أ¢â‚¬â€œ When Muslims help those Muslims who have been afflicted by calamity, they will be rewarded for that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: أ¢â‚¬إ"The likeness of the believers in their mutual love, mercy and compassion is that of the body; when one part of it suffers, the rest of the body joins it in staying awake and suffering fever.أ¢â‚¬? Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6011; Muslim, 2586.

And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: أ¢â‚¬إ"None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.أ¢â‚¬? Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 13; Muslim, 45.

12 أ¢â‚¬â€œ At times of hardship and war we see the true meaning of the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):

أ¢â‚¬إ"Help you one another in Al‑Birr and At‑Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety)أ¢â‚¬?

[al-Maa'idah 5:2]

Islamcan.com .. -->IBF.ATTACHMENT_12632-->
25 Oct 2004 Read Topic
America's

 

[ChOcCi]

Sister, I know you know that being in contact with man is haram,in this way. However, If you want to marry him make sure you tell your family as soon as possible before your relationship with him becomes more serious. I hope that this brother's iman increases. Make sure you take care of that,after you marry him

erm, being in PHYSICAL contact with a man is haram. Simply talking to a man is not. I hope you already knew this.

 

[Rasema]

erm, being in PHYSICAL contact with a man is haram. Simply talking to a man is not. I hope you already knew this.

That is not what I meant. I said, being in contact with man,IN THIS WAY.

Thanks

 

[Muhaba]

I hope you are able to marry him but it's so difficult to change parents'/family's opinions about these things. If marrying him, do have his background checked out by a brother. Always have a brother to back you up (whether he's your relative or the imam or a friend's husband/relative) because one never knows what a guy is like and a woman shouldn't give herself into a man's hands without another male to back her up. Her potential husband should also know that she has ppl she can turn to so that he doesn't take advantage of her being alone.

i wonder if when a woman's family doesn't allow marriage with someone, can she just go to court & get married. I read in a hadith that the woman who doesn't have a wali, her wali is the ruler, and i think the qadi (judge) can then be a woman's wali but am not sure. Anyone know about this? or does she need a male wali even if he isn't a relative? like imam or friend's husband?

 

[AnonymousPoster]

That is not what I meant. I said, being in contact with man,IN THIS WAY.

Thanks

l I'm confused. Which way is "this way"?

 

[ChOcCi]

That is not what I meant. I said, being in contact with man,IN THIS WAY.

Thanks

Sister Rasema, if you reread her post, you shall find that she did not come into contact with that man in any haram way.They just talked and the man expressed a will to marry her. Nothing haram in that. No touching there...

 

[Rasema]

l I'm confused. Which way is "this way"?

Read your post. Is this over internet or where?

But during a moment of weakness, he shared that he loved me.

How did this make you feel?

 

[Rasema]

Let me paste something by a student. Everyone has their way but I think that this way is the proper way: I think what you mean to say sis is that it's fine for the two to fall in love as long it happens according to the guidelines, right? In other words, by seeing each other within the presence of a male mahram. Because after all, we can't control the heart and what it feels. Besides, if they're planning on getting married, then they have to reach some degree of love (love for one another's deen, love for one another's character, love for one another's personality etc), otherwise, what would make them decide to marry, if not that?

A lot of people seem to think that Islamic marriages are supposed to start off with no ounce of love whatsoever, which isn't true. Yes, they are somewhat "arranged" (which basically means that the man asks for the approval of the woman and her guardian - which happens anyway in the West, except that in the West, receiving the approval of the parents is more of a blessing, whereas in Islam it is a condition for the marriage to go forth), but that doesn't mean that the couple aren't allowed to realise that they love each other before. That's just natural. As long as it happens within the above guidelines and doesn't lead to any pre-marriage "physical contact", then it's fine. WAllahu A'lam.

 

[Rasema]

Member
Group: Members
Posts: 73 Joined: 19-July 09
From: India
Member No.: 30,722
Gender:
Religion: Islam



QUOTE
Asalamalakum, sisters

Walaikumussalam warahmathullahi wabrakathuhu..



QUOTE
1) How do 2 people get married?

The rightt way in Islam is for the man to get in contact with the girl's wali(gaurdian)...
After the wali has approved of the proposal,he with the girls permission,lets him see the girl.


QUOTE
2) If your parents aren't Muslim and don't know anything about arranged marriages and such ... how are you supposed to meet a man to fall in love with?

There is a correction needed here.Islam does NOT permit a man and a woman to meet or talk in private or even publically unnecessarily.That might lead them to fall in love.Now thats a big NO.

I have heard of revert brothers and sisters getting proposal via the masjid or their local imam.As parents really have no say in this coz they are kaffirs.So your wali should be the imam...

QUOTE
3) I watched a video called "A Land Called Paradise" [I'll post it at the bottom]. There's a part where the woman in the green hijab is looking through wedding photos and the back says "We fell in love. It wasn't arranged". If it wasn't arranged & they fell in love ... it is possible to date just that one person?


What the lady said was Islamically WRONG.To love her for some radiant goodness and then proposing her through her wali is permissible.But it should not involve any unnecessary contact.For when a man and a woman is alone,shaythan will be the third person among them.
So it makes dating impossible...even if he's the only one u ever did.


QUOTE
I know I'm 16 and I have a long way to go for marriage. But its one thing that intrests me.

Thats very understandable sister.You're not alone honey.

The only way dating is allowed,is when u get the marriage contract (http://http://nikah.com/partner.php?adbanner=32t6k0e/partner.php?adbanner=32t6k0e) done.Thats makes a couple husband and wife,but since it'll not be announced till the original marriage,it gives u some time before u live together.So u can be like any couple except having intercourse.Not that because its haraam,but that if came to the open it will be embarrassing for the girl since the marriage was not yet announced.



For reference try Islamqa[.]com

 

[ChOcCi]

Good post Rasema! But as you can see, there hasnt been any physical contact here so they are both clean. And by "in a moment of weakness"

she meant that when the man was feeling weak, he let out his inner feelings for her as men usually dont express feelings like that very easily. Atleast I think thats what she meant.

P.S they werent talking unnecessarily either as they were talking about Islam.

And I blatantly disagree with this:

"if your parents arent Muslims, they cant be your wali or guardian who accepts your marriage".

Show me proof from the Quran or I wont believe that.

 

[ChOcCi]

Muslim or non muslim, your parents are still your parents. They have a BIGGER say in who you marry than a Imaam. Unless I see proof, I will simply think thats a false statement.

 

[Salahudeen]

Conditions of the Wali (Guardian)



Question:


What exactly constitutes a guardian, as is needed in the nikkah ceremony. I am a female Muslim, and I want to know if my older brother is acceptable for this role.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:

Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.

There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee or the person who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so to you” or similar words.

There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or similar words.

The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows:

Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating their names or describing them, etc.

Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)

The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her walee, as Allaah addressed the walees with regard to marriage (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)

The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except with a walee and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)

It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027)

The conditions of the walee are as follows:

He should be of sound mind

He should be an adult

He should be free (not a slave)

He should be of the same religion as the bride. A kaafir cannot be the walee of a Muslim, male or female, and a Muslim cannot be the walee of a kaafir, male or female, but a kaafir can be the walee of a kaafir woman for marriage purposes, even if they are of different religions. An apostate (one who has left Islam) cannot be a walee for anybody.
He should be of good character (‘adaalah – includes piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), as opposed to being corrupt. This is a condition laid down by some scholars, although some of them regard the outward appearance of good character as being sufficient, and some say that it is enough if he is judged as being able to pay proper attention to the interests of the woman for whom he is acting as walee in the matter of her marriage.

He should be male, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges things on her own behalf.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)

He should be wise and mature (rushd), which means being able to understand matters of compatibility and the interests of marriage.

The fuqahaa’ put possible walees in a certain order, and a walee who is more closely-related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s walee is her father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather, then her son, then her grandfathers sons or grandsons, then her brother through both parents (full brother), then her brother through her father, then the sons of her brother through both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then whoever is more closely related, and so on – as is the case with inheritance. The Muslim leader (or his deputy, such as a qaadi or judge) is the walee for any woman who does not have a walee of her own.

And Allaah knows best.






(courtesy of www.islam-qa.com)

 

[zakirs]

Ask the bro to talk to your wali ?

All the best for your future sis..

 

[Salahudeen]

Question:


Assalaammu'alaikum,
I come from a muslim family and was brought up with Islamic faith. Although, I have been through a stage in my life which I call the "dark stage" of my life, in which I was involved with "jahiliyah" practices for some years (yes, those irresponsible and sinful acts). Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed me with guidance and brought me to His straight path again. Since that time, I have been having a relationship with a christian girlfriend, who Alhamdulillah has accepted Islam just recently, by Allah's will. We plan to be wedded soon after we are settled. One problem is that she comes from a devout Christian family, not to mention her father being a christian priest. Ever since her family found out about our involvement, they have tried almost everything to part us, we haven't told them about my girlfriend's conversion though. Right now, our relationship has reached a point where she is willing to oppose her family and runaway from them eventually. Even though we know it will be hard to go through, my girlfriend and I really love each other. As I understand, the Islamic law requires that in marriage, a woman should be accompanied by a "wali", which to my knowledge, should come from her family. My first question, can our plan to marry without her family's consent be in accordance with Islamic law?
And second, if it can, who can be her "wali?", since not one of her family member agree with our relationship.
Thank you, assalaammu'alaikum.

Answer:

Al-hamdu lillaah.

First, I offer thanks to Allaah for his grace in having guided you to the path of truth after experiencing a dark journey through 'jahiliyyah', a journey into ignorance and meaninglessness. Allaah guides to his truth whomever he wills. At this point of your life, as an expression of gratitude for Allaah's blessing, you should carry out your duties towards him and desist from the actions that gain his wrath. In fact, Allaah, at this point in your life, must take priority over everything else. You further ought to make up for what you missed in the previous part of your life, to double your efforts in performing worship and to haste in doing good deeds.

Secondly, since this lady in question has converted to Islam, thanks to Allaah, none of her kaafir family members can act as a guardian (wali) of her interests; no kaafir can act in this capacity over a Muslim. If there is a Muslim with some authority in your area over the affairs of the Muslim community, then he can act in this capacity, based on the Prophet's (peace be upon him) hadeeth:

"No marriage contract can be concluded without the presence of a Wali. A Sultan (authority figure) can act as a Wali for those without one." (see Ibn Majah and Imam Ahmad, Hadith number 1880; also in Salih al-Jaami', hadeeth number 7556.)

If there is no authoritative Muslim person, then one should refer to the community Muslim leader or any Muslim who is just ('aadil), respected, and of high character, such as the director of the Islamic center or its imam, to conclude the marriage contract of this sister, with her consent.





(courtesy of www.islam-qa.com)

 

[Snowflake]

No one has a dream that they have fallen in love with so & so. Love happens through communication or a glance (for some) and Islam is aware that two people in love will communicate even if the love happened in circumstances that were prohibited, which is why the Prophet (saw) said there's nothing better for lovers than marriage. So it is acknowledged that two people in love will communicate, as love is recognised as an ailment - for which marriage is the cure and you cannot blame the sick for their illness. So, I don't think we should stamp 'Haram Haram Haram' on every situation, especially when Islam recognises every act according to its intention, circumstance and the accountability of the individuals concerned.


Sis (Anon)

As you can see, that Islam acknowledges love and it's symptoms in patience, but we also recognise our bounderies and therefore we must ensure we don't put ourselves in situations which lead us to haram. You both should avoid meeting each other and consult your family, who if are in disagreement with your decicion, then to consult an imaam. Let him (the brother) know what your intentions are and this way you will maintaining the mimimum amount of contact until Allah permits you otherwise.

My sister, to earn Allah's pleasure, favours and blessings, not only with regards to attaining your love, but for all time, meet Him in secret during the small hours of the night. Raise your rememberance of Him so much that your tongue becomes addicted to praising Him even when you don't will it to. Glorify and praise Him in awareness of His Power and Might, Forgiveness and Mercy and if Allah wills and He knows this to be good for you, He will allow it to happen and if He withholds it from you then through the blessings of your increased worship of Him, he will remove the desire from within you and thus alleviate any suffering you might feel through your loss. With Allah, the reward for good is nothing but good.

:wa:

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Read your post. Is this over internet or where?

How did this make you feel?

Over emails.

I'm not sure. Confused. I ignored it. I didn't know what state of mind he said it. I thought I would just let him retract it. I always thought love before marriage is something of the shaytan. O_O.

 

[Rasema]

Over emails.

I'm not sure. Confused. I ignored it. I didn't know what state of mind he said it. I thought I would just let him retract it. I always thought love before marriage is something of the shaytan. O_O.

Good girl:thumbs_up