should i get married?

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normansti

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Let me tell you my situation. I am 30years old and I have a girlfreind who is 30years old. We started dating we were 19. About 3 years ago I found islam and my girlfreind converted to islam about 2 months ago. We have been sexually active with each other for many years until about a year ago when I started to feel extremely guilty afterwards so we stopped. We still mess around but now im starting to feel guilty about that too. I would marry her but I dont know if it the right thing to do. I pray 5 times a day, she thinks thats exsessive and doesnt pray the way we do, but talks to allah on her own time(is there somthing wrong with this?) She doesnt fast, She drinks and smokes, I do not, but she does believe in only allah, she just doesnt follow islam very well at least right now(i dont know if she ever will). she does good things like give to charity, and she is very caring of other people. Do u all think she is right for me? What should I do?
 
I think brother youd need to sit down and have an open discussion with the girl.

You might want to explain your concerns, fears and anxieties to her and how she might be able to help you.

Likewise let her know she can tell you same too.


If she converted then her slate was wiped clean why fill it with sins that fast?

Similar for you to bro.

Islam has given you a set of morality codes and ethics to live by. Abide by them. Help her to abide by them too and teach her or send her to people who can help her.


I would say right now YOU shouldnt get married. It seems like you have embraced your religion much more enthusiastically and are trying hard. It would break you to see her being so wishy washy and not following it rightly.
 
:salamext:

it'll be hard to guide another...but if you set an example InshaAllah she will follow too.

The sincerity of the intention is important... I'm sure if you want to marry her for the sake of Allah subhanahuwata'ala (to guide her), Allah will help you all the way. You just to have faith.

Don't worry akhee...Allah subhanahuwata'ala know everything and He is the Most merciful :)

wassallam
 
Let me tell you my situation. I am 30years old and I have a girlfreind who is 30years old. We started dating we were 19. About 3 years ago I found islam and my girlfreind converted to islam about 2 months ago. We have been sexually active with each other for many years until about a year ago when I started to feel extremely guilty afterwards so we stopped. We still mess around but now im starting to feel guilty about that too. I would marry her but I dont know if it the right thing to do. I pray 5 times a day, she thinks thats exsessive and doesnt pray the way we do, but talks to allah on her own time(is there somthing wrong with this?) She doesnt fast, She drinks and smokes, I do not, but she does believe in only allah, she just doesnt follow islam very well at least right now(i dont know if she ever will). she does good things like give to charity, and she is very caring of other people. Do u all think she is right for me? What should I do?
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Please consider my advice:

First your situation is unique for several reasons. Both you and your girlfriend have converted to Islam. Your illegal relationship was before this conversion.
You are thirty years old and your girlfriend is similar age.

My advice is that you should immediately propose to this girl that either get married with me or break up this illegal relationship. So let her decide what she wants. And if you do not want to marry her, though you are at an age where you should immediately get married, than you must not see, talk or ever touch this girl again. So this is a simple advice, insha Allah I hope you follow it.
 
:sl:
i think that since your interested and keen in practising, that you need someone to encourage and support you to keep that up. if you have bad influences around you, your only going to go down the wrong path. marriage is for life, and you cant afford to muck around.
think about if you do marry her, and you end up having kids. i dont mean to to sound nasty or judgemental, but is this really the type of person you want your children to model themselves on? because parents wil always have a strong influence on thier children...
:sl:
 
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maryam11 said:
:sl:
i think that since your interested and keen in practising, that you need someone to encourage and support you to keep that up. if you have bad influences around you, your only going to go down the wrong path. marriage is for life, and you cant afford to muck around.
think about if you do marry her, and you end up having kids. i dont mean to to sound nasty or judgemental, but is this really the type of person you want your children to model themselves on? because parents wil always have a strong influence on thier children...
:sl:
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I though about this alot and we had a talk and we are goin to try to be freinds. Is this a good idea? She is my best friend.
 
normansti said:
I though about this alot and we had a talk and we are goin to try to be freinds. Is this a good idea? She is my best friend.
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Salaam alaykum bro,

Firstly, congratulations on becoming a Muslim, and welcome as well! Masha'Allah, may Allah continue to keep you moving towards what pleases Him and brings you closer to Him :D

You're in a difficult situation - you know that what you're doing - dating and socializing with this girl who is also now a Muslim, alhamdullillaah - is something wrong. At the same time, you've had a very lengthy relationship with this woman.

Human beings are not perfect, and it is difficult to toss away a relationship that has lasted for 11 years, and that's understandable. Likewise, it's understood that not everyone is perfect, and everyone is at their own level of faith and practice in worshipping Allah subhaana wa ta'aala.

So, to be clear, it would not be correct for you to hang out with and socialize with this Muslim sister. It would be wrong. But, it may be difficult for you to pull away from this right away.

I could give you a very ideal answer - keep away from her. If you could do that, that would be awesome. But you may not be strong enough for that, so what I would advise you to do is first and foremost, acknowledge to yourself that dating, or even socializing with women as friends (I'm talking non-relatives here) is not allowed. When you acknowledge this, then you can ask Allah to forgive you, who loves that when you make a mistake, that you ask Him sincerely from the bottom of your heart to forgive you for this wrong you're doing.

Of course, when you ask for forgiveness from Allah, you should intend with your heart not to return back to the wrong action, but if you do, or you find yourself weak, then again repent, and keep repenting, and asking for help. And know that Allah will NEVER get tired of forgiving you, so long as you are sincerely repenting and trying to be a better human being.

Lastly, if you can't break away all at once, then take baby steps away, and make progress each day or week, or month. For example, before you were dating and had a physical relationship. Now you're talking about just staying friends. Maybe you can try limiting the frequency with which you socialize with her, from once a day, to once a week, to once a month, and so on, while asking for forgiveness until you are completely away from her.

May Allah subhaana wa ta'aala give you what is best for your difficult situation, and may He make it easy on you.
 
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Why are you asking us when the answer is in your heart. If she is your half you will recognize her and the idea to let her go will hurt you much more than the fact she is smoking or drinking :)
 

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