Should I pick future early marriage or PhD?

[Mustafa16]

I want to get a doctorate in finance or economics.....I also want to get married early.....My mother says it shouldn't be a problem getting married and going to grad school, but my father, an academic, says there is.....in his words, "because [when youre getting a PhD] you're broke," I considered nikaah misyaar like the scholar on here said, (cant mention his name because the tag redirects to another user) but I don't think my religious community practices that......its either, "you get married with money, or you don't get married without money" keep in mind my community is pretty liberal......(Gulen movement)......I also personally have a problem getting married and being able to engage in marital relations and not be providing for your wife.....feels almost like zina.....I don't know if I should puruse my doctorate, or if I should focus on getting married....on the one hand, my studies would help distract me from haram....on the other hand, too much studying and no marriage may lead to haram......plus, I wanna be influential in the fields of economics, but I also don't wanna be lonely.......what should I do? also, part of the reason I wanted to get married early is because I wanted to marry a girl who is my age (the childhood friend I mentioned) but I think it's time I moved on considering I haven't talked to her or seen her in years.......

 

[Little_Lion]

I think you need to sit down over several days, or weeks, and think of what you REALLY want for yourself. If it will help, make yourself two lists: one called "Marriage" and one called "School". Then, when you think of something beneficial for either one, write it on the list. After a couple of weeks compare your two lists and see which one will give you the most benefit.

 

[Pyrrhic]

I want to get a doctorate in finance or economics.....I also want to get married early.....My mother says it shouldn't be a problem getting married and going to grad school, but my father, an academic, says there is.....in his words, "because [when youre getting a PhD] you're broke," I considered nikaah misyaar like the scholar on here said, (cant mention his name because the tag redirects to another user) but I don't think my religious community practices that......its either, "you get married with money, or you don't get married without money" keep in mind my community is pretty liberal......(Gulen movement)......I also personally have a problem getting married and being able to engage in marital relations and not be providing for your wife.....feels almost like zina.....I don't know if I should puruse my doctorate, or if I should focus on getting married....on the one hand, my studies would help distract me from haram....on the other hand, too much studying and no marriage may lead to haram......plus, I wanna be influential in the fields of economics, but I also don't wanna be lonely.......what should I do? also, part of the reason I wanted to get married early is because I wanted to marry a girl who is my age (the childhood friend I mentioned) but I think it's time I moved on considering I haven't talked to her or seen her in years.......

Dear Mustafa brother, My sister did PHD after marriage. She has beautiful 2 daughters. There are also many friends who did Doctorate after marriage. There are 3 friends who are currently doing PHD and they have children who go to school.


After reading your message. My advice will be that you should marry. Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness or marriage(what ever make you happy) is the key to success.


Last year i was in Madina. I met with a Rich successful scientist. He was old and he just fall while walking. I helped him and take him to his room. I sit 2 hours and listen about his successful achievements. Then he start crying that he is alone. Because He sacrifice his love ones for his success. Now all those who love him and care him... left him... That Rich successful old man advice me that never run behind money or future. Always care for those who love you. Because when you need some one and you are alone. Its painful. Its hurt.


Its your life dear brother. All i can do is pray for you. I hope you will be Happy (marriage) and successful (doctorate). Take care.

 

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum, Mustafa.

My cousin met his wife in Muslim organization in their campus. They liked each other and decided to get married while still study. Now my cousin is head of the region in a big company.

Getting married when still study in university is okay. But I do not suggest you to make target that you should get married when you are still in university. Make target about study that you should graduate in age .... is good. But I do not suggest you to make target that you should get spouse in age ...... It's because marriage is about matching. If you set target, then probably you will force yourself to marry someone who actually does not matched with you just to meet the target. So let your spouse comes in the time she will come. It can be earlier or later than your expected time.

Now try to focus to your study, and start learn how to build happy marriage, how to become good husband. No need to set target that you should get married before get PhD. But if then you meet someone while you still study and you feel matched with her, okay, you can marry her while still continue your study.

 

[Serinity]

Whatever works for you. For me it is to secure a job, etc. then marry. Might marry at 25-27. Who knows when, except The Creator, Allah.

And Allah :swt: knows best.

 

[mission2succeed]

I want to get a doctorate in finance or economics.....I also want to get married early.....My mother says it shouldn't be a problem getting married and going to grad school, but my father, an academic, says there is.....in his words, "because [when youre getting a PhD] you're broke," I considered nikaah misyaar like the scholar on here said, (cant mention his name because the tag redirects to another user) but I don't think my religious community practices that......its either, "you get married with money, or you don't get married without money" keep in mind my community is pretty liberal......(Gulen movement)......I also personally have a problem getting married and being able to engage in marital relations and not be providing for your wife.....feels almost like zina.....I don't know if I should puruse my doctorate, or if I should focus on getting married....on the one hand, my studies would help distract me from haram....on the other hand, too much studying and no marriage may lead to haram......plus, I wanna be influential in the fields of economics, but I also don't wanna be lonely.......what should I do? also, part of the reason I wanted to get married early is because I wanted to marry a girl who is my age (the childhood friend I mentioned) but I think it's time I moved on considering I haven't talked to her or seen her in years.......

Subhanallah it's you again!
Don't get me wrong brother but your posts don't go past women.
I think you should get married if it helps you to put a stop to your endless desires.
You can study at a later time in life and I don't think you will last without marriage and you may end up committing haraam which is worse.
And Allah Knows Best!