should i?

[AnonymousPoster]

my problem is that my mum and bro, both want me to get married! its becoz my fiance is a good friend to my bro and i know he wants to get married, but i aint ready, :rollseyes i'm actually having second thoughts bout him! when i refuse my mum sulks with me and doesnt talk to me! my bro isnt that bad, but he says things like marriage is half imaan etc. and i'm like really fed up of it! should i just get married, and satisfy my mum?:?

 

[Ghazi]

Ask your self why arn't you ready, the prophet said those who don't marry arn't from me.

 

[Halima]

Well, nothing is better than honesty. If you marry the man that you don't like or have second thoughts about him, then obviously your marriage will not be a blissful as intended to be.

I honestly think you should be upfront to your mom and brother and tell them that YOU are the one getting married and not them. If you give them reasons of why you think you should not marry then they will not force you in any kind of way.

No one will force you to marry someone that you don't even want not even your mom or brother.

I hope you understand...

 

[AnonymousPoster]

subhannallah.....may allah make it easy for you.......it is tru dat marriage is half of iman or religion and jannat lies under the feet of the mother but then again marriage is a long-term issue.......u are going to be with that person for the rest of your life inshallah and if you dont like them then its goin to be difficult to live with him.....

my advice is to marry when your ready and hav found a person who you like and try to explain to your parents how you feel......
...again may allah may it easy for you

 

[AnonymousPoster]

There lots of unfortunate souls out there who don't get married for one reason or another and are good Muslims... Anonymous ... no one can make this decision for you except for yourself ... you will be the one living with this man... I think a good way to do this is to develop a list of pros and cons... I think a good Muslim is one that is non judgmental... I always like to think back to the story of Prophet Moses(PBUH) and Al-Khidr... yes Moses was a prophet from God but was still instructed to follow Al-KHidr to learn something wisdom from him... I think it is unfair to commit yourself to life with someone with whom you know you'll treat badly because you are having doubts about and will not have the "mwada and ra7ma" that Allah spoke of ... if this is just a case of cold feet I understand make salat istikhara... but don't be bullied into a marriage because of your family or because someone with all due respect finds a quote that will damn you into hell if you refuse this man... Allah is just and he knows what is in your heart... I can find a couple of quotes myself that will speak of the nullity of this marriage if the girl doesn't go into it out of her own free will....

 

[Mezier]

If your not ready than your not ready. Its not like your saying "I will never get married".

Seems to me your being pressured into something that is life-altering...which is wrong.

My opinion: Exactly the same as yours; If your not ready than your not ready

 

[Dawud_uk]

assalaamu alaykum,

everyone has doubts, this is entirely normal and healthy but some peoples doubts are more serious.

ask yourself are these doubts for genuine good reasons?
or are they just small doubts which would dissappear once you were married?

end of the day sister this is your choice, is this man good and would you perhaps feel you would lose out on a good husband if you dont marry him?

assalaamu alaykum,
Daw'ud

 

[Sis786]

Salaam sis

Personally i dont think anyone is really and fully ready for marriage. Marriage is something that you cannot be prepared for, even if you knew the Bro for years and were definate it doesnt mean you wouldnt have doubts its all a normal part of getting married.

Sis when i got married i wasnt too sure about my husband people were spreading soo many stories but i knew that i might miss out on marrying a good person and i took the risk and i have never looked back.

You cant marry a person to please someone else as life dont work that way. You need to be honest and address those doubts you have. Why aint you married etc

Once you come out with the doubts and compare them im sure you will see that these doubts are tiny and you would feel this even if you were to marry someone else 10 years ago.

Just be honest with yourself also read Namaz Istikhara its the best to ask the Creator and all knower himself!

Waslaaam

 

[umm_amina04]

:sister: well first and foremost I think that you should have some quality time to yourself that is just for you, where you are able to think freely and not have any disturbances whatsoever! secondly, If you are not ready for marriage, then ask yourself why do you think you are not ready? and If the brother your are supposed to marry is not suitable for you, and you have some doubt that it might not work? then before you make that decision, on your own then please consult and confide in the one who knows best our lord and creator Allah swt. And make istikhara because even the companions of the prophet muhammad (salallahu alayhee wa salaam) used to make istikhara when they wanted to go to the market. Ask Allah swt is this marriage is good for you then make is easy for you insha-allah and if it is not then make it far away from you insha-allah. I hope that this has insha-allah opended your problem from a different perspective but at the end of the day Allah swt knows best, and whatever happens is by the will of Allah swt.
:sister: umm Amina:statisfie

 

[Hijaabi22]

my problem is that my mum and bro, both want me to get married! its becoz my fiance is a good friend to my bro and i know he wants to get married, but i aint ready, :rollseyes i'm actually having second thoughts bout him! when i refuse my mum sulks with me and doesnt talk to me! my bro isnt that bad, but he says things like marriage is half imaan etc. and i'm like really fed up of it! should i just get married, and satisfy my mum?:?

how old are u if u dont mind me askin??? Im 20 and i doooooont wanna get married yet !!! but if u engaged already then Y NOT? Second thoughts? hmmmm kyu?

 

[Safa]

my problem is that my mum and bro, both want me to get married! its becoz my fiance is a good friend to my bro and i know he wants to get married, but i aint ready, :rollseyes i'm actually having second thoughts bout him! when i refuse my mum sulks with me and doesnt talk to me! my bro isnt that bad, but he says things like marriage is half imaan etc. and i'm like really fed up of it! should i just get married, and satisfy my mum?:?

You say that you are engaged. That is a big step taken so far. If you are still having doubts you should have a one on one chat with your mum. Don't argue too much, make sure you get your point across, discuss things, ask her why she is setting you up, is she going to force you.

You might be feeling pressured into this marriage. If that is the case then either are not ready or you have some kind of doubt. Try praying istikhara if you haven't done so yet.

You know that you have to get married someday inshaAllah. You can try setting aside what your mum and bro think and ask yourself if this brother is good for you.

No matter what the decision is, it is going to be your decision in the end.

Good luck and Allah knows best.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

thanks guys for your post, i'm still a bit confused, but i'd pray istikhar inshallah. i'm 19years old, and i'm currently at a medicle school. the guy isnt really religious i suppose he's alright, he is very good looking and i think when i was getting engaged thats the reason i stayed quiet. my friends were all telling me he so fit etc, and that he drives a convertable lol! maybe i'm being too fussy, i mean my bro knows him really well, why would he make me marry someone thats not good for me.......... right?

 

[limitless]

Dear sister, first of all, you engaged to him and stayed quiet because he is phyiscally good looking, that is your first mistake. Second mistake was the convertable part, again. You already made two mistakes that I seen many teen sisters here address that they will not do that. My perspective is that you better think again thoroughly, appearances are deciving especially in this time of period. You should always marry a man for his religion. You got engaged on his physical beauty, this marriage MIGHT NOT be sucessful. You might not even like his personality, just because your brother likes his personality doesn't mean you will. To illustrate, if my mom or my brother went out to find me a wife, I'd say chances of resulting in a divorce are 90%, because their personality and other stuff is way different from mine. I think you should have a serious thinking seesion with yourself, will this guy be able to rise my children rightfully, religiously, and will he be a good pious man. You made at lease one major mistake by staying silent at the engagement, hence when you talk to your mom about it, she will bring that up and what will you say. You could win, but its mom, it is very difficult. I suggest you think and write down all the cons and pros of the guy you are about to marry, like someone said in a pervious post. And THINK OF THE RELIGiON, ISLAM! That is what is marriage is about. I would cite Prohpt's hidaths to you, but I am unable to find them since I do not have any books or know any websites currently, but I am sure you know it. Make the right decsioin sister, if it's beauty and his convertable and wealth, it will cost you, but if it is religion nothing will cost you. May Allah guide you to make a right decision, protect you from evilness, ameen. I have one little question, If you don't mind me asking, what is the individual's background the guy you are about to get married to.

P.S: You should also, think about the guy you are about to marry, is he honest and truthful? And when you answer this question, think about is he appearing honest just to satsify you and your mom and your brother? Is he truthful temporary or he is truthful despite anything. You have to think thoroughly sister, it is your life, think about the future and what questions should you be asking and what questions should you not.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Dear sister, first of all, you engaged to him and stayed quiet because he is phyiscally good looking, that is your first mistake. Second mistake was the convertable part, again. You already made two mistakes that I seen many teen sisters here address that they will not do that. My perspective is that you better think again thoroughly, appearances are deciving especially in this time of period. You should always marry a man for his religion. You got engaged on his physical beauty, this marriage MIGHT NOT be sucessful. You might not even like his personality, just because your brother likes his personality doesn't mean you will. To illustrate, if my mom or my brother went out to find me a wife, I'd say chances of resulting in a divorce are 90%, because their personality and other stuff is way different from mine. I think you should have a serious thinking seesion with yourself, will this guy be able to rise my children rightfully, religiously, and will he be a good pious man. You made at lease one major mistake by staying silent at the engagement, hence when you talk to your mom about it, she will bring that up and what will you say. You could win, but its mom, it is very difficult. I suggest you think and write down all the cons and pros of the guy you are about to marry, like someone said in a pervious post. And THINK OF THE RELIGiON, ISLAM! That is what is marriage is about. I would cite Prohpt's hidaths to you, but I am unable to find them since I do not have any books or know any websites currently, but I am sure you know it. Make the right decsioin sister, if it's beauty and his convertable and wealth, it will cost you, but if it is religion nothing will cost you. May Allah guide you to make a right decision, protect you from evilness, ameen. I have one little question, If you don't mind me asking, what is the individual's background the guy you are about to get married to.

P.S: You should also, think about the guy you are about to marry, is he honest and truthful? And when you answer this question, think about is he appearing honest just to satsify you and your mom and your brother? Is he truthful temporary or he is truthful despite anything. You have to think thoroughly sister, it is your life, think about the future and what questions should you be asking and what questions should you not.

salam, wow, i guess your right however i've made a mistake at the engagement, but i was pretty young and still am, i was 17 and really you aint that wise. its starting to feel so real now, and its really scary, i mean i thought i'd be able to handle it if anyone was trying to force me but there other issues that are involved! if i told my bro, who i find more easier to talk to, and tell him i seriously wont be comfortable marrying this guy, he won't force me, but it'll cause other problems with our families.
the guy well his family own a big buisness in our town, quite well known, he's 23/24 the only son. he's at uni, but i dont know what he's doing (oh god i really dont known anything about him). all my mum goes on about is the size of his house, the way they dress and i'm like, enough mum this isnt me! i dont wanna marry for money! :grumbling