Sister in need of guidance

[المدينه]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

We are all given tests in life. We are all tried in one way or another. No one is going to make it anywhere without having faced calamities and no one will ever know the meaning of peace without the struggle.

I am at a point in my life where everything has fallen apart within a matter of a few months. Career, marriage, family, friends, finances, health...basically my entire worldly existence. It's pretty much all gone. I do still have the roof over my head because the laws in this country do not allow me to be evicted so easily so I will الحمدالله that.

The only thing that has been positively impacted through all of this is my faith and trust in Allah.

I am, like very many, very very lonely and very much alone in these dark times. My prayer rug is my only safe space. Oh I pray, I cry, I beg for firgiveness and then I pray more and I try to use the sense he's given me. Fasting is not an option due to health reasons.

The tests aren't getting easier but no one ever said life was easy.

I have no family or friends to turn to, they have cut me out for many reasons, the last straw being my faith. I have no husband though we are still legally married, or in-laws, though they are muslim. I have no access to any imam here. White faces wearing hijab and speaking English are not very liked here where I live, from Muslim and non-Muslim alike.

So I learn what I can by asking Google. I want to make meaningful connections and try going online. Not facebook or so, as social media is also partially what helped ruin my marriage.

My story is long, as so many others are.

My question to you is, have anyone of you been able to grow your tawakkul so strong that the tests just didn't hurt anymore? Disappointment and tears are real but completely different than the soul shattering of one's world collapsing. I want to be so strong in my faith that I can take in any test, sure, cry for a minute but then just move on. Just to really حسبنالله it all and be content.

Right now I am so stuck and I cannot see my options. I know my duas are being heard and I know Allah will help me and guide me. But how can I cope until then? What did you do? What helped you during your most difficult times? What does having patience actually entail? And am I doing it all wrong?

Allah is the only one who can help and he us always there for all of us. Yet I am in need human support

I thank you so much. Have a blessed day

 

[Imraan]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

We are all given tests in life. We are all tried in one way or another. No one is going to make it anywhere without having faced calamities and no one will ever know the meaning of peace without the struggle.

I am at a point in my life where everything has fallen apart within a matter of a few months. Career, marriage, family, friends, finances, health...basically my entire worldly existence. It's pretty much all gone. I do still have the roof over my head because the laws in this country do not allow me to be evicted so easily so I will الحمدالله that.

The only thing that has been positively impacted through all of this is my faith and trust in Allah.

I am, like very many, very very lonely and very much alone in these dark times. My prayer rug is my only safe space. Oh I pray, I cry, I beg for firgiveness and then I pray more and I try to use the sense he's given me. Fasting is not an option due to health reasons.

The tests aren't getting easier but no one ever said life was easy.

I have no family or friends to turn to, they have cut me out for many reasons, the last straw being my faith. I have no husband though we are still legally married, or in-laws, though they are muslim. I have no access to any imam here. White faces wearing hijab and speaking English are not very liked here where I live, from Muslim and non-Muslim alike.

So I learn what I can by asking Google. I want to make meaningful connections and try going online. Not facebook or so, as social media is also partially what helped ruin my marriage.

My story is long, as so many others are.

My question to you is, have anyone of you been able to grow your tawakkul so strong that the tests just didn't hurt anymore? Disappointment and tears are real but completely different than the soul shattering of one's world collapsing. I want to be so strong in my faith that I can take in any test, sure, cry for a minute but then just move on. Just to really حسبنالله it all and be content.

Right now I am so stuck and I cannot see my options. I know my duas are being heard and I know Allah will help me and guide me. But how can I cope until then? What did you do? What helped you during your most difficult times? What does having patience actually entail? And am I doing it all wrong?

Allah is the only one who can help and he us always there for all of us. Yet I am in need human support

I thank you so much. Have a blessed day

Walaikum salaam

Sister you are not alone, you are always in our prayers.
I kind of know how you might be feeling.... Calamity after calamity...

Stick to your prayers everyday on time.
Invocate the quranic duas. Learn the meanings, learn which prophets invoked them and learn what situations they were in when they did.
Read quran.
Eat healthy, meditate (close your eyes and listen to quran), exercise even go for walks during the day if you have to, even if you have to take off your niqab, dress in joggers, wear the sporty hijaabs, take your bike out whatever...
All these are crucial in maintaining your sanity and health.
At the same time reflect on your experiences, learn from them, continue to learn about deen, sunnah and try to adopt that in your daily life.
Give sadaqah where possible.

All the above helps me some, although like you I haven't got to where I want to be.
I still struggle and I keep saying to myself... "nothing lasts"

Do you have a job? I have found that whilst it can affect performance, having a job can also take your mind off things allowing you to take a break from your personal circumstances...

 

[المدينه]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. It's a beautiful feeling when you call out and someone responds. Allah always does but my little human brain cannot always comprehend what he says. Hearing from others is something very valuable and may Allah grant you peace and success in all your endeavours.

I have been doing a lot of what you suggested. Especially about reading of the prophets and their experiences.

I just often find myself thinking that I am not special like they were so how can their invocations possibly come out of my mouth? What right do I have to cry and hope for forgiveness, mercy and to be blessed beyond what I have already been given? I mean, I'm in a really bad place in my life but I'm sure not inside a whale.

I realize that these kind of وسواس are just the devils trying to get the best of me. Affliction is real. Too real.

Still, nothing can happen except by the will of Allah.

Job wise..... no, sadly, I lost my job in august of this year and have yet to find a new one. I have sent out well over 150 applications but it just hasn't worked out yet. My savings are gone too but I know how to bake my own bread الحمدالله Literally, because a kilo flour is cheaper than a store bought loaf.

The "good" times didn't last so surely the bad ones won't either? It'll be okay eventually انشالله

 

[Imraan]

Each time a calamity comes. We are supposed to be grateful because In reality you and I both know it could have been much worse, much worse...

I had the same feeling. When I invocate a quranic dua, ones made by the prophets and I don't see the rescue around the corner, I used to feel that I'm not a prophet with a direct 2 way Communication channel, where is my rescue, I'm not privelaged like them.

I have simplified it some.

We are the last nation, ordered to follow the message and instructions given via the prophet Muhammad pbuh. Follow the sunnah, stand firm in belief and have faith in divine decree.

Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Rajioon.....

Waking up everyday is a blessing. Every heart beat, every move we make independently, all by the will of Allah swt....

Nothing happens without his permission. Bi I'd Nillah.

Stay strong sister. Have faith, cry if you have to. This is a temporary life. You are where you are right now because Allah swt willed it for you.

Your sins are being expiated for every struggle, every downfall. You will reap great rewards in Akhira.

At the end of the day you don't know what your future holds, you don't know or really can't tell if whether within two years time your circumstances will change far better than you can imagine right now.... You just can't...

Stay positive, people have gone through difficult journeys, only to come out better and content to realise in the end what this life is about.

Why don't you jot your learnings and thoughts on a a4 pad... Like a journal... This mere act may seem somewhat therapeutic. Kind of like a back to school exercise...

Remember me, my family and the whole muslim ummah in your prayers... Jzk

 

[المدينه]

I thank you dearly. Your words are very true.

It can always be worse, yes, but we won't be burdened beyond what we can bear. And yes, we have all passed our tests up untill now. We are all still standing.

I actually write a lot. I have notebooks all over the place and a journaling app on the phone. It is the best way to really look back and see what I've actually learned and what I still need to do. Self reflection doesn't get realer or harsher than what you've written by your own hand.

I stretched myself a bit too thin, to put it mildly and I have battles on every side of me. Yes, I made plenty of false choices, and now I am where I am. Allah sent an army of angels to the prophet, he will not leave us to fight alone either.

مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلَىٰ

Thy lord has not forsaken thee nor does he hate thee (93:3)

The whole quran is beautiful but this was one of the first ayats that stuck with me

There is hope. And blessings and miracles are everywhere.

 

[Studentofdeed]

May Allah bless you and make it easier for you

 

[المدينه]

Thank you so much. May Allah bless you and your family as well

 

[Imraan]

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

May Allah make you feel at ease. Wow sister it seems like you have lost quite a lot. I don't know how you do it tbh.. I haven't even lost anyone yet I'm struggling so hard with faith issues.

The best thing about these problems is that it is bringing you closer to ALlah. If thats what it takes, then take it. Keep connecting with Him and never sever that attachment. You don't have anyone to vent out your problems to, except Allah, and that is the best option.

I can see you have a lot of patience and tawakkul in Allah so I am very happy you are still coping and struggling.. And you are not alone at all..

I know brother Imran who commented on your post has something somewhat similar. If have seen his posts, he has gone through many family issues which caused him to lose so much but now the best he can do is cry to Allah and rely on Him.

When you have been tested so hard to the point that you have become desensitized to it, this shows the true mental capability and strength you have. These pains will bring you closer to Allah and they will also let you see the reality of this life.. Eventually the nur will shine off of you on judgement day

 

[Eusra Fhaad inshaAllah]

Pls pray for me

JazakAllahu khayr

 

[المدينه]

May Allah make you feel at ease. Wow sister it seems like you have lost quite a lot. I don't know how you do it tbh.. I haven't even lost anyone yet I'm struggling so hard with faith issues.

The best thing about these problems is that it is bringing you closer to ALlah. If thats what it takes, then take it. Keep connecting with Him and never sever that attachment. You don't have anyone to vent out your problems to, except Allah, and that is the best option.

I can see you have a lot of patience and tawakkul in Allah so I am very happy you are still coping and struggling.. And you are not alone at all..

I know brother Imran who commented on your post has something somewhat similar. If have seen his posts, he has gone through many family issues which caused him to lose so much but now the best he can do is cry to Allah and rely on Him.

When you have been tested so hard to the point that you have become desensitized to it, this shows the true mental capability and strength you have. These pains will bring you closer to Allah and they will also let you see the reality of this life.. Eventually the nur will shine off of you on judgement day

Sister, I thank you so sincerely for your encouraging words. May Allah reward you big for it.

You are right, this has brought me so close to Allah and I have gained such a deep understanding for so many things. Though it doesn't change the situation, it helps keep tears at bay.

I pray that no one has to watch their world shatter before they find their way to true faith. Sure, give us trials, we aren't burdened beyond what we can bear... May Allah bless us all with absolute trust and faith that we do not doubt in his mercy

Some days are easier than others and that's something we can all collectively relate to.

I pray for everyone everywhere to just be at ease. I pray for the ummah, for you all here and your families, my own people and for my enemies...may Allah grant us ease and peace of mind.

I don't know much about strength. I know a lot about weakness though. I am a small person with a big heart and mind. I guess that knowledge keeps me going too. Sometimes I'm just not as fast.

I am so grateful that I found this place and that you are all here. Thank you so much

 

[المدينه]

Sister, you are in my duas

I won't talk down on your pain that you are so obviously in. Whatever you are going through is hurting you. I won't tell you others are worse off.

I will tell you what I have come to find out for myself in my pain. I like to believe we can always profit from another's experience.

I will tell you that I am praying for you. I will tell you that Allah has you right where he wants you to be. You are tired. Carrying a heavy load is tiring.

So I will tell you Allah is there to carry it with you, if you let him. He will not do it for you because it's part of the test. But he will never make you do it alone. I will tell you that with hardship comes ease.

Your tests are big and they've been long. Every test will come to an end and then we will get a new one.

My own humble hypothesis to this is I like to see us humans as a prototype. ..everything in paradise is perfect.... including the ones going there. Don't we all want to make it there? So we are tested and tried till we reach that perfection.

When Samsung brings out a new phone, do the give out the prototype? Or do they test it every way possible? And the end result? We get a fully functioning phone. Same goes for cars, or does BMW not test everything?

The key is faith and trust in Allah

If I may share with you something personal....
One of my greatest mistakes in life has been putting all my trust in people and only belief in Allah. One of my greatest epiphanies was realizing I had it so wrong....

Believe people but trust Allah

People can and will cause a lot of unnecessary misery. Greed, jealousy, envy....oh it's all out there and it makes up for almost all the misery we as a collective are in. Knowing that and accepting it are two different things.

These are just my thoughts and please forgive me if I come across as condescending.

Acceptance is so hard! But it can be done.

I pray for you sister. I pray for you to pull through and to find solace in Allah. Keep praying and keep doing whatever you need to do to make Allah happy with you. He is there. He promised that, remember?

 

[المدينه]

Brother, this was SO needed today!!! Thank you beyond compare!
May Allah reward you for passing on such an uplifting message

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Sister, you are in my duas

I won't talk down on your pain that you are so obviously in. Whatever you are going through is hurting you. I won't tell you others are worse off.

I will tell you what I have come to find out for myself in my pain. I like to believe we can always profit from another's experience.

I will tell you that I am praying for you. I will tell you that Allah has you right where he wants you to be. You are tired. Carrying a heavy load is tiring.

So I will tell you Allah is there to carry it with you, if you let him. He will not do it for you because it's part of the test. But he will never make you do it alone. I will tell you that with hardship comes ease.

Your tests are big and they've been long. Every test will come to an end and then we will get a new one.

My own humble hypothesis to this is I like to see us humans as a prototype. ..everything in paradise is perfect.... including the ones going there. Don't we all want to make it there? So we are tested and tried till we reach that perfection.

When Samsung brings out a new phone, do the give out the prototype? Or do they test it every way possible? And the end result? We get a fully functioning phone. Same goes for cars, or does BMW not test everything?

The key is faith and trust in Allah

If I may share with you something personal....
One of my greatest mistakes in life has been putting all my trust in people and only belief in Allah. One of my greatest epiphanies was realizing I had it so wrong....

Believe people but trust Allah

People can and will cause a lot of unnecessary misery. Greed, jealousy, envy....oh it's all out there and it makes up for almost all the misery we as a collective are in. Knowing that and accepting it are two different things.

These are just my thoughts and please forgive me if I come across as condescending.

Acceptance is so hard! But it can be done.

I pray for you sister. I pray for you to pull through and to find solace in Allah. Keep praying and keep doing whatever you need to do to make Allah happy with you. He is there. He promised that, remember?

I get very scared to see what the future holds for me.. Scared of getting older and moving on in life.. But at the same time, we start to see the reality of life.. And we take our lessons on with us for the rest of our journey. JazakAllahu khayran sister. You are very sweet and understanding.. Even though you may be going through something totally different, you still have made an effort to understand me even though this post is supposed to be about you.. It really helped. Thank you so much, my heart and prayers go out to you. I hope you find ease and a way out of your difficulties even if it means you have to wait till death.

 

[المدينه]

I get very scared to see what the future holds for me.. Scared of getting older and moving on in life.. But at the same time, we start to see the reality of life.. And we take our lessons on with us for the rest of our journey. JazakAllahu khayran sister. You are very sweet and understanding.. Even though you may be going through something totally different, you still have made an effort to understand me even though this post is supposed to be about you.. It really helped. Thank you so much, my heart and prayers go out to you. I hope you find ease and a way out of your difficulties even if it means you have to wait till death.

Sister, we all have a story or twenty to tell but when it comes down to it, every single soul on this earth's surface is in the same boat; we're born, we die and in between is this thing called life.

So it's natural that we understand each other. Hurt is hurt, doubt is doubt, joy is joy, even if the reason behind it is different. I think some people just didn't get the memo yet. انشالله they will.

Don't be afraid of your future. Don't ever be afraid of your future, no matter what you are going through now. You went through worse before and made it out, you always will.


There's always a right and wrong way to do things. I believe if I can firmly say, the humble little creature I am, that I am not afraid to meet my creator and be confronted with my decision on judgement day, well, then انشالله I did it right. I'll find out then, but I think you get where I am going with this.

Allah gave us free will, the capacity to think and a conscious. And when that doesn't suffice, we can ask him and make dua. How much of a blessing is that?

Sure, we will make mistakes. We'll often do the wrong thing with the purest of intentions and the cleanest of hearts... I think the red x on a school test is universally known? Or we will know something is completely wrong and still do it anyways. Well, then we repent, we ask for forgiveness, learn and don't repeat our mistake.

Getting older is actually a fantastic thing! You get to look back and realize how much growing you had to do and you can say الحمدالله that you don't have to go through all of it again. You can either carry baggage and dead weight or you can look at it as a treasure chest of blessings in form of experience. Well, I will admit.... the getting wrinkly part isn't so pretty but the rest...[emoji16]

Jokes aside... we may be in different situations and of different age groups (pushing 40 here!) but isn't there so much beauty to be seen in diversity? Same with the future. Since none of us knows what's going to happen next, we may as well pray and just do our best.

Something else I always pray for.... that Allah will put troubled minds to rest and weary hearts at ease. May his word fill both heart and mind with so much light that people will always see a glimmer of hope, even on the darkest nights

So if it takes untill I die for my things here to resolve, so be it. Dying isn't something I am afraid of. May Allah protect us all from the torture of the grave though... now that thought is thoroughly frightening

 

[المدينه]

Pls pray for me

JazakAllahu khayr

Sister Eusra, if you'd like to, please read my previous post (s) in this thread. The things I said apply to you just as much as to anyone who may find comfort in a hearing things from a different perspective. You aren't alone sister, you're never alone, though loneliness is so real; too real.

You are in my duas and my inbox is only a PM away. But most important of all, allah is always with you, no matter what

 

[Imraan]

Brother, this was SO needed today!!! Thank you beyond compare!
May Allah reward you for passing on such an uplifting message

Helps me a lot, I have watched it a few times now.. Very powerful. Very moving.

 

[Studentofdeed]

May Allah bless you guys and give only the best for you all

 

[BeTheChange]

Walaikumasalaam dear sister,

With the remembrance of Allah swt do we find peace. If you feel low and disheartened increase your religious activity insha Allah. You know what's fascinating is we always think we know what is best for us and when we pray and don't get what we want we may start to question our faith however our knowledge and understanding of our life and who we are is so limited so how can we claim to know what is good for us? Subhana Allah.

I would like you to dedicate some of your time to this website where you can download treasures!! For free!!

http://kalamullah.com/hearts.html

Some inspiring words from our dear sheikh

We need to revist history and educate ourselves. Everything will become easy with a mind and a heart that is connected to Allah swt insha Allah.

 

[Islami.Mu'mina]

Hurt is hurt, doubt is doubt, joy is joy, even if the reason behind it is different

This is exactly it. You're totally right about this. If people understood this, things would work out a lot better. Nowadays I just see people shunning eachother out and thinking their problems worse when that should not be the topic of concern.

Back when I was more immature I used to think similar like this. I cringe revealing this about myself but it was a very bad mindset.. Thinking that some people dont have the right to be sad..:slap: I dont think that way tho anymore.. Im glad I don't and I hope that others eventually realize. But the way you put it out in this sentence is the most simple and most meaningful way.

You get to look back and realize how much growing you had to do and you can say

Yeah true.. Its honestly very nice to see the changes you made in life, starting from the day you were born.. Especially if you are blessed enough to make it to an old age, its probably the craziest feeling seeing how far you've made it.. Remembering memories replay in your head.

pushing 40 here!

MashaAllah, you are much older than me. It is nice talking to people who are a lot older. I enjoy it very much and I always feel like much I'm taking in so much wisdom from them..

It's been nice hearing things from you. Sometimes when I come on here and sincerely listen to the words of others, it makes me remember who I am.. It reminds me of what job I have to complete. You're very thoughtful for posting and talking to me.. Thank you very much:Emoji50:

JazaKAllahu khayran

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