Some unanswered questions ....

[CosmicPathos]

Assalam Alaikum dear brothers and sisters,

I have had some burning questions over the last couple of months (10-15?) and I am trying to find answers to them as I try to balance my life between my religious obligations as a Muslim and secular obligations as a human. I hope that the more knowledgeable among us here can provide me with how can these questions be answered in the light of Quran and Sunnah.

Since I live in a country where Muslims are a minority, I have to deal with non-Muslims in almost every aspect of life. For the last 6-7 years it has been going quite smoothly. I talk to them, interact with them, and work along with them as any human would for common goals. I also treat them as I would treat any other human without taking in account there religions or beliefs.

I, however, have never considered them my friends. I have never invited them to my house because I dont want an atheist to step in my house. That is, I never tried to share my personal life with them, sit with them and talk about life, nature and things which friends usually do talk about. I did that because I felt if I start bringing them into my non-professional relationships, it would mean that I am not being true to my Islam. So for example, I would not hang out with an atheist unless it is for a professional relationship (classmate, dawah, or something like that) because if I do start making him a part of my life, it means I am approving of people who reject my God. Am I thinking correctly? Or I am just being emotional? Do you think Islam allows a Muslim to be friends with atheists? I understand that as Muslims we dont hate atheists, rather we hate atheism because probably that atheist would be guided by Allah and would become a Muslim before death. So we abhor actions. And stay silent about the actor? Or can we give an opinion/judgment on that too?

I am asking all this because I have Muslim friends who think differently from me on this issue. They are practicing (dont drink, pray etc) but they do hang out with atheist friends. I've asked some of them as to why they do it and their answer is "I let them (atheists) keep their beliefs to themselves and mine to myself. As long as the atheist is not harming me or my religion, he has the right to reject God." And I agree with what my Muslim friends say. But I feel that they are wrong as Muslims. Arent we as Muslims supposed to abhor those beliefs etc which are contrary to our own beliefs? If we are not supposed then what is the point of being a Muslim in the first place? Just be a good human being who respects all and be friend with anyone as long as it does not hurt you. So when I ask these Muslim friends that "would they be willing to be a friend with a person believes that rape is permissible?" they say no. But then I ask them how can you be willing to be a friend with a person who believes that Allah (your dear God) does not exist? They just say that its their belief. :hmm:

Maybe I am looking too much into it. Maybe the matter is trivial. But I would like to see how would you as Muslims deal with these issues and not take it personally and get depressed over it. Should I just become apathetic to what my Muslim friends do? because after all my friends tell me "as long as the atheist is not damaging our emaan, we can hang out with him and share my humanness with him as he (atheist) is a human too and has feelings, emotions and what not."

So please provide your ideas and Islamic suggestions in this regards.

And of course this inquiry has been further stimulated after addition of another friend in the circle my friends who is an atheist ... should I just stop hanging out with my Muslim friends because then I am approving of kufr? My Muslim friend has never forced me to sit with him when that atheist dude is there but stopping talking to my Muslim friend just because he has an atheist friend now, is that Islamically allowed? I would be less concerned if it was a Jew, a Sikh or even a Christian who believed in some sort of Divine existence. But I cant imagine being friends with someone (an atheist) who is the opposite of my existence and all that which I hold dear.

Walaikum Assalam.

 

[جوري]

when I wasn't practicing, I found it easy to hang out with folks who held no beliefs and in general (unlike the atheists on this forum) God genuinely never entered the picture unless by a passing fancy someone would say 'oh my God' tongue in cheek of course..the years passed and I found that I have grown apart from many of these individuals specifically my childhood friend who is Russian, her father divorced her mother while she was young and her biological father was Muslim (I think) but her mother went on to marry an atheist Jew and she herself really had no cares.. for a while I tried to pull her to Islam, I even took her with me on vacation we truly were the best of friends and she was becoming Muslim, the problem is I was a bad Muslim so she was a bad one too.. anyhow the years passed and she decided she was a Lesbian, then she wasn't, then she had an abortion etc. then she got into drugs.. I just grew apart from her and I was utterly miserable around her.. I had to constantly lie about her to my parents, if she walked with a guy I'd tell them he is her relative but I couldn't explain their chumminess .. I mean I really was miserable .. it was either about her or about my family and I was always so unhappy.. as it happens many other bad things happened along the way and I decided to change my life style completely.. at the time I was thinking of going for my PhD in molecular bio and a few months into it with this dull creature who hardly uttered two words during the entire months of research I felt it really wasn't for me.. so I applied to medical schools all over praying that someone would take me.. I was met with alot of rejection and don't really wish to dwell into that as I have lived little mini hells along the way.. and even finally when I got in it was an uphill battle with my parents to let me go and pursue this...

in med school I met some of my current friends.. none of them are Muslim, but they are fairly conservative and they are in general very serious and humbled by the experience also because we didn't have alot of time for leisure and most of our time was spent studying or worrying about symptoms we had that were similar to those in the books.. It is difficult to get personal with them, and it is difficult to discuss religion but my friend who is sikh really loved listening to Quran or at least she feigned to on the account I was the one driving us every morning and that is what I liked listening too.. she would fast one day of Ramadan with me in show of solidarity but in general that is about how far it went.. Though the current crowd isn't as 'cool' as the previous crowd.. I am much more comfortable now with my current friends than the previous ones, they are cultured and even if they have a lecherous life on the side they are very well respectful around my family.. I must admit I have found so few people who are still pals with their childhood into teenage years friends.. you are bound to grow apart.. but worse than growing apart is hating who you are as a person.. I always say if it gets to that stage in a relationship where you are not yourself, you are always anxious and plain miserable then get out and don't look back.. it doesn't matter how much time was invested in such a relationship there is no point fixing something that is beyond repair.

I don't have any Islamic suggestions in that regard because life unfortunately can't be tailored to our needs, but you must make good use of the head Allah swt gave you and at some point you'll enjoy the company of yourself or even family members, you'll become your own island so it won't matter really how people feel about you or you about them.. I have to say though if there is someone you sincerely care about don't delay giving them da3wah.. my brother had this really lovely chinese neighbor just a wonderful guy and my brother found it easy to talk to him and felt he would introduce the topic slowly but the poor guy died choking on a piece of chicken he had at three o'clock in the morning.. yes that is how strange life is, you really can't guarantee that you'll sleep in your bed in the evening and not on some cold metal slap in the county coroner's office and then six feet under... you never know where life will take you and I think all that you need Allah swt has supplemented you with.. a good head on your shoulder and a home in your heart and you take it with you every where..people will come and go out of your life otherwise so just keep the ones that matter!

and Allah swt knows best

 

[CosmicPathos]

when I wasn't practicing, I found it easy to hang out with folks who held no beliefs and in general (unlike the atheists on this forum) God genuinely never entered the picture unless by a passing fancy someone would say 'oh my God' tongue in cheek of course..the years passed and I found that I have grown apart from many of these individuals specifically my childhood friend who is Russian, her father divorced her mother while she was young and her biological father was Muslim (I think) but her mother went on to marry an atheist Jew and she herself really had no cares.. for a while I tried to pull her to Islam, I even took her with me on vacation we truly were the best of friends and she was becoming Muslim, the problem is I was a bad Muslim so she was a bad one too.. anyhow the years passed and she decided she was a Lesbian, then she wasn't, then she had an abortion etc. then she got into drugs.. I just grew apart from her and I was utterly miserable around her.. I had to constantly lie about her to my parents, if she walked with a guy I'd tell them he is her relative but I couldn't explain their chumminess .. I mean I really was miserable .. it was either about her or about my family and I was always so unhappy.. as it happens many other bad things happened along the way and I decided to change my life style completely.. at the time I was thinking of going for my PhD in molecular bio and a few months into it with this dull creature who hardly uttered two words during the entire months of research I felt it really wasn't for me.. so I applied to medical schools all over praying that someone would take me.. I was met with alot of rejection and don't really wish to dwell into that as I have lived little mini hells along the way.. and even finally when I got in it was an uphill battle with my parents to let me go and pursue this...

in med school I met some of my current friends.. none of them are Muslim, but they are fairly conservative and they are in general very serious and humbled by the experience also because we didn't have alot of time for leisure and most of our time was spent studying or worrying about symptoms we had that were similar to those in the books.. It is difficult to get personal with them, and it is difficult to discuss religion but my friend who is sikh really loved listening to Quran or at least she feigned to on the account I was the one driving us every morning and that is what I liked listening too.. she would fast one day of Ramadan with me in show of solidarity but in general that is about how far it went.. Though the current crowd isn't as 'cool' as the previous crowd.. I am much more comfortable now with my current friends than the previous ones, they are cultured and even if they have a lecherous life on the side they are very well respectful around my family.. I must admit I have found so few people who are still pals with their childhood into teenage years friends.. you are bound to grow apart.. but worse than growing apart is hating who you are as a person.. I always say if it gets to that stage in a relationship where you are not yourself, you are always anxious and plain miserable then get out and don't look back.. it doesn't matter how much time was invested in such a relationship there is no point fixing something that is beyond repair.

I don't have any Islamic suggestions in that regard because life unfortunately can't be tailored to our needs, but you must make good use of the head Allah swt gave you and at some point you'll enjoy the company of yourself or even family members, you'll become your own island so it won't matter really how people feel about you or you about them.. I have to say though if there is someone you sincerely care about don't delay giving them da3wah.. my brother had this really lovely chinese neighbor just a wonderful guy and my brother found it easy to talk to him and felt he would introduce the topic slowly but the poor guy died choking on a piece of chicken he had at three o'clock in the morning.. yes that is how strange life is, you really can't guarantee that you'll sleep in your bed in the evening and not on some cold metal slap in the county coroner's office and then six feet under... you never know where life will take you and I think all that you need Allah swt has supplemented you with.. a good head on your shoulder and a home in your heart and you take it with you every where..people will come and go out of your life otherwise so just keep the ones that matter!

and Allah swt knows best

jazakAllah for that response.

I am less concerned if my friend is a Christian, Jew or even a Hindu/Sikh, as long as a belief in some sort of supernatural Deity is there. I had close Christian friends in high school in Saudi etc. From what I am today, I would not be close to them today as I was in the past but I would still genuinely care about their benefit etc. But I just get concerned when an atheist/agnostic person is there ... it just stands against all that I believe in ...

 

[جوري]

jazakAllah for that response.

I am less concerned if my friend is a Christian, Jew or even a Hindu/Sikh, as long as a belief in some sort of supernatural Deity is there. I had close Christian friends in high school in Saudi etc. From what I am today, I would not be close to them today as I was in the past but I would still genuinely care about their benefit etc. But I just get concerned when an atheist/agnostic person is there ... it just stands against all that I believe in ...

Generally speaking and this is an honest response give my loathe to atheism and atheists in general, the ones I have met in real life are tempered individuals and you can have a real meaningful conversation with them.. seldom have I met ones as nasty as on the forum, I think maybe the last one was a patient I was tending to in a clinic setting.. he was difficult, miserable and akin to some of the ones on here except not nearly as lucid given his age and mental conditions my attending never even wanted to see him he'd just sign on my orders .. if you have a patient/doctor relationship with them you'll generally find it difficult if you are in a primary care setting, I will not lie to you, considering patients beliefs and feelings about religions play a large part in their healing process, their compliance with meds and their relationship with you.

So generally speaking you might find them easier to get along with and better listeners and maybe even better philosophers than he religious because generally they are not sure about things and as such if you make a convincing argument they might not be so apt to shut you out..

and Allah swt knows best

 

[CosmicPathos]

jazakAllah khair for your response.

Anyone else willing to share Islamic evidence, their opinions etc?

 

[islamirama]

Wa'alaikum as'salaam,

It seems like you more open to having people of the book as friends than atheist or other pagan believers or what not. Although it seems admirable and yet I think short of what your thinking and logic is. You are on the right track inshallah but maybe broaden your horizon a bit and see it in a bigger picture. You're friends are on the other end of this perspective and honestly I think they need more dawah here than you on their self-interest perspective. I saw self interest because they seem to be finding reasoning/logic to validate their actions and some how prove to themselves what they are doing is right. Anyways, here's my two cents on this.

In Islam, we are not to take any of the non-believers (people of the book or not) as awaliyas (protectors, helpers, guardians, close friends, etc) as Allah tells us that they are awaliyas of each other and not us nor will they ever be our awaliya and they will not be pleased with us until we compromise in our religion and deen. With that said, it does not mean we can't be diplomatic and good human nature at the same time. I don't go invite anyone to my home or personal life but at the same time treat them like you would treat any other normal human being. Of course, first you need to know where you stand in terms of your religion and deen and what not. When you know where you stand in light of everything the world than its easier to interact with others regardless of their beliefs. I grew up among blacks and whites, no other race in the city for most of my life. I didn't see muslims much till i started going to the university. Even than I didn't hang out with them as much as they had their own "groups", the arab group, the desi group, and what not. So i had friends that were non-muslims, people of the book or not. We played, talked, studied and what not. I even had friends or later co-workers were wanted to talk about religion and Islam and they would ask questions and I would tell them what Islam says. An Italian guy at college was heading to church at classes, he invited but i kindly refused. It was no biggy, but you gotta know where you stand first. One of my previous boss was a jewish lesbian but she was a great person over all. Of course Lesbianism is haram in Islam but that doesn't mean I give her the cold shoulder or anything.

As for friends. Well i say it depends on where you stand and how well you know your Islam and how is your. By will i mean are you the type that influence others or do they influence you. Most will say they have a strong will or what not but in fact its the opposite. In Islam we are suppose to make friends and keep good company not bad. Prophet (s) said be careful who you take as your friends for you will follow them in their deen. He gave an example of a person hanging around a blacksmith vs one hanging in a perfume shop. One who hangs around a blacksmith will be smelling all charcol and bad and what not and the one coming out of the perfume shop will have all that good smell rubbed off on him and he would be smelling all good. That is how friends and their influence is. You keep good company and it will rub off on you in good way and you choose bad company and it will do the opposite.

I see many muslim youths being so buddy buddy with non-muslims. And than i see these same Muslim youths falling for the kuffars or changing their religion or what not. This one arab college girl in my community has a black kuffar best friend who is still in high school. She's hijabi but she's in love with him, her hijabi friends know and they are ok with it also. What is up with that? Than we have parents running crying to the imaam to save their kids. The imam said it in one khutba at one time, when you come to imam at that time, its already too LATE. Anyways, i don't mind hanging out with muslim or non-muslim so long as they are within the framework of what i'm comfortable with. If they are not than i don't hang out with them, muslim or not. You will have to see how these interactions are going, who is being influenced more here and in what way. Your muslim friends can find whatever excuses they want, you need to guard your own eman and judge each person individually to see if they are going to be good influence, bad, or none. Throw the bad ones away, keep the good ones or the none ones.

 

[tango92]

the prophet saws said the religion of a man depends on his freind.. aah i know how you guys feel. i absolutely abhore atheists, you can tell just by looking at them they are just devils coated with skin.

for the most part forget dawah to these scum, the only way most of them will understand is by a fist to the face.

 

[Bilalus]

Salaam,

My opinion on this matter is merely my own but here it goes:

The less practising you are, the more comfortable and the easier it is to hang around with non muslim friends in general, not even just athiests. But you just share less in common with an athiest than a christian or a Jew.

However on this note, i would not say to leave them alone completely. On one occasion Prophet Muhammad pbuh was walking (i think it was while he was still in Mekkah i dont remember) and citizens were throwing stones at him to mock him. Even tho the angels pleaded and said "Oh RasoolAllah! give us the order and we can bury these people under the mountains that surround them!" and he replied saying "no, for one of their descendants may become muslim".

Moral of the story is, who knows what'l happen? if you keep in contact with these athiests and show them what Islam really is through your own practice and not letting them fall for media interpretations, they may change one day... Just dont bee too close with them as you dont want to be influenced by them

 

[gladTidings]

Interesting thread. This has been playing on my mind recently except its not having non-Muslim's as friends, but Muslims who may consider themselves to be 'liberal' or Muslims who are generally not very practising or even practising Muslims on different paths. Some members of my family are unwelcoming towards my Muslim friends on a different path. There is a sense of superiority amongst my family members when the two meet. In fact, sometimes I question my own imaan when I feel that my family are wrong in their attitude towards other Muslims and how accepting I have become of my friends even though their belief's conflict my own. My family think I have lost some of my religious (and cultural ?) values by befriending Muslims from different paths and of different cultural backgrounds. Maybe they are right, but I'm finding it quite difficult to deal with. :hmm:

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, jazkallah khayr for this question which is very relevant to many of us who live in countries where us Muslims are the minority. Firsly we must realise that as Muslims we must be the BEST towards all humans regardless of their beliefs. At the time of Rasulallah (Pbuh) it was not only his preaching that made non Muslims revert to Islam but it was the impeccible character of Rasulallah 9Pbuh) who was sent to perfect the very character of man. So we must be the best towards all.

In regards to being friends with non Muslims then this is where we must be very careful. Islam defines for us what a true friend is and the definition of a true friend in Islam is that a true friend will benefit us in this world and the next. Any friend that does the opposite then we must not keep them as friends but remain in contact with them for dawah purposes. This is exactley the same way we should be towards all non Muslims for we should not be in constant contact with them but we must stay i contact with them ONLY for the pleasure of Allah for the purpose of inviting them towards Islam but we must do so in the most beautiful of manners using wisdom and tact and not become frustrated when they don't accept our beliefs. We must NOT be close friends with them because the more one hangs around with a person the more that persons morals, views and perceptions will rub off on us and will eventually influence us even if we don't want to accept it. That is where the phrase "You are who you hang around with" came from.

Whatever we do in our lives it MUST be to please Allah. So let us give dawah to non Muslims but NOT non Muslims of the opposite sex of course for that goes without saying. We must show them the best character and give dawah in the most beautiful of ways. We must NOT go with them to bars, clubs, and other haraam places even if it is an after work event. A lot of Muslims seem to think that it is alright to go to afterwork events in haraam locations but they are surely decieving themselves and are only causing harm to their own imaan (faith).

We must STOP hanging around with any Muslim who is constantly indulging in haraam and does not practise their deen. We must NOT hang around with those with bad manners and character.

We should try to spend as much time as possible with pious, righteous and learned people and keep away from keeping bad friends and those who are loose in their talk and have a bad influence towards you. These people are not your real friends trust me.

The Prophet (saws) said, “The case of the good companion and the bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blower of the bellows (iron-smith). As for the seller of musk, he will either give you some of the musk, or you will purchase some from him, or at least you will come away having experienced its good smell. Whereas the blower of the bellows will either burn your clothing, or at least you will come away having experienced its repugnant smell.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Remember: “All friends will be enemies of one another on that Day (Day of Judgment) except those of the virtuous.” (Al-Qur’an 43:67)

One of the most important things we must do, which sadly many people neglect, is that we should avoid bad company. People we should avoid taking as friends those who speak too freely, who miss Salah, who do not dress modestly, who backbite, slander etc.

The company of such people is poison; just even sitting and talking with them will lead one to commit sins. Just as a person who sits for a long time with a perfume seller begins to smell nice, and a person who sits by a gutter cleaner begins to smell awful, similarly a person who spends time in the company of the wicked eventually gets affected badly by them.

Rather, we should seek out pious friends who fear Almighty Allah and who have the qualities of humility, charity, compassion, modesty and knowledge. If we sit with them we will always benefit and they will be a means for us to get closer to Allah the most compassionate most merciful and kind!

And Allah knows best in all matters