Speaking to friend about marital problems?

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Re: Problems...

ass salaamu alaykum,

here's the hadeeth:
Narrated 'Aisha:

Eleven women sat (at a place) and promised and contracted that they would not conceal anything of the news of their husbands. The first one said, "My husband is like the meat of a lean weak camel which is kept on the top of a mountain which is neither easy to climb, nor is the meat fat, so that one might put up with the trouble of fetching it." The second one said, "I shall not relate my husband's news, for I fear that I may not be able to finish his story, for if I describe him, I will mention all his defects and bad traits." The third one said, "My husband is a tall man; if I describe him (and he hears of that) he will divorce me, and if I keep quiet, he will neither divorce me nor treat me as a wife." The fourth one said, "My husband is a moderate person like the night of Tihama which is neither hot nor cold. I am neither afraid of him, nor am I discontented with him." The fifth one said, "My husband, when entering (the house) is a leopard, and when going out, is a lion. He does not ask about whatever is in the house." The sixth one said, "If my husband eats. he eats too much (leaving the dishes empty), and if he drinks he leaves nothing, and if he sleeps he sleeps alone (away from me) covered in garments and does not stretch his hands here and there so as to know how I fare (get along)." The seventh one said, "My husband is a wrong-doer or weak and foolish. All the defects are present in him. He may injure your head or your body or may do both." The eighth one said, "My husband is soft to touch like a rabbit and smells like a Zarnab (a kind of good smelling grass)." The ninth one said, "My husband is a tall generous man wearing a long strap for carrying his sword. His ashes are abundant and his house is near to the people who would easily consult him." The tenth one said, "My husband is Malik, and what is Malik? Malik is greater than whatever I say about him. (He is beyond and above all praises which can come to my mind). Most of his camels are kept at home (ready to be slaughtered for the guests) and only a few are taken to the pastures. When the camels hear the sound of the lute (or the tambourine) they realize that they are going to be slaughtered for the guests." The eleventh one said, "My husband is Abu Zar and what is Abu Zar (i.e., what should I say about him)? He has given me many ornaments and my ears are heavily loaded with them and my arms have become fat (i.e., I have become fat). And he has pleased me, and I have become so happy that I feel proud of myself. He found me with my family who were mere owners of sheep and living in poverty, and brought me to a respected family having horses and camels and threshing and purifying grain . Whatever I say, he does not rebuke or insult me. When I sleep, I sleep till late in the morning, and when I drink water (or milk), I drink my fill. The mother of Abu Zar and what may one say in praise of the mother of Abu Zar? Her saddle bags were always full of provision and her house was spacious. As for the son of Abu Zar, what may one say of the son of Abu Zar? His bed is as narrow as an unsheathed sword and an arm of a kid (of four months) satisfies his hunger. As for the daughter of Abu Zar, she is obedient to her father and to her mother. She has a fat well-built body and that arouses the jealousy of her husband's other wife. As for the (maid) slave girl of Abu Zar, what may one say of the (maid) slavegirl of Abu Zar? She does not uncover our secrets but keeps them, and does not waste our provisions and does not leave the rubbish scattered everywhere in our house." The eleventh lady added, "One day it so happened that Abu Zar went out at the time when the milk was being milked from the animals, and he saw a woman who had two sons like two leopards playing with her two breasts. (On seeing her) he divorced me and married her. Thereafter I married a noble man who used to ride a fast tireless horse and keep a spear in his hand. He gave me many things, and also a pair of every kind of livestock and said, 'Eat (of this), O Um Zar, and give provision to your relatives." She added, "Yet, all those things which my second husband gave me could not fill the smallest utensil of Abu Zar's." 'Aisha then said: Allah's Apostle said to me, "I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar."


Some of those descriptions make me laugh...but , Allaahu a3lam i don't wanna say nothing about the sahaabiyyaat rahimahunnallaah...
but i wonder if the Prophet said anything about them talkin' about their husbands like that ..or maybe the ulamah have said something concerning this!!:?:?

wallaahu a3lam!
 
Re: Problems...

Loooooool!!!! wow mashaAllah guys, soorry had to go sis, kaana 3indee mugaabalah ma3al mudeerah,
wow lolwatever brought more than i could have done any way tabaarakaAllah!!!
me too got those fawaa'id back, thanks for that lolwatever, its good revision !!
Its hadeeth aisha right?
and the prophet says to her kunti laki ka abee dhar kaan li ummee dharr>>..so sweet!!!

ok imma have to pop out soon again so if i go wassalaam tayyib.
 
Re: Problems...

LOL! those women are crackups.. lollll

just imagine them talking all so passionately together whispering hoping no one will hear a word, and all of a sudden it's on display to the entire Ummah ;D
 
Re: Problems...

I know right, subhanaAllah they never knew centuries down the line we'd still be talking about them and using them as daleel!!
But their arabic is so beautiful....i like the way each one when she talks about her husband makes it rhyme, zawjee mass al mas alarnab, wa ree7u ree7u alzarnab...
its too good!
sis mawaddah we can use these examples in our hajam lol!!!

wassalaam.
 
Re: Problems...

Loooooool!!!! wow mashaAllah guys, soorry had to go sis, kaana 3indee mugaabalah ma3al mudeerah,
wow lolwatever brought more than i could have done any way tabaarakaAllah!!!
me too got those fawaa'id back, thanks for that lolwatever, its good revision !!
Its hadeeth aisha right?
and the prophet says to her kunti laki ka abee dhar kaan li ummee dharr>>..so sweet!!!

ok imma have to pop out soon again so if i go wassalaam tayyib.

ass salaamu alaykum,

Aaaaaah i see...:sister:

looool...i luv that hadeeth too..it sounds way better in arabic...i'll try get that one up for us inshaAllah *if i can find it*

LOL! those women are crackups.. lollll

just imagine them talking all so passionately together whispering hoping no one will hear a word, and all of a sudden it's on display to the entire Ummah

that's funny isn't it....yeah it's weird how we all know about it now!!...:giggling: Allahul Musta3aan!
 
Re: Problems...

^^ lol i just read it now in arabic, i must say their poetic way of speaking is amazing..

its cool how talking in poetic form was something that ppl could do off the top of their head.. there's veeery few ppl i know who can do that today.. it kilsss english poetry too.. actually what is english poetry? it barely rhymes :S

neways back to topic.. lol so yepp that'sss the sort of personal ifno that shouldn't be revealed i guess.. i actually thought that stuff was semi-okish... but looks like its not.. especially if u make a public prosecution out of it lol

salamz
 
Re: Problems...

ass salaamu alaykum,

it sounds soo dry in english....the arabic one is wicked right!!.. :D
subhanAllah..yeah i dislike english poetry too :uhwhat

i know they always used to speak in that poetic form in those days...even the prophet sallaahu 3alayhi wasallam!!

LOL...some stuff in there are like..:ooh; like the one who said my husband eats alot....heheheee..;D

anyways...back on topic inshaAllah :X
 
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Re: Problems...

:sl:

^so is the hadith with the 11 women showing that what they said was ok, or that it wasnt ok?
 
Re: Problems...

ass salaamu alaykum,

^so is the hadith with the 11 women showing that what they said was ok, or that it wasnt ok?

i dunno ukhti..i brought it on in refernce to what me and maw were talkin' about!!....
we say that it is not allowed to talk about our spouse...and then i remembered this hadeeth (which is saheeh) , which has in it that they were talkin' about their spouses...
i just wanted to know inshaAllah if anyone knows what the ulamaah have said about it....:?:?
 
Re: Problems...

if you analyse it based on the hadith about 'kufr al-'3asheer'... it becomes evident that the 10th lady seems to be the best of the lot, and the rest are ranked accordingly lol...

;D

salamz
 
Re: Problems...

Scholars use this hadeeth to show that it is not ok for women to talk about their husbands, cos its something that was done in the time of ignorance, and the prophet always tried to change the habits of jaahiliyyah (era of ignorance).

wassalaam.
 
Re: Problems...

ass salaamu alaykum

Like duuuuuuuuuuh!!...:hiding:

what's wrong with me....;D that was in the time of the jaahilyyah...and we're not supposed to take anything that was done from that right!!

jazakillah big sis.... i think i need to eat ,(maa akaltu al-futuur ):X need to fuel my brain mate , that's probabaly why it's playing dead! :p

that sorted it out for me jazaakillah ukthiy!! ;)
 
Re: Problems...

wa iyyaaki, adh-haan mabthuuthah lol....sorry had to say that,

lolwatever, yeah the 10th is good, but i never thought about the ranking part lol...

wassalaam

yeah, sis, check fat7ul baree, it might be in there, or shar7 nawawee, might be in there too..
 
Re: Problems...

^^ lol we can always assign the same rank to the other 10 :p

anyway may allah reward them i guess if it wasnt for them we wouldnt know this stuff, so yeh i guess may allah reward them and its not like they knew it was haram so they probably get reward for us remembering them

maybe thats why Allah revealed their story to us, to transform their errors into reward (plus he didnt mention their names or anything) so yeh :)

salams
 
Re: Problems...

ass salaamu alaykum,

don't call me mabthutha..you turning into "Mean Maw"!!

i'll check in fath al-baree inshaAllah...i didn't take the hadeeth number down or the baab.. :'( so it's gonna take a while inshaAllah...*sighs*

shall i post it up in arabic..cause that's what's it's in and i could'nt be asked to do a detailed translation in english sis :X
 
Re: Problems...

Whoa!! :eek: This thread has been sprinting along hasn't it!!

Jazakumullah khair for bringing that Hadeeth, Aisha bint ash-Shaikh placed that Hadeeth in her book Naseehati Lin Nisaa' , but I can't remember under which Mawdhoo3 she placed it under? :? I used to keep the book at my office but I took it home recently so I can't check right now :(

But yeah I guess everyone gets the point insha'allah!! ;)

Ok let's quit using this thread as our muraaja3ah because I'm sure not many people understand what we're babbling about :giggling:

Princess..........what's with us and hijacking threads? :X

;D ;D ;D ;D


don't call me mabthutha..you turning into "Mean Maw"!!

:Evil: ;D
 
Re: Problems...

^^ lol we can always assign the same rank to the other 10 :p

anyway may allah reward them i guess if it wasnt for them we wouldnt know this stuff, so yeh i guess may allah reward them and its not like they knew it was haram so they probably get reward for us remembering them

maybe thats why Allah revealed their story to us, to transform their errors into reward (plus he didnt mention their names or anything) so yeh :)

salams


ass salaamu alaykum,

anyway may allah reward them i guess if it wasnt for them we wouldnt know this stuff,

yeah i agree with you :thumbs_up

maybe thats why Allah revealed their story to us

maybe...*nods head* Wallaahu a3lam!! :peace:
 
Re: Problems...

i know it sounds stupid but in islam is it permissable for a woman to speak to a friend for advice about a personal problem involving here husband or vice-versa.
rani

:sl:
Fas' aluu ahlud dhikri inkuntum laa ta'lamuun: Ask Ahlid dhikr (Syaikh, Ustadh or something who have enough knowledge) if you dont know.
According to this hadith then its best to ask ahli ilm if you have problems. If you think your friends is a tolibul 'ilm and her Islam is good and amanah in keeping your secret and she can be objectife, then its fine insha Allah. Just you may not take her opinion totally, cause shes not ahlu ilm and her opinion can be wrong.
And many household destroyed cause of the third person who came into their life. At first maybe the wife or the husband asked their friends or parents or someone else about their problems, and all they did just provocating them, and it wont solve the problems but it make the problems worse instead.
So I suggest if you have problems with your husband then you should talk to him, heart to heart and openminded, youve gotta have a lot of communication with him, and talk about eeeeeeeeevery little things that happen in your life. So many problems in a marriage end up with a divorce just because of less communications, Allahu A'lam.
 
Re: Problems...

:sl:
:D :D :D I was so surprised just now, after I replied to this thread then I look above my writing and I found the same persons as in sunnah thread :ooh: ;D Sis mawaddah, amirah Umm Sulaim, I was deathly surprised, I thought I have replied in the wrong rooms ;D
 
Re: Problems...

It is better not to confide personal matters with a non mahram

For example please put yourself in a situation where your husband may be discussing private bedroom affairs of yours with a male friend of his...how would you feel?

Or even less, personal matters between the 2 of you...

So in Islam we are recommended to keep private matters of husband and wife within the family by consulting elders such as parents or other family members :)
 

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