Starting to have second thoughts.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Sweet Pea
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Ansar Al-'Adl said:
:sl: Sister Sweet Pea,
If you have children, you should probably consider their interests carefully before moving for a divorce. If not, then it may be better for you to get a divorce as Islam views compatibilty if two individuals to be very important for a happy marriage. Please see here for divorce information:
http://islamtoday.com/show_sub_section.cfm?main_cat_id=8&sub_cat_id=0
:w:
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:sl: ,
Brother, not to be disrespectful but she should leave ESPECIALLY if she has children. If he is abusive the children see. If the see and she stays they will think it is ok. They may become abusive when they are adults. It isn't a good idea to stay 'for the sake of the children' when someone is abusive...
 
I too would advise you to not have children in this relationship. Children need parents who are completely devoted to each other.
 
Salam sis Sweet Pea,
I apologize for not updating you guys on this subject. But My husband doesn't like me spending much time on the comptuer now. He's totally changed, and it's making me really discouraged and upset. I have thought about asking for divorce but I'm afraid to. He grabbed me the other day really hard, and it bruised. I am so confused and distraught. I really need help but I don't know where to turn, he's always got an eye on me. I feel like a prisoner. I continue to pray, make duah and try to be steadfast and keep my head where it needs to be. I have tried voicing my concerns to him, and telling him how I feel but he tells me that feeling is natural when someone converts and changes their whole lifestyle. I didn't know it would feel this miserable and hurtful.
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Your husband must be :blind: to treat a person like you like this. Actually, it's wrong to treat anyone like this.

Here are some suggestions, some of which may already have been said.
- Get someone to arbitrator who can understand you and someone he can listen, probably some elder who can explain to him that you have certain right over him too and his behavior on the Day of Judgment can come back and bite him on his arse (for the lack of better term :giggling:).
- Go for divorce.
- Be careful when you bring this issue to him since he has already bruised you. An elder must be with you or you should with someone probably good family with elderly people. You are better person to know if he can hit you over this issue or not. Anyway, try to handle the issue intelligently rather than emotionally, emotions can harm and explode the issue.
 
i think sweet pea is being covered in hadees.
i hope she will leave her abusive husband before he gets worse! are you still Out There? please let us know what's happening in your life.
 
At this rate, u will b beating wAk at this....hey wAk, watch out, u got competition...
 
ok

Ur a full member now....

I beg you for 1 last time...

Please stop posting 2 sentences in 10 different posts.
 
:sl:
I think rather than have an argument on this thread; you can post another thread and argue about it there. For now I believe this sister needs some advice on what she should do. Each of you can provide your own view on what she should do based on ahadith or personal experience or whatever you choose. In the end she should decide on what to do based on all the information she got from this thread.
So please stop arguing amongst each other and start offering realistic solutions.
:w:
 
thank you for moving the discussion of the hadees.
i am wondering what happened to you, sweet pea. if you're reading this please let us know what is happening in your life. it sounded like your situation was heading for emergency. i hope you are safe.
 
Cheb said:
I think rather than have an argument on this thread; you can post another thread and argue about it there. For now I believe this sister needs some advice on what she should do. Each of you can provide your own view on what she should do based on ahadith or personal experience or whatever you choose. In the end she should decide on what to do based on all the information she got from this thread.
So please stop arguing amongst each other and start offering realistic solutions.
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I totally and completely support Cheb. This is serious.

The only solution is to leave. It is tragic, but what else can be done?

From now on, think of your safety. Some men, and in particular some men from some cultures, do not respond well to their wives leaving them. You need to be careful, not talk to him alone under any circumstances once you have left, change your usual habits such as your jogging route.

I hope for the best and that things turn out well for you.
 
Okay well seems like this thread has become about another topic. I just wanted to come in to tell everyone that I have tried to ask an imam about divorce but he didn't do anything but tell me to stay with my husband, and he even told my husband. Maybe not directly but just put it this way, my husband now knows. He has gotten worse and worse. I am now staying with my parents again, I left one day last week while he was at work. I am hoping to get my life back together and keep praying for strength and wisdom about what to do. I am 4 months pregnant with his child, and part of me wants to stay to be a family but honestly I am afraid of being abused physically then I could loose my baby, or even loose the baby because of stress. But anyway thanks for all the advice and care you guys have given me. I will keep everyone posted on what I Do. :)

As saalaamu alaikum!
 
thanks for checking in.
i'm glad you are out of there. i wish you all the best, whatever you decide to do. but i hope you don't go back. chances are very strong that the violence and abuse will only escalate - and your child may suffer too.
stay safe!
 
Salaam sister

How are you this week? Pls be careful. Let us know how you are.
 
salam sweetpea sis,

Hope you are well inshaAllah. I'm glad you asked the imaam for advice, even if he abused ur confidence and as a result made ur husband worse. You tried to make things work so you needn't feel guilty about leaving and I'm glad you have. I'm sorry you had to go through this but you will emerge a stronger person inshaAllah. Life is full of good and bad experiences, so don't blame urself for anything. Just have faith in Allah and take care of yourself. I pray Allah grants you with a beautiful, healthy and pious child. Ameen.
Your child will give you strength to cope with anything. Stay strong & keep smiling.

best wishes and duaas *hugz*

a muslim sister
 
assalamu alaikum sweet pea sis,
u probably know dis, but im just reminding u dat the Quran is known for its miraculous qualities...u read it for guidance, u'll get guidance 100%...u read it for shifaa, inshallah u'll get dat too...just open the quran and read it at random whenevr u're faced with overwhelming questions.u'll find the answer inshallah.believe me, i've tried dis.
u sound strong.u'll get thru dis and come out the winner inshallah.sis,we're all rooting for u...watever u do, dont give up on islam...
take care n keep in touch.
may peace ever descend upon ur heart,
wassalam,
 

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