Asalamu Alaikum to my brothers and sisters in Islam!
I would sincerely like to thank those who shared their own stories. They really give me inspiration and I hope it's the same for our Muslim brothers and sisters and for those who are thinking of accepting Islam as their deen. I guess, if you don't mind I would like to share my story too.
I was raised Roman Catholic...my mother is religious, although she doesn't go to church. I went to Catholic school for 6 years and before that, I went to Sunday school. I was taught Jesus is the Son of God, who was the Savior of humanity. Believe it or not, I never questioned those teachings because I wanted to be like my mother who never once in her life questioned anything in the Bible. In some ways, my mother reminded me of a Muslima...she told me never to pray to any of the saints or to the Virgin Mary like most Catholics did. She told me to pray to God alone (although she always insisted Jesus is the Son of God and he died for our sins). In some ways she was always a little "extreme" as my father puts it. Whenever he would watch some shows about scientific theories my mother would be the first to open her mouth and call them athiests (she even called my father an athiest a few times). I never saw Jesus (alayhis salam) as a diety. I never agreed with praying to statues or using images because I felt it created a great division in Christianity as to how Jesus Christ really looked like. I was always interested in the stories of Ibrahim (a.s) and Musa (a.s) in the Bible, and I always wished my religion classes would focus more on them too but I wasn't the authority figure.
I always tried my best to be a good girl (I never smoked, got drunk nor set foot in a club) and some of my classmates used to tease me for that. The only aspect of me was, I wanted a boyfriend just like my friends and my cousins. For a year (from when I was 14 until I was 15) I had a boyfriend (who I met from cyber space) although my mother strongly said no to dating while I was in school. I wanted to be "accepted" by society and I never understood why my mother said no to dating. Deep down inside, I didn't "love" my boyfriend. In the beginning it was fun, I had "someone" to call my boyfriend. Someone to call and say the occasional I love you and all that mooshi stuff. Deep down inside, I knew our relationship was completely wrong (especially by religious standards) but I just kept quiet. I was a strange girlfriend in the eyes of outsiders. I didn't like to kiss in public and I wasn't really in favor of holding hands in public. I have no clue why but that is just how I was. His mother was having some problems with me because my best friend was a boy and she thought I was "cheating" on her son when of course that was not the story at all. I didn't care that she didn't really like me because I wanted to find an excuse to end our relationship. Finally a few weeks after our first year of dating, he confessed that he quote on quote "kissed" two girls at a concert. Bingo, I told him I wanted to end it all. His mother got on the phone (the very same woman who used to gossip behind my back) and begged me to stay with her son because I was a respectful girl and all that jazz. I politely declined. Little did I know the direction my life would take a turn.
When I was 15 and two months after 9.11 happened, I was reading a book called "Princess" by Jean Sasson. I know the book was intended to show the corruption of some members in the Saudi royal family or whatever but something about it enticed me to learn more about Islam. I started doing more research on Rasul Allah (s.a.w) and the society that he used to live in. Especially after 9.11, people have been trying their hardest to portray Islam as male dominated dogma and terrorist ideology. I admired Rasul Allah (s.a.w) as a man who brought change to his people. The pagan Arabs were barbaric, and to know that one single man changed the course of history simply amazed me. I admired his humbleness. There was something about this man named Muhammed that no other king on this earth could accomplish. I was also learning about Islam bit by bit as time went on. I was toying with the idea of becoming a Muslima but I kept it to myself. Sometimes, I would browse websites looking at hijabs and niqabs..just sitting and daydreaming. Sometimes, I would open the Qu'ran that my father used for college. I thought maybe I was "confused" because my parents always branded those who converted to another religion as "confused". I told myself I was going through a phase.
Even before I started learning about Rasul Allah (s.a.w), I also had a great love for Turkey. I was trying to get a scoop of the whole Turkic world too while I was learning more about Islam. I don't understand why I became so attached to Turkey, and all of the Turkic countries in Central Asia. There was something about the Arabic language of the Qu'ran and something Turkish, Uzbek, Kyrgyz, Turkmen that was all just music to my ears. I thought it was extremely strange since I am half Puerto Rican half Italian and not once in my life did I hear a Turkish nor an Arabic word spoken in my house. My father is a history professor so he told me a some details about Mustafa Kemal Ataturk and the Ottoman Empire. From middle school until I was 15, Ataturk was my hero.
So, then finally a year passed and I was 16. I was living my life and I started seeing someone else who I met at the gym. He was a Chinese Buddhist born and raised in Indonesia. He asked me to marry him but I didn't want to because he was a Buddhist (he actually went to the Buddhist temple and prayed when he had the chance). Deep down inside I wanted to open my mouth and say I wanted to become a Muslima and that's why I couldn't marry him but I just kept denying myself over and over. I still remember one November afternoon like it was yesterday. I was in my religion class discussing "terrorism". Mentally, I wasn't there with the discussion until my religion teacher said "Even China is taking care of their terrorist problems". What? China? Muslims in China? The Communist Chinese "taking care" of terrorism? It was like an alarm just decided to go off in my brain. I knew there were Muslims next to China but literally inside China? I had no idea. I knew they were Chinese living in countries like Indonesia and Malaysia. I remember asking my father and he said there is a minority of Muslims in China. For the next few months, my mind was labeled with "Muslims in China" for a long time. I don't know why I became so fixated on this particular subject. One day, I decided to conduct some research and I started learning about the Uygurs, a Turkic speaking group in the most western province of China called "Xinjiang" (which translates to New Territory). I learned more about their history, their opression under the Communist boot of China and their desire to have a country called East Turkistan. There was something about Uygurs that made me feel something deep in my heart. The Soviet Union invaded Central Asia, the Russians are fighting the Chechnans, the Israelis and Palestinians are fighting a never ending war, yet it was just something about East Turkistan. I remember there were somedays when I just started crying because I was thinking about what was happening to Uygurs and yet it seemed like the United States ignored it. To sum it all up, after learning about East Turkistan, it was a reinforcement for me to realize that yes, yes and an endless answer of yes-Islam is for ME and I am not "confused"! Don't ask the connections of how and why, just realize Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala calls you in the most mysterious ways. And it so happened a year after I knew for sure I wanted to become a Muslima, the guy I was seeing (I wont mention his name) moved out of NYC to find another job and as a result we were not able to continue our relationship.
There was a problem. The only Muslims I met were from online and some of them were not as "practicing" as I had hoped. But, then Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala gave me the chance to meet more brothers and sisters who were more sincere about their deen-most especially when I entered my first year in college. I was very lucky to have met very remarkable people who taught me the first basic steps of Islam. I didn't have the courage to say the Shahadah right away because I started thinking of my parents, especially my mother since her and I are very close. I thought to myself whenever it would happen, I would say the Shahadah officially because I thought I had to tell my parents right away.
Before I said the Shahadah, Rebiya Kadeer was released from prision and although I didn't know how to pray properly, whenever I put my head on the ground one of the things I asked for from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala was for her release. A little after that, I was given the opportunity to see the appearance of Rasul Allah (s.a.w) in my dream, Alhamdulillah. At the time, I didn't understand why how I was able to see him if I didn't know how to pray, didn't know how to recite suras or make wu'du.
Finally on April 18th, 2005 I said those precious words I have been wanting to say for a very long time. Words cannot describe what it's like to finally return to Islam. I feel like the weight of the world was finally lifted off of my shoulders. I haven't told my parents that I am a Muslima yet, but I know just like Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala did for me before I said the Shahadah, He will do for me in order to finally tell my parents without difficulty. I'm just waiting for the OK signal from Him for the right time:statisfie. I have my complete faith in Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala and I know He will guide me during my trials and tribulations that I may face with my relatives and society just like He guided me towards Islam and I had no idea.
If someone is reading this and they are considering to turn to the path of Islam. Please, do not be afraid. If you can bow down in submission to your Creator, then there is nothing to be afraid of in this dunya.
br. Takumi,
maybe a Jinn? 
