Story of my life,sound familiar

[AlHoda]

Im a 17 year old muslimgirl. I come from somalia and i ve lived in holland for 12 years and recently moved to egypt. I ve muslim parents, but it was until lately i started to actually follow islam. I ve been my entire life a reserved person , not a single person on the face of this planet knows my sins ecxcept for Allah. I ve done the moste unthinkable sins. I think i was hypocrite as i lied basicly everyday, loved the unbelievers and everthing what they did,( but never was one) and done shark, i prayed salat only to avoid my mother shouting at me, i never took ramadan seriuos. But Alhamdulliah i ve come to the right path, when i was 16, i realised i had to change, thanks to Allah. Some times my sins make me feel so humiliated, my parents thought i was a good person., but I was tottally the opposite. Recently after ramadan, i started to get doubts in allah and in islam, it lasted for a few weeks i was probably the most depressing time of my life. I just want to prevent it from happening again. I sometimes get afraid from unbeleivers cuz i im afraid i will have those thoughts again, how do i improve my imaan. I pray my salats but there is always room for improvement. I starterd love Allah more everyday, i read quran everyday , but sometimes when i see disbeliuevers i get nervous ,thinking i will doubt again. How do i prevent it from happening again.?

May Allah have mercy with us all.
:wa:

 

[Sampharo]

You don't seem to have arrived at actual faith and realization to the level of certainty that Allah exists and that Judgement day will be coming for sure. Your faith seems to be hinged on what you should be doing.

You need to not only read Quran, but also go and study faith and Aqeedah to make your CONSCIOUS mind aware of the inevitability of judgement day and the wrath of God on those who commit all these horrid sins.

Read about the scientific miracles in the Quran, the recent updates that renders darwinian evolution impossible and solidified creation, the impossibility of existence without God's input through the balances in the universe and on Earth, the authenticated documents and physical relics left for us from the days of the prophet -pbuh-, and then read more details about God, the prophets, judgement day, heaven and Hell. Your perception will start shifting and you will find doubt no longer visiting as hard. It's a gradual process so give it time sister.

And May God grant you peace of mind and guidance