struggling

[AnonymousPoster]

everythin is really hard for me, im in a dead in end marriage where i cannot feel anything for my husband, no matter how nice he is to me i just cant seem to feel anything towards him, its been 3 yrs and nothings changed.
parents wont consider divorce and all i get emotional stuff back
he deserves better, he needs better and i want him to find that cos i really cant see me bein able to provide that
i wan be a honest muslim, not commit sin and be leading the right way of life.. i dnt want to be horrible to him and feel that the only way forward is if we separate
im sooo stuck
i hate how im feelin...
i have no1 to turn to.. no1 understands..

 

[hanif_]

Ukh AnonymousGender:

Before we respond or comment on posts we usually make every attempt to view current postings. It appears you are in a state of despair reviewing your comments, posts and threads.

This can happen to anyone in a situation they think they can't repair,rectify, or leave.

Allah always provides a way out or relief. I am suggesting that you discontinue seeking martial advice from a forum. You need to have your family and the Muslimah's at the local Masjid assist you in voicing your concerns and providing you with options to assist you with your situation.

There is only one side being presented so those you seeking to advise you are at a disadvantage because they need to hear both sides to provide just options.


[FONT=Verdana,Arial]3:139 (Y. Ali) So lose not heart, nor fall into despair: For ye must gain mastery if ye are true in Faith. [/FONT]

Reread before posting any comments or suggestions!

 

[Snowflake]

It appears you are in a state of despair reviewing your comments, posts and threads.

I think you're mistaken bro. AnonymousGender isn't any particular member's name. It's an optional account for those who want to post anonymously.


To the O.P.

Sis. May I ask if something happened that lead to you not feeling anything for your husband? Does he know how you feel and what are his feelings regarding divorce?


:wa:

 

[hanif_]

Scents of Jannah:

Thank you for the clarification on anonymous posters.

The guidance of not seeking marital guidance in forum with only one party providing their side continues to be the best advise and can best be handled by the Islamic Community where they live.

Now if someone is requesting general information on what Allah and the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) directs on particular situations that is understandable.

How many qualified and certified Marriage Counselors do we have in the forum that uses Islam as the source of their resolutions?

 

[AnonymousPoster]

I suggest you seek help with someone at your masjid or a marriage counselor.

 

[Cabdullahi]

to the Original poster what is it that you dislike about him

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

everythin is really hard for me, im in a dead in end marriage where i cannot feel anything for my husband, no matter how nice he is to me i just cant seem to feel anything towards him, its been 3 yrs and nothings changed.
parents wont consider divorce and all i get emotional stuff back
he deserves better, he needs better and i want him to find that cos i really cant see me bein able to provide that
i wan be a honest muslim, not commit sin and be leading the right way of life.. i dnt want to be horrible to him and feel that the only way forward is if we separate
im sooo stuck
i hate how im feelin...
i have no1 to turn to.. no1 understands..

is this a forced marriage? did you want to marry someone else instead of marrying this guy? do you still have feelings for the other dude?
he sounds like a good husband and it sounds like he treats you right and all (is there something you aren't telling us?), so i think there is something you need to work on?
how did you feel going into this marriage? usually when the marriage is a neutral feeling, generally everything goes smooth sailing but when there is ill feelings or one isn't going into the marriage whole heartily, then there is bound to be some "rifts."

there could be a genuine misunderstanding between you 2. is there? what i mean is that he may be trying to be someone else as to try to impress you, etc but you find that not so impressive and as a result harbor ill feelings towards him? you wish you could speak to him about it, but you dont want to hurt him? so in other words he is trying one thing and it is completely backfiring but you cant appraoch him/speak to him about it because you dont want to embarrass him/hurt him.

i dont think you should be trying to like him, i think first you need to work on the underlying root problem.

please forgive me if i have said anything out of line =)

 

[cat eyes]

sister your problem should be solved with a knowledgable scholar. feelings come and go, trust me when you become an adult you will realise that. give it some time, you might develop feelings for your husband. who knows, when you leave you might only realise that when its to late so i suggest maybe go to a marriage councelor or experienced scholar.

 

[penartist]

[trust me when you become an adult you will realise that. QUOTE]


Since the sister has been marrief for 3 years we can safely assume that she is an adult unless she was married off as a child.

As for the O.P i think the advice given here can only temporarily soothe your feelings of not being heard and feeling trapped into assuming that a whole lot of people out there understand what you are going through (and i guess there will be many that will be in your position too) ....

...however for a permenant solution advice is best seeked from a solid Islamic source who will not only give you correct guidance but the confidence too to go ahead and change your life for the better (Inshallah)

May Allah ease your worries

 

[cat eyes]

[trust me when you become an adult you will realise that. QUOTE]


Since the sister has been marrief for 3 years we can safely assume that she is an adult unless she was married off as a child.

many girls get married off at the age of 16years or 17. i am assuming shes a young adult and many young couples do have these problems but they realise later in life when they become a MATURE adult that they have made a mistake because of the fact they were so young they did not take the time to seek proper help such as the things which i have said in my previous post.... marriage counseling and speaking with an experienced imam. :wa:

 

[CosmicPathos]

many girls get married off at the age of 16years or 17. i am assuming shes a young adult and many young couples do have these problems but they realise later in life when they become a MATURE adult that they have made a mistake because of the fact they were so young they did not take the time to seek proper help such as the things which i have said in my previous post.... marriage counseling and speaking with an experienced imam. :wa:

:wa:

I understand what you mean. But this can happen at any age. A person who marries at 30 after constant thinking and research can find out whens 40 that he has married a wrong person. Is there any blame?

To the OP, it seems that you are just thinking that "he deserves better?" Is that a way of escaping the situation? Its hard to pin point the fault since we do not know how you ended up getting married to him if you did not like him ....

 

[cat eyes]

:wa:

I understand what you mean. But this can happen at any age. A person who marries at 30 after constant thinking and research can find out whens 40 that he has married a wrong person. Is there any blame?

To the OP, it seems that you are just thinking that "he deserves better?" Is that a way of escaping the situation? Its hard to pin point the fault since we do not know how you ended up getting married to him if you did not like him ....

brother read my post again. young people tend not to know about the resources available when encountering such problems. of course it can happen at any age. where did i disagree and nor did i say she was a child.

 

[syilla]

:salamext:

Have you discuss your feelings with your husband? What is his reaction?

 

[sabr*]

Scents of Jannah:

Thank you for the clarification on anonymous posters.

The guidance of not seeking marital guidance in forum with only one party providing their side continues to be the best advise and can best be handled by the Islamic Community where they live.

Now if someone is requesting general information on what Allah and the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) directs on particular situations that is understandable.

How many qualified and certified Marriage Counselors do we have in the forum that uses Islam as the source of their resolutions?

As-Salāmu `Alaykum (السلام عليكم):

Akhi hanif_

I am in agreement with you. Reviewing various posts providing advice it appears that people are more interested in seeking salacious details verses providing advice based upon Quran and Sunnah.

The questions should be generalized.

The qualified and certified Marriage Counselors who give counseling treatment based on Quran and Sunnah in the forum are off duty.

Visit the Imam at your Local Masjid.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

i understand what ur all saying.. im the one in the wrong more than he is, we've had our issues where we both been at fault..
it was arranged marriage, hes originally from Pak.. the reason I came on here is to get advice as i feel i have no where to turn to.. sorry for asking..

 

[sevgi]

Dont say sorry for asking.

Sis, to be honest...you made a huge sacrifice, an illogical one when you decided to make ur parents happy by marrying a guy originally from pakistan. No matter how nice he is, hes from a different world and wont make you happy. Because you agreed to this marriage, if you leave him, youre gna break many hearts.

You either have to focus on his good side and be happy with it- or atleast content with it....or you have to not make the mistake of being illogical as you continue to sacrifice yourself for the irrational happiness of your parents. No offence. Im sure they are lovely people...but its illogical to arrange an unwanted marriage and to force it to continue.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

how can i make them to understand this.. all i get is emotional wrds back and nothing gets resolved..
i want him 2go and be happy and get wat he deserves.. i cant give him that happiness..i wan stop commiting these sins..

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

no need to be sorry indeed. i dont think anyone thinks its your fault, its just the way you made it sound by saying you wanted someone better for him

have you spoken to a knowledgeable person about this? is there a third party that your parents will listen to?

 

[AnonymousPoster]

i dont no who to turn to..

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

^allah?
......