Talk the Talk...

[joyous fairy]

Assalam alaykum all,

I'm not a very talkative person in real life and I wanted some advice/tips on how to become more talkative. I'm an introvert naturally but that seems to be problematic because i feel that people ignore me or just don't try and build a relationship with me.

Its also causing me to fail at job interviews. I've had quite a few and i tend to only say a few sentences in response to questions and then become silent. I just don't know what else to say!
Anyway any tips would do.

Cheerio.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

silence is a blessing not a curse


but your saying that you find it difficult to communicate when necessary such as social events etc?


Are you uncomfortable around relatives/friends?

 

[joyous fairy]

silence is a blessing not a curse


but your saying that you find it difficult to communicate when necessary such as social events etc?


Are you uncomfortable around relatives/friends?

Yep, it is a blessing but I feel that all the talkative people seem to be getting all the jobs and into society more, so I feel like I need to become 'louder' to get anywhere in my life.

I wouldn't say im uncomfortable, I just don't seem to find the words. I suppose im not very confident when speaking. Also, I don't know what to talk about, what I feel like saying sounds pointless sometimes so I don't say it.

 

[jameelash]

Salam,stand in front of a mirror looking at ur own image give a speech or watever that comes in ur head.several people have over come their fear trying this method.nothing to loose trying this method

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Yep, it is a blessing but I feel that all the talkative people seem to be getting all the jobs and into society more, so I feel like I need to become 'louder' to get anywhere in my life.

I wouldn't say im uncomfortable, I just don't seem to find the words. I suppose im not very confident when speaking. Also, I don't know what to talk about, what I feel like saying sounds pointless sometimes so I don't say it.

you sound normal. I wouldnt worry about it.

Its good to remain silent if theres nothing good to say. dont try to rid yourself of that

 

[Musaafirah]

Masha'allah it's a good quality you have where you only say what's necessary.
Think of it as a blessing, as Allah has something better for you in store.
It's not always good to be able to talk the talk, but not work efficiently, as probationary periods prove, so sis... just think of what you can say to make interviewers see the real you.

 

[Hulk]

We share a similar quality and I don't think there's anything wrong with it however I do get that it's important to be able to socialise. My advice is just smile more and try to treat people as if you've known them for a long time.

In terms of not knowing what to say, one technique you can do to increase what you have to say is to grab something from what you're saying and expand on it.

 

[joyous fairy]

Salam,stand in front of a mirror looking at ur own image give a speech or watever that comes in ur head.several people have over come their fear trying this method.nothing to loose trying this method

Thanks for that, I'll try that inshaAllah.

you sound normal. I wouldnt worry about it.

Its good to remain silent if theres nothing good to say. dont try to rid yourself of that

Masha'allah it's a good quality you have where you only say what's necessary.
Think of it as a blessing, as Allah has something better for you in store.
It's not always good to be able to talk the talk, but not work efficiently, as probationary periods prove, so sis... just think of what you can say to make interviewers see the real you.

JazakAllah khair guys, but its really annoying and frustrating when peoplesay im too quiet, or when people tend to ignore me. I have a quiet voice too so sometimes when I speak people don't seem to hear what im saying :hmm:

 

[joyous fairy]

We share a similar quality and I don't think there's anything wrong with it however I do get that it's important to be able to socialise. My advice is just smile more and try to treat people as if you've known them for a long time.

In terms of not knowing what to say, one technique you can do to increase what you have to say is to grab something from what you're saying and expand on it.

Thanks, I'll remember those tips. However, i do smile a lot, i smile when i don't know what to say, lol!

 

[Alpha Dude]

what I feel like saying sounds pointless sometimes so I don't say it.

I know the feeling. I am like that myself. At times, it can seem like things are unnecessary to be said and it can be an internal struggle to make yourself say it regardless.

I have had a number of interviews lately and have Alhamdulilah seen quite a few positive responses.

It is all about how you sell yourself.

You need to sound important (while not overconfident and arrogant). Whatever you say, you need to expand on it (even if it feels like you are chatting rubbish, just do it). Make everything you say sound interesting and important and as though it is relevant.

Interviewers are people too, you know. When you talk to random people (someone you don't know) about stuff, they are not usually all that interested that they will desire to delve too deeply into what you say - they'd like to just get the gist. This is a psychological observation that I have made which I feel can be made use of.

E.g. during the interview if you are asked about some previous work or school project, you can usually get away with giving a summary and even if at some point you end up waffling they won't notice too much because during your answer, they most likely will start 'zoning out' which gives you some leeway in that even if you end up chatting BS, they won't realise as long as you are doing it in a confident manner and making what you say sound important.

Overall though, believe in yourself. Have strong trust in Allah, too.

If you are confident that you have the skills to do the job and that it is a job that you really really want, then don't be half hearted. Give it your all, your 100% in order to convince the interviewer why you should be given the job. Don't be needy, don't beg for a role (I've seen that happen actually!) but show them why they should hire you.

On a different note, someone told me that the following has always worked for them in terms of job etc.: wake up for tahajjud, pray and make long dua asking Allah for a job and be totally explicit whilst requesting the job, i.e. not just 'Oh Allah, please give me the job that I am having the interview for tomorrow' but 'Oh Allah, please give me the job that I am having the interview for tomorrow, I really need it because I have a family who needs looking after and there is no other person that can provide for them at present'.

Try to give it a go, please.

 

[Muhaba]

there are two types of people: those who talk a lot and thse who don't.

not talking a lot is not a defect. it's nature. but you can learn to talk more. of course you may only be able to say what needs to be said instead of talking just for the sake of talking as some people do. (but that's a good thing and not bad.)

one main reason why people can't talk much is because they don't have enough information. for example, if you get info about the company and job, you will be able to talk more. you will have to readd up on them a few times so you remeber what you want to talk about.

another thing you can do is to make a list of the things you want to say and the questions you want to ask. it can be in outline form and can be used as a reminder. or you can read the list a few times so you don't forget them. don't memorize whole conversations because that will seem stilted, not natural speech.

when you're meeting friends and family, decide the topics you want to talk about in advance and then use them in your conversations.

 

[joyous fairy]

I know the feeling. I am like that myself. At times, it can seem like things are unnecessary to be said and it can be an internal struggle to make yourself say it regardless.

I have had a number of interviews lately and have Alhamdulilah seen quite a few positive responses.

It is all about how you sell yourself.

You need to sound important (while not overconfident and arrogant). Whatever you say, you need to expand on it (even if it feels like you are chatting rubbish, just do it). Make everything you say sound interesting and important and as though it is relevant.

Interviewers are people too, you know. When you talk to random people (someone you don't know) about stuff, they are not usually all that interested that they will desire to delve too deeply into what you say - they'd like to just get the gist. This is a psychological observation that I have made which I feel can be made use of.

E.g. during the interview if you are asked about some previous work or school project, you can usually get away with giving a summary and even if at some point you end up waffling they won't notice too much because during your answer, they most likely will start 'zoning out' which gives you some leeway in that even if you end up chatting BS, they won't realise as long as you are doing it in a confident manner and making what you say sound important.

Overall though, believe in yourself. Have strong trust in Allah, too.

If you are confident that you have the skills to do the job and that it is a job that you really really want, then don't be half hearted. Give it your all, your 100% in order to convince the interviewer why you should be given the job. Don't be needy, don't beg for a role (I've seen that happen actually!) but show them why they should hire you.

On a different note, someone told me that the following has always worked for them in terms of job etc.: wake up for tahajjud, pray and make long dua asking Allah for a job and be totally explicit whilst requesting the job, i.e. not just 'Oh Allah, please give me the job that I am having the interview for tomorrow' but 'Oh Allah, please give me the job that I am having the interview for tomorrow, I really need it because I have a family who needs looking after and there is no other person that can provide for them at present'.

Try to give it a go, please.

JazakAllah Khair for your advice! inshaAllah will try those. I will defo try the Tahajjud prayer. :statisfie

there are two types of people: those who talk a lot and thse who don't.

not talking a lot is not a defect. it's nature. but you can learn to talk more. of course you may only be able to say what needs to be said instead of talking just for the sake of talking as some people do. (but that's a good thing and not bad.)

one main reason why people can't talk much is because they don't have enough information. for example, if you get info about the company and job, you will be able to talk more. you will have to readd up on them a few times so you remeber what you want to talk about.

another thing you can do is to make a list of the things you want to say and the questions you want to ask. it can be in outline form and can be used as a reminder. or you can read the list a few times so you don't forget them. don't memorize whole conversations because that will seem stilted, not natural speech.

when you're meeting friends and family, decide the topics you want to talk about in advance and then use them in your conversations.

JazakAllah khair sis :statisfie Yeh I know a lot of people who talk too much! But it always seems like they are the ones who get further in life and its kind of frustrating that the quiet people are left on the sidelines :hmm:

 

[ardianto]

As an introvert person, you will not be able to talk like extrovert persons. So, than you force yourself to be talkative, it's better you develop your ability in listening.

If you develop your ability in listening, it would also develop your mind's ability to analysis what your chat-mate is talking about, and you would be able to reply with short word, but 'full of contents'.

All people around me say, I'm a quiet guy and not talkative. But I can get friends and build relationship easily. I have many friends in the real world. It's because I developed my ability to listen.

Always maintain your confidence, and do not thinking the introverts have no place in the world. The extroverts and the introverts are exist to complement each other. If all people in the world are talkative extroverts who always talk, talk, and talk, ... who would listen to them?.