Telling your parents that you have reverted

[tears_of_hope]

Assalamu alaikum

I have decided to tell my mother that I have reverted. Perhaps this might be a little risky, but I want to tell her. It is getting increasingly difficult to find time alone to pray and refusing to engage in shirk activities.

But she doesn't have a very positive about Islam. I am certain that she will bring up topics like 'terrorism', 'hindu-muslim relations' and the 'mughal era'. Now, I don't think it is possible to explain such things to someone who doesn't know anything much about Islam.

How do I answer such questions? What if I decide to avoid the questions, and she feels that I am evading the topics cause I too am an extremist or something like that?

And ... this is the worst ... what if she gets very emotional?

I am sure many of you would have been in similar situations. If it is possible, could you kindly share your experiences?

Inshallah, I will be brave enough to tell her soon.

Assalamu alaikum.

 

[Umm Khalid06]

sister i know how hard it is for you am a reverted to islamless than a year ago. when i first told my parents of what i become they went mad because they are greek Orthodox it was like living in hell for a week non stop questions . families are diffrent and same are better then the other

but sister if your parents see this is what you went in your heart and there is no turning back they will learn to exept you.

don't be scared sisters you never know what might happen it might not be like the way you expected it to be it might be better just do it never leave it late

 

[united]

Try and soften the blow by trying to make some Muslim friends and invite them to your house. Its easier to demononise a people rather than a person.

 

[Nuseyba bintkab]

may allah make it easy for you sis

 

[jasmine_c]

It took me weeks to tell my parents cos I didn't know how they would react and I was terrified. But when I told them they at first thought I was joking but when they realised I was serious they had a talk with me about how we'd handle everything and how they'd help me. So it was nowhere as near as bad as I thought

Anyway my point is, she's still your mum and she loves you, so she's not likely to abandon you cos a change of religion. If she asks questions you can't answer, just tell her you need to find out more about Islam first, and if you can answer just explain simply to her. For example, a small minority are Muslims and it's not in our faith to commit acts of terrorism, and as for the other two, well I dunno what they are. Anyway, I hope this helps, and I hope Allah (swt) makes i easy for you

 

[nicegirlaaya13]

Assalamu alaikum

I have decided to tell my mother that I have reverted. Perhaps this might be a little risky, but I want to tell her. It is getting increasingly difficult to find time alone to pray and refusing to engage in shirk activities.

But she doesn't have a very positive about Islam. I am certain that she will bring up topics like 'terrorism', 'hindu-muslim relations' and the 'mughal era'. Now, I don't think it is possible to explain such things to someone who doesn't know anything much about Islam.

How do I answer such questions? What if I decide to avoid the questions, and she feels that I am evading the topics cause I too am an extremist or something like that?

And ... this is the worst ... what if she gets very emotional?

I am sure many of you would have been in similar situations. If it is possible, could you kindly share your experiences?

Inshallah, I will be brave enough to tell her soon.

Assalamu alaikum.

my name is aaya and im just 13 years old. i want to tell mum how i feel about islam to. i hav took my shahadah. i dont know how to tell my mum to. aaya

 

[lolwatever]

my name is aaya and im just 13 years old. i want to tell mum how i feel about islam to. i hav took my shahadah. i dont know how to tell my mum to. aaya

salamz sis, perhaps consult the sis's your intouch with over msn?

my advise is, try approach it gradually, start with explainin 2ur parents that islam isnt as bad as it seems

for example u can say somethin glike "mum... u know islam right, i kinda startin to realise its not as bad as they want us to believe"

ur mum might be in shock but then u can tlel her "check this out.. muslims here themsleves r sayin they arent like wat they're described..."

n gradually you'll make her neutral to muslims.... and then it wont be hard telling her insahlah

all the best!

salams

 

[Abdul Fattah]

Assalamu alaikum

I have decided to tell my mother that I have reverted. Perhaps this might be a little risky, but I want to tell her. It is getting increasingly difficult to find time alone to pray and refusing to engage in shirk activities.

Selam aleykum
Good call, the best path is the open one, even if it comes with trials and tribulations. May Allah subhana wa ta'ala make it easy for you.

But she doesn't have a very positive about Islam. I am certain that she will bring up topics like 'terrorism', 'hindu-muslim relations' and the 'mughal era'. Now, I don't think it is possible to explain such things to someone who doesn't know anything much about Islam.

Yes I had the same problem, and we're not alone. Just remember she's your mother, I think I can assume she loves you, and that means she will try to understand. Maybe she'll try to fight you first because she thinks she needs to protect you though. In that case the best thing you can do is be patient and show that there is nothing to worry about. Remember one of the best ways to give dawah (invitation to Islam) is by leading a good example.

How do I answer such questions? What if I decide to avoid the questions, and she feels that I am evading the topics cause I too am an extremist or something like that?

sometimes you might feel intimidated, as if you have to defend Islam for embracing it. You're responsibility is only to explain Islam, not to justify it. So if you fail to justify it at some point don't be afraid to answer a question with: "I don't know". Sometimes it's better to admit not having the answer rather then desperatly coming up with a half-baked answer.

And ... this is the worst ... what if she gets very emotional?

Well chances are this is very likely. Just be patient with her, remember why she gets emotional (because she loves you and fears you are making a mistake). So make it clear that you love her to but that you don't think this is a mistake.

Also there's a similar tread here:
http://www.islamicboard.com/cyber-c...ll-mum-how-i-feel-about-islam-but-scared.html
You might want to go trough there, I'm sure there will be some posts there that will help you inshaAllah

Oh another thing, remember usually our fears are worse then the actual thing. And our imagination is worse then reality. That's why in general suggestive films are more scarier.

 

[tears_of_hope]

Assalamu alaikum

Jazakallah for the posts. I had been trying to tell my mom about Islam for a long time. Last night, after supper, I told her that I thought very highly about Islam and that I had converted. Her reaction was very negative and she told me many things that really hurt me. BUt she was hurt too and that hurt me a lot.

She said that she couldn't live under the same roof with a Muslim, insulted me and then said that she would leave if I even thought of praying in the house.

And she has threatened to disconnect the broadband internet connection, if she found me browsing Islamic sites. What would I do without the internet? It is my sole source of Islamic knowledge. So, I have decided to not visit Islamic sites for a while.

Things were ok between us in the morning. Perhaps she sincerely thinks that I am going through a period of temporary insanity and will come around soon. I don't know what to do. I don't know even whether I was right or not, in telling my mother. Maybe, I should have not told her at all...

Sorry, sister Aaya, I really can't dare to come online anytime soon. Try to be strong and Inshallah, things will work out for you. May Allah(SWT) make it easy for you.

Will conclude here. Inshallah, will come back with positive news.

Assalamu alaikum.

 

[Periwinkle18]

i hope ur parents understand

 

[Umar001]

Assalamu alaikum

Wa Aleykum Salam Wa Rhametulah,

I have decided to tell my mother that I have reverted. Perhaps this might be a little risky, but I want to tell her. It is getting increasingly difficult to find time alone to pray and refusing to engage in shirk activities.

Glad you have, well I hope its a good thing, it took me over a year to tell my Mom.

But she doesn't have a very positive about Islam. I am certain that she will bring up topics like 'terrorism', 'hindu-muslim relations' and the 'mughal era'. Now, I don't think it is possible to explain such things to someone who doesn't know anything much about Islam.

How do I answer such questions? What if I decide to avoid the questions, and she feels that I am evading the topics cause I too am an extremist or something like that?

Well take it a step at a time, if she asks you stuff like 'But they all blow themselves up, is that what you want to do?' then just reply in a calm manner, 'Mom, I have studied it, sometimes Muslims do unislamic things, we shouldn't look at the people but rather read about the religion, dont you think?'

If there are people from her religion who have done bad then show her, tell her that your still her daughter, and that you still love her, and that if she thinks you've done wrong then tell her 'teach me, show me where i've made my mistakes, lets talk through it together'

And ... this is the worst ... what if she gets very emotional?

You can cry with her, most people cry, I cried when my mom cried, but just remind her that you are only doing what you think is best, remind her that your willing to sit down and talk to her, tell her that it would be nice to have discussions about things like this.

I am sure many of you would have been in similar situations. If it is possible, could you kindly share your experiences?

My little brother knew that I was a Muslim, he used to look out for me when Mum wanted to get ham on our pizzas he used to say no on my behalf, may Allah reward him with Islam, so he wasnt that bad, then after a year of trying to tell my mom I did, and then she cried as if I had just died and then my little brother cried then I cried, anyhow, we all cried and its one of the hardest things ever, but alhamdulilah life isnt too bad, I cant wait to move out and be in a muslim house, my moms the emotional type so giving da'wah hardly goes anywhere, there have been promises of taking me to Bishops and Religiious leaders when we go back to Africa, which should be interesting.

Assalamu alaikum.

Wa Aleykum Salam, and congrats on becoming Muslim.

 

[Muhammad]

Congratulations on reverting to Islam, Alhamdulillah!

The path of truth is filled with trials and tribulations, and so we need to constantly tell ourselves to remain patient and steadfast and rely upon Allaah who is sufficient for us.

The good thing about having told your mother is that at least you can be more open about the situation now as you have Insha'Allaah broken the ice and made her aware of an important change, even if she doesn't want to believe it. At least on her part it will be clear why you are doing certain things and that she will not have to worry about other possibilities.

At the moment, it is probably a very difficult and unlikely option to talk about Islam and maybe explain things in detail. But we must remember that Islam places a great importance on the duty and kindness towards parents, and at this point in time, perhaps she needs your love and obedience to console and reassure her that Islam is not going to change that and that you can still live together in peace. But of course obedience cannot be to a command contrary to the command of Allaah, so in such a case you can only refuse, but refuse with kindness.

But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do. [Qur'an 31:15]

Often a Muslim is met by much hatred and foul behaviour, whether that is from someone close or someone far, but returning that with mercy and good conduct helps sow love between the two parties and manifests the beauty of Islam, thereby softening hearts towards it.

The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allâh ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. [41:34]

Make du'a that Allaah guides your mother and helps you through this difficult phase. Try and meet Muslim sisters who can help and teach you about Islam, and perhaps you can arrange to meet an Imam in the area who can also help. This way, if the internet is removed then you can try and learn Islam from other sources, such as books.

We pray that Allaah helps you to become a strong and knowledgeable Muslim and guides your family, and that He makes all this easy for you, Aameen.

 

[Dr. Jawad]

Congratulations sister!

May Allah make all your struggles very easy for you. This is a wonderful site that will help you teach about Islam and there are excellent people here to help you.

 

[sisternj]

Congrats sister...MashaALLAH:statisfie
May ALLAH help you out in all obstacles...ameen.

 

[Ashley]

yay!!! another sis has come into islam woow how wonderful masha allah
sis like many converts ,im only 15 and hav converted about two or three months and believ me it was hard to tel my mum but a friend on this forum sis Angel has helped and and now thank god my parents are cool about it!:statisfie hop the smae goes for u , maybe like some1 suggested get a muslims friend if u hav 1 to help u tel ur parents
u wil be in my prays sis and insha allah ur will be oki
allah always helps his servants ,he won't abondon u sis
all da best take care

 

[tears_of_hope]

Assalamu alaikum

Where do I begin? Things haven't gone well at all during the last few days. My mother is getting hysterical if I even mention the word "Islam" or "muslim" in her presence. I didn't know that she had so much of hatred for Muslims. I feel like I don't know her any more .

She asked me who was threatening me to embrace Islam (!!!???):? , you know, the belief that Islam was and is forced on the non Muslims... She still can't believe that I am a Muslim out of my own faith and no one has forced me or anything like that.

She is threatening to commit suicide if I continue being a Muslim. Am not trying to discuss this with her again. She has made it very clear that she is NOT keeping any contact with me if I live as a Muslim. She has even threatened to take me out of college. Inspite of seeing so many Muslims living healthy and moral lives around her, she still choses to cling to the false image created in her mind by her relatives...

My options seem very limited. Will have to leave home after completing my education. It is very very sad ... that the person I love so much is doing this to me and also herself .

And I do wish that mosques here allowed women to pray, as I could have prayed my prayers there, instead of trying to at home.

Please remember me in your duas.

Assalamu alaikum.

P.S: I have recd a pm from sister islamicgirl, but think I can't reply since I am not a full member yet. What should I do?

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

congratulations nd welcome to the ummah!!

im sorry to hear that sis .maybe u can get the sisters sn and talk to her that way? as for ur mosque, maybe u can discuss it wit them. they arent really supposed to stop u from prayin their, let them know. i hope it works out for u dear sis.

 

[Tony]

Salaam sister. I am a revert of 5 years now.When I grew up My mum and I were so close. But over time she has become very bitter and done some quite bad things towards me. I wont bore you with detail but I have given her so many chances to be in my life and my childrens lives, but she continually spoils it and in very harmful ways. My wife is Turkish and my Mum has been so disrespectful to her. I have forgiven everything she ever did to me but now we are not in the same familly it seems. It makes me so sad I have tried everything. When I became Muslim my Mum and sister sent me very abusive texts and used it as a point to ridicule me further, for Allahs sake I respect and love her, though we cannot speak, she drinks heavily and this causes great problems. The bottom line for me is that I felt embarrassed to pray when I last saw her and now she may never come to accept Allahs oneness because we dont speak. I know its hard for you but if you allow your Mum to blackmail you into going against Allah then you could both be lost, if you ensure your Mum sees all the good deeds you do and that Islam is a peaceful calling, then only Allah knows you may both be saved. I hope this is of some comfort to you. May Allah lighten your load nd make your passage easy, remember that colleges have counsellors who may be able to provide info on prayer rooms. Peace sister

 

[Abdullah4ever]

Asalamualaikum,

I was born into a muslim family but not a religious one. My parents got mad when they saw that I had skipped soccer practice to pray Friday prayers. They even beat me when I said i wanted to go to Islamic University. But after all those beatings and screaming i realized something, you're parents will still love you for the most part, unless they really hate islam.

Insha'allah your parents will accept your change of faith. Try showing them some ayahs in the quran. Also, if they relate Islam to terrorism tell them its all some media propaganda. All the media wants to show is interesting stuff, why would they show the bright side of Islam to them thats not interesting.

I pray your parents will support you with your change of faith and may Allah (swt) guide you to the right path.

 

[suffiyan007]

just go and tell your parents...! eventhough is hard...u must have a big heart to restrain and resist their anger...cause their the human...! Anyway tell that islam not a terrorist...people being like terrorist is already astray in their aqeedah...! i dont think islam is terrorist and lotsa people entered islam non muslim will told...joining al-Qaeda...so u must learn a lot of islam and tell ya parents...and relatives............