The Boy That Tried To Escape Death

:sl:

SubhanAllah, this story also brought tears to my eyes as well, :laugh: thinking about my family at the same time as i go along reading it bit by bit, was defo worth it. (anymore similar stories you know of which you can kindly post...??)

No doubt this is the best story i have read in times.

May Allah SWT forgive us ALL for our shortcoming and sins and may He also reward us in abundance in this Life and the Hereafter. Aameen.

:w:
 
Manshallah, thank you for sharing this story. Makes you realize whats important in life an what isn't.
 
wow very long! But subhanallah brought tears to my eyes wallah, best story ever written, cannot argue wit that :cry::cry:
 
alhamdulillah,
an inspiring story.........

26. It was said: "Enter thou the Garden." He said: "Ah me! Would that my People knew (what I know)!-
27. "For that my Lord has granted me Forgiveness and has enrolled me among those held in honour!"
QURAN 36:26-27
 
This was well written but I do have issues with it. Mo is just not a believable character. He's way too over the top in how he tries to lead Ahmad into temptation like he knows without a shadow of a doubt that these actions are forbidden but does them anyway. All he needed was horns, a tail, and a pitchfork and he'd be the little demon that appears on a character's shoulder in a cartoon.
 
Mash'Allah i kept reading the story bro, it was depressing at some points (Subhan'Allah) but very beautifull at some points to. Especially the description of paradise and barzakh(Ahmads dead). Alhamdulillah. Enjoyed it. but a good lesson. Allah is full of mercy. Ahmad repented for his sins in the past, and Allah accepted it. (Even tough the story isn't real, it happens in real life to) Allahu Akbar
 
Assalamu Alaykum,

I cried :'( so much, unbelievable the syntax used to describe the beautiful facts of the Akhira and Islam. My tears are rolling :'( :'(as I type these words, I feel like I wish I was in Ahmed's place. Though I have no clue where I'll be in the day of judgement, but I hope its Jennah. I'm trying my best to fulfill my islamic duties in life, but I wish I could do even more. May Allah SWT forgive me as well and let my thirst and strength for islamic knowledge to flourish in my Islamic Path to Jennah Ameen. Beautiful story wallah encourages me to excell even more. May Allah SWT forgive us all for our sins Ameen.

Assalamu Alaykum with all sincerity in my words,
sister ArcherofIslam.
 
Actually brother, I am a 16 year old student of Nyc, and i have seen the worst. I know people of my age, even worse of actions that what Mo does. This story, has brought tears down my eyes TWICE!!! Subhanallah! For some reason, i feel good, and want to make salat and thank Allah this very moment for everything in life.
 
jazakallahu khair for sharing this story with us subhanallah we can all learn something from it may allah forgive all of our sins, may allah guide us to the straight path and keep us firm upon it .... ameen
 
Pringles said:
Actually brother, I am a 16 year old student of Nyc, and i have seen the worst. I know people of my age, even worse of actions that what Mo does. This story, has brought tears down my eyes TWICE!!! Subhanallah! For some reason, i feel good, and want to make salat and thank Allah this very moment for everything in life.
Click to expand...

Then again, they usually reject religion entirely. From what I see, most people with devout parents generally have some kind of moral grounding.
 
I read your story again and I like the plot idea very much, some things cannot be ignored. I believe a little constructive criticism is in order. There are a few spelling mistakes here and there but my main issue with it is some parts in the plot. For instance, Ahmad is only 16. He is a dumb teenage kid with bad influences around him. I know it's supposed to teach that death could come at any second and that we should be right with God before we go, but seriously, I think God would take into account that teenagers will be teenagers when judging them. Not saying there won't be punishment, but still. As for Mo, yes, he was terrible but his character seemed very cartoony. You know the little devil that appears over someone's shoulder trying to convince people to do bad things? That was what he reminded me of. He tries quoting Hadith when he rejects religion entirely? Doesn't seem right. For plot purposes, it makes sense for Ahmad's family to be religious but not for Mo and the girl's parents. The girl too didn't seem like such an awful character either. Again, she was a stupid teenager no better or worse than Ahmad. It would make sense for their parents to be very liberal and non-observant Muslims if they allow their kids to go to such forbidden stuff. To be honest, from what I see these days, the younger generation of Muslims in the West are more into the religion than their parents. One thing I found funny and I shouldn't have is that people cry at the drop of hat like Ahmad sobbing because he couldn't meet Mo when his father took him to the masjid. What 16-year-old acts like that? As for your interpretation of the afterlife, I don't think we're in any position to interpret the afterlife. The reward of Paradise will go beyond an eternity of pleasures you can find here on earth and the punishment of Hell will go beyond physical pain. And did Mo and that girl really deserve an eternity in Hell for doing dumb things that teenagers do? Another thing is what is with all these contrived car accidents? The first one was fine as a sign but the second one that killed Ahmad seemed too convenient. Maybe he could have seen the old Muslim lady being robbed and he'd get killed trying to wrestle the weapon away from the gunman. It would have been better for either Mo or the girl to have lived rather than died and learned from what had happened and one of them get killed while still in a sinful state since you wanted to show Hell. Lastly, what purpose was there for Ahmad's whole family to die so quickly and after Hajj too? Could it not have been many years later when they all died a natural death?

All in all, it was a good plot idea but a very mean-spirited story.
 
^ this isn't school, sir. neither is it a writing competition. you may have good intentions in correcting the author but this is a story with an inspiring message for all of us. it doesn't need to be entirely identical to something that'd actually happen irl. if you put all the little details in no-one would read it.

jazakallah khayr to the op for posting this... this story really moved me :'( insha'Allah the believers will all be granted a place in jannah :smile: <3
 
It's still a story released to the public and as a story writer and reviewer, I review according to what I see and believability of characters and situations is a big thing with me.
 
as someone who enjoys writing, i do get where you're coming from and also noticed a lot of the things you've mentioned - i just believe that there's a time and place for such comments.

it doesn't matter now, anyway.

i can't edit my posts yet, but i just wanted to add that although the story's plot may not be entirely comprehensible to some, i think the most important thing here was the shock factor. it worked well in my opinion. although things moved at such a pace and a 16 year old crying at not being able to call his friend sounds a bit over the top, it added to the message of the story and highlighted the ignorant attitudes displayed by people in real life as well as how quickly some things appear to happen, making you really think. the whole thing about ahmed's family dying so quickly after his death was also relevant. as you may know, a small amount of time in the afterlife equates to years on earth. the story was long enough without including long descriptions of what the family did with their lives after ahmed's death. that definitely would've taken an interesting turn on the story but such a plot could spin on itself and continue on in a whole different direction, taking away the power of the story's initial message.
 
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:salamext:

:bump:

Just read through the whole story ......in tears wallahi.......
 
With your permission, may I rewrite this story with a few modifications of my own? I will give you full credit for the plot and characters but this idea has been nagging at me for a while.
 

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