The Marriage Thread

[Italianguy]

Hmm... that may be a tough one... she talks a lot sometimes... and i usually block out what people say after about 5 minutes unless its important.. and most of the time she just talks about anything and everythingimsad... but hey, i can improve my listening skills that way
Cookings good though, i like cooking

lol, you have to work on that brother.;D Listening is very important. I even noticed you don't have to say much more then "uh huh" and yes and smile at the right times. They just want someone to listen to them.

Trust me bro I understand....My wife is waiting at the door for me every single day. As soon as I walk through the door she is talking up a storm for an hour and she gets so exited she starts rambling off in Tamil....like I understand?.;D Half the time it's just about what she did that day....and she doesn't even leave the house^o). But if I listen and at least act interested it makes her sooooo happy

btw...I stink at cooking! I am the only man on the planet that can burn water:embarrass I usually start by helping my wife make samosas or something, but she gets mad half way into it because I am eating all the ingredients before there done:shade:....usually ends me up kicked out of the kitchen reallllll quick;D

 

[-Fallen Angel-]

lol, you have to work on that brother.;D Listening is very important. I even noticed you don't have to say much more then "uh huh" and yes and smile at the right times. They just want someone to listen to them.

Trust me bro I understand....My wife is waiting at the door for me every single day. As soon as I walk through the door she is talking up a storm for an hour and she gets so exited she starts rambling off in Tamil....like I understand?.;D Half the time it's just about what she did that day....and she doesn't even leave the house^o). But if I listen and at least act interested it makes her sooooo happy

btw...I stink at cooking! I am the only man on the planet that can burn water:embarrass I usually start by helping my wife make samosas or something, but she gets mad half way into it because I am eating all the ingredients before there done:shade:....usually ends me up kicked out of the kitchen reallllll quick;D

Yea, whenever somebody is making food in the kitchen i go and eat it and get shouted at imsad

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Hmm... that may be a tough one... she talks a lot sometimes... and i usually block out what people say after about 5 minutes unless its important.. and most of the time she just talks about anything and everythingimsad... but hey, i can improve my listening skills that way
Cookings good though, i like cooking

;D just pretend to listen, nod at the right times and seem somewhat interested in the topic she chooses ;D

 

[-Fallen Angel-]

;D just pretend to listen, nod at the right times and seem somewhat interested in the topic she chooses ;D

Yea that's pretty much what i do with a lot of people

 

[S<Chowdhury]

In addition to Brother ItalianGuys post:

1) Do not be a Tyrant.
Whether or not Islam has made the husband the head of the household, Muslims are not supposed to be dictators and tyrants. Muslim men are taught to treat their wives well.

The Prophet (SAW) said: “The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives” (From Mishkaat)

2) Always make big decisions in life together, there will be much more harmony in the family when decisions are not imposed and everyone feels that they had some part in making them.

3) Be Careful of Your Words.
Be very careful what you say when you are upset. Sometimes you will say things that you would never say when you were not angry. If you are angry, wait until you calm down before continuing the conversation, that's a lesson I've unfortunately had to learn the hard way :embarrass

4) Show appreciation for what your spouse does for the family

5) Give Your Spouse Time Alone
People need to be alone for various reasons. Sometimes they want to read, to think about their problems, or just to relax.

6) Admit Mistakes - Brothers you know what I'm talking about, more often than not your wife will usually be right hehe. ;D i think brother Italianguy mentioned this try not to go to bed angry at each other aswell.

Good marriages require patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness, and hard work.

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Is it necessary to have a civil marriage?

It is important to have a marriage registered with the civil
authority so that it may be recognised. There are many legal
implications as a result of such a registration. Firstly, it is
the recognised marriage in this country. The civil marriage if
it is attended by at least two male Muslim witnesses amounts to
a correct Islamic marriage. It is only the social aspect which
leads to another ceremony in a mosque with an imam officiating,
although these things are not required Islamicly.

Secondly, without the civil marriage, the entitlement to
inheritance, pension and legal documentation are not accepted by
the authority. For the sake of legality it must be registered.

In Muslim countries nowadays they have made it an administrative
obligation to register the marriage. This is to officiate and
recognise all aspects that come from the marital relationship.
So, if for nothing else, it is a must for the sake of the
children.

 

[Getoffmyback]

I hear many people saying that marriage will seize to exist in the future . Now You see many people living together and they have childrens but not yet married they even introduce them selfs to people as boyfriend , girlfriend not husband , wife.

Oprah is doing a good job in brain washing people she is always promoting that marriage is a lease contract that will expire after 4 years and she uses celebrities in her interviews to back up this idea. and people are buying it . this idea will grow only if you are living in a country where the government allows such thinking and will facilitate the process .

So Whats going on out there . Are they happy in this way of living? If you think of it its somehow really easier than the classical marriage? But then for sure its forbidden in religions!

 

[S<Chowdhury]

I hear many people saying that marriage will seize to exist in the future . Now You see many people living together and they have childrens but not yet married they even introduce them selfs to people as boyfriend , girlfriend not husband , wife.

Oprah is doing a good job in brain washing people she is always promoting that marriage is a lease contract that will expire after 4 years and she uses celebrities in her interviews to back up this idea. and people are buying it . this idea will grow only if you are living in a country where the government allows such thinking and will facilitate the process .

So Whats going on out there . Are they happy in this way of living? If you think of it its somehow really easier than the classical marriage? But then for sure its forbidden in religions!

Hmm this sort of living is happening a lot in Europe now take for instance the Netherlands, hmm i think today many see a marriage as artificial, a piece of paper which some see as only providing security to those who feel insecure, apart from that a bit of financial gain in terms of tax etc..... many are forgetting what marriage is really about unfortunately

The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Salaam

Since there are talks going on, and i may get engaged soon (and married), i was wondering what would make somebody a good husband, and what kind of things would a woman want to see. I know this has probably been asked a lot but how about some feedback from those of you who are married or have experiance...

Jazakallah Khair

Jabir Narrated that the Prophet, peace be upon him, gave these instructions in his sermon during Farewell Pilgrimage: "Fear God regarding women; for you have taken them [in marriage] with the trust of God." [Mishkat]

Narrated Aisha, God's messenger said: "Among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition, and are kindest to their families." [Tirmidhi]

Narrated Abu Huraira, God's messenger said: "The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best disposition and the best of you are those who are best to their wives." [Tirmidhi] Aisha has related that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, would enter the house with a pleasing disposition and a smile on his lips. [Uswa-i-Hasana]

Narrated Al-Aswad: "I asked Aisha, `What did the Prophet, peace be upon him, do at home?' She said, `He used to work for his family and when he heard the call for the prayer, he would go out.'" [Bukhari] Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `The woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, she will break. So if you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still has some bent.'" [Bukhari]

Narrated Abu Huraira: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not hurt (trouble) his neighbor. And I advise you to take care of women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will break, and if you leave it, it will reamin crooked, so I urge you to take care of women. [Bukhari]

Narrated Abdullah bin Amr bin Al-As: "Allah's Apostle, peace be upon him, said, `O Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?' I said, `Yes, O Allah's Apostle!' He said, `Do not do that! Observe the fast sometimes and also leave them at other times; stand up for the prayer at night and also sleep at night. Your body has a right over you and your wife has a right over you.'" [Bukhari]

Narrated Ibn Umar: "The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian who is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards.'"

Men should forbear any shortcomings of women in view of the following verse of Quran: Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which God has place much good. Qur'an [4 : 19]

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Since we've discussed husbands, what makes a good wife? Apart from the obvious being able to cook ;D

 

[Italianguy]

Since we've discussed husbands, what makes a good wife? Apart from the obvious being able to cook ;D

A good wife loves and cares for her man. She is strong in her faith and defends her man in anything he decides. She is good at be a mother to her children. If she works, thats a plus to. And of course....good cooking is a must;D

 

[S<Chowdhury]

lol, you have to work on that brother.;D Listening is very important. I even noticed you don't have to say much more then "uh huh" and yes and smile at the right times. They just want someone to listen to them.
But if I listen and at least act interested it makes her sooooo happy

I know i said we should nod and smile at the right times and pretend to listen when your wife is talking about a subject you have no interest in what so ever, however i think Brothers and Sisters should also at least sometimes make the effort to actually engage in a conversation about a topic you probably wouldn't like but for the sake of making your spouse :statisfie take an interest in it. For example my fiancée loves literature, Emily Bronte, Jane Austen, Marry Shelly,Arthur Golden, etc majority of the time this just bores me alot. However I actually did make an effort to a certain extent to watch the DVD version ;D of Memoirs of Geisha (Proper Chick Flick), though there is a difference between the book and the film it made her :statisfie i took the time out to actually watch it. So moral of the story is if your wife loves reading, just watch the DVD version of the book ;D . I'm joking, just try to make the effort never know you might actually enjoy it..............

 

[Cabdullahi]

tip of the day

kiss her on the forehead before sleep....as a sign of respect

if that sort of style doesn't float your boat , try something different.

 

[S<Chowdhury]

A good wife loves and cares for her man. She is strong in her faith and defends her man in anything he decides. She is good at be a mother to her children. If she works, thats a plus to. And of course....good cooking is a must;D

On top of the cooking.........

Patience
cooperative/reasonable
sense of humor/witty
values family but also is independent
Can kick you out of bed when your lazy that's always a plus

 

[transition?]

Would it not be more beneficial, if they were mutliple thread created on marriage? Maybe a section dedicated to marriage. I doubt anyone will search through 44 pages lol to see if his or her specific was asked. It might be more effective and useful.

 

[Italianguy]

On top of the cooking.........

Patience
cooperative/reasonable
sense of humor/witty
values family but also is independent
Can kick you out of bed when your lazy that's always a plus

Very true

LOl, my wife can't even move me, She's half my size;D and she only weighs like 96 or 97 pounds now;D, Heck I'm over twice her weight at almost 239 now! She couldn't kick me out of bed if she tried:exhausted....but don't let her size fool you....when she gets mad, she can get reallllllll mean:raging::raging:

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Would it not be more beneficial, if they were mutliple thread created on marriage? Maybe a section dedicated to marriage. I doubt anyone will search through 44 pages lol to see if his or her specific was asked. It might be more effective and useful.

You could always search the thread, just a thought......hmmm true i think there should defo be a marriage section

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Very true

LOl, my wife can't even move me, She's half my size;D and she only weighs like 96 or 97 pounds now;D, Heck I'm over twice her weight at almost 239 now! She couldn't kick me out of bed if she tried:exhausted....but don't let her size fool you....when she gets mad, she can get reallllllll mean:raging::raging:

Yeah its always the one you least expect that can really give you a good kick out of bed ;D

 

[transition?]

You could always search the thread, just a thought......hmmm true i think there should defo be a marriage section

In all honesty, the search can be so unhelpful at times. Especially in a somewhat specific (but not so specific) topic like marriage. It might be that every page comes up in the results or irrelevant posts.

 

[S<Chowdhury]

Bringing it back to marriage, what is this stigma around marrying reverts to Islam? I mean these days a few revert brothers i know find it difficult to find a Muslim spouse.