The Marriage Thread

[Banu_Hashim]

I would say... 22/23 (when I finish my degree inshaAllahmg.

 

[Beardo]

I would say... 22/23 (when I finish my degree inshaAllahmg.

The day you graduate is the day of your nikkah? :X

I'm with you on that, though. ;D That's a beautiful age.

When do you start lookin'? :X

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Why is a degree for girls so important to parents, its not as if you can't study whilst married. If I have any daughters I'd get them married off asap not worry about some degree which will end up being a waste of time (depending on what degree it is) as the husband will be providing.

I've got aunties and cousins doing phd's and the lot, they're in late twenties and still not married (don't even want to). I don't understand what for, they could be raising little mujahids and daughters right now instead of trying to become some proffesional women trying to show everyone their womanpower

Well according to my mom, she thinks Allah forbid if I ever had to take care of my kids or just myself...I'd be able to and have good standing :/ Personally it's scary that she's even thinking like that but she is. She also said though if a guy came along who would let me finish my education after marriage, she'd get married now instead of waiting.

Unfortunately for me, I dont know anyone, nor my parents :/ I've not have anyone give suggestions other than of cousins, who are not practicing...

 

[Banu_Hashim]

The day you graduate is the day of your nikkah? :X

I'm with you on that, though. ;D That's a beautiful age.

When do you start lookin'? :X

yes, akhi lol. After graduation, I head to my nikah inshaAllah, or at least someone else's nikah... yours perhaps?

 

[Beardo]

Well according to my mom, she thinks Allah forbid if I ever had to take care of my kids or just myself...I'd be able to and have good standing :/ Personally it's scary that she's even thinking like that but she is. She also said though if a guy came along who would let me finish my education after marriage, she'd get married now instead of waiting.

Unfortunately for me, I dont know anyone, nor my parents :/

I think most people would want someone graduated and completed education. I'd say marriage hampers one's personal life goals. As I quoted my teacher before, marriage is like an anchor. It could be a positive anchor, but it's still an anchor.

 

[Beardo]

yes, akhi lol. After graduation, I head to my nikah inshaAllah, or at least someone else's nikah... yours perhaps?

Insha'Allah Ta'ala! :X So you'll come to Umreeka? :X

Or... We could improvise and have a dual Nikkah. :hiding:

Has anyone ever been to a dual Nikkah? Is there such thing? That'd be so cool.

You know the best combination of marriage? A Sister and Brother marrying another Sister and Brother.

Actually, one of the staff members on this forum... They're two brothers that married two sisters. (Not Muezzing and aamirsaab lol) but yeah. I thought that was so fascinating Masha'Allah.


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Post marriage Hadith below :X I need to keep this thread Halaal and beneficial to show the staff. :X

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Yea...actually I was talking to my mom about it last night. She's like I know you wana get married. She was kinda being sarcastic. I'm like soooooo whattt, come on. You're saying it like it's a bad thing. I've hit my 20s help me out here lol....then we made a deal lol. Alhamdulillah.

It's only recent that I'm even building the guts to talk to her more openly about it. I've been wanting to for some years now....:hmm:

My mom thinks that I'm standing on a single leg trying to get married. But that's not the point :skeleton: You just got to let them know that you want to get married, do it in a funny manner but be serious when you're doing it and they won't get mad and they'll get the point.

My mum asked me yesterday if I wanted to get married, I said yh of course, then she said shutup and get your degree and a job first :hiding:

Lol..yeah. They do that. That's the thing exactly though, you can use that to your advantage if you play it well. How?

Since you already know that they're going to say that, you 1) Get done with school and get a job, 2) While you're doing #1, you drop hints (obvious or not) that you're interested in someone, mention her name, that you work together on Islamic work etc, 3) When you are working you can bring it up officially and then you can make a pretty good case for yourself! "I did everything you wanted, I'm working and making money, I need to get married" etc

You know what I did, I knew my mom would react like that back when I wanted to just talk about this. So instead of saying that I want to get married etc, I said things like, "how can some guys get married and not be able to support their wives. That's such a wrong thing to do. Its not even Islamically right etc etc" basically told her what she wanted to hear so that later on when the opportunity is right I can mention the person or mention that I'm ready to get married, maybe a bit before getting a job as well, because she already knows that I'm aware of the financial aspect and that Im mature about dealing with it. Do you follow?

loool... exactly the response I would most likely get from my mum.

See above!

 

[Beardo]

Since you already know that they're going to say that, you 1) Get done with school and get a job, 2) While you're doing #1, you drop hints (obvious or not) that you're interested in someone, mention her name, that you work together on Islamic work etc, 3) When you are working you can bring it up officially and then you can make a pretty good case for yourself! "I did everything you wanted, I'm working and making money, I need to get married" etc

Someone seems to have put much thought into this.

As long as your parents are not one of those who think you should be above 26 to get married, you should be fine Insha'Allah. As Muslims, we are celibates (did I use that word correctly?) and parents need to understand our circumstances.

One thing that surprises me these days... A good percentage of my friends are marrying into their cousins. You'd think that stat would go down nowadays, but I guess not. It's a good thing to marry interfamily if you've got those type of like-minded relatives. Not all of us are necessarily fortunate enough to avail that opportunity.

As I think Alpha Dude once said...Or was it Bro Muraad... I think it was Bro Muraad.... "There's plenty more fish in the sea!"

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Let's not get too feisty here.

What's the right age to marry for a man? I'd say it depends on the person, but Allahu Alam.

I'd say 21 and above keeping in mind that he's mature enough to deal with women and to deal with finances. But the problem is that most people that I know of that age are playing video games all night long after eating out! And that puts a stigma on the rest of us who are actually working hard to get married that guys that age cannot be mature etc. imsad

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Insha'Allah Ta'ala! :X So you'll come to Umreeka? :X

Or... We could improvise and have a dual Nikkah. :hiding:

Has anyone ever been to a dual Nikkah? Is there such thing? That'd be so cool.

I've not been to one but I had cousins marrying like that lol. I thought it was interesting. Both couples on the same day.

My mom thinks that I'm standing on a single leg trying to get married. But that's not the point :skeleton: You just got to let them know that you want to get married, do it in a funny manner but be serious when you're doing it and they won't get mad and they'll get the point.

Lol mashaAllah, we think alike! I do that with my mom. Like really I'm so serious about it but I'll throw it at her in a funny sarcastic way...then the convo gets serious then funny again. Helps lighten the umm situation :exhausted But you also get your point across.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I think most people would want someone graduated and completed education. I'd say marriage hampers one's personal life goals. As I quoted my teacher before, marriage is like an anchor. It could be a positive anchor, but it's still an anchor.

Well see this is why now I feel like I have a deadline to complete...:skeleton:

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Someone seems to have put much thought into this.

Lol, it's a tried and tested method bro. It works Alhamdullilah.

As long as your parents are not one of those who think you should be above 26 to get married, you should be fine Insha'Allah. As Muslims, we are celibates (did I use that word correctly?) and parents need to understand our circumstances.

I used to think my parents were of the type that wanted me to get married after 25+, and I've made it clear that there is absolutely no way, no chance, no shadow of a chance that I'm waiting till I'm 24 to get married They realized that my mind can't be changed there Alhamdullilah

One thing that surprises me these days... A good percentage of my friends are marrying into their cousins. You'd think that stat would go down nowadays, but I guess not. It's a good thing to marry interfamily if you've got those type of like-minded relatives. Not all of us are necessarily fortunate enough to avail that opportunity.

I can never ever do cousin marriages.

As I think Alpha Dude once said...Or was it Bro Muraad... I think it was Bro Muraad.... "There's plenty more fish in the sea!"

They say, 6 billion souls in the world, and sometimes all you need is one. :embarrass :skeleton:

 

[cat eyes]

okay i have to speak out sorry brothers... i think men are leaving it to late to get married really. i personally think a brother should be married off at the age of 19 or 20 when hes nice and young because you have to remember if you leave it to late and your wife wants about 9kids well your not going to leave it til your 28 or 29 to get married are u? by the time your kid is 10 then you will be 40years old ;D

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Lol sis I think that goes for brothers and sisters alike

 

[Beardo]

I'd say 21 and above keeping in mind that he's mature enough to deal with women and to deal with finances. But the problem is that most people that I know of that age are playing video games all night long after eating out! And that puts a stigma on the rest of us who are actually working hard to get married that guys that age cannot be mature etc. imsad

21 sounds young. Wouldn't you say that'll hamper your education? I honestly know VERY few people that actually continue with their life goals after getting married. It takes extreme commitment from both parties and sides.

Video Games: Has to go after marriage. lol. If you're still playing video games, marriage is not for you.

I've not been to one but I had cousins marrying like that lol. I thought it was interesting. Both couples on the same day.

Lol mashaAllah, we think alike! I do that with my mom. Like really I'm so serious about it but I'll throw it at her in a funny sarcastic way...then the convo gets serious then funny again. Helps lighten the umm situation :exhausted But you also get your point across.

Gotta keep a straight face and a serious tone of voice!

We sound like rebellious teenagers trying to get married on this thread. ;D

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

Maybe we're just expressive :hmm: It's a good kind of rebelling..? If such exists lol.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Why is a degree for girls so important to parents, its not as if you can't study whilst married. If I have any daughters I'd get them married off asap not worry about some degree which will end up being a waste of time (depending on what degree it is) as the husband will be providing.

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself. And I think it's a very valid concern that has truth to it seeing how high of a divorce rate our communities have. At the same time though, I think it's not smart for them to wait around until past their mid-twenties for the sake of education. That actually turns off guys because they feel that the girl is too educated for them whilst they only have a bachelors and have worked to save up money to get married etc. I think it requires a balance.

 

[Beardo]

Lol, it's a tried and tested method bro. It works Alhamdullilah.

I used to think my parents were of the type that wanted me to get married after 25+, and I've made it clear that there is absolutely no way, no chance, no shadow of a chance that I'm waiting till I'm 24 to get married They realized that my mind can't be changed there Alhamdullilah

I can never ever do cousin marriages.

They say, 6 billion souls in the world, and sometimes all you need is one. :embarrass :skeleton:

lol. Well, marriage is a necessity. Especially for us Americans, considering our dietary habits are horrible. We don't walk anywhere. I spent 8 months in Australia, walking to the grocery and back, buying and eating only as much I could carry. I heard that's how it's like in other cities, but definitely not where I live lol.

Yeah, cousin marriages aren't for me. Besides, I want to expand my family tree. :X Expand the borders. Think outside the box. All that good stuff.

Yeah, but cancel our homosexuality, it doesn't leave you with 6 billion. It's easier to find girls than guys in my opinion. Not that I ever looked for guys. I'm just basing it off the ratio of girls and guys in the world. My relationship with Uthman and Alpha Dude was different. And we don'tneed to go into detail of it on the public forum lol.... Jokes aside!

okay i have to speak out sorry brothers... i think men are leaving it to late to get married really. i personally think a brother should be married off at the age of 19 or 20 when hes nice and young because you have to remember if you leave it to late and your wife wants about 9kids well your not going to leave it til your 28 or 29 to get married are u? by the time your kid is 10 then you will be 40years old ;D

19/20? Won't your kids just love you. But that's young though. You have to build a strong connection with your spouse and set your life goals straight. The best would be if both the husband and the wife could go to school together at a unison pace, and all. But maybe that's just wishful talk.


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But the thing about marrying young... Yours and your spouses ideas sort of become one, innit?

 

[cat eyes]

Lol sis I think that goes for brothers and sisters alike

yeah but thats the problem isen it sis. women are looking for men to marry but theres very few because they don't want to get married in there early twenties.

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

okay i have to speak out sorry brothers... i think men are leaving it to late to get married really. i personally think a brother should be married off at the age of 19 or 20 when hes nice and young because you have to remember if you leave it to late and your wife wants about 9kids well your not going to leave it til your 28 or 29 to get married are u? by the time your kid is 10 then you will be 40years old ;D

I wish it were that simple for us to get done with education and get a job! Or to meet a family and have a family that would help us support ourselves until we get a job and can support the family. It's too rare.

21 sounds young. Wouldn't you say that'll hamper your education? I honestly know VERY few people that actually continue with their life goals after getting married. It takes extreme commitment from both parties and sides.

Video Games: Has to go after marriage. lol. If you're still playing video games, marriage is not for you.

I meant 22, the regular age that people get done with their bachelors. I know some brothers who are continuing their life goals after getting married because Allaah blessed them with great wives who support them, help them and take part in their life goals as well. If you find the right girl, then life goals don't need to stop. They'll be slowed down a bit, but it won't be the end of them!