The Marriage Thread

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

They're rare cases, bro. I also know many brothers who were studying and thereafter marriage could no longer continue. It's a fine line and a risk. Though, I was talking to a scholar last night who said marriage differs by person and maturity. If you think you got the right balance, assessing without any bias-ness, then go for it. Marrying young is good, he says.

lol, it's vital to be clear and precise before marrying a person in regards to your life goals. Don't try to hide anything and reveal it later on, only to freak her out. "Oh, by the way... I forgot to tell you this before marriage but I want to have 15 kids, I'll be away for a few months ever so often, so you'll have to take care of the kids alone." No, not gonna work like that lol.

So when you getting married? You seem to be very eager. Got anyone in mind? :X

Of course that's why when you talk to a potential you put everything on the table and let them know exactly what you are looking for and consider everything they're looking for and then assess it together for compatibility. You get a confirmation from them and vice versa that they agree to what you want and that you agree to what they want.

My marriage? Wallaahu 'alam. Make dua'

 

[Beardo]

Of course that's why when you talk to a potential you put everything on the table and let them know exactly what you are looking for and consider everything they're looking for and then assess it together for compatibility. You get a confirmation from them and vice versa that they agree to what you want and that you agree to what they want.

My marriage? Wallaahu 'alam. Make dua'

Well, let me know ahead of time. I actually might come around for it Insha'Allah Ta'ala. :X

I've lost many friends and relatives to marriage. You better not retire from staffing after you get married.

I always said I want my future spouse to be a web geek. Perhaps she could mod on the sisters section. :X

But that's off-topic. :hiding:

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

Here's a question I Want an answer from all those who have or will post on this thread...:

What if your potential spouse reads this thread and your posts? :X

Not a problem..though I'd feel embarrassed a bit.

1. Exactly what I mentioned! Great minds think alike.

2. Make it clear that you mean socialize with the same gender. Then slowly get the word out. You don't want to make a big community announcement, and put a flier on the Masjid bulletin board, like those room for rent signs: Single Woman Looking for Hot Man

You won't believe this, but I know of a sign someone put up in a masjid. "Brother looking for marriage. Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab".

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

1) Dad's are different. Especially for daughters, they are more protective. So you need to work on convincing him somehow.

2) That's where you come in. Get involved in Islamic work on campus or the masjid (you won't believe how many people get married to someone they meet on campus) and make friends who can then put the word out that you're looking. I know a lot of people that got married through AlMaghrib so you can look into that as well.

I don't know what he is lol but all I know is we don't talk on this topic :S Maybe once and it was veryy...awkward. And I found out he tattled on me to my mom! Shock of my life lol.

1. Exactly what I mentioned! Great minds think alike.

2. Make it clear that you mean socialize with the same gender. Then slowly get the word out. You don't want to make a big community announcement, and put a flier on the Masjid bulletin board, like those room for rent signs: Single Woman Looking for Hot Man

I did join my MSA for one semester. This bro that was there is now in my Microbiology class :S I don't wanna sound weird but he got starin probs!

Astaghfirullah @ a sign like that lol. Plus total embarassment...
Anyway I need to make some more effort, not just at my home but outside...inshaAllah.

 

[Beardo]

Not a problem..though I'd feel embarrassed a bit.



You won't believe this, but I know of a sign someone put up in a masjid. "Brother looking for marriage. Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab".

That's just humiliating.

It's worth the embarassment, but has anyone ever thought about performing the Nikkah in front of the entire gathering? :X It's sort of embarrassing innit?

Typically, when I go to a Nikkah, I laugh like crazy when the groom gives his accceptance. Though, we don't have Nikkahs often here...

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

You won't believe this, but I know of a sign someone put up in a masjid. "Brother looking for marriage. Wanted: Salma Hayek in Hijaab".

You're joking?

 

[Ibn Abi Ahmed]

You're joking?

I wish I was..but I think the sign was meant purely for humor. :skeleton:

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Insha'Allah Ta'ala! :X So you'll come to Umreeka? :X

Or... We could improvise and have a dual Nikkah. :hiding:

Has anyone ever been to a dual Nikkah? Is there such thing? That'd be so cool.

You know the best combination of marriage? A Sister and Brother marrying another Sister and Brother.

Actually, one of the staff members on this forum... They're two brothers that married two sisters. (Not Muezzing and aamirsaab lol) but yeah. I thought that was so fascinating Masha'Allah.


------

Post marriage Hadith below :X I need to keep this thread Halaal and beneficial to show the staff. :X

My two cousins did this. Both are sisters and both their husbands are brothers.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

I wish I was..but I think the sign was meant purely for humor. :skeleton:

Umm well let's hope so. Maybe it was an indirect way of saying, "I'm single and looking."

:skeleton:

 

[Beardo]

I wish I was..but I think the sign was meant purely for humor. :skeleton:

I hope so. lol

My two cousins did this. Both are sisters and both their husbands are brothers.

My great grandparents did that or something.

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Umm well let's hope so. Maybe it was an indirect way of saying, "I'm single and looking."

:skeleton:

A slightly creepy way, yeah.

 

[Beardo]

A slightly creepy way, yeah.

Which is why parents and the community needs to get involved to ensure that the single people in their locality have access to potential spouses. People are going internationally to get married without realizing that their neighbor might just be the one.

Or it could be that they fear hard feelings of rejection etc.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

^Yea. Too weird of a way...:/

 

[Beardo]

Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas:

A virgin came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (peace be upon him) allowed her to exercise her choice.

{Book 11, Number 2091 : Sunan Abu Dawud}

===========================

Yes, that’s right, there are no forced marriages in Islam. It is the people who force their children to marry someone they do not want, not Islam. Women have a say in their life and if they do not wish to get married, then they must say so.

 

[Nσσя'υℓ Jαииαн]

JazakAllah Khayr for the reminder at the very very first post...

 

[aadil77]

I think many of those parents (including mine) worry if she'll have the ability to focus on family and studies at the same time...

theres part time courses as well, and they don't necessarily have to have a family of their own during education, can wait till studies are over

What if she'll get divorced later? What if there'll gonna be a moment where their financial circumstances stagger? What if the husband will need some support?

Islamically the father is meant to provide for her, if not her brother, if not her uncle etc etc. You don't need a degree to get a job to help with bills, but again nothin wrong with havin a degree it just shouldn't delay/prevent a woman getting married.

not a big issue really, parents just need a better understanding of priorities

 

[Banu_Hashim]

Typically, when I go to a Nikkah, I laugh like crazy when the groom gives his accceptance. Though, we don't have Nikkahs often here...

Lol, rashad... Will you laugh like crazy at your own acceptance? ;D If you do plan to , be sure to invite me, ishaAllah! I wanna get that on video

 

[aadil77]

When you marry at 22/23, then have kids, it drags you down a lot. You really cannot study and have kids/be married all at the same time. You want to acquire knowledge and expand your horizons, you know? You don't want marriage to pull you or your aspirations down. Marriage should only increase your aspirations. Two is better than one, right? :X

That's how we look at it in America anyway... Double everything. :X Especially our food servings.

You don't realise that marriage and having children increases rizq especially if you're doing it for the sake of Allah, Allah is the provider - you put your effort in and leave the rest to Allah and InshAllah you'll get all your aspirations and knowledge and be able to expand your horizon or whatever.

I'm at uni, here we have arab couples with kids doing masters and the lot and it don't seem to bother them and theres plenty of couples like them.

 

[CosmicPathos]

The parents want their daughters to complete their degrees because they see it as a lifeline for her if the marriage should not work out. Meaning that, if they divorce then the girl has her education to fall back on to support herself. And I think it's a very valid concern that has truth to it seeing how high of a divorce rate our communities have. At the same time though, I think it's not smart for them to wait around until past their mid-twenties for the sake of education. That actually turns off guys because they feel that the girl is too educated for them whilst they only have a bachelors and have worked to save up money to get married etc. I think it requires a balance.

Ive heard Sh Al-Awlaki's lecture in which he said that it is a wrong argument to say that godless societies have high divorce rates while Islamic society decreases them. He gives example from the life of Sahabaa and shows that divorce was common and not a taboo. If someone was really not compatible, it was ok to divorce. Its an acted hated by Allah (swt) but it is a permissible act. He gave examples of the wives which Umar (ra) divorced.

If marriage is not working out, its better to divorce than to suffer for the rest of life. Thats what the sahaaba did. And that is the option the dear Prophet pbuh gave to his wives.

Bottom line: We should never use the argument that low divorce rates are a characteristic of a religious society. On the contrary, the best of Muslims including the Sahaaba had high divorce rates too.

 

[Beardo]

Lol, rashad... Will you laugh like crazy at your own acceptance? ;D If you do plan to , be sure to invite me, ishaAllah! I wanna get that on video

That's my only concern. I have a very bad problem where I cannot control my laughter no matter what. I try to think about something sad but it doesn't help.

The other day my brother came to see my Madressah... And he said I laugh too much in class. :hmm: How do you guys control your laughter?!

You don't realise that marriage and having children increases rizq especially if you're doing it for the sake of Allah, Allah is the provider - you put your effort in and leave the rest to Allah and InshAllah you'll get all your aspirations and knowledge and be able to expand your horizon or whatever.

I'm at uni, here we have arab couples with kids doing masters and the lot and it don't seem to bother them and theres plenty of couples like them.

That's true. I guess it's about Yaqeen then, isn't it? Yaqeen and Tawakkul. Reliance on Allah Ta'ala. I didn't think of it like that.