The Marriage Thread

Spending time together? What do you mean by "young marriage" exactly?
Think because your in love at the beginning of a marriage you dont need much to actually "keep it alive". It already is alive because you like everything about that person.
I think the long-term marriages are the problem. Then the falling in love thing dies out and you become more like best friends -> so ive heard from a sister.
 
★ηαѕιнα★;1298953 said:
Spending time together? What do you mean by "young marriage" exactly?
Think because your in love at the beginning of a marriage you dont need much to actually "keep it alive". It already is alive because you like everything about that person.
I think the long-term marriages are the problem. Then the falling in love thing dies out and you become more like best friends -> so ive heard from a sister.
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I'm talking about long term because you've started your marriage at a very young age and as you've stated after a few months many people find that marriage isn't what its cracked up to be or the love dies out etc........ so is there a way to making sure this doesn't happen.....?
 
S<Chowdhury said:
I'm talking about long term because you've started your marriage at a very young age and as you've stated after a few months many people find that marriage isn't what its cracked up to be or the love dies out etc........ so is there a way to making sure this doesn't happen.....?
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Love doesn't die out brother. Sometmes the "newness" of the ralationship may seem as if it goes away. Keep communicating....I suck at itimsad
Make sure to communicate! As long as you both show each other attention and tend to one anothers needs you will be fine. Some say there is nothing to talk about, but we all know there is always our religion to talk about. Your relationship/marriage should reflect a glorification of God. When your firsy married, it's so much fun learning about each other......some things you may not want to know:omg:;D but it's fun. Some also say once they know the other to well it gets boring...if you don't learn something new everyday...your not payng attention! My wife never seizes to amaze me with new things I learn everyday:statisfie. I am pretty plain janeimsad.

Remember, keep God centered in your marriage and you will be fine.

God be with you....and your fiance`:p
 
Italianguy said:
Love doesn't die out brother. Sometmes the "newness" of the ralationship may seem as if it goes away. Keep communicating....I suck at itimsad
Make sure to communicate! As long as you both show each other attention and tend to one anothers needs you will be fine. Some say there is nothing to talk about, but we all know there is always our religion to talk about. Your relationship/marriage should reflect a glorification of God. When your firsy married, it's so much fun learning about each other......some things you may not want to know:omg:;D but it's fun. Some also say once they know the other to well it gets boring...if you don't learn something new everyday...your not payng attention! My wife never seizes to amaze me with new things I learn everyday:statisfie. I am pretty plain janeimsad.

Remember, keep God centered in your marriage and you will be fine.

God be with you....and your fiance`:p
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^^^^^^^^^ Thanks Bro :statisfie hmmmm i found some more interesting points online thought i mite share it many were outlined in brother Italianguys post though but anyway.........

Keep Talking

Well, first of all, you should always keep talking to each other. No matter how big the problems you face, talking about them is halfway to solving them. Keeping things bottled up can lead to resentments. Maybe your husband doesn't know that some of the things he does irritate you so much; talk about it and tell him. Maybe your wife doesn't realize that her mood swings drive you mad; talk about it and tell her. It's when young couples don't talk that they begin to grow apart.

Kill Boredom

Even though the honeymoon period was very exciting, life isn't always as exciting. So you both need to make a lot of effort to stop the dull and boring times becoming a cause of you finding each other dull and boring. Go out together regularly. This needn't involve much money or even any money at all. Go for walks together. Visit places you both enjoy, especially places you used to go to before you were married; these can remind you of how much you once looked forward to being together forever.

Life isn't boring at all. Each day we receive numerous gifts and blessings, so you should always make time to appreciate what you both have. You can add to it by improving your education or by taking courses where you'll meet other good people. Both husband and wife can do this. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) told us to "seek knowledge even as far as China," and he didn't say stop doing so once you get married! By attending courses or going to groups at the mosque, for example, where you'll learn more about Islam and appreciate one another more when you're back together again. Don't forget to share insights and ideas with each other when you get back from a course or from the mosque. Who better to share them with than the one you've committed your life to?

"Trust Me!"

You needn't live in each other's pocket all the time, either! Trust is very important. There's no place for jealousy or suspicion in a marriage. If ever either rears its head, talk about it straight away. Don't ever be afraid to talk.

Remember the Good Times

It's very important to remember things like the first time you both went to the cinema together or the first time you both ate spaghetti together! Things like that can keep the fun in your marriage and can keep bringing you back to the time when you first made your commitment. You can say it with flowers or a card or any other way. The important thing is that by saying these things, you're telling your marriage partner how much he or she means to you and that you think of him or her all the time.

Serving Allah Together

As Muslims, you want to remember the importance and the place of Allah in your home. Help your partner be regular in performing the daily prayers. Get up together for Fajr Prayers. Why not learn to recite the Qur'an together, teaching and helping each other? Why not go to the mosque together or pray together in your home? Since our relationship with Allah is so personal; by sharing insights with your partner about being a Muslim, you tell them that you're allowing them into your personal space.

Pray for each other. When your forehead is touching the ground in prayers and you're begging Almighty Allah for all that's most important to you, you can also pray that your marriage will be blessed more and more day by day and that you and your partner will come to love each other more and more. In sha' Allah, just by doing this, your intention will be blessed.

No "I" in "We"

Sometimes it takes a while to get used to it, but once you're married, you should be thinking of "we" not "I." You have been saying "I" for about 20 years, so it takes time to realize that you're now responsible for someone else. Doing things on your own is still very important, but don't let that get in the way of really making that "we" the most important thing in your life. Go out with your own friends, yes, but not at the expense of leaving your partner feeling alone and unwanted. There will come a time, too, when even your very best friends also get married and you slowly begin to drift apart. Remember that in choosing to get married, you were choosing that person over every one else in the world. This should be your priority. That's why getting married isn't to be taken lightly.

Don't ever stop being intimate with each other. You've completed your deen by getting married and you've become one. Your partner in marriage has a right to your love and intimacy, just as you have that same right, so use this to bring yourselves close to each other. In doing so, you're showing with your body that this person is the most special person in all the world for you. Even though you might go through rough patches together, never forget that. Don't let little problems send you running off to your parents or your mates for help. You have to solve your problems between yourselves. Staying intimate keeps you close.

Laugh

Above all, keep talking and laughing together. After your first argument, you'll see that it wasn't the end of the world and that you'll have many more, but you still love each other. In sha' Allah, through good and bad times, your marriage will thrive and grow if you both put in the effort to make it work. When that happens, others will look at you both and ask themselves what your secret is. How do you keep your marriage alive? You'll both know that it's been done by working hard at making it work, by never taking the other for granted, and by placing them every day before the throne of Allah in your prayers. Just wait, young couples will one day be coming to you both for advice!
 
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Also adding to the above i think many are usually in Love with the idea of marriage or Love itself rather than the spouse.....which usually leads to problems in marriages.
 
^^ Agree with that. Especially the laughing part ;D
BUT I do not agree with the anniversery and birthday part. Thats a Western thing.
The Prophet PBuH warned us for imitation: When imitating a nation, you become one of them.
 
★ηαѕιнα★;1299240 said:
^^ Agree with that. Especially the laughing part ;D
BUT I do not agree with the anniversery and birthday part. Thats a Western thing.
The Prophet PBuH warned us for imitation: When imitating a nation, you become one of them.
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True say i will edit that............
 
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They do work-out only in the worldly sense. There are many famous examples of inter-faith marriages but in the hereafter you carry the liability of raising your family with Islamic standards, if you fail in that then.... no worldly gain can suffice it. The loss is eternal. Better stay away from inter-faith marriages.
 
100 Premarital Questions

1. What is your concept of marriage?

2. Have you been married before?

3. Are you married now?

4. What are you expectations of marriage?

5. What are your goals in life? (long and short term)

6. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near
future.

7. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.

8. Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?

9. What is the role of religion in your life now?

10. Are you a spiritual person?

11. What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?

12. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?

13. What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims
community in your area?

14. Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?

15. What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?

16. What is the role of the husband?

17. What is the role of the wife?

18. Do you want to practice polygamy?

19. What is your relationship with your family?

20. What do you expect your relationship with the family of your
spouse to be?

21. What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to
be?

22. Is there anyone in your family living with you now?

23. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in
the future?

24. If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour,
what should be done?

25. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)

26. How did you get to know them?

27. Why are they your friends?

28. What do you like most about them?

29. What will your relationship with them after marriage be?

30. Do you have friends of the opposite sex?

31. What is the level of your relationship with them now?

32. What will be the level of your relationship with them after
marriage?

33. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with
your friends?

34. What are the things that you do in your free time?

35. Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?

36. What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to
the house?

37. What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do
not understand? (with friends or family)

38. Do you travel?

39. How do you spend your vacations?

40. How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?

41. Do you read?

42. What do you read?

43. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic
feelings verbally?

44. After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in
public?

45. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?

46. How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor
for you?

47. Do you like to write your feelings?

48. If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?

49. If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to
you?

50. How much time passes before you can forgive someone?

51. How do you make important and less important decisions in your
life?

52. Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?

53. Do your friends use foul language?

54. Does your family use foul language?

55. How do you express anger?

56. How do you expect your spouse to express anger?

57. What do you do when you are angry?

58. When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in
marriage?

59. When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise,
how should the conflict get resolved?

60. Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.

61. What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?

62. Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?

63. Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?

64. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before
marriage?

65. What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?

66. How do you support your own health and nutrition?

67. What is you definition of wealth?

68. How do you spend money?

69. How do you save money?

70. How do you think that your use of money will change after
marriage?

71. Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to
eliminate them?

72. Do you use credit cards?

73. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?

74. What are you expecting from your spouse financially?

75. What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?

76. Do you support the idea of a working wife?

77. If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?

78. Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?

79. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?

80. Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?

81. Do you want to have children? If not, how come?

82. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?

83. Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage?
If not, when?

84. Do you believe in abortion?

85. Do you have children now?

86. What is your relationship with your children now?

87. What is your relationship with their other parent?

88. What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your
children and their parent?

89. What is the best method(s) of raising children?

90. What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?

91. How were you raised?

92. How were you disciplined?

93. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?

94. Do you believe in public school for your children?

95. Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?

96. Do you believe in home schooling for your children?

97. What type of relationship should your children have with
non-Muslim classmates/friends?

98. Would you send your children to visit their extended family if
they lived in another state or country?

99. What type of relationship do you want your children to have with
all their grandparents?

100. If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are
of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you
want to have with them?

anymore to add ? ^o)
 
Re: 100 Premarital Questions

UnhappyD: said:
Did you post these so they can be answered?
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Nope......just questions you should ask your potential spouse before marriage...i was just wondering if i'd left any other important questions out
 
Ali_008 said:
They do work-out only in the worldly sense. There are many famous examples of inter-faith marriages but in the hereafter you carry the liability of raising your family with Islamic standards, if you fail in that then.... no worldly gain can suffice it. The loss is eternal. Better stay away from inter-faith marriages.
Click to expand...

Hmm I understand you point brother that its a big liability trying to raise a family with Islamic principles, and yeah obvious if you can't you'll lose out in the after-life. But i was wondering is it actually viable to raise a family under Islamic principles when your wife is for instance a Christian, though we are permitted to marry them how would you actually go about attempting to raise a family with Islam at the heart of the family when you wife beliefs are conflicting...... would the marriage work even in the worldly sense ?
 
Bruv you just have to make things work between you both, try and get her to understand our beliefs and why you want to raise your children on them.

It can be a problem in countries like the UK, worst case I've heard of is a brother who married an irish christian lady, they got divorced she got custody of kids and now she's raising them as kaffirs, the father is desperate to get them back and raise them as proper muslims knowing his daughters will probably grow up as typical british slags.
 
aadil77 said:
Bruv you just have to make things work between you both, try and get her to understand our beliefs and why you want to raise your children on them.

It can be a problem in countries like the UK, worst case I've heard of is a brother who married an irish christian lady, they got divorced she got custody of kids and now she's raising them as kaffirs, the father is desperate to get them back and raise them as proper muslims knowing his daughters will probably grow up as typical british slags.
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Thats a little harsh....i mean the slags part....i agree on the brit thing..
 
Re: 100 Premarital Questions

S<Chowdhury said:
Nope......just questions you should ask your potential spouse before marriage...i was just wondering if i'd left any other important questions out
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Dont think you should make a conversation with your future spouse like a cross hearing, can be intimedating to the other party. So leave the questonlist at home I would say. Unless you want to return to an empty house again ;D

Italianguy said:
Thats a little harsh....i mean the slags part....i agree on the brit thing..
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Whats a slag?
 
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very harsh............i would never use the word "slag" no matter what they are still muslim, my nieces are half english/white and my brother is seperated from there mum, she also is not a muslim but yet every day after school she drops my niece of to mosque which i dearly respect, and i believe that one day wen the time is write children will follow the path they choose, u cant only blame the non muslims nowadays harldy the muslims follow the right path. so calling someone a slag would not be accepted in my view as its not the country that makes a person bad. im from the uk but i can honestly say ive seen alot of people practice islam deeply here then in any other muslim country.
 
Bro,
by ur 100 questions i got remeber i story i read, hope will nice to share.
a girl say her dad she will marry only that boy who gives satisfactory answers to my questions. she hate hypocracy, decieving and speaking lie. one proposal came and she ask question like y u want to marry me, do u have other girl friends, smoke, drink etc etc.... Boys says yes for all...... she accepted and they married, got good understanding and she got much happy bcz of him...
once she was in kitchen...his hubby is talking with his friend in drawing room....his friend say, dear ur wife is so cute...He say its daughter of a friend of my papa, we propose bcz only of our combined businees, she ask me questions, i told all false, and we marry.
The girl shocked much to listen when she heard he marry bcz to safe their businees, he was lier and he decieve me....then she smile and think that lie and deception was the most beautifull accident of her life......

hahaahha.
i blv things doesnot always go as we want...no1 marry for divorse but a time cames, sometimes divorse become ultimate solution.... anyway i dont want to deny this trend of knowing about each other b4 marrige, but i blv its more better as a tradition in family system...girls and boy have no interaction bw each other b4 marrige...
 

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